Ask a Zombie Apocalypse Survivor

[Flailing Escapist]

Because I'm like a fly. You think you got me but bam, I'm back buzzing around your head. Or feet, in this case. Oh, and do you have any women? We have urges, ya see, and all our women are fawning over Zombie Beiber and Zombie Pattison...

No! We're trying to rebuild the human race over here!

And surprisingly enough some of the chicks here still go nuts over Zombie Beiber.

 

[Sassafrass]

No! We're trying to rebuild the human race over here!

And surprisingly enough some of the chicks here still go nuts over Zombie Beiber.

Damn, we've got to go and kill them again...this won't be easy, getting through about 100 zombie fan-girls...

And really? I thought they'd hate him now, seeing as he's missing half his face and all of his hair. Singing's a lot a better though now, I must say.

 

[FalloutJack]

What're you doing for sanity there, bub? Moaning 24/7 is said to drive people out of their minds.

 

[aei_haruko]

Well its been 3 months now since the outbreak in downtown Denver started.
We've been living off cans of baked beans and old cereal for weeks now but it sounds like the zombies have been shambling away and we may try to check out some of the surrounding buildings in a day or two.

Theres got to be someone else out there, who the zombies haven't gotten to yet... And I'm sure you've got a lot of questions so fire away.

Okay, so I'm wondering, can u get textbooks at discount prices? I'm looking to be able to get some lovely chemistry books

 

[Flailing Escapist]

What're you doing for sanity there, bub? Moaning 24/7 is said to drive people out of their minds.

We actually found out that if you shoot them at the right intervals their moans make a pretty decent acapella tune.

 

[Shannon Matchett]

Didn't 4chan (/b) do this exact same thread? It took off really well there - was a great read. It's kinda interesting to see the snarky response that the escapist gives, contrasted to the exceptional writing from a /b thread. Makes you think...

 

[the spud]

Are the zombies edible? Cause if so then I think we americans have nothing to worry about.

 

[teebeeohh]

is there any indication whether some zombies may be peaceful/vegetarians?
because i could swear the guy living across the hall from me is zombie and if he is i finally get to off him and pray someone nicer moves in. Also do you think the infection will spread to Europe before Christmas?

 

[CardinalPiggles]

What's the Zombie kill of the week.

Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks?

That book is AWESOME!

 

[Flailing Escapist]

Are the zombies edible? Cause if so then I think we americans have nothing to worry about.

Umm.. Thats a good question.
I'll make Bill here eat one and we'll get back to you tomorrow.

is there any indication whether some zombies may be peaceful/vegetarians?
because i could swear the guy living across the hall from me is zombie and if he is i finally get to off him and pray someone nicer moves in. Also do you think the infection will spread to Europe before Christmas?

Nope, Zombies are definately warful/meateaters.
And if they can swim or find some other way across the ocean you're looking at a very braaaaaaaaaainsy christmas.

 

[Dr_Horrible]

Please let me in! I, uh... I've got pizza! You can have it all if you let me in!
I promise not to eat, to eat your... braaaaiiiinnnnssss...

 

[Dr.Fantastic]

Have you tried to be friends with the zombies? I had a zombie in my basement about two weeks ago and after a misunderstanding involving a fire axe and a zombified left arm, we became best friends. Plus, zombies are AWESOME Wingmen.

 

[Flailing Escapist]

What's the Zombie kill of the week.

Knocked a Zombie off the roof and it fell 12 stories and hit another one. It wasn't exactly intentional but I've never seen a bigger explosion on molding flesh and blood before.

 

[finecrazydud]

have you seen any necrophiliacs try doing it with a zombie, see this one time my buddy Keith so a zombie who he thought was hot and tried asking her out and she bit his arm. man i never saw someone stick out that hard.

 

[Flailing Escapist]

Do you have any ideal stratigies for avoiding witchs?

Well the only people who cry anymore are witches and myself. And if I'm not the one crying we generally try to stay away.

Please let me in! I, uh... I've got pizza! You can have it all if you let me in!
I promise not to eat, to eat your... braaaaiiiinnnnssss...

BANG!

Have you tried to be friends with the zombies? I had a zombie in my basement about two weeks ago and after a misunderstanding involving a fire axe and a zombified left arm, we became best friends. Plus, zombies are AWESOME Wingmen.

Yes and no. We tried befriending a Zombie once but he tripped over my xbox 360 so we threw him off the roof and haven't tried to befriend any since.

have you seen any necrophiliacs try doing it with a zombie, see this one time my buddy Keith so a zombie who he thought was hot and tried asking her out and she bit his arm. man i never saw someone stick out that hard.

No but they're probably a lot easier to get with than non-zombiefied women. And they don't talk as much! XD

 

[health-bar]

Denver was hit!?

Fuck. try to make them Shamble towards Boulder!
Hopefully they will grow content living with other zombies and the constant drug abuse will dull them into complacency.

And whatever you do, DON'T LEAD THEM SOUTH

THAT'S WHERE I LIVE

 

[Foxbat Flyer]

Any chance of importing them to Australia? I would like to have some home defence system made of Zombies, and any subsequent zombies can be used to further improove my defences. And if i can import them, what cost am i looking at to sneak them past customs?

 

[Dr Pyramid Head]

Do you have a plan to escape?

 

[captaincabbage]

Do you have braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains? And if so, can I have them?

Holy shit this is the winning post by a long shot. It's so fucking rare to find win quite like this.