Atheist Older Brother In Need Of Advice

[Togs]

your mums nuts, and likely to do heavy damage to your sister by being so controlling.

If it were me Id say "I can't go- I'm not lying to my relatives by pretending to still be religious, and Id be unable to fake it, which I'm sure would cause you much embarrassment"

 

[saruman31]

You should apply the Shepard method to your mom. na...jk...or am i?

Try talking to her in a calm voice about the stalking. Make your point understood but don`t yell. Perhaps tell her that you don`t care about her faith but i guess that`d be pretty much suicide.
I for once, never had this kind of problems...especially with my "coming out"(i hate that phrase) since both my parents are atheists.

 

[Galletea]

Right, so you're obviously in a difficult situation and it's not going to be easy no matter what you do, so you'll have to be prepared that somewhere along the line somebody is going to get hurt.

Your mother is unlikely to listen to you now you've dismissed her god, so I'd suggest you have a serious talk with your father. Try not to involve your siblings too much, but don't let him get out of it or wriggle out of the "her babies" problem, because as it stands her babies are just going to resent her for the rest of their lives and no one really wants that.

Perhaps after that you can talk about it to your mother. At least try. She's invading your privacy as well as your sister's and demoralizing your poor brother. You need to be civil and make her understand how you feel about things. You can make sure she knows that you have reached your own decision and it is no failure on her part, and that she should trust her children to decide for themselves what to believe. If she still doesn't listen then I'd try to keep quiet about the whole thing and try to get yourself out of there, before you go mad.

As for the rest of the family, don't bother yourself with it. Try and avoid confrontation as they do have a right to believe, and they won't be shoving it down your throat once they've gone home.

I wouldn't raise the topic with your sister unless she brings it up with you. Then you should just take a back seat and help her make her own mind up.

 

[damselgaming]

You can't let your mum dictate what you can and cannot do regarding your thoughts and beliefs. And you have to accept that she won't be happy with any that rival her own, but this is life and that's how it goes.

My mum is absolutely insane about this kind of stuff, and all it's done is driven my sister and I away from her. We still try and have adult conversations about the whole issue but she doesn't like having conversations in which she isn't in complete control. She see's us as 'wildcards' and it frightens her.

In the end, you have to put yourself before anyone else. All you can do is try and address the situation in a mature manner and try to avoid any confrontation, but regardless, if she is unwilling to do the same then it's her loss.

 

[WouldYouKindly]

I was worried when my parents found out I was a atheist too, but they are far more laissez faire than your mother. My mom is true non-denominational christian and my father is mostly too, but with a dose of catholicism. They have no dogmatic beliefs, which is nice.

On to the advice. Be supportive of your sister. Tell her that her choices are always her own, that your mother is to be respected, but she is no supreme authority. Your mother needs to know what you believe. You don't go out and have a orgy every night, you're not some amoral psychopath. You don't believe in nothing, you believe in people. I would recommending calling yourself a humanist and/or a naturalist, meaning you believe in humanity as a species, community, society and the natural, observable world because these words say something about you. Calling yourself an atheist says very little about you. It only states that you don't believe in God, not what you actually believe in. It probably won't help much, but it certainly can't hurt. As for your extended family, you either continue to live the lie, which is painful, or you get it out of the way and tell them that you're going to make your own way while explaining what you actually believe, this will hurt too and they will probably ostracize you or spend every minute with you trying to convert you. You are between a rock and a hard place with the extended family issue. In the end, you can only do what you feel is right. As for your other problems, I haven't the personal knowledge to help or even to offer a solution.

 

[Tekkawarrior]

If you let her control you anymore then you are screwed buddy, you will regret it later in your life. Stand up for what you believe but be polite while doing so otherwise you will give them an excuse to punish you.

Believe me, I told my MUSLIM family that I don't believe in god and they wernt pleased at all, but with time, I stuck with it and spoke about it freely. If they havent learned to respect it, atleast they have learned not to mock it.

May god have mercy on your soul ;P

 

[endnuen]

Rebel!
Do as any other sane person would, and rebel the shit out of that household.
Some people just need to come face to face with reality at one point or another, for you mother it seems about time. She rebelled against her own family, albeit not as drastically as you are about to.

But please.. Raise all sorts of hell by sticking to your beliefs and if your mother will not be satisfied with vague answers, look her square in the eye and tell her the blasted truth.

Also, isn't forgiveness one of the most vital corner stones in Christianity? No matter the school of thought ? Gods love for any, even those who "has been lost"?

 

[Mysterykate]

Perhaps the most elegant solution to the problem of the extended family would be to continue to spout the usual garbage when directly asked to but never present this as your own view. Simple tricks like referring to the Bible or different schools of religious thought allow you to say what's expected of you without openly compromising your own personal beliefs. It also gives you the opportunity to present opposing views if you word it right, hopefully provoking some further thought on the matter.

I know it can be draining to always feel like your playing a role for your family but consider that given what you've said; if your extended family learn of your atheism, they will most probably blame your Mother. This could lead to her feeling pressure or the need to make sure she 'gets it right' the next time and placing even tougher controls on your sister.

 

[Stevepinto3]

I'm very sorry to hear of your situation. I can relate to it, I also recently explained to my family that I'm an atheist, and have been for a while now. My family's situation is significantly different however as my parents recently divorced.

I don't think it's right to tell you to directly stand up to your mother and defy her, but I don't think she really understands what she is doing. Controlling your communication with your sister isn't doing anyone any good. I feel it's wrong of her to tell you to not to talk about it. Your family needs to be able to understand and accept who you are without reservation, you shouldn't have to hide things like this from them.

Have a serious talk with your mother and explain this to her. Keeping secrets and lying about matters like this can only serve to cause problems. Don't approach this harshly, but let them ostracize you either. Show that you only have the best of intentions for your family at heart.