As a man, have dating sites worked for you? What am I doing wrong?(Updated info)

[Lucius Ivanov]

UPDATE 2:
Since I made the changes mentioned in the previous update, 2 ladies replied and had a conversation with me, 1 added me to their favourites and 1 contacted me without me contacting her beforehand(complimenting my profile).
PROGRESS!! =D

And no Eamar, none of them are 14 year old emos.
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UPDATE:
- Rewrote the description and hobbies.
- Added "Future plans".
- Added some group photos since most of you were complaining about the photo provided, despite mentioning that I do not use that particular photo and it's only purpose was to provide a visual reference as to how I look.
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Hello Escapists! First of all I want to say that I did search for a similar topic, but I decided to make my own instead of being a necromancer.

This first question is addressed only to the male members of The Escapist:
Have you used the services of a online dating website? If you did, were you successful in getting a date?

I am currently registered on 5 different websites. I've been using some of them for almost 2+ years without any obtaining a single reply from the ladies I've contacted. My messages to them are not rude nor crude, I always express myself as grammatically correct as I can and in an educated manner.
I do not consider myself an ugly person, neither a supermodel. I am not fat, skinny nor muscular.
This is the most recent picture of me:
I do not use this particular photo, it's here only to provide a visual reference as to how I look.

Spoiler

Group photos:

My description:

Spoiler

Greetings, I am Lucian. I am from Transylvania.
The peasants, tired of their young going missing, armed themselves with pitchforks and torches and, at dawn, assaulted the mansion. My loyal servants gave their lives to hold back the peasants. At sunset they broke into my chambers, but I was no longer there. After a long journey I had reached Spain.
Seven years have past since that night..

I feel my own burdens and joys as well as those of others. I feel a great deal, and I also feel misunderstood much of the time. I'm not quite a pushover, but I'm certainly sensitive. Yes, I could cry you a river if the circumstances were right.
I am fairly intuitive(my gut is rarely wrong), fluid, easy-going and of introspective nature. Quite happy with being considered hazy, since there's a certain sense of safety in that self-proclaimed netherworld. Compassionate, charitable often putting the needs of others ahead of my own.
When it comes to the game of love, I am caring and romantic and a most creative mate.


If I were to pick from "The Four Temperament Types", I would say:
40% Phlegmatic
40% Melancholic
10% Choleric
10% Sanguine
Stir over low heat until a uniform mass is obtained.

Other information:

Ethnic Group: Caucasian
Religion: Agnostic
Languages: Romanian(native), Spanish(fluent), English(fluent), Catalonian(intermediate)
Smoking?: Yes
Alcohol?: Yes, occasionally
Children: None; Want?: Yes
Eating habits: I eat everything
Hair: Dark brown
Eyes: Dark brown
Height: 5'11" / 180 cm
Body: Normal/Average
Weight: 185 lb/ 84 kg
Pets: Yes, a cat
Education: Bachelor's degree
Occupation: Student, not working
Transport means: Scooter, Public transport
Zodiacal sign: Pisces

Hobbies:

I am very handy with tools so I often "role play" an electrician, carpenter, mechanic, plumber etc.

I love cooking! The satisfaction I get when people praise my cooking skills and enjoy the food I made, is priceless.

I do surgery on both hardware & software since the age of 10 when my parents bought me my first PC. And I'm very talented at handling equipment and home appliances.

I'm an adept of gaming! I play mostly RPGs, but that doesn't mean that I dislike all the other genres out there.

I enjoy taking photos, an amateur photographer.

I like to travel and discover new places/people and since I love driving it's win-win! I prefer driving a motorcycle instead of driving a car. The freedom, being in touch with the weather(even if it's raining or snowing), you just can't get the same feelings while driving a car.

During winter, whenever I can, I go snowboarding. I'm still a novice but I can perform some "tricks"(losing my balance), mostly making angels in the snow.

I sometimes play table tennis, not very often though.

Future plans:

Currently I am finishing a business management course and I will try to find a job in business management, or anything else really. As for long term plans.. well I'm not a fortuneteller, so time will tell.

MusicOrder of preference)
1. Rock
2. Classic
3. Jazz
4. Reggae
5. Dance/Electro/Techno/Dubstep.

Books:
Dracula, Bram Stoker
Le Chevalier de Maison-Rouge, A. Dumas
Les deux Diane, Alexandre Dumas
White Fang, Jack London
The last of the Mohicans, J.F. Cooper

Movies & SeriesOrder of preference)
1. Animation
2. Horror
3. Drama
4. Comedy
5. Action

Second question: Am I doing something wrong?

The ladies are welcome to discuss, but please answer only the second question. Thank you.

 

[PsychicTaco115]

I have and it seems to work alright for me

Some tips I have:

*Read their profile. See anything that sticks out to you? Then ask them a question about it! Take a shotgun approach to it; message lots per day, one's bound to answer

Ex.- They say they like anime, what did they like?

*Try getting a pic of you in a less formal way. I think it makes you more personable and less stuffy .-.

*Some of your music/movie likes are a bit vague; try to pick specific examples of things you like

Keep in mind, I've been using OKCupid. Which sites have you been using?

 

[shogunblade]

1.I have used three dating sites since I was 19, and I'm 23. I didn't start getting anywhere with contacting women until last year, and I had four women to talk to, but I only ever met two, and I'm dating one right now.

Before that, though, I always told myself that I didn't want to go too far to date somebody, but that changed, and it's too long to get into, but needless to say, I extended my distance to talk to girls.

I lost a considerable amount of weight, I left a lot to the imagination in the description (I basically said I was fed up with the online dating scene, and all I wanted was somebody to talk to, asking if we can even have a conversation before we start talking about meeting each other).

2. Intelligence only seems to go so far. I originally posted that I loved watching David Lynch films. Apparently, women don't want to hear how smart you may seem, they want to learn about you too, so leave a lot of that alone, and provoke the woman to want to talk to you. Edit your book preferences down to Genre descriptions (Historical Fiction, Bram Stoker), I don't know many people who read Alexander Dumas like you do, they might not even know who he is (Hunchback of Notre Dame, I know that much).

Mention that you want to talk, especially. Most women might turn you down if you seem too much like a sophisticate and not enough a guy she might want to date/be with. Some girls might see you having a façade, but nothing to talk about, maybe that you have a one-track mind.

Smile, too! Some women love to see you smile. You can flash your pearly whites or smirk, like I do, but if you can be happy, that looks so much better. You seem like a good looking guy (personally), So be happy/friendly in at least one or two pictures.

Lastly, read a woman's profile, and see about trying to provoke a friendly banter between a girl/woman with them. If they like your approach (and it's a sincere approach) They'll respond. If not, you won't hear back from them.

In my experience too, I mentioned that I am a nervous guy to speak to, so if you are looking and you want to talk to me, send me a message. Girls/Women are just as nervous as you are to talk to a guy, so be approachable.

 

[JoJo]

Never used a dating site myself, I hear from others though that women, and especially fairly good-looking women, get literally hundreds of messages from different men, so even if your profile is good your chances are pretty slim. If you don't send off many messages, maybe consider picking up the pace and not expecting a reply from most?

To my uneducated eye, your profile seems fine to me, maybe a slight serious intellectual vibe which could be a good or bad thing depending on what sort of girl you're looking for.

 

[Lucius Ivanov]

*Try getting a pic of you in a less formal way. I think it makes you more personable and less stuffy .-.

I don't use that photo on the website, the ones I do use are as you suggested.

*Some of your music/movie likes are a bit vague; try to pick specific examples of things you like

The websites don't have much room for listing most of the music/movies I like, so I went for genres instead.

I've been using OKCupid. Which sites have you been using?

I live in Spain, so I use spanish websites since I want to find someone close to my location. Two of them have ads on TV and they brag about being "best dating website of the year", but from my experience they are worthless.

 

[Longstreet]

Well, thought about it to be honest, way of the modern day eh.

Problem is finding on that is free, and also has some bloody quality. OKcupid seems good enough, wonder if any people from the Netherlands are on there.

Also, side note, if any Dutchies are on here, got a recommendation?


To the OP: Profile seems fine, just keep trying mate. It might be how you phrase your letters though. You can be grammatically correct all you want, if you don't manage to write engaging (which usually means asking about their hobby's etc.) you probably won't get a reply. Also, no wall of texts. Two paragraphs, max. You don't want someones entire life story the first email you get from him.

 

[Lucius Ivanov]

I went to OKCupid and it seems to have an option for Spain as well. I'll give it a try.

 

[Xeorm]

I've had zero luck with dating website. What I've found works instead is to grab something that gets the two parties to talk. Too often the dating websites end up with people being too selective, when they'd likely be good matches anyway, and you can't really find that out unless you really start talking with them.

 

[Genocidicles]

I've never used one myself, but I read that most women on dating sites tend to prefer men with profile pictures where they are looking into the distance instead of the camera, and are brooding instead of smiling.

I can't remember where I read that though, so take it with a grain of salt.

 

[PFCboom]

I attempted to use multiple dating sites, none of them have worked. 'Course, I live in something just shy of Bumfuck, Alaska, so it's not really their fault.
But then I found someone special, quite by accident, on Omegle. Over 30,000 people on, and... yup. A bit of luck did more than any dating site could've done for me.

Doesn't seem like you're doing anything particularly wrong, except maybe not having quite enough personality in your descriptions. It sounds more like a professional resume than a dating profile. I think you could put in a line or two about how you would charm your lady, or what a first and second date might be like.

 

[Doclector]

I tried it, wrecked my self esteem even more, and I'm pretty sure they've probably posted my messages somewhere to laugh at.

But I'm me, so it might go better for someone else.

 

[Movitz]

Well, you're kinda good looking, reminds me of a friend of mine who was very succesful with the ladies 'till he settled down, so that's not your problem.

Maybe try Genocidicles suggestion? Ladies love mysterius-looking men after all.

 

[Lucius Ivanov]

Look into the distance and not at the camera? I can do that. Look brooding? I am dreamy by default so that won't be a problem. All I need is to make some new photos. The ones I have that are like that are ancient.. cave paintings ancient. =D

 

[Lilikins]

Just throwing it out there, I myself have not been on a dating site yet, except to look at the in my opinion funny ones, (theres quite a few ;o) clowns looking for love...or something where all the people dress up as clowns etc...twas quite...ehh.. interesting? haha. Nevertheless, to be fully honest, anyone can add any type of information to a dating site and no one can see if its true or false. I personally, met my significant other on WoW believe it or not. Why not play a game online you enjoy and just see if you find someone there by accident. By myself personally we were very good friends for a year and then I asked if she would maybe like to visit someday, one thing went to the next and badaboom, here I am now.

But nevertheless to the dating site stuff. Rule No.1: Dont lie/use Photoshop. At the latest itd come out once you meet eachother, and atleast for my own sake of mind, Id rather write into a profile that Im an avid gamer and enjoy RPG's etc instead of writing Im a football star, seeing as when the day does arise that Id meet her in this scenario...she'd ask why Im gaming so much and when my next football practice is...plus...I think I have the endurance of a sloth in comparison to football players haha.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

I met my fiancee through a dating site. I eventually found the trick is to stop caring if you get a date or not. It's similar to the way I found a job. Look at it as practically as possible, put in the time, and try to leave sex/desperation out of it. There was a whole anti-friendzone trend on these forums years ago, but I found that aiming for the friendzone was a good tactic. The worse thing that happens is you gain another friend. One of my okcupid friends basically met her boyfriend that way. Geography is a major deciding factor and if someone is too far to actually date, but you still want to talk to, become pen pals. Also, completely ignore the site's recommendations for you and turn off anything that filters who you see. My fiancee is just a year outside of the age criteria I was looking for and her profile said we were not a match. I caught her photo in the margins of one of the pages by sheer luck one day. We would have never seen each other on the site (okcupid) had I not turned off some of the filters and she only lived 15 minutes away.

I'm not sure what the most popular Spanish dating site is, but I feel like it varies based off of location when it comes to what most people use, so keep browsing to see what most people around you use.

 

[Eamar]

As a woman who uses dating sites, something I often have to point out to guys in your situation is the sheer amount of messages that pretty much every young, vaguely attractive woman gets. Seriously, in my experience I'm talking at least one an hour, and that number skyrockets beyond belief when I'm actually showing as online. Women are outnumbered on dating sites, so it really does feel like you're being swarmed a lot of the time. I have to ignore huge numbers of messages from perfectly nice seeming guys, not because they necessarily did anything "wrong", but because they just didn't particularly stand out, and because there were other guys who seemed like a slightly better match at the time.

So obviously the main thing you have to do is try to stand out from the crowd. The way to do that, as others have said, is to really read the woman's profile. Pick up on her likes and dislikes, pick up on (genuine) common interests and really consider whether the two of you would get along, because she's only going to be responding to the absolute best matches. Keep it short, but do demonstrate that you've actually read her profile. And don't go overboard with the flattery - it comes across as just a line, or insincere.

Oh, and for the love of all that is holy, if her profile specifies that she's looking for someone in a particular age range or location and you don't fit the criteria, DO NOT message her anyway. You are not going to be "the exception", and believe you me she receives messages from a dozen guys who think they're the exception every day. It's annoying at best, arrogant at worst.

All that said, there's nothing wrong with your profile that I can see. Keep trying, but do bear in mind that the odds are stacked against guys on most dating sites due to the numbers.

 

[Ratty]

Look into the distance and not at the camera? I can do that. Look brooding? I am dreamy by default so that won't be a problem. All I need is to make some new photos. The ones I have that are like that are ancient.. cave paintings ancient. =D

I've never used a dating site but I'd recommend something more informal for your picture than you currently have. Like maybe of you just smiling and having a drink at a Christmas party or something?
Your picture sends out a business-like formality that I think would turn a lot of women off. People want to know you can relax a bit. Of course don't try to force yourself to look like you're enjoying something you actually don't. If you're an introvert who doesn't like schmoozing don't try to pretend you're an extravert.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

I met my girlfriend on OkCupid within a few weeks of creating an account and have been going out for a year now. I'll concede luck is a huge factor but generally you can't go wrong reading over someone's whole profile before messaging her and only doing so because you've genuinely got common ground to share together. Also I wouldn't pay much attention to match rates.

 

[Avalanche91]

Also, side note, if any Dutchies are on here, got a recommendation?

Tried online dating a while myself, but the male/female ratio is too skewered for my liking. If you're looking for a decent free dutch site I suggest Paiq. It isn't ideal and kinda slow if you don't want to spend money but I did actually get a date out of it. I mean, it didn't work out but it is something.

Good luck Lange Straat.

 

[Longstreet]

Also, side note, if any Dutchies are on here, got a recommendation?

Tried online dating a while myself, but the male/female ratio is too skewered for my liking. If you're looking for a decent free dutch site I suggest Paiq. It isn't ideal and kinda slow if you don't want to spend money but I did actually get a date out of it. I mean, it didn't work out but it is something.

Good luck Lange Straat.

Huh, never heard of that one, i'll give it a shot.

Out of curiosity, how did the date work out?