Best way to come out...

[Neko Pounce]

Yeah, I'm that guy that really liked that girl who i refered to as a bit of whore... Yeah, That's all settled.
Let me explain something, The was about a week of my life where i did a lot of experimenting and... needless to say, I found out a lot about myself.
My point is, I am infact, Gay.
But... I Have a very homophobic family, My mum and "Step-dad" (Who hates me anyway) are both against gays and blacks. As are my grand parents.
...
What am i ment to do, really? It's not like i'll be bringing my lover home with me and stuff ( not that i have one, or ever will... But thats another thing)

Yeah, Advise anyone? Should i just not say anything?

 

[spartan1077]

If whoever you are going to come out to will not accept you, then don't do it. It may seem like a real big thing to come out as a homosexual or a bisexual or a pansexual, but it'd center you out to your parents. Unless they come out to you as heterosexuals, don't feel pressured to come out to them.

 

[Cupid]

Why do gay people (or most/some gay people) feel the need to 'come out' anyway? To me, someones sexual preference is not anyones business, I mean, I don't even care to know which of my own friends or family are gay. I guess I don't care that much.

 

[dmase]

If you are at least partially flamboyant they already "know" they are just in as much denial as you where. Its something to get them out of slowly if thats the case. Some parents have the ability to get over there bigotry based on the person you are not what your classified as. My parents are both hardline conservatives and I'm a liberal. Me and my dad have practically cussed one another out over politics before, we don't talk to each other for an hour and then we eat dinner like nothing ever happened.

 

[Neko Pounce]

My parents are both hardline conservatives and I'm a liberal. Me and my dad have practically cussed one another out over politics before, we don't talk to each other for an hour and then we eat dinner like nothing ever happened.

Yay politics, sepirateing familys since... forever.

 

[The Stonker]

Yeah, I'm that guy that really liked that girl who i refered to as a bit of whore... Yeah, That's all settled.
Let me explain something, The was about a week of my life where i did a lot of experimenting and... needless to say, I found out a lot about myself.
My point is, I am infact, Gay.
But... I Have a very homophobic family, My mum and "Step-dad" (Who hates me anyway) are both against gays and blacks. As are my grand parents.
...
What am i ment to do, really? It's not like i'll be bringing my lover home with me and stuff ( not that i have one, or ever will... But thats another thing)

Yeah, Advise anyone? Should i just not say anything?

Okay on the lover thing, *punch* you're probably a nice chap and don't look so down upon your self.
Second of all, there is no "right" way, but if they are violent and they could throw you out then it might be for the best to wait until you've moved out of the house.

 

[Rylot]

family, My mum and "Step-dad" (Who hates me anyway) are both against gays and blacks. As are my grand parents.

So Show Tunes and a gold sequined outfit would be a bad idea? Alas, I'd have to agree with everyone who has advised you to not say anything. It sucks but so would getting kicked out of your house.

 

[Ziadaine_v1legacy]

Why do gay people (or most/some gay people) feel the need to 'come out' anyway? To me, someones sexual preference is not anyones business, I mean, I don't even care to know which of my own friends or family are gay. I guess I don't care that much.

Because it hurts them to hide their feelings and who they are, people who surpress it due to family reasons like OP for alot of their life go thru hell itself. Stress, anxiety, depression etc. Obviously coming out in your situation isn't easy, and I wouldn't recommend it unless you have a backup place to stay just in case. It's unlikely but familes have been known to kick their children out due to their sexual orientation as sadly, they still have their beliefs from back in the 60/70's with the stupid theory that "Gays are the source of STI's and AIDS."

Make sure you keep talking to your friends, as they're going to be that pillar of strength in your life to help you move on if bad things happen, and if it helps, here's a link to a few fact sheets. (FYI I'm a Youth Ambassador)

http://au.reachout.com/find/issues/sexuality-coming-out/coming-out?kt=info

 

[zombiesinc]

Why do gay people (or most/some gay people) feel the need to 'come out' anyway? To me, someones sexual preference is not anyones business, I mean, I don't even care to know which of my own friends or family are gay. I guess I don't care that much.

... Because children seek their parents approval? Because they wish to be honest and open with them, so they don't feel they have to filter anything before talking to them? Because... it's their parents and the people who (generally) matter most, have been there for them, raised them and loved them? Mostly though, because it's a part of who they are.

There are many, many reasons beyond that, but I personally feel those are the most important.

OT - If your parents are that homophobic, it may be best for you to wait until you're in a more secure and independent living situation. If it goes the way you fear, they may threaten to kick you out (although this may be more of an initial reaction, not a permanent choice), disown you, or make you feel entirely unwelcome in your home. Even so, that's the worst case scenario. They may be generally homophobic, but perhaps they'll be more understanding or accepting towards you. After all, you are their child.

Regardless though, what really matters is whether or not you feel it would be in your best interest to tell them now, or later on once you've moved out. I understand that you wish to tell them because it is a huge part of who you are, and eventually, your life... just make sure it's a time where you won't find yourself stranded and alone. It's never a good feeling or situation.

 

[Pumpkinmancer]

If your family is more important to you than 'living in the open', and you think that revealing your sexuality will damage your relationship with them then don?t say anything to them, what business is it of theirs?

Let me ask you an honest question though, do you want to really associate with your family? It sounds like they are racist and bigoted people. It sounds like you'll just be hurt whether you are out or not. You realize you don?t have to have anything to do with these people don?t you? Families ties are great and everything, but there is no reason why, as an adult, you can?t choose who you associate with.

I don?t associate with people I don?t like. My father?s side of the family is bigoted and racist and I have not spoken with them in years and years. He barely speaks with them for the same reasons.

You don?t have to hide from your family. You dont have to come out to your family. You don?t even have to be a part of that family. What matters is what will make you happy.

 

[Erana]

Why do gay people (or most/some gay people) feel the need to 'come out' anyway? To me, someones sexual preference is not anyones business, I mean, I don't even care to know which of my own friends or family are gay. I guess I don't care that much.

Well, its just feels right. Like you don't have to deny or belittle a huge part of yourself any more. I mean, I feel the need to come out of the asexual closet.

I can't speak for the homosexual, but as an Asexual, I want to let this part of my identity be known for public and personal reasons. Particularly to combat the notion in society that if you don't want sex, you're an undeveloped, naive, and forbidden from any sort of relationships beyond just being friends.
I want to find a man who loves me and spend my life with him.
The relationship simply could not work if my lack-of-sexual-orientation were hidden.

As for the OP, you're what, 16 or so? Give yourself some more time to figure things out. Teenage is an... interesting stage of life, and sexually pigeon-holing yourself this early could complicate things for you in the future.

 

[AssassinJoe]

If whoever you are going to come out to will not accept you, then don't do it. It may seem like a real big thing to come out as a homosexual or a bisexual or a pansexual, but it'd center you out to your parents. Unless they come out to you as heterosexuals, don't feel pressured to come out to them.

You may have a point there. I myself often question people's need to "come out"

Of course maybe they feel that they have to hide it to avoid being outcast.

But I can't be sure.


And to the guy who made this thread, just do what you have to do. If you come out and they have a problem with it then forget them. If you don't want to come out, then you have nothing to worry about. But if you come out and they accept you, then that's great!

Another thing, is this really something that you need to ask others? It seems to me that this may be a decision that you should make on your own.

 

[Aurgelmir]

Yeah, I'm that guy that really liked that girl who i refered to as a bit of whore... Yeah, That's all settled.
Let me explain something, The was about a week of my life where i did a lot of experimenting and... needless to say, I found out a lot about myself.
My point is, I am infact, Gay.
But... I Have a very homophobic family, My mum and "Step-dad" (Who hates me anyway) are both against gays and blacks. As are my grand parents.
...
What am i ment to do, really? It's not like i'll be bringing my lover home with me and stuff ( not that i have one, or ever will... But thats another thing)

Yeah, Advise anyone? Should i just not say anything?

Sounds to me that you don't have a lot to go for you in the family department. Ever thought of moving out?

If so, do that, and be free What is it to your bigot parents what you do? I mean its your life not theirs.

Be strong and be proud of who you are.

 

[Cupid]

To me, my sexual preference..no matter what is it, is personal and will be between me and my lover. I guess I don't feel that need to express to family that part of me, nor do I need parental approval. However I will say that my parents love me without demand and condtion, so for myself to even let them in on my personal life would never be a big deal. If they were not that loving set of parents, I wouldn't feel the need to let them know that part of me, because I still think it is a personal preference and not their business. I live my life for me, as they live their life for themselves. If your parentes don't love and accept you souly based on your sexual preferences, I wouldn't want to be around that kind of hate anyway, and would consider myself lucky to know their true feelings, and be happy being me. People shouldn't live for others approval anyway, parents or not. But that is just my opinion, and also how I live my own life. Think who lives their life souly based on your approval, I doubt you will find even one person.

 

[Koroviev]

If you presently rely on your family to support you, then it is probably advisable that you hold off on revealing your sexual orientation. When you can stand alone, then you might try broaching the issue with your family. When and if you do this, be calm, be polite, and above all, be understanding of your family's ignorance. In To Kill a Mocking Bird, there is a line of dialogue, the gist of which is "intolerance is learned." What is more, hatred and intolerance are very difficult to un-learn. More likely than not, your family is going to need time and space to come to terms with this revelation. Like it or not, many people view sexual orientation as a defining factor, and your family will probably struggle to embrace the "new" you. Just keep in mind that you are not a bad person, and moreover, that there is a community of people here to support you.