Awake

[SnucklesMan]

Awake

Awake i lie
staring at the stars
so many
stars
beautiful and powerful
just like you
you are at home in bed
sleeping soundly
snuggled up under
your warm
blanket
but im lying here
thinking of you
dreaming of you
writing these things
attempting to
calm
my
mind
but i fail
i miss you
so dearly
i wish you could give me
just one
chance
to prove
that i am
different
not like the ones who hurt you
who broke you
and left you
dead on the ground
not like the ones who lied to you
decieved you
and left you
without a friend
not like them
when theyleft you dead
i revived you
when they left you friendless
i listened to you
they don't love you
they used you
im not like them
im different
i care
for you
i want you to feel
s a f e
and warm
in my arms
when the wind blows
and swirls around us
but i know
that this is just a pipe dream
for you do not love me
and you never will
its ok
im numb to the pains
of rejected
love
though they attempt to burn me
i am now fireproof
fireproof
from all the hate
fireproof
from all the heartbreak
fireproof
from all the lies
and fireproof
from all the tears
rolling
down my cheeks
as i lie
once more
awake

tell me what you think

 

[Julianking93]

Interesting....

I like it.

But wouldn't this count as self promotion or trolling perhaps?

 

[gim73]

That's a hell of a run on sentence! Is it supposed to be sung, or is it just some emo mourning?

 

[Tom5672]

That?s the most pretentious thing I've read since Bono's Nobel Prize acceptance speech

 

[Omikron009]

That poem is too long and not very good. Welcome to the escapist!

 

[Dark Knifer]

Interesting choice for a first post... Hope your other post are a bit better, unless your a troll, in that case leave now and never return.

 

[SnucklesMan]

love you guys

 

[SnucklesMan]

i got a shorter one too

i like big boobies
they make me smile
wont you stay around
and let me touch them for a while?

 

[SnucklesMan]

this is a second account so this is NOT my first post but my friend got my other one permabanned.

im just looking for a little honest feedback. sorry if i bothered you

 

[SnucklesMan]

i didnt know where else to go for feedback since its 5 in the morning.

 

[SnucklesMan]

and why pretentious. you could say its bad. you dont have to insult me. oi actuyally want to know wat ppl think

 

[SnucklesMan]

i actually*

 

[SnucklesMan]

but i guess ill be asking on the bungie forums. since that seemed to work last time.

 

[SnucklesMan]

I don't mean to offend you Mr. Grammar Nazi

 

[Weaver]

It's almost 4am and I can't sleep lol.

 

[NeutralDrow]

i got a shorter one too

i like big boobies
they make me smile
wont you stay around
and let me touch them for a while?

This one needs far more attention to meter. It reads much too awkwardly.

In fact, I recommend avoiding freeform altogether. It takes someone with the right touch and humor to elevate rambling to poetry, like Billy Collins or Robert Frost.

 

[SnucklesMan]

ME TOO! That's why I'm posting but peeps be hatin. lol