Bag of useless objects

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Eponet

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Nov 18, 2009
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Many people versed in D&D know of the infamous bag of tricks, which produces various small animals that are rarely of any help. Refining this down to a conceptual form, you get the much more generic "Bag of useless objects".

So, what would you have produced in this bag?
 

Julianking93

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May 16, 2009
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A Nintendo Wii and the 12 Xbox 360s I've had to spend money on...

Fuck you, Bill Gates. Why can't you just make something that works properly?
 

Naheal

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Sep 6, 2009
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"Bag of Useless Objects" is a minor magical item in my campaigns.

One of the possibilities is a Ring of Invisibility (The ring itself is invisible and bestows no actual benefits to the wearer). There's an intelligent pair of Boots of Elvenkind that yell "SNEAKY SNEAKY SNEAKY" whenever the player begins to sneak around.
 

Timotei

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Apr 21, 2009
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In my bag of useless objects I would have a miserable pile of secrets.

But enough talk...
 

Steppin Razor

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Dec 15, 2009
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Timotei said:
In my bag of useless objects I would have a miserable pile of secrets.

But enough talk...
Have at you!

On topic: My bag will contain one of my former friends we used to play Dark Heresy with. He was the very definition of useless.
 

Daniel_Rosamilia

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Jan 17, 2008
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My Mario Kart Wii CD, my sister, some dude at my school and the weather at the moment (Australian nights in summer = HUMID).
 

smearyllama

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May 9, 2010
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Julianking93 said:
A Nintendo Wii and the 12 Xbox 360s I've had to spend money on...

Fuck you, Bill Gates. Why can't you just make something that works properly?
Because then he wouldn't have an instant revenue machine.

OT: A broken GBA. If it's actually broken, then it's probably beyond hope by now.
(It's funny because you can't break a GBA, no matter what you do to it!)
A cat, adorable and funny, but ultimately useless (barncats are useful, but they're not really cats... they're ubercats.
 

enriel

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Oct 20, 2009
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My bag would produce nothing, for all objects can be extremely deadly if Turkish Defense is properly utilized.
 

dariuskyne

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Oct 28, 2009
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a group i played with had a bag like this in a dragonlance campaign that was carried around by the kender of the party.

kender bag (magical) works like a bag of holding however items put into it are "lost" and "replaced" with items on table unless otherwise noted, also the opening will widen to accomidate items being put into or taken out of the bag.

percentile (2d10 one is the "tens" or "high" number)

01 half a rat
02 timble (wooden)
03 pancake (syrup sodden)
04 thread (not on a spool, 2 meters long, red.)
05 copper piece (from "badguy" territory)
06 wooden ring (knapkin ring)
07 four leaf clover
08 spoon (plain wooden)
09 spool of twine (30ft. will hold about 10 lbs before snapping)
10 marble (glass, green)
11 purple cloth (3ft square)
12 item placed into bag earlier
13 moldy food (cake, frosted?)
14 candle burnt at both ends (will last about 1 hour if used)
15 glass vial (unknown substance, 50% chance of either healing potion or poision of dm's choice)
16 floor tile (black marble, 1ft square)
17 other half of rat
18 dagger (wooden)
19 ring (copper, non magical, plain)
20 rope (5ft)
21 blackjack
22 fork (silver, ornate, likely missing from local lord's collection)
23 item placed in bag earlier today (only today) otherwise, unleavened bread 1 piece
24 squirrel (alive, irate, annoyed, pissed off, grey)
25 9ft long pole
26 wooden helmet
27 leather breastplate
28 green boots (small, non-magical)
29 woman's corset
30 3ft length of heavy chain
31 full bolt of wool cloth (moth eaten)
32 grey cloak (human sized, non-magical)
33 small metal box containing a deck of many things (minor artifact, box is locked)
34 fork (wooden decorative)
35 marble (glass, red)
36 gem 1gp value
37 ornate wooden box containing moldy grain
38 ceramic plate (plain)
39 pieces of parchment (reciept for shipment of weapons)
40 piece of wood 2ft long
41 wooden block (6inches square oak)
42 piece of parchment with strange writing on it. "thanks for all the fish".
43 whole rat (dead)
44 clothing (jester's motley)
45 juniper berries in a small leather pouch
46 large furry ball (giant's hairball)
47 jar with unknown contents (fish guts)
48 jar with unknown contents (alchemist's fire)
49 bag containing unspun wool
50 one plush beholder (actual size!)
51 gold coin (ancient lost empire nobody will allow it's use since it's "old" and should be appraised by a collector.)
52 deck of cards (normal)
53 mirror of soul trapping
54 beholder's eyestalk (paralyze, active)
55 belt buckle
56 small box of unknown contents (snuff)
57 bottle of unknown contents (tomato sauce)
58 purple bath robe (fuzzy)
59 feather boa (pink)
60 fan (paper)
61 marble (pale blue, ioun stone)
63 ornate brooch (scarab, fake, costume jewlery)
64 charcoal (1 piece)
65 turtleshell comb (broken)
66 adamantine needle (never breaks!)
67 bottle containing oil (bath oil, lilac)
68 almost empty bottle of perfume (bulette musk)
69 dirty painting (as in mud encrusted and ruined)
70 half of cookie
71 one walnut
72 pigeon (alive flies away after let out)
73 beholder's eyestalk (disintigrate, active)
74 bottle of unknown contents (black pudding)
75 glass bottle with small ship inside
76 hourglass (small 1 minute)
77 one silver piece
78 box containing dust (litch dust)
79 severed finger (fresh)
80 left boot (dwarven make)
81 small pouch containing glass marble of various colors (open)
82 shirt (black cotton)
83 chainmaille loincloth
84 copper cup
85 bowl (wooden)
86 nothing
87 cask of ale (cheap)
88 flower (lilly, dried and pressed)
89 tavern sign (mermaid motif)
90 tentpole (just one)
91 walking stick (elm)
92 one piton
93 one displacer beast (alive, irate, pissed off, will attack)
94 one dried fish (salmon)
95 glass beaker (empty)
96 femur bone (gnawed on)
97 magnifying lens
98 wooden box containing a wasp nest (active)
99 small cart wheel (2ft round)
00 dm's choice