Are You a Shy Guy? (Girl Problems Thread)

[Wadders]

I take the train to work about 3 times a week, and there isnt a single time where I dont see this one pretty girl every time as im coming back home, I dont want to freak her out so I dont make eye contact, she looks a little older than me (about 25, Im 22) and I have no idea on a way to approach her, and im not sure if shes noticed me or not... help?

That's your problem right there

Learn to hold eye contact. Smile at her. Don't be the first one to break eye contact.

Yeah...

Is there a point to this?

Yes, there is.

I was using the picture of that young fellow with the unsettling stare/grin combo to imply, in a tongue-in-cheek manner, that your suggestion to smile at her and not break eye contact could possibly be deemed a little creepy and stare-ey, especially if your expression resembles that of the man in the picture, or if the girl in question does not smile back.

Where did I say that he has to stare creepily at her? I specifically said in the post above that he should smile at her. If you want more elaboration, it should be an uncertain, shy kind of smile, like 'why are we smiling?' sort of smile. And no, you must under no circumstances be the first one to break eye contact. That does not mean you have to stare creepily. Rather, it means that you should avoid looking away nervously, in the manner that most men who are not confident do. Being the first to break eye contact places the power with the woman, and places the man in a position of submission. It is extremely rare for women to find this attractive - most women find dominating men attractive, and even women who prefer sensitive men will still look for that dominating confidence in a first glance. This is basic attraction psychology.

Yeah okay, you've made your point and I'm sorry if I upset you.

I'm sorry, but the way you described the situation in your post just made me think of that picture. Like I said I wasn't entirely serious, but surely you can understand how some people following that advice (as good as it may be) might get the wrong end of the stick and come off as a bit creepy, a little like the chap in the photo. Although he's obviously posing, I was using the photo to make a point.

I should have clarified that point, but I thought it might be more amusing to just post the photo. Obviously I was wrong.

 

[HoneyVision]

I am incredibly shy when it comes to girls. 17 years old, never even kissed one. Madly in love with a girl for over a year now; still haven't worked up balls to ask her out yet, know rejection to be inevitability anyway. I understand the message about being confident but I'm afraid that I have very little to be confident about; and I don't want to fake it; I'm am not willing to be dishonest with myself. I doubt that there is anything destined for me other than a lonely death. Have grappled with idea of suicide as solution multiple times, but perhaps thought of never seeing my love again scares me more than never being with her.

haha without wanting to downplay your situation, this is such a typical teenager post. It kinda sounds like something out of a Twilight novel. There are so many ways to ask a girl out discreetly. My favourite one is telling her that you know someone who really likes her, to which she will ask "Who?". From here it's up to you to have a laugh and tease her with clues, but don't overdo it or she'll get annoyed. But if done right, it eases the tension and most girls are suckers for guys who think up of clever stuff like that. It's worked well for me in the past.

 

[Frokane]

I am incredibly shy when it comes to girls. 17 years old, never even kissed one. Madly in love with a girl for over a year now; still haven't worked up balls to ask her out yet, know rejection to be inevitability anyway. I understand the message about being confident but I'm afraid that I have very little to be confident about; and I don't want to fake it; I'm am not willing to be dishonest with myself. I doubt that there is anything destined for me other than a lonely death. Have grappled with idea of suicide as solution multiple times, but perhaps thought of never seeing my love again scares me more than never being with her.

haha without wanting to downplay your situation, this is such a typical teenager post. It kinda sounds like something out of a Twilight novel. There are so many ways to ask a girl out discreetly. My favourite one is telling her that you know someone who really likes her, to which she will ask "Who?". From here it's up to you to have a laugh and tease her with clues, but don't overdo it or she'll get annoyed. But if done right, it eases the tension and most girls are suckers for guys who think up of clever stuff like that. It's worked well for me in the past.

Hey look! someone with low self confidence, as this is a forum of insecure geeks lets bully him to make ourselves feel better!!!

 

[lacktheknack]

I am incredibly shy when it comes to girls. 17 years old, never even kissed one. Madly in love with a girl for over a year now; still haven't worked up balls to ask her out yet, know rejection to be inevitability anyway. I understand the message about being confident but I'm afraid that I have very little to be confident about; and I don't want to fake it; I'm am not willing to be dishonest with myself. I doubt that there is anything destined for me other than a lonely death. Have grappled with idea of suicide as solution multiple times, but perhaps thought of never seeing my love again scares me more than never being with her.

haha without wanting to downplay your situation, this is such a typical teenager post. It kinda sounds like something out of a Twilight novel. There are so many ways to ask a girl out discreetly. My favourite one is telling her that you know someone who really likes her, to which she will ask "Who?". From here it's up to you to have a laugh and tease her with clues, but don't overdo it or she'll get annoyed. But if done right, it eases the tension and most girls are suckers for guys who think up of clever stuff like that. It's worked well for me in the past.

Hey look! someone with low self confidence, as this is a forum of insecure geeks lets bully him to make ourselves feel better!!!

suddenly bumps it even after "no bumping" is added to the rulelist
>focuses on the one slightly insensitive line, ignores the meat of her post that is encouraging and helpful

Why you do this? D:

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

SNIP

This might sound really dumb, and to be honest reading it it sounds ridiculous.

But this guy is 100% right. It works. it freaking works and its the weirdest thing.

I started as a joke, i was the quiet tiny nerd in school and one day i started this shtick to basically pretend I was the most amazing fantastic person ever out of nowhere and people loved it. People found it really funny for me to act so uncharacteristically despite having no incentive to do so. I kept at it, i just said whatever I would say if i went under the assumption im great and interesting and funny. Still went over well. Eventually the whole "fake ego" helped boost my real ego. Of course acting like an arrogant tool REALLY seriously is bad, I sort of parodied it for laughs, but it taught me HOW to be an arrogant tool, the fundamentals of self belief that can be applied in moderation to make you genuinely outgoing. Its so easy to just do and say whatever you want if you just assume people will enjoy it. I just took that lesson and slowly let it bleed into my real personality until I was happy with my self confidence. Now im extremely outgoing and dont need the fake ego facade. That ran its course and taught me a lesson.

The issue im having is I want to know how to approach women i dont know yet without seeming creepy. Im great at parties or through friends of friends, give me a start of a conversation and ill run with it for ages. I feel confident talking to people i dont know AFTER im given an obvious reason to start talking to them. Im just not sure how to initiate it with a stranger unless I have a specific scenario to start a conversation with (Like a band shirt or a book shes reading or whatever). I dont want to come across as creepy but I really just want to get a conversation going so i can do what i find to be the easy part (the actual talking).

Theres a cute girl who sits in front of my in lectures. I hear her talk and I know we would get on really well. She always has about 6 friends though so unless i can weirdly "arrange" a meeting I dont know how to start a conversation when I only ever see her with a huge group of people.

Always say "Im funny, and nice and awesome" and pretend its true, then say whatever that person would say.

EDIT: AH SHIT NECRO! NECRO! My bad! Sorry Krazy Kid. Balls >.>