Atheist in a Christian home

[BrassButtons]

I did this right after mom first found out. I talked to the school's Bible teacher, since he's the most liberal Christian I know (there's an irony in there somewhere, I think). Essentially answered with the same thing: don't read books like that because they allow the devil into life. If he didn't understand, I have a very hard time believing anyone else will.

Wow, you must be in a very fundamentalist-dominated area. Nearly all of the Christians I know would consider it perfectly acceptable to read books that challenge Christianity.

I told her numerous times that I didn't want to upset her. Her response was "Why would you read the book, then? You know how strongly I feel about god and you knew that if I saw that book it would devastate me!"

In that case you can either ignore her until she begins acting like an adult, or lie to her about your beliefs. It's a crap situation, but those are the only options I can see.

 

[sanquin]

I would start out with looking online. Not for christian or atheist things directly. But for ways on how to discuss the subject in a civil manner. Teach yourself to be a good debater, search for good arguments for your side (not for the atheistic side, but for following your own path, letting her know that just religion shouldn't be a deciding factor in how much she loves you, etc) and after that go to her again. Before starting up the conversation, put down some ground rules with your mother. No raising ones voice, no guilt trips, just a proper conversation about it.

If she doesn't agree to those rules, then there is no hope at the moment and maybe you could try again later. If she does agree but doesn't keep to the rules, stop the conversation and walk away if needed. But only walk after after clearly telling her that she didn't keep to the rules she agreed to.



If this isn't an option for you another idea is to lie. Not for your entirely life, but until you move out. Lie your ass off, pretending to be a good christian and maybe only read about atheist stuff at school. No books, as that's dangerous as you already found out. And once you move out, tell her what's what. If she gets furious again you have your own place to retreat to, where she can't bother you until she calmed down again. Once she calmed down, try starting a conversation again. If she really loves you as her son, she will eventually accept your choice. She will likely still not be happy with it, but will at least accept it.

 

[twohundredpercent]

Ya show your moms her logical fallacies. That will help you in a long run. For real. Also remember to talk to everyone in a condescending manner. And try and model your life after Christopher Hitchens.

 

[Newtonyd]

I agree with the lying tactic. Don't try and out-logic her, logic has no place in arguments with the super-religious (and your mom certainly sounds it). People her age do not change their opinions easily, and certainly not from the position you're currently in while you are dependent on her.

She'll only take so much backtalk before she starts taking more drastic measures. I don't know your mom, or how stable she is, but drastic measures can involve making your life a living hell until you're 18, and sometimes further than that. There are plenty of 'camps' and 'schools' carefully designed to fix whatever they think is wrong with you, and until you are 18, your rights are more akin to property than person. I attended one such school myself, though not for religious reasons, and believe me, you'll wish you were back at Christian school where you can at least look up whatever you want on the internet at home.

So pretend to be whatever she wants you to be and get used to keeping your secrets under wraps. If keeping secret books is difficult, find information sources on the internet, just about every piece of knowledge known to man can be found there.

Obviously, you'll have to go through the religious motions. Try not to let it bother you, think of it more as a social ritual than a religious thing. Meet people at church, have fun, and enjoy life. Once you've graduated from high school, your options open up quite a bit.

If your mother wants you to go to a Christian college, you might have to go along with it (only if she's helping to foot the bill). There are plenty of colleges that describe themselves as Christian-esque. Find a well rated one that doesn't seem to pander to zealots and you can't go wrong. I went to one myself, and, honestly, I couldn't really point to anything particularly religious about it. More importantly, if you decide to go to college, you can finally get a breath of freedom and really explore what you like.

Of course, if at any point you feel simply overwhelmed by the urge to get something off your chest with your family, sometimes it's better to just get it over with. Better to open up and take the punishment than bottle up all that crippling regret.

Good luck.

 

[Angie7F]

I went through my whole life in a christian school and did not believe one word of that religion, or any religion in that matter.
Just look at it as a belief system for other people, go through the motions and wait until you are free to believe in whatever.
Religion is not about logic, and it sucks but you just have to roll with it until your are not under the control of others.

 

[Ljs1121]

Yeah, I've officially decided to go with it. We had a talk today about how atheism is a "delusion" and how "believing that two atoms smashing together created the universe and then humans came from monkeys" is the stupidest thing ever to believe and I realized that there's no hope for bygones to be bygones. So for the next two years of my life I'm officially a "Christian". Yay.

 

[Jux]

Best of luck bud. Just remember, if you're going to live the lie, sell it. Watch where you leave your books, scrub your cookies and internet history, and when you have to converse with your mom about religious stuff, don't give her any reason for suspicion, it'll only make things that much worse if she finds out you're faking it.

 

[Da_Schwartz]

As a pagan myself i can somewhat relate. I've had my fair share of debates on this subject with all types, catholic christians, born agains, orthodox etc etc... My only advice here from my experience is the one thing that always stumps them. When someone else is simply blinded by faith, nothing can sway them, nothing you say matters break it down as simple as you can. For get about what you believe in or don't in your case. And state one simple fact. If your god is all loving all forgiving etc etc thats fine. I can respect that. I can respect you for having faith in what you believe in....so why can't you respect me? ....gets um everytime. Change the conversation from a religious standpoint to a basic case of being a humanitarian. They're your parents. What matters is how you live your life together now. Not what happens when it's over.

 

[Sacred_Flame]

Well, I can't say I'm in total support of you lying, but if you don't have any other choice then make the best of your situation. I'm surprised about what you said about your teacher telling you about not reading books like that. In the Christian school I'm going to, my teachers would probably talk to me about it and shrug it off.

 

[Jux]

As a pagan myself i can somewhat relate. I've had my fair share of debates on this subject with all types, catholic christians, born agains, orthodox etc etc... My only advice here from my experience is the one thing that always stumps them. When someone else is simply blinded by faith, nothing can sway them, nothing you say matters break it down as simple as you can. For get about what you believe in or don't in your case. And state one simple fact. If your god is all loving all forgiving etc etc thats fine. I can respect that. I can respect you for having faith in what you believe in....so why can't you respect me? ....gets um everytime. Change the conversation from a religious standpoint to a basic case of being a humanitarian. They're your parents. What matters is how you live your life together now. Not what happens when it's over.

I think the problem is his mom doesn't see it as an issue of respect. This is a matter of The Devil seducing her son and luring him to Eternal Damnnation. To her, it is all about how he's living his life now, but for the express purpose of getting into Heaven when its all said and done. Which is why shes coming down so hard on him, because she's panicking that his soul is in danger.

The more I think about it the more I think the OP shouldn't be getting into a confrontation over this. His mother is irrational on this, and no good can come of pressing the point.

 

[Galletea]

I suppose one of the problems here is your choice of material. I am an atheist and I hate Richard Dawkins. I think he is an asshat deliberately inflaming religious communities to get publicity and sell more books. And it works, so he is going to be seen as a proper devil spawn creature.

If you're going to go down the lying route, try and at least give yourself some space away from your family every once in a while. Or you might go insane.

Atoms smashing together is more fun than being turfed out of paradise though.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

Yeah, I've officially decided to go with it. We had a talk today about how atheism is a "delusion" and how "believing that two atoms smashing together created the universe and then humans came from monkeys" is the stupidest thing ever to believe and I realized that there's no hope for bygones to be bygones. So for the next two years of my life I'm officially a "Christian". Yay.

Take this any way you like but fuck your mother dude.

If you are in fact quoting her correctly then nothing I've seen has convinced me that she isn't a self-centred *****. All the 'quotes' I've read from her have basically boiled down to "How can you do this to ME?"

No thought given to whether you'll enrich your life through this new approach or for cohabitation between the different beliefs. All I'm hearing is her telling you your way is wrong because it's not her way.

That noise? Forget it.

Pick your own ideas. Anybody can have their own faith. Faith is a personal thing. When they try to enforce that faith on other people who don't want it then that's religion.

I'm fine with faith. Religion should be conceptually annihilated. Your mother is heavy-handedly religious. Stick with your faith.