Bad Jokes?

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Kif

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An infectious disease walks into a bar, the bar man says 'Sorry, we don't serve diseases here' the disease replies 'you are a terrible host'.
 

Uberpig

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Terrorists have planted bombs in tins of Alphabet Spaghetti. If they go off, it could spell disaster.
 

FallenJellyDoughnut

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sammyi19 said:
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
Good ol' Wadsworth.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks "How much for a drink here?" to which the bartender responds "For you? No charge"
 

Allstar309

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Q: Why did the boy fall of his bike?

A: Because his mom threw a fridge at him!


A man was walking down the road... And then he walked back. THE END

ROFL
 

pernastin

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Insert Comedy Here said:
Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?

It was waving at the first koala
I've only heard that one with the punchline "It was stapled to the first one."

One of my personal favourites when it comes to this sort of thing is the following: Two men were walking on a street, the middle one wore a hat.

Or maybe a good old non sequitur like: So this guy walked into a hardware store and asked the salesman: "You got any nails?" The salesman replied: "Sorry, 'mafraid we're fresh out of those." To which the man answered: "No problem, my uncle wears a cap too."
 

orangeapples

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backstory: I was camping with some of my friends.

my friend points at a sleeping bag and goes, "shhh. It's sleeping."

We were cracking up and between laughs someone would say, "it wasn't even that funny."

it really wasn't funny at all.
 

Twofo

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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. ;)
 

Rancid0ffspring

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Lothae said:
Snail goes into a Ferrari dealership and asks the salesman for his fastest car.
Salesman asks the snail "So, why are you buying a Ferrari anyway? Don't you snails like to take it slow?"
Snail replies "Nah, I just want people to point and say (as I ride by) "Look at that S-Car-go!"

:D
Thats a Carlton joke isn't it? I never got it D:
 

Penemue

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Nov 26, 2009
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There's two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says "You man the guns, I'll drive."
 

A Random Reader

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Nov 18, 2009
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A panda walks into a bar orders a sandwich,eats it, pulls out a pistol and fires one shot into the air.

A confused waiter asked "why did you do that?"

The panda sighs and tosses over a wildlife manual saying "I'm a panda, look it up"

The waiter looks up panda and reads "panda, large black and white mammal. eats,shoots and leaves.
 

Kif

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Pararaptor said:
Kif said:
An infectious disease walks into a bar, the bar man says 'Sorry, we don't serve diseases here' the disease replies 'you are a terrible host'.
Wouldn't that work better with a parasite?
You know what, you're right it does... I should find the science lecturer I heard it from and tell him. Though, it did follow a virus related joke, so perhaps it was just a natural leap.

Here's another... An infrared photon walks into a bar and says 'is it hot in here or is it just me?'
 

LordBag

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Jan 10, 2008
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Long one, with lots of bad words so not sure if this fits under the "bad" tag, but judge for yourselves ;_;

An out of work pianist with Tourettes syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho, one unemployed afternoon.

Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the wind, "Pianist wanted for evening performances".
"Fucking get in there you ****!", he says to himself and goes to the bar.

"Get the fucking manager of this pig-shit middle class wankhole please, you ****", he says to a somewhat startled barman.
The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. "Can I help you sir?"

"Yes you can you fat piece of shit, I saw your poxy advert in the cunting window and I'm here to audition. Wanker!"

The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner, but his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition.

The first tune the pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries, "Wonderful, wonderful! What was that called?"

"That song, you big nosed twat, was called 'Excuse me, Prime Minister, but I just jizzed in your daughter's eye and now the **** is blind'."

"Oh", says the manager, "er, can you play me another? Something a little less lively?"

"Wanker!" interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad which leaves the manager in tears. Through his salty teardrops, he asked him the title. "That little number was called 'Sometimes when you do a bird up the shitbox you get crap on your bell end'."

"I see", said the manager, "have you any songs with less offensive titles?"

"Well there's my jazz number 'Do you want me to split your ringpiece', or there's the epic 'I don't care if you're older my dear, you've still got gorgeous jugs'."

"Look", says the manager interrupting, "I think you're a superb pianist, but the titles of your songs are a little racy. I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience."

"Fuck it", said the pianist. "Why not?"

On his first night, everything is going superbly; the crowd are lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being perceived as modesty. The only thing putting him off is that in the front row there is a gorgeous blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage.

During the interval the pianist has such a stonking hard-on, that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out.

Just as he's shot his load, he hears himself being re-introduced over the PA, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act.

After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him. "Hi", she says in a sultry voice.
"Hello", he winces, trying hard to hold in the expletives.

She leans over and whispers in his ear, "Do you know your cock is hanging out of your trousers and cum is dribbling onto your shoes?"

"Know it?", says the pianist putting his beer onto the bar confidently...

"I fucking wrote it".
 

HT_Black

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How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch'n'sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb? Two-- one to change the bulb, and the other to hold the peni--I MEAN LADDER.
 

Azmael Silverlance

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Oct 20, 2009
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badgersprite said:
"Wha's tha'?" he asks, more than a little intimidated by the monster.

Feeling rather smug that he's managed to shut this Scotsman up, the lodge owner proudly replies, "That is a Canadian moose."

The Scotsman stares at him in disbelief, wide-eyed. "Bullshit." He mutters, shaking his head, but the Canadian doesn't say a word, just smirking. The Scottish bloke scratches his head in amazement, and says, "Laddie, if that's a moose, then I'd hate ta see yer cats."


Badum tish.
I dont get the ending....that means the cat is gona be huge or very small? :O