Let's start off slow. Don't want to drown people in knowledge.
What is attraction? For men and women, it is a primal biological urge we feel when we find someone who we think is suitable to pass on our genes. The evolutionary theory is that back in our tribal days (for which we are still hot wired thanks to rapid technology increase) the most beautiful women would be the best child caretakers, while the most confident men would be the best providers for those children. And THIS urge comes from one of our most primal urges: the urge to reproduce, and to care for our offspring.
I will reiterate what I just said, but highlighting the important bits:
Men go for looks, women go for status.
With men, attraction is simple; she looks fine, attraction switch goes off. It can get a bit more complex than this, but not much. Many men file women under one of two categories: romantic interest and non-interesting. With the first one, they find the woman attractive and may actively or passively pursue a romantic interaction of some sort. While with the other, many men think of women they aren't attracted to as wastes of time or an unnecessary obstacle.
With women, things are much more complex. So complex, in fact, that it would be hard for me to fit it into a bite sized paragraph like I did for men. I'll try and spread it out.
Women go for confidence because they are genetically programed to do so. Back in the tribal era, the most confident man was the tribe leader. He could provide for the woman and her children in many ways, and so was the most attractive. That is why you see jerks getting girls, while nice guys get to lean against the wall and be sad.
Now I'm not saying that women don't like nice guys. Many do. What I'm saying is that they don't find kindness attractive. Status, confidence, talent and an outgoing nature are attractive. Being a nice guy isn't. Even still many women get tired of dating jerks, no matter how attractive they are because of misplaced confidence. So the moral of the story is, be as nice as you want, but you have to know who you are.
Here is how not to get into a relationship with a girl:
1. Realize you have attraction for her, then muster the courage to go talk to her.
2. Ask her some random questions about herself, and also throw in a few compliments. Don't forget to hold the door open for her.
3. Gather up the courage to "ask her out," saying to yourself to just get it over with.
4. Get told shes busy, has a boyfriend, likes you as a friend, etc. then go complain about it on the internet
Does this sound familiar? I know it does to me. I remember being completely bewildered when the girls were being so nice to me but then rejecting me. And it made me learn an important lesson:
interaction is not attraction. Chances are, if the above scenario happens to you, its probably because you are not confident enough, and have low social status.
Another thing; girls aren't stupid. She knows what you're trying to pull. When guys randomly walk up to them and start asking them random-ass questions, they know they just want to get in their pants. This may not be true for the more romantic among us, but it is the assumption that will always be made. If you want to get the girl of your dreams, you need to turn these expectations on their head.
Now that we've covered how to fail, lets begin to talk about how to succeed. I mean, its great to talk about being a more confident person, but how are you really going to apply it? Are you just going to puff your chest out, and walk up the same girl and ask the same boring questions? To apply this knowledge, we will go through a step by step process, for all you fans of logic. And believe me, you may not know it, but anything you can do to be with your dream girl has roots in logic.
To start, lets return to that old assumption. When a guy walks about to a girl and starts asking them personal questions, he is hitting on her. So how do you walk up to a girl a start flirting without that assumption coming up and shitting on everything? We do this:
ME: Hey, I gotta go in a second but, can I get your opinion on something? (Body language turned away as if i was just walking by)
GIRL: Okay.
ME: It's very important, a matter of life and death, in fact. I want you to think very hard about this. (said seriously, but not in a boring way; as if what you say is of dire importance to the main character in a comedic sketch)
GIRL: alright...
ME: Do you floss before or after you brush? I've been trying to figure it out for days! (Said in a joking way, as you would say the punchline of a joke [don't laugh])
GIRL: Laughs.
This might be a bit much for some, but I will do my best to explain it. at the beginning I was turned away from her, as if I was passing by, and I said that I gotta go in a second, so she won't be afraid I'll hang around forever. When someone goes up to a girl and starts talking about something, generally a thought will surface that says "when is this guy going to leave?" So the first thing we do is get rid of that.
Next I ask for her opinion on something. I get her attention and ask her to think, even though in this case it is just the set up for a joke. You probably want to actually get her opinion on something that isn't stupid, e.g. "who cheats more, men or women?" or "There are five oceans right? I can only think of four, can you help me out?" (don't worry, I will come back to this)
And next comes the gag itself. It is generally not a good idea to start with a joke, as you may seem needy, but that doesn't apply in this case. Here it seems that you are just a funny guy interacting with his surroundings, while if you walk up and ask her why the chicken crossed the road you might get shut out.
The whole opinion thing is a tool I use to get her talking about something she is interested in. Good topics to start with are romance, pets, or magic. Don't talk about creepy things like rapists, talk about something that is interesting. And above all, be happy when you say it. Smile! Be confident!
I know this is a lot but in essence it means this: don't make it obvious why you are chatting with her, and once you are, don't start asking lame questions like "where do you work" or "do you come her often?" Turn her expectations around, tease her, insist that she is flirting with 'you,' and you will likely get one of these:
Signs of attraction:
*She reinitiates conversations when you stop talking
*She giggles
*She touches you
*She looks back and glances at you repeatedly ever minute or so
*She tosses her hair (to see if you will look)
*If eye contact happens from a distance, she holds it for a second
*She smiles at you
*She stands nearby (proximity)
*She interrupts your conversation from nearby or laughs at something you said
*While walking by, she turns her body toward you or brushes against you
*She says something to her friend and they both giggle
*She asks you for a light or the time or in any way initiates a conversation
*While you're talking to her group, she is particularly talkative (to get your attention)
*She asks you for your name
*She asks you your age (make her guess)
*She compliments you
*She is playful and tries to challenge you
*She's disagreeing but laughing
*She's punching your arm but laughing
*She uses nicknames for you
*She plays with her hair while talking to you
*When she is sitting next to you her leg touches yours
*She repeatedly touches you in any way
*She asks if you have a girlfriend
*She mentions your girlfriend without knowing if you actually have one
*When she has to go to the bathroom, she comes back
*She holds eye contact for longer periods of time when she speaks with you
*She avoids mentioning her boyfriend
*If it comes up that you like somthing, she mentions that she likes it, too, or needs someone to show her how to do it
*When she says or does something, she looks at you to see your reaction
*She looks at you from the side, to hide the fact that she's looking
*She introduces you to friends
*She buys you a drink
*She calls you a player or a heartbreaker
*On her way out, she reapproaches you to tell you that she is leaving
*On your way out, she asks you where you are going (Invite her)
*She returns your calls
*She invents reasons to be near you, intereact with you, or have isolation with you
If 3 or more of these happen in one encounter, chances are shes attracted to you. Now I've written way more than I intended to already so I'm just going to say one last thing. If you plan on listening to me and teasing her silly, there are two things to keep in mind. YOU ARE ALWAYS JOKING, NOTHING YOU SAY SHOULD EVER BE CONSTRUED AS AN INSULT. And try to AVOID TEASING ABOUT LOOKS, SOCIAL STATUS, OR RELATIONSHIPS. THIS WILL MAKE HER SOMEWHAT MAD/DEPRESSED, DEPENDING ON HOW SECURE SHE IS WITH HERSELF.
WARNING: Hortez the Champion of the Frozen Wastes is not liable for any injury, hurtful comment or slap to the face you may receive from listening to me. Hortez would like to remind you that if this doesn't work, it's not my fault, its yours.
What is attraction? For men and women, it is a primal biological urge we feel when we find someone who we think is suitable to pass on our genes. The evolutionary theory is that back in our tribal days (for which we are still hot wired thanks to rapid technology increase) the most beautiful women would be the best child caretakers, while the most confident men would be the best providers for those children. And THIS urge comes from one of our most primal urges: the urge to reproduce, and to care for our offspring.
I will reiterate what I just said, but highlighting the important bits:
Men go for looks, women go for status.
With men, attraction is simple; she looks fine, attraction switch goes off. It can get a bit more complex than this, but not much. Many men file women under one of two categories: romantic interest and non-interesting. With the first one, they find the woman attractive and may actively or passively pursue a romantic interaction of some sort. While with the other, many men think of women they aren't attracted to as wastes of time or an unnecessary obstacle.
With women, things are much more complex. So complex, in fact, that it would be hard for me to fit it into a bite sized paragraph like I did for men. I'll try and spread it out.
Women go for confidence because they are genetically programed to do so. Back in the tribal era, the most confident man was the tribe leader. He could provide for the woman and her children in many ways, and so was the most attractive. That is why you see jerks getting girls, while nice guys get to lean against the wall and be sad.
Now I'm not saying that women don't like nice guys. Many do. What I'm saying is that they don't find kindness attractive. Status, confidence, talent and an outgoing nature are attractive. Being a nice guy isn't. Even still many women get tired of dating jerks, no matter how attractive they are because of misplaced confidence. So the moral of the story is, be as nice as you want, but you have to know who you are.
Here is how not to get into a relationship with a girl:
1. Realize you have attraction for her, then muster the courage to go talk to her.
2. Ask her some random questions about herself, and also throw in a few compliments. Don't forget to hold the door open for her.
3. Gather up the courage to "ask her out," saying to yourself to just get it over with.
4. Get told shes busy, has a boyfriend, likes you as a friend, etc. then go complain about it on the internet
Does this sound familiar? I know it does to me. I remember being completely bewildered when the girls were being so nice to me but then rejecting me. And it made me learn an important lesson:
interaction is not attraction. Chances are, if the above scenario happens to you, its probably because you are not confident enough, and have low social status.
Another thing; girls aren't stupid. She knows what you're trying to pull. When guys randomly walk up to them and start asking them random-ass questions, they know they just want to get in their pants. This may not be true for the more romantic among us, but it is the assumption that will always be made. If you want to get the girl of your dreams, you need to turn these expectations on their head.
Now that we've covered how to fail, lets begin to talk about how to succeed. I mean, its great to talk about being a more confident person, but how are you really going to apply it? Are you just going to puff your chest out, and walk up the same girl and ask the same boring questions? To apply this knowledge, we will go through a step by step process, for all you fans of logic. And believe me, you may not know it, but anything you can do to be with your dream girl has roots in logic.
To start, lets return to that old assumption. When a guy walks about to a girl and starts asking them personal questions, he is hitting on her. So how do you walk up to a girl a start flirting without that assumption coming up and shitting on everything? We do this:
ME: Hey, I gotta go in a second but, can I get your opinion on something? (Body language turned away as if i was just walking by)
GIRL: Okay.
ME: It's very important, a matter of life and death, in fact. I want you to think very hard about this. (said seriously, but not in a boring way; as if what you say is of dire importance to the main character in a comedic sketch)
GIRL: alright...
ME: Do you floss before or after you brush? I've been trying to figure it out for days! (Said in a joking way, as you would say the punchline of a joke [don't laugh])
GIRL: Laughs.
This might be a bit much for some, but I will do my best to explain it. at the beginning I was turned away from her, as if I was passing by, and I said that I gotta go in a second, so she won't be afraid I'll hang around forever. When someone goes up to a girl and starts talking about something, generally a thought will surface that says "when is this guy going to leave?" So the first thing we do is get rid of that.
Next I ask for her opinion on something. I get her attention and ask her to think, even though in this case it is just the set up for a joke. You probably want to actually get her opinion on something that isn't stupid, e.g. "who cheats more, men or women?" or "There are five oceans right? I can only think of four, can you help me out?" (don't worry, I will come back to this)
And next comes the gag itself. It is generally not a good idea to start with a joke, as you may seem needy, but that doesn't apply in this case. Here it seems that you are just a funny guy interacting with his surroundings, while if you walk up and ask her why the chicken crossed the road you might get shut out.
The whole opinion thing is a tool I use to get her talking about something she is interested in. Good topics to start with are romance, pets, or magic. Don't talk about creepy things like rapists, talk about something that is interesting. And above all, be happy when you say it. Smile! Be confident!
I know this is a lot but in essence it means this: don't make it obvious why you are chatting with her, and once you are, don't start asking lame questions like "where do you work" or "do you come her often?" Turn her expectations around, tease her, insist that she is flirting with 'you,' and you will likely get one of these:
Signs of attraction:
*She reinitiates conversations when you stop talking
*She giggles
*She touches you
*She looks back and glances at you repeatedly ever minute or so
*She tosses her hair (to see if you will look)
*If eye contact happens from a distance, she holds it for a second
*She smiles at you
*She stands nearby (proximity)
*She interrupts your conversation from nearby or laughs at something you said
*While walking by, she turns her body toward you or brushes against you
*She says something to her friend and they both giggle
*She asks you for a light or the time or in any way initiates a conversation
*While you're talking to her group, she is particularly talkative (to get your attention)
*She asks you for your name
*She asks you your age (make her guess)
*She compliments you
*She is playful and tries to challenge you
*She's disagreeing but laughing
*She's punching your arm but laughing
*She uses nicknames for you
*She plays with her hair while talking to you
*When she is sitting next to you her leg touches yours
*She repeatedly touches you in any way
*She asks if you have a girlfriend
*She mentions your girlfriend without knowing if you actually have one
*When she has to go to the bathroom, she comes back
*She holds eye contact for longer periods of time when she speaks with you
*She avoids mentioning her boyfriend
*If it comes up that you like somthing, she mentions that she likes it, too, or needs someone to show her how to do it
*When she says or does something, she looks at you to see your reaction
*She looks at you from the side, to hide the fact that she's looking
*She introduces you to friends
*She buys you a drink
*She calls you a player or a heartbreaker
*On her way out, she reapproaches you to tell you that she is leaving
*On your way out, she asks you where you are going (Invite her)
*She returns your calls
*She invents reasons to be near you, intereact with you, or have isolation with you
If 3 or more of these happen in one encounter, chances are shes attracted to you. Now I've written way more than I intended to already so I'm just going to say one last thing. If you plan on listening to me and teasing her silly, there are two things to keep in mind. YOU ARE ALWAYS JOKING, NOTHING YOU SAY SHOULD EVER BE CONSTRUED AS AN INSULT. And try to AVOID TEASING ABOUT LOOKS, SOCIAL STATUS, OR RELATIONSHIPS. THIS WILL MAKE HER SOMEWHAT MAD/DEPRESSED, DEPENDING ON HOW SECURE SHE IS WITH HERSELF.
WARNING: Hortez the Champion of the Frozen Wastes is not liable for any injury, hurtful comment or slap to the face you may receive from listening to me. Hortez would like to remind you that if this doesn't work, it's not my fault, its yours.
