Ask FroKane (dating edition)

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Ihateregistering1

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Fappy said:
Ihateregistering1 said:
I think it would help to know if there's anything these women have in common with each other. Are you dating within a narrow age group? Are you meeting them via online dating? If not, are you meeting them at work or through friends?
Pretty much entirely through on-line dating, and meet-ups as well. I work in a very male-dominated industry so there aren't many women around.

I love my friends, but they are awful matchmakers.

Nope, my age range is pretty broad. I've dated women older than me and women much younger than me (in the last week or so, I went out with a 34 year old and a 24 year old). I've really discovered that age is kind of relative. I've met women in their mid 30's who were better looking than the vast majority of 25 year old women, and I've met women who were 24 who were more mature than the vast majority of women in their 30s-40s.
 

Fappy

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Ihateregistering1 said:
Fappy said:
Ihateregistering1 said:
I think it would help to know if there's anything these women have in common with each other. Are you dating within a narrow age group? Are you meeting them via online dating? If not, are you meeting them at work or through friends?
Pretty much entirely through on-line dating, and meet-ups as well. I work in a very male-dominated industry so there aren't many women around.

I love my friends, but they are awful matchmakers.

Nope, my age range is pretty broad. I've dated women older than me and women much younger than me (in the last week or so, I went out with a 34 year old and a 24 year old). I've really discovered that age is kind of relative. I've met women in their mid 30's who were better looking than the vast majority of 25 year old women, and I've met women who were 24 who were more mature than the vast majority of women in their 30s-40s.
I think men and women both typically start feeling their age around their early 30's, which is why you'll see more in-shape 35 year olds than you will 25. From what I've seen, people with decent metabolisms will start packing on the pounds sometime after college age, but won't really feel it until their metabolism slows down. Gets them motivated to finally start taking care of themselves.

Considering I'll be 30 in a few years, I should probably get on that >.>

Anyway, on topic: I don't think your experience is all that unusual. A lot of people treat online dating too much like shopping at a super market, and because it's so easy to just say "no thanks" and move on to the next date, people can afford to be super picky. The only advice I can really give is to not give up. It may just be a bad luck streak. Eventually you'll find someone you click with that's willing to take the risk and see where things go.
 

FPLOON

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When is it the right time to tell your partner any secrets both small and big? And what do you do if you can't seem to find some kind of common ground if the secret doesn't sit well with the one who's hearing it?

Other than that, is it really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?
 

Zombie_Fish

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Mar 20, 2009
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What is your opinion on online dating, and are there any sites in particular that you would recommend? I'm bisexual, early twenties and live in the UK, if that helps with your answer.
 

Padwolf

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Disclaimer: Happily in relationship person! But my friends dating situation has me baffled so hey, here's a chance to ask a pro.

So, what's going on when a guy says at the start he wants something very serious, then when girl says she wants to take things to the more serious level suddenly he's all "nah, don't want that, just want to be classed as friends with benefits"? Don't know what advice to give her anymore to be completely honest.
 

Ihateregistering1

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Padwolf said:
So, what's going on when a guy says at the start he wants something very serious, then when girl says she wants to take things to the more serious level suddenly he's all "nah, don't want that, just want to be classed as friends with benefits"? Don't know what advice to give her anymore to be completely honest.
If I had to guess, it sounds like the guy just told her he wanted something serious so he could get in her pants, but once he did he pulled back so he can now be friends with benefits. In other words, he doesn't really want a serious relationship, he's just lonely and horny.

Some guys enjoy having a FWB just because then people quit asking them about their dating life.
 

Kevlar Eater

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Considering that this is the same person that said a man must be white, tall and hot with a certain style of hair/facial hair [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.874375-Hey-Guys-here-are-5-things-that-will-make-you-a-lot-more-attractive-to-women#21965600] in order to get a decent-looking date, why the hell would *anyone* here ask for dating advice from this guy?

Also, what dating coach would possibly want an upper 20+-year-old male as a client? As much as I hate to say it, many of us are lost causes. I hate saying it, I really do, but it's the depressing reality.
 

Silvanus

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Kevlar Eater said:
[...] why the hell would *anyone* here ask for dating advice from this guy?

Also, what dating coach would possibly want an upper 20+-year-old male as a client? As much as I hate to say it, many of us are lost causes. I hate saying it, I really do, but it's the depressing reality.
Well, he's almost certain to give better advice than you, at least.
 

Padwolf

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Ihateregistering1 said:
Padwolf said:
So, what's going on when a guy says at the start he wants something very serious, then when girl says she wants to take things to the more serious level suddenly he's all "nah, don't want that, just want to be classed as friends with benefits"? Don't know what advice to give her anymore to be completely honest.
If I had to guess, it sounds like the guy just told her he wanted something serious so he could get in her pants, but once he did he pulled back so he can now be friends with benefits. In other words, he doesn't really want a serious relationship, he's just lonely and horny.

Some guys enjoy having a FWB just because then people quit asking them about their dating life.
See, I thought that was the case, and to be brutally honest I did tell her that. However she is adamant it's not the case because apparently he says he wants more in the future, and also they have a two week holiday booked together. God knows. It just left me baffled on how to get through to my friend that this thing with thi guy is just not worth her time.
 

DerangedHobo

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Kevlar Eater said:
As much as I hate to say it, many of us are lost causes. I hate saying it, I really do, but it's the depressing reality.
Damn, now you're speaking my language. Can I ask for dating advice from you?
 

Thaluikhain

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DerangedHobo said:
Kevlar Eater said:
As much as I hate to say it, many of us are lost causes. I hate saying it, I really do, but it's the depressing reality.
Damn, now you're speaking my language. Can I ask for dating advice from you?
I'd recommend "don't worry about it". Being single is not a disaster, nor is being with someone a guaranteed path to happiness. Just stop watching the wrong kind of movie and listening to the wrong kind of pop music and you'll be fine.
 

Kevlar Eater

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DerangedHobo said:
Kevlar Eater said:
As much as I hate to say it, many of us are lost causes. I hate saying it, I really do, but it's the depressing reality.
Damn, now you're speaking my language. Can I ask for dating advice from you?
> Look, dress and smell like someone that cares about him/herself (basically hygiene).

> Don't be a pushover; those unfortunately get taken advantage of and have naught but a broken heart, an empty bank account and a painful life lesson to show for it.

> Having more than one hobby would increase the amount of things to talk about, which would give the listener more time to gauge their interest in you.

> Neediness is an absolute no-no (females can sense minute traces of it like a shark and a drop of blood).

> Young males and older females make up vast portions of users on dating sites. Nothing wrong with dating an older woman, you may learn a few lessons that can be applied to any future dates with females your age.

> Confidence is not always key, and were I you, I would not listen to those that say otherwise. Same for those that say "fake it 'til you make it". Bullshit platitudes like that would only further hopelessness to the already hopeless. Instead, keep doing what makes you happy and if you happen to connect with someone in the meantime, then you've got your foot in the door (or made a friend, but that in itself is beneficial). True confidence comes naturally, when you're in your element.

> Whether introvert or extrovert, it's somewhat okay to be a douche, but be an interesting and educated douche when the situation calls for it.

> Abide by Wheaton's Law, and unlike the man who made it, don't violate it. You may think this would contradict the above piece of advice, and there is a bit of an overlap between a dick and a douche (both enter the vagina and spurt somewhat salty fluid within). A dick is an individual who could be considered as rude, abrasive, inconsiderate, or otherwise contemptible. A douchebag (douche) is considered to be a pejorative term, referring to an arrogant or obnoxious person. Both are annoying, but dicks are absolutely no fun to be around.

> Last but not least, dating will require you to actively step out of your comfort zone. It may be annoying, but more comforting than the prospect of lifelong blue balls. Ain't that many women willing to take the first step, so this is where you may have to come in. I hate it too, but it's the grim reality.

Pretty sure someone will read this and will snark and psychoanalyze me for reasons unknown, calling themselves exceptions to the rule. Just waiting for it.

captcha: cutting edge. I'm not trying to be edgy. Just realistic.
 

Ihateregistering1

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Padwolf said:
Ihateregistering1 said:
Padwolf said:
So, what's going on when a guy says at the start he wants something very serious, then when girl says she wants to take things to the more serious level suddenly he's all "nah, don't want that, just want to be classed as friends with benefits"? Don't know what advice to give her anymore to be completely honest.
If I had to guess, it sounds like the guy just told her he wanted something serious so he could get in her pants, but once he did he pulled back so he can now be friends with benefits. In other words, he doesn't really want a serious relationship, he's just lonely and horny.

Some guys enjoy having a FWB just because then people quit asking them about their dating life.
See, I thought that was the case, and to be brutally honest I did tell her that. However she is adamant it's not the case because apparently he says he wants more in the future, and also they have a two week holiday booked together. God knows. It just left me baffled on how to get through to my friend that this thing with thi guy is just not worth her time.
Well, as much as I hate to say it, if I had a dollar for every time I heard a woman swear up and down that he's really a great guy even though everyone else thinks he's shady and/or an asshole, and then he winds up actually being shady and/or an asshole, I'd have, like, $70.