Avatar: The Lost Avatar - an interest thread

[iThinkCat]

It certainly is an interesting concept; I'm not able to think of any specific advice as such but it does seem that you have things quite well-prepared, judging by your intro as well as character comments. Speaking of which...

Spoiler: A character try

Name: Riichi Uchida

Gender: Male

Age: 22

Element: Wind (though, formerly hailing from the Fire Nation, will usually present himself as Dormant)

Skills: Disguise, Foraging, Airbending (mostly as agility enhancement and air moves he uses with the sword, so as to make it harder to tell it's not just martial ability), Master Swordsman (type: short sword)

Appearance: Black hair, "oddly" green eyes, slightly taller than the average Fire Nation male but average in weight. Somewhat pale skin, Riichi usually is slightly unshaven. Clothes are a grey cloak (of course), with long black pants and shoes, a tan shirt, and - on his waist - a short sword, blue and green with green scabbard - a gift from his mother.

Personality: Although he presents himself as oddly laidback for someone raised in the Fire Nation, Riichi maintains a bold persona. He is, however, quick to anger at certain aspects of the Fire Nation, especially a particular officer... Other than this, he has a rather pensive attitude at times, and is more generous than most would expect.

Background: Well, what can be said? Riichi was born to Kikue and Tatsuhi Uchida, the former an ex-Air Nomad - who claimed to be Dormant - and a Fire Nation merchant, also dormant. Riichi had been raised mostly by his mother, who had included some teachings of her home - though little in the way of airbending other than how not to be identified as one. During the war efforts' uprising, Riichi felt honestly sympathetic toward the goal (if not the means to fulfill it);however, with his obviously misplaced eye color and oddly bald mother, it wasnt long before sympathy was replaced by annoyance and isolation. Of course, when the inevitable occured...

Grief-stricken at his parent's execution, Riichi fled his home in the night. He began wandering the continent, at first only doing errands in exchange for necessities. But then the Fire Nation caught up with his movements. Riichi began a slight sabotaging campaign against a division of the army, first only with petty thefts of some items they'd hardly miss; however, with his boldness evident, a few resistors began clinging onto his image as a local hero. With their help, he began trying to raid the supply lines; however, this rarely turned out well. Many were lost, and Riichi began to scale down their efforts to evade capture. He had begun dissembling his guerrilla cell when a strange, balding man presented him with a lotus-stamped letter...

LET'S GET READY TO REVIEW!

Personal preference, but your last name doesn't speak Fire Nation or Air Nomad to me. I can live with an odd name though, but you were probably teased as a kid for it.

Skills are fine for the most part, and thank you for specifying what type of sword you are a master with. Only other change I would like is to specify what type of climate you are good at foraging in. You may know where to look for edible berries in the tropics of the Earth Kingdoms south western heel, but that doesn't mean you know what to look for in the tundras of poles. Just need to be specified more since you are not a master of it.

Appearance and Personality are good, just also keep in mind you will probably be mistaken for Fire Nation often. You look and act like one, so people probably won't pick up the small details like your eyes or just flat out ignore it (blinded by prejudice).

I would like two small changes to your background unfortunately, but they shouldn't change the content. If your mother wore her hair in a traditional Air Nomad style then the front half would be shaven and the back half kept long. Image below:

Spoiler: Female Air Nomad Hair

The last change to your background is that I would like you to specify that the old balding man was something that leads readers to believe he is not of the White Lotus. The White Lotus are extremely reclusive, and they would not risk revealing themselves in person this early into the war unless they were certain of it's confidentiality. The letter would've been given to some random person to give to you or some other indirect method. Just make it something like one of your men was given the letter to give to you, and when you read it you ask who gave it to him, he points to the guy who gave it to him, but no one is there. Anything along those lines will be fine.

Anyways, thanks for the character and also props on the writing skill. It was short but not lacking. You described what needed to be known without dragging things out. It takes talent to do that. I tend to rant on forever...in case you haven't noticed yet.

 

[iThinkCat]

Thank for the feed back and first things

Sorry I thought when I type fire bending, I meant that as the master. I was going to say using the Dao as the master but I like the idea of my character juggling fireballs which I think would be complex bending move.

Since you had mention Acrobatic, I like the idea of that. I may change my character background as a one man travelling performer from town/ city to another when he became a fugitive. This give my character a better excuse for him to wear that mask then to use it to conceal himself when defend other people from bandit etc.

About the whole equality thing sorry, wrong choice of word, I mean he doesn't discriminate since doesn't the fire nation view themselves to be far more superior then the other nations? Again I haven't watch the show for a while so I not too sure about that.

Yeah I don't take offence with my spelling and grammar but like I said I'm not sure if I fully committed to this RP. I think I should point out that this won't be my first RP (third to be exact if I were to join). When you start killing of character, maybe my character is the first to go.

One last thing yeah I am fully aware that my character will face discrimination as in twenty or more earth bender in a room and one fire bender. My reason for choosing a fire bender character is I was guessing fire bender character would be the least popular and this rag tag group should have at least one fire bender. By the way, if I was to join this RP I was going to say he was wearing a rise hat to hide his face or he is wearing that performer mask when he inside that Tavern (his face alone would show he is from the fire nation due to his fire nation trait like pale skin).

No problem at all, just make the change. No harm done.

Changing your background is fine. By no means are any of these characters set in stone until I get close to starting this RP.

I wouldn't say that the Fire Nation general populous discriminates either. The royalty and nobles may have taken it so far as to think they are superior, but the majority of the people only feel they are more.........my gosh, I had the word in my mind when I was reading your response. I can't remember it for the life of me now. But basically they feel more content. They don't think their nation is better, just more prosperous. Unemployment and crime are almost none existent and the national treasure has sky rocketed as with their technology. I live in the US and we have a relatively high quality of life, but that doesn't mean I think people from other nations, say Congo, are inferior to me. I just know my nation is better than theirs, and it's fact. We are a better country. We don't have civil war every 2 years and raise our children to kill or live in poorly built buildings. Our government is less corrupt than theirs and so forth. I don't want to rant, but you get the point.

Last part; I'm actually glad someone decided to play a fire bender. I was expecting people to avoid the Fire Nation, but you were brave enough to accept the challenge. Thanks. Although, I don't want too many fire benders, it would just feel weird. Unfortunately I'm getting a decent number of air benders (probably cause my RP allows them with out stepping all over the canon). I haven't got a single dormant character, spirit bender, and only one water bender. I'm fine with lots of earth benders though. They have the largest population and were the first nation to be attacked. It's very reasonable more earth benders would take arms against the Fire Nation early on...

I'm ranting again. Thank you for the response.

 

[KronosTalon]

Spoiler: Koen

Name:Koen

Gender:Male

Age:76

Element:Earth

Skills:Earth Bending, Advanced Bending,Earth Armor, Twin War Hammer, Playing the lute.(Since the Earth armor is supposed to be higher level its leading up to it.)

Appearance:His head is completley bald, his hair falling out years before. His entire body looks like it has a thick coat of dirt on it, he rarely looks clean. Has dark brown eyes and a bent nose. His face is covered in various scars from his battles. Wears a thick leather vest with various scratches and scorch marks, With a cloth shirt underneath. Wears a pair of ratty brown pants, tied off at the bottom with various bits of rope, held up by a large belt with the Earth Kingdom symbol as its buckle. His skin looks leathery, from years of scarring and fighting, but not as wrinkled as one might think. Is very large in stature, six feet tall and 250 pounds.(Looks like The Boulder from the show in terms of muscle mass.)Wears a pair of boots with no soles, letting his bare feet touch the ground.

Personality:Koen is fairly easy going, But is very quick to anger. Doesn't like to be taken off of the ground, and tends to keep himself firmly grounded. Is stubborn and proud, Likes to have things done his way and at the quickest possible pace.Honor is very important to him, and would be lost if he ever lost it. Likes to keep strong by fighting or just practicing his earth bending. Would rather forget his past, and is angered is people try quizzing him about it.

History: From an early age Koen loved fighting, and when he was 10 he got into his first brawl outside of his house with another Earth nation boy. After a quick tussle Koen was the victor and offered a helping hand toward the boy, And he took it and hoisted himself up. From that day on they became quick friends. They did everything together from then, they were almost never apart. One day they were walking through a forest on the beaten path, practicing little bits of earthbending on small stones as they whipped them around at trees. They had learned a lot from the academy already, but being so young they still didn't know the big stuff. They were walking when they heard a deep growling behind them. They looked back quickly and saw a medium sized boarcupine, scratching at the ground with its hoof and kicking up some dust, head bowed down low into a charge, the sharp tusks glinting in bits of broken light. The boys thought for a second, and Koens friend dropped his bag and pulled out 2 stone hammers, small and cracked in areas but still fine. He handed one to Koen as he did was he was taught to do, Stand his ground and not give an inch. He went into a low stance, his legs bowing out to keep solid, holding the hammer above his head to strike. It was a standoff, both boys sitting rock still as the boarcupuine kicked a few more times, before snorting and running back down the path. The boys laughed and patted eachother on the backs, as they headed back to town with hammers in hand. In the years to follow they ended up graduating from the academy, and splitting paths from there, But they both promised eachother that they would become masters of earth bending. Koen never saw his childhood friend again from that point, and still keeps him close to his heart. Things went on normally, but Koen never could settle down. He liked the feeling of the earth on his feet too much to stop traveling. He would go town to town, practicing his bending in fighting tournaments, and the prize money was always worth the fighting. He lived this way for what seemed like forever, until he was 56 years old. He had traveled close to the coast of the Earth Nation, heading toward a town he had heard had a big Tournament going on. As he was walking he noticed in the air a lot of smoke, and so he quickly ran toward the town. What he saw when he got to the top of the hill was an awful sight. The entire town was burning to the ground, and a boat with the fire nation Symbol was on shore. Such treachery from the fire nation, he wa filled with a great sense of anger and rage, as he began running down the mountainside, using his earthbending to keep himself level as he made sort of a staircase all the way down, before reaching the village and ripping the earth from the sides of him, making armor out of it and keeping it over his entire body, a skill he had picked up while training for tournaments. He ran into the village and saw people screaming and fire benders spewing fire at them and the buildings. He ran up to the first one from behind and crushed his helmet with one of his hammers, the body falling limp to his side, as another one saw him. Koen stomped the ground as the soilder ran toward him, catapulting him into the air with an earth pillar as Koen moved on through the city. He killed every soilder he saw, breaking there bodies with the solid power of the earth. He kept attacking throughout the day, but it was too late for the town, it burned to the ground, but the same could have been said for the fire nation troops. Filled with a great anger he rushed up to the boat in the middle of the fighting stomped both of his feet firmly on the ground, and began flexing his arms as he built great force under the shore, until he released, unleashing two sharp rock spears, and pierced the hull of the boat, one on each side to cut off there means of escape. He fought tirelessly through the night, and at the end no fire nation soilder made it alive from that town. Thats the way he had lived his life until he found himself in a tavern, twenty years later, with a man in a robe walking cautiously toward him with a letter in hand. He placed it before him with a bow and then walked off into the crowd, vanishing. He grabbed it and admired the lotus seal, thinking it must be important. He opened it quickly and what it explained was too great to pass up. The promise of fighting against the fire nation stirred his strong heart, as he headed to the little Earth Kingdom city of San Xei.

Before I even start this review, USE GOSH DARN PARAGRAPHS! Holy smokes man it's brutal reading walls of text like that with no breaks in them. That being said, it is a good character and I do like you background. So onto the rest of the review.

The basic info is good and I'm very happy with your choice of age. It'll nice to have an older voice of wisdom, someone who has had time to "master themselves" if you will. Plus, I'm gonna love your characters personality. It should certainly liven up some situations.

As with most people, your skills will need some tweaking, except probably more in a good way. I would like it if you combined "Earth Bending" and "Advanced Bending" into "Master Earthbender". That is unless you were trying to imply that your character is not a master and not a novice either, but somewhere in between. The way you described his power in the background though, I would just say he's a master. Also, using "Earth Armor" would be included as your repertoire of moves, but I would say that you must go melee while in your signature earth armor. You might get away with some small bending while using the armor, but the concentration on moving the armor to match your body would be rigorous. So no epic bending while using it, but that's what you got those two hammers for, right?

With those changes to your skills, you now have one extra point. Go crazy, but it seems most people are adding primarily combat skills. I would like it if people made their characters able to react to a multitude of situations, but it seems like combat is the only thing they seem to be good at now. The types of skills people choose will factor into who gets dibs and who doesn't. So I would suggest a more passive one, or one that can be used outside combat to make money or whatever else may come up in their travels. I'm not going to force you though.

Lastly, your background. Few minor grammatical errors, but nothing of consequence. It's definitely one of the better ones so far. Just break it into paragraphs and it should be good. I don't remember anything content wise needing to be changed off hand.

Okay, Thank you a lot for the review, I always like a good bit of feedback. I tweaked the few things you talked about.

 

[Xero Scythe]

Wow. My computer just deleted my Spirit Bender from reality. Guess he strayed too close to the Face Eater. Writing again...

 

[VuvuZelaMan]

It certainly is an interesting concept; I'm not able to think of any specific advice as such but it does seem that you have things quite well-prepared, judging by your intro as well as character comments. Speaking of which...

LET'S GET READY TO REVIEW!

Personal preference, but your last name doesn't speak Fire Nation or Air Nomad to me. I can live with an odd name though, but you were probably teased as a kid for it.

Skills are fine for the most part, and thank you for specifying what type of sword you are a master with. Only other change I would like is to specify what type of climate you are good at foraging in. You may know where to look for edible berries in the tropics of the Earth Kingdoms south western heel, but that doesn't mean you know what to look for in the tundras of poles. Just need to be specified more since you are not a master of it.

Appearance and Personality are good, just also keep in mind you will probably be mistaken for Fire Nation often. You look and act like one, so people probably won't pick up the small details like your eyes or just flat out ignore it (blinded by prejudice).

I would like two small changes to your background unfortunately, but they shouldn't change the content. If your mother wore her hair in a traditional Air Nomad style then the front half would be shaven and the back half kept long. Image below:

Spoiler: Female Air Nomad Hair

The last change to your background is that I would like you to specify that the old balding man was something that leads readers to believe he is not of the White Lotus. The White Lotus are extremely reclusive, and they would not risk revealing themselves in person this early into the war unless they were certain of it's confidentiality. The letter would've been given to some random person to give to you or some other indirect method. Just make it something like one of your men was given the letter to give to you, and when you read it you ask who gave it to him, he points to the guy who gave it to him, but no one is there. Anything along those lines will be fine.

Anyways, thanks for the character and also props on the writing skill. It was short but not lacking. You described what needed to be known without dragging things out. It takes talent to do that. I tend to rant on forever...in case you haven't noticed yet.

Thanks for the compliments, but in your case, the detail is quite necessary, as you are building the world after all.

As far as the name goes, it (out of character) is an unfortunate consequence of my lack of familiarity with Eastern languages (I had to settle for a name of accurate ethnicity), but I suppose the ambiguity will suit Riichi well outside of the Fire Nation... though the irony of him being "so obviously" Fire Nation-born on the outside after being ostracized as NOT Fire Nation-like would definitely show through.

Also, the bald man is now clarified to be a fisherman from the village, and Riichi forages in forests.

Spoiler: Here's it changed up to match all that

Name: Riichi Uchida

Gender: Male

Age: 22

Element: Wind (though, formerly hailing from the Fire Nation, will usually present himself as Dormant)

Skills: Disguise, Foraging (of forest), Airbending (mostly as agility enhancement and air moves he uses with the sword, so as to make it harder to tell it's not just martial ability), Master Swordsman (type: short sword)

Appearance: Black hair, "oddly" green eyes, slightly taller than the average Fire Nation male but average in weight. Somewhat pale skin, Riichi usually is slightly unshaven. Clothes are a grey cloak (of course), with long black pants and shoes, a tan shirt, and - on his waist - a short sword, blue and green with green scabbard - a gift from his mother.

Personality: Although he presents himself as oddly laidback for someone raised in the Fire Nation, Riichi maintains a bold persona. He is, however, quick to anger at certain aspects of the Fire Nation, especially a particular officer... Other than this, he has a rather pensive attitude at times, and is more generous than most would expect.

Background: Well, what can be said? Riichi was born to Kikue and Tatsuhi Uchida, the former an ex-Air Nomad - who claimed to be Dormant - and a Fire Nation merchant, also dormant. Riichi had been raised mostly by his mother, who had included some teachings of her home - though little in the way of airbending other than how not to be identified as one. During the war efforts' uprising, Riichi felt honestly sympathetic toward the goal (if not the means to fulfill it); however, with his obviously misplaced eye color and oddly semi-bald mother (as well as an unfitting name, but he was always made fun of for that), it wasn't long before sympathy was replaced by annoyance and isolation. Of course, when the inevitable occurred...

Grief-stricken at his parent's execution, Riichi fled his home in the night. He began wandering the continent, at first only doing errands in exchange for necessities. But then the Fire Nation caught up with his movements. Riichi began a slight sabotaging campaign against a division of the army, first only with petty thefts of some items they'd hardly miss; however, with his boldness evident, a few resistors began clinging onto his image as a local hero. With their help, he began trying to raid the supply lines; however, this rarely turned out well. Many were lost, and Riichi began to scale down their efforts to evade capture. He had begun dissembling his guerrilla cell when the strange, balding Yoshiro (an old fisherman whom most everyone got along with) presented him with a lotus-stamped letter addressed to Riichi, from a man who vanished...

 

[iThinkCat]

Okay, Thank you a lot for the review, I always like a good bit of feedback. I tweaked the few things you talked about.

Your changes are good, but if you wouldn't mind adding a space between paragraphs. Again, it just makes it look nicer and easier to read.

Wow. My computer just deleted my Spirit Bender from reality. Guess he strayed too close to the Face Eater. Writing again...

That always sucks, but I look forward to seeing what you come up with for a spirit bender. Good luck.

Thanks for the compliments, but in your case, the detail is quite necessary, as you are building the world after all.

As far as the name goes, it (out of character) is an unfortunate consequence of my lack of familiarity with Eastern language, but I suppose the ambiguity will suit Riichi well outside of the Fire Nation... though the irony of him being "so obviously" Fire Nation-born on the outside after being ostracized as NOT Fire Nation-like would definitely show through.

Also, the bald man is now clarified to be a fisherman from the village, and Riichi forages in forests.

You're good now. Thanks for the clarification.

 

[sage42]

Spoiler: My character (Edited)

Name: Shan

Gender: Male

Age: 29

Element: Earth

Skills: Master Earth Bending, Earth Kingdom cooking, Desert survival, Basic medical Knowledge (He knows of a few mdeical herbs found around the Earth Kingdom).

Appearance: Shan has long dark brown hair tied back in a pony tail and Brown eyes. He has a scar running along his jaw from a fire nation spear. He wears a Green vest over a yellow long sleeve and green cloth pants, he wears leather boots without soles leaving his feet free to Earth bend.. He wears a headband with the Earth Kingdom symbol on the front.

Personality: Shan meets the stereotype of an Earth bender, but he has a tendency to not trust anyone until they've proven they can be trusted. Though weather this is from how he was raised or how he lived after his parents died he's not sure.

Background: Shan was raised in a small village in the Earth Kingdom. He was ten when recruiters from the main force of the Earth Kingdom army looking for volunteers His father was fit at the time and left to fight on the front lines. He and his mother revived news a few days later that he had been killed. He and his mother were heartbroken. His mother died only a few years later when he was 18. He was left without a thing in the world, but his small hut in his village. Even that he left behind not long after his mother died, where too he didn't know. He wandered for couple of years around the Earth Kingdom, living day to day on the wilderness and practicing his earth bending. When he was 21 he arrived at another small village being attacked by a squad of fire nation soldiers. They tried to force him to surrender, to submit to Fire nation rule. He gave his answer in the form of several broken arms and legs but not before one of them caught him along the jaw with his spear. The adrenaline in his system kept him from noticing however as he launched the soldier into the air with a pillar of stone. He soon collapsed from blood loss. He woke up a few days after in a hut in the village, his jaw stiff and bandaged. The villagers cheered for him as he walked out of the hut. They housed him for a few more days until the wound had healed then he set off again with the villagers watching him go. He traveled for the next eight years much the same way, helping villages when he could, assisting other Earth benders in fights with fire benders and soldiers alike. He was recovering from one such fight in a nearby town when the head of the household he was staying at for the night gave him a letter marked with a lotus, saying they just found it nailed to their door with his name on it. He opened it up and read it. That night he set off for San Xei.

All right here's Shan, with his fourth Skill and little other minor edits.

 

[iThinkCat]

Al right here's Shan, with his fourth Skill and little other minor edits.

It's good now. Thanks again.

 

[Dragon_of_red]

Is there room for one more? If there is, I will have a sheet up soon... I just need to do some stuff first...

 

[iThinkCat]

Is there room for one more? If there is, I will have a sheet up soon... I just need to do some stuff first...

You are welcome to submit a character. Anyone can submit one, and if/when I start the RP I will select the best 8 characters to be in the RP. Right now there is no limit to how many people post characters.

 

[Dragon_of_red]

<spoiler=My character: Hayai Soyokaze>

Name: Hayai Soyokaze

Gender: Male

Age: 24

Element: Dormant

Skills:

• Master of Dual Short Swordsmanship.
  Persuasion
  Use of long range weapons, mostly needles
  Blend in to the shadows

Appearance: Hayai has large dark green eyes, his eyes dominate most of his face, because he wasn't an air bender, he was allowed to grow his hair. He chose to grow it, growing the gap between him and the other air benders. His hair grew wild, being cut oddly by the few people who could cut hair.

http://i693.photobucket.com/albums/vv294/lorenz-cute-04/Tsuna.jpg

The clothes he wore are orange in memory of everyone he ever knew, but don't look like the traditional air benders clothes. He wears long black pants, long enough to scrape lightly along the ground, so the bottom part is always covered in a fine amount of dirt, leaving it with a brown tinge. His shirt is a simple long sleeve orange top with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

His weapons are simple, he carries 2 short swords at his hip.
Hidden around his body are throwing needles, ready to be thrown with fair precision at any moment.

<spoiler=His swords>http://www.andreas.blicher.info/images/Short_Sword.jpg

Imagine two of them...

<spoiler=Needles>http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:WWH6QMuM04C6LM:http://http://current.com/http://www.lastingimpressions.com/graphics/stitching/needles.jpg&t=1

Personality: Hayai learnt a little of his personality from the air benders, but living with earth benders for many years, their customs began to grow on him. He acts Respectful and nice to people in private and in a small group when he gets to know them, but when in public he starts acting out. he becomes louder and demands to do most thing he can himself.

He is an Extrovert most of the time, trying to bring Joy in a slowly darkening world.

Background: Hayai was born in the Western Air Temple to 2 air bender parents. They had high hopes for him, both of his parents were high ranked skill full air benders. Unfortunately, he showed no signs of air bending. His parents did not know what to do, every one in the temples knew how to air bend, it was a cornerstone of their everyday life. They panicked for a while ,but still decided to do their best at raising him in the Temple like a normal child would.

It was obvious he was different to the rest of the children. Physically and mentally. His physique was the same, but since he was not an air bender, he had to let his hair grow out. While all of the other kids would be earning how to air bend, he would sit at the back of the class, or doing his own exploration of the temple.

When he was 10, one of the monks took pity on him. He found a large stick for him, and began to teach him basic sword-fighting. The stick turned out to be to large, so the monk snapped it in two, giving him both. He could only teach him so much, and by 12, he begun to teach himself. His hair grew fairly wild and un-groomed due to the lack of people knowing how to cut hair.

By 13, he had started to get tired of fighting shadows with his sticks, so he decided to learn something different. He picked up rocks, and started throwing them. His aim started terrible, but eventually he began to get better and better, able to hit his target from anywhere in the room. His mind wandered to see if he could hit a moving target, after a few weeks of repressing the thoughts, he decided to do it. While the others were practising air bending, he would sneak around, and throw a small stone at them, then hide. Repeating that process constantly.

For the next 5 years of his life, they were the only things keeping him sane. His 'friends' had all began to practise serious air bending ,and would go away weeks at a time, some treated him as low as a slave since he couldn't air bend. By the time he was 18, he had enough.

He packed his few meagre things, stole some of the expensive but not important items so he could stay alive, and left in search for a new place to live. He came across an Earth nation Town, and pawned the things he stole. With the money, he bought a house, and managed to live for a while. It dawned on him that he needed a job. He found a few small jobs, but none of them held, he was fired for incompetence or quit because he didn't like it. He eventually found a job as an apprentice merchant, where he would travel with him and haggle for the best goods.

He learnt quickly and started his own business soon after. He wasn't making the money that he wanted, so he sometimes resorted to extortion to make ends meet. After living comfortably for a fair while, a crazy man ran up to him, looking worried, he handed him a poster, whispered "Meet here" and sprinted off. Hayai was confused, but his curiosity got the better of him, and he went.

It turned out to be a resistance movement against the Fire Nation. He initially laughed at what they were talking about, but found himself drawn back into the fray time and time again. Eventually he was a member, and had started performing tasks for them.

It started off with simple things, a pawn in a large battle against Soldiers, but his missions quickly grew more intricate, having him sent to take out the leader, or hide far away and use paralysing needles to take out enemy infantry. After a very successful assassination of a fire nation captain, he returned to find a letter for him. He opened it quickly, ripping off the wax stamp that sealed it closed, and began to read it. It was instructions to go to a tavern in San Xei. He decided to go, he went as the cover of a small merchant trying to make money in case it happened to be a trap.

There we go, I hope you like it.
I do a few assumptions, like all people in the air temples were air benders or old. Since that is what I remember it being really...

But yeah, open for feedback and will change things if needed.

 

[iThinkCat]

<spoiler=My character: Hayai Soyokaze>

Name: Hayai Soyokaze

Gender: Male

Age: 24

Element: Dormant

Skills:

• Master of Dual Short Swordsmanship.
  Persuasion
  Use of long range weapons, mostly needles
  Blend in to the shadows

Appearance: Hayai has large dark green eyes, his eyes dominate most of his face, because he wasn't an air bender, he was allowed to grow his hair. He chose to grow it, growing the gap between him and the other air benders. His hair grew wild, being cut oddly by the few people who could cut hair.

http://i693.photobucket.com/albums/vv294/lorenz-cute-04/Tsuna.jpg

The clothes he wore are orange in memory of everyone he ever knew, but don't look like the traditional air benders clothes. He wears long black pants, long enough to scrape lightly along the ground, so the bottom part is always covered in a fine amount of dirt, leaving it with a brown tinge. His shirt is a simple long sleeve orange top with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

His weapons are simple, he carries 2 short swords at his hip.
Hidden around his body are throwing needles, ready to be thrown with fair precision at any moment.

<spoiler=His swords>http://www.andreas.blicher.info/images/Short_Sword.jpg

Imagine two of them...

<spoiler=Needles>http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:WWH6QMuM04C6LM:http://http://current.com/http://www.lastingimpressions.com/graphics/stitching/needles.jpg&t=1

Personality: Hayai learnt a little of his personality from the air benders, but living with earth benders for many years, their customs began to grow on him. He acts Respectful and nice to people in private and in a small group when he gets to know them, but when in public he starts acting out. he becomes louder and demands to do most thing he can himself.

He is an Extrovert most of the time, trying to bring Joy in a slowly darkening world.

Background: Hayai was born in the Western Air Temple to 2 air bender parents. They had high hopes for him, both of his parents were high ranked skill full air benders. Unfortunately, he showed no signs of air bending. His parents did not know what to do, every one in the temples knew how to air bend, it was a cornerstone of their everyday life. They panicked for a while ,but still decided to do their best at raising him in the Temple like a normal child would.

It was obvious he was different to the rest of the children. Physically and mentally. His physique was the same, but since he was not an air bender, he had to let his hair grow out. While all of the other kids would be earning how to air bend, he would sit at the back of the class, or doing his own exploration of the temple.

When he was 10, one of the monks took pity on him. He found a large stick for him, and began to teach him basic sword-fighting. The stick turned out to be to large, so the monk snapped it in two, giving him both. He could only teach him so much, and by 12, he begun to teach himself. His hair grew fairly wild and un-groomed due to the lack of people knowing how to cut hair.

By 13, he had started to get tired of fighting shadows with his sticks, so he decided to learn something different. He picked up rocks, and started throwing them. His aim started terrible, but eventually he began to get better and better, able to hit his target from anywhere in the room. His mind wandered to see if he could hit a moving target, after a few weeks of repressing the thoughts, he decided to do it. While the others were practising air bending, he would sneak around, and throw a small stone at them, then hide. Repeating that process constantly.

For the next 5 years of his life, they were the only things keeping him sane. His 'friends' had all began to practise serious air bending ,and would go away weeks at a time, some treated him as low as a slave since he couldn't air bend. By the time he was 18, he had enough.

He packed his few meagre things, stole some of the expensive but not important items so he could stay alive, and left in search for a new place to live. He came across an Earth nation Town, and pawned the things he stole. With the money, he bought a house, and managed to live for a while. It dawned on him that he needed a job. He found a few small jobs, but none of them held, he was fired for incompetence or quit because he didn't like it. He eventually found a job as an apprentice merchant, where he would travel with him and haggle for the best goods.

He learnt quickly and started his own business soon after. He wasn't making the money that he wanted, so he sometimes resorted to extortion to make ends meet. After living comfortably for a fair while, a crazy man ran up to him, looking worried, he handed him a poster, whispered "Meet here" and sprinted off. Hayai was confused, but his curiosity got the better of him, and he went.

It turned out to be a resistance movement against the Fire Nation. He initially laughed at what they were talking about, but found himself drawn back into the fray time and time again. Eventually he was a member, and had started performing tasks for them.

It started off with simple things, a pawn in a large battle against Soldiers, but his missions quickly grew more intricate, having him sent to take out the leader, or hide far away and use paralysing needles to take out enemy infantry. After a very successful assassination of a fire nation captain, he returned to find a letter for him. He opened it quickly, ripping off the wax stamp that sealed it closed, and began to read it. It was instructions to go to a tavern in San Xei. He decided to go, he went as the cover of a small merchant trying to make money in case it happened to be a trap.

There we go, I hope you like it.
I do a few assumptions, like all people in the air temples were air benders or old. Since that is what I remember it being really...

But yeah, open for feedback and will change things if needed.

Okay, so I hate to do this, but I have to reject your entire background. It strays too far from canon. Here's why:

1. You are born in the Western Air Temple, the closest to the Fire Nation and the first to have been attacked. You character would have been 4 years old when the surprise invasion happened. It's very unlikely your character would have survived.

2. Due to Air Nomad teaching and their attempt to avoid worldly attachments, the parents do not actually raise their own children. The Western and Eastern Air Temples are female only and they collectively raise all Air Nomad children. Notice Aang never talks about having parents, but instead mentors.

3. Being an airbender has nothing to do with the monk ways of the Air Nomads. Just as a Buddist monk (the inspiration for the Air Nomads) would not judge someone based on what they CAN do, but on what they choose to DO. You would not have been ostracized just because you can't bend. The Air Nomads have just as many dormants as any other nation, which is at least over 50% of them. Also, this would mean you would not be prohibited from cutting your hair. Maybe since you've left the Air Nomad have you grown it out to hide your identity, but not while you were with them. An Air Nomad refusing to shave his head would be the same as an air bender refusing to bend. They are denying a part of themselves, which the monk ways teach you to be yourself. You are an Air Nomad, so you shave your head. It also symbolizes their belief in purity of body, mind, and spirit.

4. Again, in keeping with the monk ways, you would not have been taugh how to use a lethal weapon. They use staffs for a reason. You can easily find a stick to use as one and it's harder to kill someone with. Not to mention, it's circular swings emulate the wind.

5. Change "Ranged Weapons" to "Throwing Weapons". It makes it a little more specific.

6. By now you should be able to tell that your character no longer has any motivation to leave home. Meaning everything afterwards has to be remade pretty much. Also, why would a combative resitance recruit a simple merchant that hasn't displayed any talent for fighting? Were they just trying to recruit anyone, or did you somehow catch their eye?

Anyways, you can see there are quite a few problems with the character. It's well written and I'm glad to have a dormant character join the ranks, but it needs to go back to the drawing board. Sorry again, it's nothing personal.

 

[Dragon_of_red]

-snip-

Hmm... Well that sucks... Hard... Very hard...
Hmm, I'll try and make a new sheet... Though it may not be a dormant... It depends on what I decide my new guy will be like...

 

[iThinkCat]

-snip-

Hmm... Well that sucks... Hard... Very hard...
Hmm, I'll try and make a new sheet... Though it may not be a dormant... It depends on what I decide my new guy will be like...

That's fine, whatever you would like to be.

 

[meggles]

Spoiler: Character

Ok, so I hope this character is agreeable.
Name: Akemi Tomimori
Age: 21
Element: Spirit and water (spirit connection is so far unknown to her)
Skills: Water bending (rarely used)
Dagger
Mixed martial arts
Throwing needles
Cooking with few ingrediants (as nomad this has been necessary)

Appearance: Akemi is 5'2" and shapely. She has pale tanned skin, rosy, full lips and dark brown wavy hair which flows till her waist. She has large eyes framed with long black lashes, but she hiddes them with a long fringe and a bandage. She rarely shows them to anyone as they are so unusual. Her left eye is brown and speckled with gold while her right is a deep and stormy blue (this is to do with her spirit connection. The brown eye will develop to see the spirit world).
Her clothes are simple and are usually shades of grey blue and tattered brown. Not overly worried about appearances, Akemi often wears the clothes of a man, a longsleeved, thigh length tunic, a dark belt to hold her weapons and accessories, tight leggings and knee length brown boots.
Her small dagger is silver, with an intricate design with she created in resemblance of her mother water tribe engagement necklace.

Personality: Akemi is somewhat a loner. She is not shy, but she prefers to keep her oppinions to herself unless the situation makes it impossible to do so. Whilst being so introverted Akemi can be quite a witty and wryly character.
Akemi is used to living alone. Her 12 years alone have made her stubborn, strong and resilient, yet there is a soft element to her which she chooses to hide behind a tough facade. Just like her mother once did, Akemi has a caring personality, and though she endeavors to hide it she often gets too emotionally involved with the people she meets. Her heart is easily broken.

Background: Akemi was just 7 years old when the place she lived was attacked by rogue fire nation soldiers. Both her mother and her father were killed whilst protecting her. In the battle her father had urged her to run away. She did, and not once did she look back. The memory was too painful.
No one knows her full story as she travels around the earth kingdom, hiding her true nature (as a water bender) and searching dor a place she can belong, all the while infiltrating and causing trouble in any fire nation incampments she may find.
An unexpected letter sealed with a single waxen lotus has now sent her to the Rockslide Tavern in the small town of Xan Sei - Earth Kingdom

I hope this character is ok, it's my first character evrr ^_^ I really look forward to any feedback, I know I'll need it!

 

[Dragon_of_red]

<spoiler=New Character: Saari>Name: Saari

Gender: Male

Age: 24

Element: Fire

Skills:

• Fire bending
  Spear training.
  hand to hand Combat training
  Persuasion skills.
  Tactician

Appearance: Saari has let his hair grow out, leaving it fairly wild and untamed. It is a fairly dark colour, with a few hints of dark brown running through his hair. It is sectioned so he can easily see, but it can droop down and get in his face. His eyes are a dark red, sharp enough to scare away most people.

<spoiler=Everything barre the eyes and clothes>

His clothes are simple, he wears long baggy black pants, that scrape along the ground, leaving a hint of dirt always on the base of them. A simple red long sleeve shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows cover his torso. Around his hands, he wears tan bandages that wrap up his arms from the tip of his hands, Woven around each finger so he doesn't lose mobility, and up to his forearm to cover serious burns all up his arms.

Personality: Saari becomes hot headed very quickly, usually having his emotions rule his life and his actions. Not much holds him back, if he gets an idea in his mind, he will perform it as best as he can.

Background: Saari was born just before the war started, he can barely remember a time that they were not in war, only a few glimpses from his childhood. He joined the army after seeing heaps of propaganda, and many times shown how "barbaric" and "Dangerous" those other nations were. He and his generation was essentially brain washed to join the army as quickly as he could, which Saari did.

On his first day, he discovered he had the ability to fire bend, something that had alluded him in his past. He was taught how to control his fire bending sufficiently enough so that he wouldn't hurt himself or his comrades, then was shipped off to the nearest battle.

He fought side by side with fire nation soldiers for years, feeling no remorse for these people, being constantly fed orders from his superiors to perform his orders. But one day, after burning down an earth kingdom village, he heard screams and crying coming from one house. Gripping his spear tightly, he moved over towards where the noise was coming from, only to find an innocent young mother and her screaming child.

His emotions got the better of him and he slammed through the building, running in and saving the two burnt Earth villagers. As he let them go, they ran into a nearby forest, two of the fire nation soldiers saw it all, and began to attack Saari, tagging him as a "traitor". He ripped off his helmet and ran into the forest too, running away from his duties as a Fire nation soldier and as a fire nation citizen.

He caught up with the two, and escorted them to a nearby town. He waited while she stole clothes for him so he wouldn't be noticed as a fire nation person to quickly with his armour on.

he blended in as well as he could with the locals, quickly realising that they were not as bad as the fire nation made them seem. He wandered around for a few years, taking a few jobs here and there.

His meagre existence changed when a person from the resistance saw him doing some small fire bending, he was drunk and trying to impress people. The member quickly grabbed him while he was still drunk and took him to resistance. He was interrogated for ages, until finally they believed his story and realised that he was not a harm to any one.

Before leaving, he had a conversation with their leader, exclaiming how he felt bad for what he had done to this nation, and if there was any way for him to make amends. He replied that they lacked information, which cause Saari to spill all of his secrets about the Fire nation to him.

After his information helped win a few fights, he began helping them by planning out strategies for them to use, increasing their battle success rate.

After a few more victories, he found a wax sealed letter, after opening and reading, he left almost immediately to go to San Xei and the Rockslide Tavern.

Hopefully this time, I at least didn't stuff up completely... Probably a little bit, but hopefully not the entire thing...
P.S. Don't worry, this one is shorter...

 

[iThinkCat]

<spoiler=New Character: Saari>Name: Saari

Gender: Male

Age: 24

Element: Fire

Skills:

• Fire bending
  Spear training.
  hand to hand Combat training
  Persuasion skills.
  Tactician

Appearance: Saari has let his hair grow out, leaving it fairly wild and untamed. It is a fairly dark colour, with a few hints of dark brown running through his hair. It is sectioned so he can easily see, but it can droop down and get in his face. His eyes are a dark red, sharp enough to scare away most people.

<spoiler=Everything barre the eyes and clothes>

His clothes are simple, he wears long baggy black pants, that scrape along the ground, leaving a hint of dirt always on the base of them. A simple red long sleeve shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows cover his torso. Around his hands, he wears tan bandages that wrap up his arms from the tip of his hands, Woven around each finger so he doesn't lose mobility, and up to his forearm to cover serious burns all up his arms.

Personality: Saari becomes hot headed very quickly, usually having his emotions rule his life and his actions. Not much holds him back, if he gets an idea in his mind, he will perform it as best as he can.

Background: Saari was born just before the war started, he can barely remember a time that they were not in war, only a few glimpses from his childhood. He joined the army after seeing heaps of propaganda, and many times shown how "barbaric" and "Dangerous" those other nations were. He and his generation was essentially brain washed to join the army as quickly as he could, which Saari did.

On his first day, he discovered he had the ability to fire bend, something that had alluded him in his past. He was taught how to control his fire bending sufficiently enough so that he wouldn't hurt himself or his comrades, then was shipped off to the nearest battle.

He fought side by side with fire nation soldiers for years, feeling no remorse for these people, being constantly fed orders from his superiors to perform his orders. But one day, after burning down an earth kingdom village, he heard screams and crying coming from one house. Gripping his spear tightly, he moved over towards where the noise was coming from, only to find an innocent young mother and her screaming child.

His emotions got the better of him and he slammed through the building, running in and saving the two burnt Earth villagers. As he let them go, they ran into a nearby forest, two of the fire nation soldiers saw it all, and began to attack Saari, tagging him as a "traitor". He ripped off his helmet and ran into the forest too, running away from his duties as a Fire nation soldier and as a fire nation citizen.

He caught up with the two, and escorted them to a nearby town. He waited while she stole clothes for him so he wouldn't be noticed as a fire nation person to quickly with his armour on.

he blended in as well as he could with the locals, quickly realising that they were not as bad as the fire nation made them seem. He wandered around for a few years, taking a few jobs here and there.

His meagre existence changed when a person from the resistance saw him doing some small fire bending, he was drunk and trying to impress people. The member quickly grabbed him while he was still drunk and took him to resistance. He was interrogated for ages, until finally they believed his story and realised that he was not a harm to any one.

Before leaving, he had a conversation with their leader, exclaiming how he felt bad for what he had done to this nation, and if there was any way for him to make amends. He replied that they lacked information, which cause Saari to spill all of his secrets about the Fire nation to him.

After his information helped win a few fights, he began helping them by planning out strategies for them to use, increasing their battle success rate.

After a few more victories, he found a wax sealed letter, after opening and reading, he left almost immediately to go to San Xei and the Rockslide Tavern.

Hopefully this time, I at least didn't stuff up completely... Probably a little bit, but hopefully not the entire thing...
P.S. Don't worry, this one is shorter...

You're new character works out. I can't really find anything wrong with it. Thanks for changing it. Keep in mind, like I've told others, people that look like they are from the Fire Nation, or fire bend, will be treated very negatively at first sight.

 

[Xero Scythe]

Spoiler: Character Sheet

Name: Masamune

Gender: Male

Age: 27

Element: Spirit

Skills: Master Spirit Bender, Freerunning, Master Forger

Appearance: Standing at 5?11,? with raven black hair, Masamune has the kind of face you?re likely to forget- unless you look into his eyes. They say the eyes are the windows into the soul, and if so, one shudders at what those eyes the color of ice show. Masamune dresses in simple, loose robes that hang off his tan body, and are cut off at the shoulders as to not get in his way. He usually dresses in muted colors- gray, maybe a little black trim. Finally, a large backpack hangs on his shoulders, carrying everything Masamune needs to apply his craft.

Personality: Masamune is often vibrant and outgoing, and can be found surrounded with a group of newly-made friends, but at times can be introspective and reticent, occasionally breaking all contact with the human world to explore the Spirit Realm. Whenever Masamune sets himself to a task, he will pursue it to the end.

Background:
Fire. Such a simple little word, isn?t it? Four letters to describe something so voracious, so ravenous, that it will not stop until it has consumed everything in its path or has been consumed itself. So simple a term to depict so complex an entity.

Fire. It?s all Masamune remembers. As a child, Masamune?s father would always go to town to trade with the local Earth Kingdom Merchants. Whenever he came back, Masamune?s brothers and sisters would swarm him to see what he brought home. It was usually some gifts from the grateful families that Masamune?s father healed with his spiritbending, when no one else could. They did not have much, being farmers, but what they had, they made due with. And they were happy. It all ended with the smell of smoke. Masamune woke up, the acrid smell of smoke filling his entire body, cocooning him, suffocating him. His mother burst through the door, shielding Masamune and removing the smoke from his lungs with her waterbending. The other children were in the field and had died immediately, but Masamune could still be saved. His mother rushed him down into the basement, where she stood guard over him until the flames devoured her. Protected by the dying power of his mother?s spirit, Masamune sat in the basement, slowly starving, his only source of water an ashen pool. The house had collapsed, trapping him inside for a week before his cries were heard by his father?s friend, who came to see what had happened to Masamune?s family. He rescued Masamune and taught the child his trade, so that he might have something to feed himself with when the boy went out into the world. Masamune spent 19 years, honing his Spiritbending and mastering the art of the forge.

Masamune finally left his father?s friend and set out into the world, concerned only with revenge. For two years, Masamune assassinated heads of state and other high ranking Fire Nation officials with nary a scratch, each with a note over their lips with the characters for ?He who cries out without noise,? earning him the nickname ?The Silenced One.? Then, Masamune received the letter with that single White Lotus stamped on it. His heart stopped. He had been found out! He read the letter with shaking fingers, collapsing with relief at the message contents. He closed the letter, sealing inside a chemical used in his forge that would combust should it touch air, placed it at the bottom of his pack, and set off to San Xei.

Whew! Finished! Sorry for taking so long, my computer got hit with a virus and I had to do a system restore. Then I had to wait 3 hours for the damn thing to defrag itself, teaching me to do this a little more often. Enjoy.

 

[meggles]

Spoiler: Character try ^_^

Name: Akemi (snow ? she doesn?t usually use her real name)



Age: 21



Element: Spirit and water (spirit connection is so far unknown to her)



Skills: Water bending (rarely used)

Dagger

Mixed martial arts

Throwing needles

Cooking (natural talent to use few ingredients and make nice practical meal)



Appearance: Akemi is 5'2" and shapely. She has lightly tanned skin, full, rosy lips and dark brown wavy hair which flows down to her waist. She has large eyes framed with long black lashes, but she hides them with a long fringe and a tattered bandage. She rarely shows them to anyone as they are so unusual. Her left eye is brown and speckled with gold while her right is a deep and stormy blue (this is to do with her spirit connection. The brown eye will develop to see the spirit world).

Her clothes are simple and are usually shades of grey blue and tattered brown. Not overly worried about appearances, Akemi often wears the clothes of a man, a long-sleeved, thigh length tunic, a dark belt to hold her weapons and accessories, tight leggings and knee length brown boots.

Her small dagger is silver, with an intricate design with she created in resemblance of her mother water tribe engagement necklace.



Personality: Akemi is somewhat a loner. She is not shy, but she prefers to keep her opinions to herself unless the situation makes it impossible to do so. Whilst being so introverted Akemi can be quite a witty and wryly character.

Akemi is used to living alone. Her 12 years alone have made her stubborn, strong and resilient, yet there is a soft element to her which she chooses to hide behind a tough facade. Just like her mother once did, Akemi has a caring personality, and though she endeavours to hide it she often gets too emotionally involved with the people she meets. Her heart is easily broken.



Background: Akemi was just 7 years old when her home on the outskirts of the southern pole continent was attacked by a small band of fire nation soldier searching for water benders. Her parents, knowing that she was a bender hid her and urged her to run when she had the chance. In the battle which ensued her father was killed and her mother stolen. Akemi was forced to watch as her parents were torn away from her forever. Once the chance arose Akemi slipped from her hiding place and ran into the snowy landscape. Since that day she has repressed any memories of her childhood and has harboured a hatred for the fire nation.



Shrouded in mystery, and a long way from home, Akemi travelled to the Earth Kingdom to escape her past. Quickly learning that the world could be a dangerous place she found members of the Earth Kingdom villages she visited to teach her skills in defence and survival.



By the age of 16, Akemi had began to infiltrate and spy on fire nation encampments, claiming to be a blind beggar she was easily able to go un-noticed. As the years flew by, she became more and more involved in small rebel groups. She began spreading tales of the fire nation?s violent war and encouraging rebellious behaviour. Never staying in one place for long, it was easy enough for her to infiltrate and destroy small encampments and then escape to a far off village. Now at the age of 21, she is ready to go to war and fight those that stole her parents away from her.



Receiving an unexpected letter, sealed with a single waxen lotus Akemi is now sent to the Rockslide Tavern in the small town of Xan Sei - Earth Kingdom

Ok, so I didn?t quite like my first attempt, it was written at 12:29am so no real surprises there

Really looking forward to some feedback

 

[VuvuZelaMan]

SNIPPED TO ALLOW REFERENCE

As I continue to think of Riichi's character and post-defection experience, I wonder if I should drop the foraging point and make him a master of disguise. Not only would it be more effective, but it seems like someone who's spent most of their life having half of his ethnicity being the ostracized one should have developed more means to disguise that for the purposes of getting along.

Further, I'm starting to think Riichi might try to distance himself from the Fire Nation's ideals given they murdered his parents, and I see that going along better with more of a focus on disguise and subterfuge than well-roundedness and independent survivability. (Also, the fact that Riichi had to work to survive and then looted the Fire Nation supply lines makes the foraging point rather out of place.)

Any comments on this line of thought?

EDIT: Oh, and one more bit: Does "hidden wind/air" translate into (Pinyin) Chinese as "Qian Qi"? Just curious on that one; it has a double meaning that would relate to Riichi, and the Internet says that translates about right.