Aversion to Sex

[Nokturos]

Why fap to real women with body hair, wrinkles and skin imperfections when you can fap to fictional ones who are pretty much perfect?

If you don't want a girlfriend, I don't see the problem. If you do, you should probably try finding one who shares your reservations about actual sex.

 

[the doom cannon]

You guys are certainly not unusual. While I'm totally pro-sex I can understand the way you feel and I think we are beginning to see the elastic band effect of the over-sexualisation of Western culture. Given that sex is almost literally everywhere in the media and it has gone from "the most beautiful, natural thing a human can do" to more of a passtime it seems more and more people are becoming blasée about it and even totally not interested. Sex has lost virtually all it's mystique. It's like anything that's been shoved in our face long enough.

Whats hilarious about things specifically in America is that everything is so over sexualized, but actual sex is completely taboo and nobody touches it with a 10 foot pole. Unless it's a Trojan commercial.

 

[Izanagi009_v1legacy]

The second part doesn't sound that uncommon. The first part, kind of weirder.

Do you see yourself only dating anime characters in the future? Is this a problem for you? Because if anime/games is actually starting to warp your sense of reality, maybe you need to take a break for a while.

Like, I see teenage kids who are pretty awkward and have some wacky ideas about what guys/girls are supposed to be like because their only experience with the opposite sex is Sonic the Hedghog fanfiction or whatever, but that's not too surprising with kids. If it's bleeding into your adult life, and you don't think that's where you want to be in another ten years, you might want to consider doing some serious thinking about that.

I am in agreement with Ms. Alia here though I would word it a bit differently.

Yes, it seems that you like anime girls, whether it's to the level of the "waifu" (that word makes me vomit every time i type it) or not is not the issue here. The issue I would have is "do you see these anime characters as real?" as in do you think it is possible to find people like them. The long and short of it is a resounding no, they can be used as a sort of very loose template of the type you like but ultimately, every time you have a fantasy of "doing it" with one of them, you should cut it out and crush it as soon as possible before you fall too deep.

I fell that deep before and barely recovered so now I would advise that you find a way to make sure your sexual preferences are not highjacked by anime.

P.S. you can still like anime characters and anime itself, just don't let it enter your dreams and waking memories like I described.

 

[Chemical Alia]

The second part doesn't sound that uncommon. The first part, kind of weirder.

Do you see yourself only dating anime characters in the future? Is this a problem for you? Because if anime/games is actually starting to warp your sense of reality, maybe you need to take a break for a while.

Like, I see teenage kids who are pretty awkward and have some wacky ideas about what guys/girls are supposed to be like because their only experience with the opposite sex is Sonic the Hedghog fanfiction or whatever, but that's not too surprising with kids. If it's bleeding into your adult life, and you don't think that's where you want to be in another ten years, you might want to consider doing some serious thinking about that.

I don't see much of a difference. Virtual girls are inexpensive, don't argue, don't do...other things. In short, the only thing they lack is a sense of physical companionship, but, you know, you could just get a positive-minded dog for that. It's loving, always happy to see you, and it'll probably never hurt you (intentionally or unintentionally). The good ones even like to sit beside you and watch TV during relaxation hour.

You know, that's a really good point. I just carefully considered what you said, and I have to agree that cartoon characters and real women ARE basically the same exact thing. Thanks for clearing that up for me. c:

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

I have no real life advice. I won't pretend to be some kind of sage.

What I would suggest is actually having sex, if you haven't already. Be curious. Do some research.

 

[Eamar]

THERE ARE MAGGOTS INSIDE ALL OF US.

Ummm... no, there aren't. Worms and other such parasites, yes, but not maggots. Not unless something's gone horribly, horribly wrong. After death, flies lay their eggs mostly on the outside of the body and the maggots burrow their way inwards after they hatch.

I do agree that all bodily functions, sex included, are pretty gross if you think about them too much though. I mean, I love sex to the point that my friends jokingly call me a nympho, but even I've successfully freaked myself out by really thinking about the mechanics of it all a bit too much before now.

OT: I'm surprised at how many people are saying this is normal. I mean, it's not harmful (unless you don't want to be this way), but it isn't normal and I'd be reluctant to say deny that it's unhealthy without knowing a lot more about your situation. I know that'll probably be an unpopular stance among some people here, but believe me I have plenty of experience of retreating into fantasy and detaching myself from reality, and it sounds like there might be a bit of that going on here. I'd advise the OP to take a long hard, brutally honest look at the situation and make sure that's not what you're doing.

 

[Zen Bard]

You guys are certainly not unusual. While I'm totally pro-sex I can understand the way you feel and I think we are beginning to see the elastic band effect of the over-sexualisation of Western culture. Given that sex is almost literally everywhere in the media and it has gone from "the most beautiful, natural thing a human can do" to more of a passtime it seems more and more people are becoming blasée about it and even totally not interested. Sex has lost virtually all it's mystique. It's like anything that's been shoved in our face long enough.

I was going to write something along these lines, but Programmed For Damage did it better than I ever could.

Although, I'll add that another component of this are the completely unrealistic images that the media constantly shoves in our faces.

This is nothing new as the old Playboy and Sport's Illustrated Swimsuit Issues used to airbrush any and all blemishes off the models. But now with Photoshop, it's possible to literally manipulate an image into something so idealized, there's no way reality can even compare.

So sure, if you spend a lot of your sexually formative years being exposed to the type of pictures embedded in the post, a natural human body is sure to be somewhat disappointing by comparison. Especially if you can "Use your imagination" to relieve your sexual tension.

But trust me on this...the real thing is WAY better than one's imagination in ways that one cannot even, well...imagine!

P.S. Fantasies are okay, too. Every so often if I'm away from home and I get the urge, I will imagine my wife in a Harley Quinn costume...

 

[Phasmal]

OT: I'm surprised at how many people are saying this is normal. I mean, it's not harmful (unless you don't want to be this way), but it isn't normal and I'd be reluctant to say deny that it's unhealthy without knowing a lot more about your situation. I know that'll probably be an unpopular stance among some people here, but believe me I have plenty of experience of retreating into fantasy and detaching myself from reality, and it sounds like there might be a bit of that going on here. I'd advise the OP to take a long hard, brutally honest look at the situation and make sure that's not what you're doing.

It's not exactly normal, but I wouldn't say it was unheard of, especially among guys in nerdy circles.
I'm trying to word this in a way that's not gonna get anybody mad, lol.

As for whether it's unhealthy or not, I dunno. If you're really happy being on your own and placing your affection onto things, then it's not unhealthy, as long as you recognise it for what it is. If it makes you feel sad, then it probably is.
I don't wanna be one of those people who is like `You must have relationship or you're not really happy!`.

 

[Someone Depressing]

Honestly, sex is gross. There are the smells, the sweat, the fact that hygeinic people can get disturbed by it, people taking it too seriously, no love in the relationships, the general awkwardness, the fact that when getting oral sex, people think that eating chocolate will make it taste like chocolate but chocolate actually makes it taste horrible... (White+chocolate=Milk chocolate, apparently)

Sex is always glorified in media. There's the fact that most artists, despite their stylysised drawing style, make their female characters just look silly, among so many things.

I suppose, to a certain degree, that media has put most people off of sex in general. I mean... you have your waifu.

 

[Eamar]

It's not exactly normal, but I wouldn't say it was unheard of, especially among guys in nerdy circles.

Agreed, but I do think a lot of the time people overestimate how representative nerd culture/the internet is. I'm certainly not trying to say it's wrong or anything, just warning that if you step outside certain nerdy internet circles people are probably going to be... less understanding.

Again, not saying that's a good thing at all, but I don't think it's fair to mislead someone into thinking this is normal or even something most people will have heard of.

As for whether it's unhealthy or not, I dunno. If you're really happy being on your own and placing your affection onto things, then it's not unhealthy, as long as you recognise it for what it is. If it makes you feel sad, then it probably is.
I don't wanna be one of those people who is like `You must have relationship or you're not really happy!`.

Oh, I absolutely didn't mean to imply that OP has to have/want a relationship! I hope that didn't come across :/

I'm just saying that there are times when retreating into fantasy/entertainment, to the point where you prefer to "be around" fictional characters can go beyond simple escapism and become a sign of a problem. For me, it happens when I'm very depressed (and sometimes when I'm manic, though less often), but it can often be a creeping thing that I don't notice until it's been going on for a while.

Totally not meaning to project my own issues onto the OP, but again, I would ask him to ask himself "am I saying I prefer fictional characters to real women because I really mean it, or is there something more going on? Is this really about avoidance, underconfidence, fear, resentment, loneliness, control..?"

 

[Colour Scientist]

Asexuality seems to be the correct term. It extends to the lack of interest in sex and the results therein. I did think it was basically "you don't have any sort of love related feelings" but you can have romantic, sexless relationships if you are asexual and still have feelings of love.

OP has sexual desires, sexual attractions and is interested in sex, just not with real girls.
Choosing to abstain from sex because you think it will be gross is not the same as having no interest in it or not having any sexual desires.

 

[Phasmal]

Agreed, but I do think a lot of the time people overestimate how representative nerd culture/the internet is. I'm certainly not trying to say it's wrong or anything, just warning that if you step outside certain nerdy internet circles people are probably going to be... less understanding.

Again, not saying that's a good thing at all, but I don't think it's fair to mislead someone into thinking this is normal or even something most people will have heard of.

Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if it was something everyone had heard of HERE, but it's not an everyday thing, and some people would get... weirded out.

Oh, I absolutely didn't mean to imply that OP has to have/want a relationship! I hope that didn't come across :/

Nah, that was just me pre-emptively addressing my own bias. I like being in relationships, so a stupid part of my brain tends to look at single people and go `aw I wish they had someone`, even if they don't particularly care either way.

I'm just saying that there are times when retreating into fantasy/entertainment, to the point where you prefer to "be around" fictional characters can go beyond simple escapism and become a sign of a problem. For me, it happens when I'm very depressed (and sometimes when I'm manic, though less often), but it can often be a creeping thing that I don't notice until it's been going on for a while.

Totally not meaning to project my own issues onto the OP, but again, I would ask him to ask himself "am I saying I prefer fictional characters to real women because I really mean it, or is there something more going on? Is this really about avoidance, underconfidence, fear, resentment, loneliness, control..?"

Absolutely, I do believe that the OP should address the reasons behind this.
I think everyone's guilty of over-escapism at some point or another, you just have to ask yourself why.

 

[Jenvas1306]

It seems that there are cetain social circles where its totally normal to rather be with a fictional character than with an actual human being.
I cant say that I think its wrong, but I do think its bad for the person in question.
Fictional characters wont let you down, wont lie to you, wont hurt or betray you. Those are all things you risk happening to you if you deal with real people, but real people can also give you so much more than any made up character can ever provide.
But its not about body parts and looks and that shallow stuff, once you find someone with whom you just click you figure out that looks dont matter as much as an actual emotional-mental connection.
But to find such a person you need to take a lot of risks and that is scary. In our time where people drift appart more and more, all sitting alone infront of their screens, it gets difficult to deal with those risks and I do understand that.

(btw, yes sex is gross, like most bodyfunctions, but if you are involved with the right person, it doesnt matter)

 

[Paragon Fury]

Okay, a lot to go through here.

- I don't think its asexuality. I still have sexual fantasies and desires. Its just that I can't see myself ever doing them or being able to enjoy them, much less have the other person enjoy them. Its whole mess of things; like, say, oral. Evenif my girlfriend offered....I don't think I could. Too many questions like "Why would she do it?" and "Is it really right to let her even if she wants to if I wouldn't be willing to return the favor?" And of course this is secondary to the issue of finding naked (real) people a bit unsettling as mentioned.

- I don't remember WHEN exactly it began that I liked anime/video game characters over real women. But it was really early. I left public school really early (5th grade) because I was constantly picked on bullied by everyone including girls. I transferred to all an ally-male middle/high school and stayed there until I graduated. While I was in middle school/high school there were rarely, if any women. The only ones I remember are adults - teachers etc. I was also the quiet, nerdy kind of kid; I would've played D&D......if I had any friends to play with.

So I spent most of my time playing video games, watching anime and reading (manga, books, comics and the like. I was a voracious reader when I was younger).

Though I don't remember exactly WHEN it was, but I DO remember the first time I ever found something really HOT and attractive. -By the way Phasmal, this is the time where if you have a special place to squick out, you might want to head there now -

It was a picture of Sailor Jupiter. I was younger - no older than middle school - and was just browsing pictures on the internet because I was bored and my parents were out to dinner. It was obviously fanart, but it was really well done and I thought it could've been done by the real artist to the show.

Jupiter basically had the body of Kazehana (the woman from the second picture, in the purple dress) but slightly more normal. Slightly. In a green bikini on the beach, just sitting there eating a popsicle. Its the first time in my mind I can recall that I ever saw a woman - real or otherwise - and thought it was sexually attractive, not just pretty or "she's cute, I guess". Until then I guess I had just seen relatively tame stuff like you would see on Toonami or Adult Swim (and yes, I snuck out at night to watch that. Spike, Faye and the rest of the Bebop were worth it).

But I never really saw, interacted with or hard idea of "real women". I remember sneaking a peak at classmate's Playboy's and Maxim's but never really being impressed or finding anything to like. While other kids were looking at those I was reading, watching and playing things like:

Spoiler

And that first one, Battle Vixens? I'm pretty sure that is the first place I ever saw a nipple (it was that or the Hot Spring Episode of 08th MS Team when Shiro stumbles upon the rebel girl taking a bath). It was the book that I got the first idea that people actually used their mouth for sex-related things from.

I guess it didn't get any better when I got to college; because I went to college somewhere where the ratio of men to women was 8:1. And a significant portion of the men there.....well lets just say there were the kind of men who take up being an astronaut as part time job between being studly and their normal, super-interesting career. So not only were there very few girls who the first place.......but they were all busy vying for the attention of future business, military and government leaders (seriously. My school had a whole wing dedicated to all the heroic and impressive things graduates have done. I think there were 7 Medal of Honor recipients if memory serves).

Little old me, with his interest mainly in video games and other nerdy things who can't even drive didn't stand a chance.

- I don't know that I don't like real women. Its just that so few seem to do anything for me; I just don't know. Most of the the time when I say a real woman is "attractive" I can't say it personally....like I'm describing something that could be attractive because all the parts that make it up are attractive, but putting them together just doesn't start anything for me (most of the time).

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

I do think it's unnatural that a straight, young and mentally healthy male can be attracted to cartoon drawings, but not to an attractive real woman.

I think it's a case of Fox and Grapes. You know the fable about the fox who, try as he might, cannot reach the tasty looking grapes hanging from a tree and so in the end he shrugs and walks away, saying "They're not ripe anyway"? Same deal here. You spend enough time desiring something without actually getting it, in the end you're likely to tell yourself it was no good anyway. I don't know if it's "normal", but it's natural for the brain to sort out cognitive dissonances like that. Back on topic, a dude spends his entire life without getting any, he winds up short-cutting to the part where he's not attracted to "real women" anymore - just the ones that are instantly unattainable. Saves on energy and disappointment.

 

[Bellvedere]

I'm of the opinion that sex really isn't all that interesting unless you're involved - then it's awesome. Seeing displays of heavy public affection, hearing your housemate(s), thinking of real people together, is all pretty unappealing for many people. Even porn is a performance for the viewer, so it's made with the viewers involvement (watching) in mind - even then a lot of it can be pretty terrible and many people dislike it as a whole anyway.

As for the fake girls, well there is the fact that they're flawless and have idealized figures that no real human could ever hope to compete with. There's also the fact that they're safe. They're not real, they can't hurt you, they're not going to be upset that you fantasize about them, they don't have any needs and aspirations so you never have to feel guilty about "objectifying" them, and you can enjoy them endlessly. Given the fact that you can say that cos-players are hot (who are disguised as a fictional identity), that would make me think it's the later rather than (entirely) that you've become addicted to an unrealistic ideal. I've never really fantasied about real people either but that doesn't mean anything in terms of me being attracted to real people I meet and having romantic relationships.