Ask a Zombie Apocalypse Survivor

[bubba145]

nice joke dude show pictures or i will just think this is a reference to south park. and every one else yes this seems trolly but really prove it or just say this is a joke. water really their homeless probably.

 

[Twilight_guy]

How did you find a working computer in a city where the power plants are obviously not operational anymore, what with zombies everywhere? Better yet, why the hell do you want us to ask you questions, don't you have more pressing concerns? Also, when do the nice men in the white coats come to take you back to the happy farm?

 

[MrMoustaffa]

Holy crap they've learned to how to sing too! I kept thinking I was hearing them talk during the night, turns they were all rehearsing this song!


Worst part is they've been singing this song for the past 3 hours... I tempted to just open the door and be done with it...

 

[YukaTakeuchiFan]

WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?!!

 

[Flailing Escapist]

Serves him right for trying to eat my feet. I need those, man zombie!

Oh, that wasn't Steve, that was me. I went for them as they do look very tasty plus no one expects a zombie to go for the feet. Steve was the one that went for the oh so predictable jugular bite.

I don't even know anymore! You all look the same somehow!

 

[Jacco]

Well its been 3 months now since the outbreak in downtown Denver started.
We've been living off cans of baked beans and old cereal for weeks now but it sounds like the zombies have been shambling away and we may try to check out some of the surrounding buildings in a day or two.

Theres got to be someone else out there, who the zombies haven't gotten to yet... And I'm sure you've got a lot of questions so fire away.

I live in Denver and I haven't heard news of zombies. Are you sure it's not just a riot because the Avs, Rockies, or Broncos won or lost something?

 

[Flailing Escapist]

How did you find a working computer in a city where the power plants are obviously not operational anymore, what with zombies everywhere? Better yet, why the hell do you want us to ask you questions, don't you have more pressing concerns? Also, when do the nice men in the white coats come to take you back to the happy farm?

Back up generator.

No, these days are starting to get pretty boring. I'm just trying to help people that may be in the same predictament.

The Happy Farm? Is that a safe zone or something?

I live in Denver and I haven't heard news of zombies.

Ah shit dude. You're probably a zombie then

 

[Flailing Escapist]

Do they appear to all just be infected with a virus e.g. heart still beating or are they genuinely dead?

Have any mutations occurred if it is a virus?
Say, increased muscle mass , height etc.

I'm a survivor not a doctor!

But they still look human, beyond the rotting flesh and blood thirsty moans.

 

[Twilight_guy]

How did you find a working computer in a city where the power plants are obviously not operational anymore, what with zombies everywhere? Better yet, why the hell do you want us to ask you questions, don't you have more pressing concerns? Also, when do the nice men in the white coats come to take you back to the happy farm?

Back up generator.

No, these days are starting to get pretty boring. I'm just trying to help people that may be in the same predictament.

The Happy Farm? Is that a safe zone or something?

Ah, yes I see. Clearly the telephone networks and such are up if you are even on the Internet then. This is the first I've heard of this event. Why haven't you tried warning people rather then... you know answer question on this humble little website? Also, are these fast zombies or slow zombies and do you need to shot them in the head to kill them? (The media always confuses me with there many types of zombies). Lastly, does your padded room have a DSL connection or a dial-up connection?

 

[Sassafrass]

I don't even know anymore! You all look the same somehow!

Ah, that would be because we all shop at Dead Bodies 'r' Uz now. They only stock generic red-neck clothes.

 

[Flailing Escapist]

Ah, yes I see. Clearly the telephone networks and such are up if you are even on the Internet then. This is the first I've heard of this event. Why haven't you tried warning people rather then... you know answer question on this humble little website? Also, are these fast zombies or slow zombies and do you need to shot them in the head to kill them? (The media always confuses me with there many types of zombies). Lastly, does your padded room have a DSL connection or a dial-up connection?

Of course they are! What do you think we're using, Qwest?

Its been 3 months... I assumed everybody knew.

Umm... fast? And no idea.

Both, why do you ask?

 

[CJSinc]

Do they appear to all just be infected with a virus e.g. heart still beating or are they genuinely dead?

Have any mutations occurred if it is a virus?
Say, increased muscle mass , height etc.

I'm a survivor not a doctor!

But they still look human, beyond the rotting flesh and blood thirsty moans.

So nothing out of the ordinary then...seems that the army may save us...then again, they dont really help killing things beyond foreign nations these days, they still bombing russia and such or are they returning to help their own country now?

 

[Twilight_guy]

Ah, yes I see. Clearly the telephone networks and such are up if you are even on the Internet then. This is the first I've heard of this event. Why haven't you tried warning people rather then... you know answer question on this humble little website? Also, are these fast zombies or slow zombies and do you need to shot them in the head to kill them? (The media always confuses me with there many types of zombies). Lastly, does your padded room have a DSL connection or a dial-up connection?

Of course they are! What do you think we're using, Qwest?

Its been 3 months... I assumed everybody knew.

Umm... fast? And no idea.

Both, why do you ask?

Oh dear, I guess the infection is moving awfully slowly or maybe the heat got to them before they got to my house. I'll have to barricade the doors. The sooner the better with quick zombies. Do you have any recommendations for your fellow survivors in these dark dark times? Do you think the world will survive this outbreak? Did your psychologist medicate you with little blue pills or big red ones this morning?

 

[CJSinc]

Did your psychologist medicate you with little blue pills or big red ones this morning?

Personally, i chose the green one.

 

[Flailing Escapist]

Oh dear, I guess the infection is moving awfully slowly or maybe the heat got to them before they got to my house. I'll have to barricade the doors. The sooner the better with quick zombies. Do you have any recommendations for your fellow survivors in these dark dark times? Do you think the world will survive this outbreak? Did your psychologist medicate you with little blue pills or big red ones this morning?

Water water water.

Probably not =(

And the big blue one of course. hahahahaha

 

[Flailing Escapist]

Ah, that would be because we all shop at Dead Bodies 'r' Uz now. They only stock generic red-neck clothes.

Well that explains a lot. And BANG! why aren't you dead yet?

 

[kcjerith]

What did you do for entertainment? I am assuming the power went out rather quickly.

 

[Twilight_guy]

Oh dear, I guess the infection is moving awfully slowly or maybe the heat got to them before they got to my house. I'll have to barricade the doors. The sooner the better with quick zombies. Do you have any recommendations for your fellow survivors in these dark dark times? Do you think the world will survive this outbreak? Did your psychologist medicate you with little blue pills or big red ones this morning?

Water water water.

Probably not =(

And the big blue one of course. hahahahaha

Ah, yes. Water, very important. I'll need to dig a well. That's the only reliable source of fresh clean water that you can maintain yourself. Thank you for your advice. I have some things to attend to. Before I go though, I'd like to provide you with some appropriate mood music for your situation... (in case you get bored of answer questions).

 

[Flailing Escapist]

What did you do for entertainment? I am assuming the power went out rather quickly.

Well, this. And we like to sit and a large circle and point out all the ways that is could've been avoided.

Seriously, if Obama hadn't cut spending for Zombie Defense & Security none of this would've happened!

 

[Sassafrass]

Ah, that would be because we all shop at Dead Bodies 'r' Uz now. They only stock generic red-neck clothes.

Well that explains a lot. And BANG! why aren't you dead yet?

Because I'm like a fly. You think you got me but bam, I'm back buzzing around your head. Or feet, in this case. Oh, and do you have any women? We have urges, ya see, and all our women are fawning over Zombie Beiber and Zombie Pattison...