Big Decision to Make, Need Help Deciding

[TheYellowCellPhone]

Piss her off. Shower her with politeness and kindness. Never show anger or disappointment in her.

 

[NightHawk21]

My suggestion. If there is going to be a mass/service thing before hand try to arrive just on time and sit far away from your mother. Same with the actual funeral (assuming he's getting buried). I would out of respect of for your friend and their family avoid your mother if you think she will make a scene, and you might even want to consider avoiding any reception or not even going if you think she will be too much of a problem, and see if you can't pay your respects earlier or later. I would suggest however, that you highly consider going if they were a good friend.

 

[AMMO Kid]

My condolences, and I'm sorry she did all that to you, but you can't let your hate shape you. You would go if she wasn't there, so go even though she is there.

 

[Al-Bundy-da-G]

Go man. If the woman tries to drag you into a scene(and from the sound of it, she will) walk away. If she follows you, get in front of as many peopl as possible and be polite. These kinds of people usually thrive on confrontation and drama, so it shouldn't be long until she loses her head and starts spewing venom at you.

In short, go to the funeral, if she confronts you, walk away, if she persists, drag her true colors out in front of everyone there. Shame is a powerful weapon, and acting in such a manner would draw ire against her and you would gain support from extended family and friends. If she is truly unbalanced she may need to committed herself.

 

[maxmanrules]

Stop her from getting there obviously. If she has a car, go spike her tires. If she doesn't, do that paint can over a door thingy, except make it so if she walks out her door it pulls a rope connected to a comical series of pulleys that drops paint on her.
In all seriousness, fuck her and go. Just stay away from and ignore her. If you can't do that, make sure she throws the first insult, and try to ignore it. Makes you look better.

 

[Griffolion]

This morning, an old family friend died. His memorial service will be next Saturday (if I remember right). However, one of the people who will be attending is my mother, whom my relationship with her is utterly dismal (we're not talking due to the fact that because of her, I wasn't able to get into two schools and lost my chance at a job, she threw me into a crazy hospital, where I was stuck for two and a half weeks, and she told my social worker that she'd rather see me out on the street than come back home, thus forcing me to find a new place to live, fast [I almost ended up in a shelter]). She's the reason I didn't attend my niece's birthday party and thus wasn't planing on going to the memorial.
However, my oldest brother is urging me to go for the deceased and his family, and to simply do my best to ignore her.

I don't know what I should do. I utterly hate that woman, but I also do feel that I should go for the family. I have to decide by Friday, so can you guys help?

This woman has already caused you to miss your nieces birthday which has clearly upset you. Why should you continue letting her take away opportunities to be close to those you care about, even if this is a memorial service. Go for yourself and for those you love, pay no mind to her, she forfeit her right to your attention, love & respect a long time ago.

 

[lacktheknack]

Go, and refuse to interact with her. If she tries to start something, say "Let me mourn in peace" and REFUSE TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE AT ALL. She can't win that situation and will look like the scum of the Earth if she tries.

 

[Soods]

Master your anger and go there. After a few hours, you can keep on hating her as much as you want.

 

[Trippy Turtle]

I would suggest going. Try not to go near her and you can leave the moment the important part is over.

 

[Suicida1 Midget]

You have my condolences. Best thing to do is go. If your mom tries something, its on her head, not yours.

 

[SilentCom]

I don't know your mother and whether or not she is the type to go after you but paying respects for someone part of the family is a good thing. If you're able to ignore her and she doesn't try to start a fight with you, then I would encourage going.

 

[t3h br0th3r]

This morning, an old family friend died. His memorial service will be next Saturday (if I remember right). However, one of the people who will be attending is my mother, whom my relationship with her is utterly dismal (we're not talking due to the fact that because of her, I wasn't able to get into two schools and lost my chance at a job, she threw me into a crazy hospital, where I was stuck for two and a half weeks, and she told my social worker that she'd rather see me out on the street than come back home, thus forcing me to find a new place to live, fast [I almost ended up in a shelter]). She's the reason I didn't attend my niece's birthday party and thus wasn't planing on going to the memorial.
However, my oldest brother is urging me to go for the deceased and his family, and to simply do my best to ignore her.

I don't know what I should do. I utterly hate that woman, but I also do feel that I should go for the family. I have to decide by Friday, so can you guys help?

We don't know you.

We don't know your Mother.

We don't know your situation aside from what you told us.

Therefore, we are unable to give you advice worth following. I'd like to pull the whole nurturing brotherly advice thing here but doing so without a very detailed and multi-sided knowledge of what happen would do more bad than good.

you should ask some people from RL who know you and then go from their based on your own logic and gut feelings.

 

[NoOne852]

Perhaps if you somehow knew when she would be at the service, you could show up before she arrived. Since you most likely won't get that information, I suggest you go to pay your respects, but just watchout and try to avoid her. Can't really say much else since the full story isn't known, but I am not asking you to give us your life story.

 

[renegade7]

Go, but just avoid her.

 

[Kennetic]

Yea I agree with most people here, go and pretend she doesn't exist. Leave if you're too uncomfortable. BTW keep us posted when you do decide

 

[StBishop]

I'd go (wo)man.

I know the feeling of being around people you'd rather avoid (without trying to compare my situation to yours) and it's shitty. Eventually time will make it easier to deal with her, provided you can avoid her long enough that she doesn't do anything new to piss you off.

But this memorial is a one off, it's not really worth losing that due to your feelings toward her. Your brother is also right, if you go for just the family of the deceased then surly that's enough of a reason?

As others have said though, I don't know the whole situation so take my advice with a grain of salt.

 

[TheGauntman]

snip

As with most people in this thread, I vote 'go'.

I'd make it quick, though. Get in, pay your respects, get out. Don't let her turn the funeral into a drama. Be earnest, be polite, but don't linger.

And perhaps explain to the friend's family beforehand why your appearance will be brief. Let them know you mean no disrespect by your rapid exit.

 

[Tharwen]

The service is about your relationship with the person who died, not with your mother. Just try to ignore her.

 

[Jedoro]

Attend the service out of respect for the memory of your family friend's life, and to show that crazy ***** you don't fear her.

This

Just avoid her like the plague, and you should be good.