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I think the problem's on your end. I'm not having issues. Here's the main link I got them from: http://snopes.com/college/exam/chemistry.aspFROGGEman2 said:All I see are angry green faces.thebobmaster said:
Not to the level of IdealistCommi, but I thought they were good.
Well, I once had a math teacher who was particularly personal with her tests, and she always worded her questions like "Can you" and "What would you say" and the like. I only abused them once each, so the novelty didn't wear thin, but I always answered "Yes" to the "can you" ones and something absurd to the "what would you say" ones.
Then there was one essay I had to do from the perspective of a french settler in early Canada. Speaking fluent french, I wrote mine in french, for authenticity. My teacher couldn't speak french, and the online translators he tried just gave him gibberish, so he gave me a 95% and told me not to pull that again.
And another time, I was supposed to write a letter from the point of view of a medieval peasant. I was having a bit of a bad day, so I just wrote down "Medieval peasants were illiterate." and handed that in. I got a 90% on it.
Then there was one essay I had to do from the perspective of a french settler in early Canada. Speaking fluent french, I wrote mine in french, for authenticity. My teacher couldn't speak french, and the online translators he tried just gave him gibberish, so he gave me a 95% and told me not to pull that again.
And another time, I was supposed to write a letter from the point of view of a medieval peasant. I was having a bit of a bad day, so I just wrote down "Medieval peasants were illiterate." and handed that in. I got a 90% on it.
I was once asked to find an answer in terms of pi. After a bit of math, I concluded with the answer, 'cherry'.
I can only see green faces as wellthebobmaster said:I think the problem's on your end. I'm not having issues. Here's the main link I got them from: http://snopes.com/college/exam/chemistry.aspFROGGEman2 said:All I see are angry green faces.thebobmaster said:
Not to the level of IdealistCommi, but I thought they were good.
EDIT: oops double post, sorrrrrrry
I've got loads here:
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U (What the f***???)
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U (What the f***???)
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
In my GCSE chemistry there was a question in which an imaginary woman states that all chemicals are bad for you. It then asks 'She is wrong. Why'. I wrote 'She is a woman' crossed it out with a single line so it could still be read and then procceed to answer it properly.
For music I didn't know an answer but the markscheeme always has 'Any other valid point' so this is what I wrote.
I still got A* in both though.
For music I didn't know an answer but the markscheeme always has 'Any other valid point' so this is what I wrote.
I still got A* in both though.
Honestly, sometimes I get bored when writing essays and exams and write stupid things. Its not like they can mark me down most of the time. Just today I wrote an essay with an allusion to Batman in it and tried to make innuendo in a mock exam ("the participants will be aroused by this act.") I once wrote an English paper that had several references to the song "I Am The Walrus" and got an A*, which probably didn't send the right message.
I love things like this, anyhow. The opening post is one of the best I've come across.
I love things like this, anyhow. The opening post is one of the best I've come across.
I was doing an exam in a language which I barely understand and I got a question which translates out to "When (I don't know the name... lets call him Bill) took away (same story, I'll call him Stan)'s money, what did he spend it on". (Note: Hansa is a type of beer) I knew the rough answer to the question, he's spent it on alcohol, so I said "Hy het a Hansa gekoop" (He brought a Hansa). I ended up getting it right AND it was in my end of year exams. We all though that was pretty funny.
I heard a story about a potential Cambridge University applicant, who arrived at his interview and was prompted, somewhat rudely, with the challenge "Surprise me". The interviewer then takes out a newspaper and begins reading. The Interviewee took out his lighter and set the newspaper on fire. He got in.
Not really an exam, don't know if it's true, don't care about either, it's awesome.
Not really an exam, don't know if it's true, don't care about either, it's awesome.
Ah, how I love Cyanide and Happiness.AnarchistAbe said:
I pulled the "death" card once.CrazT said:
I didn't get the mark though. My teacher was a smoker.
