Bioware *clearly* hates women and wants them to suffer

[Varrdy]

Maybe this is why Jenifer Hale delivered all her ME2 dialogue in a bored, uninspiring monotone? At least Mark Meer gets into it, I had to stop after a short time with my (imported from ME1) femshep as she was doing my fucking head in!

I will stick to Lion Shepard and the delightful Liara T'Soni!

Wardy

 

[veloper]

To quote Hanlon's razor:
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.

 

[Vidiot]

My wife plays almost every Bioware RPG that comes out, and always finds a romantic option. Admittedly, Mass Effect 1 lacked options, but that applies to both genders. Her Shepard in ME2 went for Garrus like she'd been waiting for it since ME1, and I did the same with Tali.

As for DA2, The only way options could've improved for that would be to let her character get involved with Varric. On the other hand, she adored Anders, and once tried (and pretty much failed) to force herself to go after Fenris.

 

[Racecarlock]

And this shit is why I think games should leave dating simulation to dating simulators. And is it me, or has bioware gotten the idea that none of its fans know how to search for internet porn yet? Pointless fan service is pointless, and frankly I think the resources they put into ass design could be better spent on story and characterization. But EA will never let that happen because "Sex sells" is still a part of many businesses, despite the porn industry basically destroying the need for boobs in commercials thanks to all the nudity. "Sex sells" is now outdated as a business model, and it's time for the whole entertainment industry to move on. Unless they think they can outsmart the FCC and actually get some uncensored tits on TV, but that will never happen.

 

[BRex21]

The only romance character I ever found interesting in any Bioware game was Tali, she was the only one I found to be a well rounded and likeable character and she was really only available in the second one still a 2 minute scene in which she removes her facemask really didn't make or break anything as far as a decent romance. Ashley was a bible thumping back woods bigot and Liara, was so introverted all she ever really could do was look lustfully at you and swoon. Dragon age wasn't any better. I suppose I've always found Biowares "I've always loved you from the moment we met several hours ago, now lets go have sex before the big fight" model of romance is somewhat tacky anyway.

So your saying someone with a disability can't have a relationship and that sex is the only reason you would be with someone basically?
And yes you could KILL Tali sorry but it's true. The fact that people think thats okay while a romance with Joker isn't is just totally lol.

So what you are saying is that its perfectly alright to have a romantic relationship without any form of sex provided its between two organic beings or two sentient machines, no robosexuality? vote yes on prop ∞!
EDI is a fully sentient being, she has all the individuality, emotions and free will (courtesy of joker) that a human or humanoid alien has. In fact I would go so far as to say the relationship between joker and EDI has more depth than any of the player-NPC relationships in the game. While I will say he is probably one of the most interesting characters he remains unromanceable because he is in a happy relationship, even if you disapprove.
As for Tali, she knows the risks she puts forth that she is willing to take those risks, in fact she also points out that there are risks even if she were to stick with Quarians. Death is not likely in cases like this because what they experience isn't so much an infection, different amino acids and all that, but more like an allergic reaction from there bodies inability to process non compatible proteins, Tali takes every precaution she can in order to minimize the risk. Femshep would run into the same problems with Garrus, as Mordin said "don't swallow". Besides, technically Human/Asari relations would carry a much greater risk of spreading infection or creating the next swine flu simply on the basis that unfamiliar viruses usually go unchecked by the immune system for some time and have the chance to encounter better adapted ones in the new body and mutate and while the Quarian immune system is largely addressed in ME1 and 2 Foreign pathogens aren't.

 

[PunkRex]

Garrus isn't repulsive. He's my waifu.

Agreed im a straight dude, but id go sooooooooo gay for Garrus, I see past the scales to the astro-prince beneath.

 

[masher]

"The entirely awesome Garrus, who is nevertheless a scaly and crusted anthropomorphic lizard and thus unlikely to bestir many hearts."

Whoa, what? -Just- because he's an anthropomorphic lizard? That was one of his most appealing traits to me.

 

[Char-Nobyl]

Well, guys, it was just a spot of fun, but you've got me dead to rights. If this had been an official thesis paper I'd be up against the wall.

I gotta say, man, you get a lot of points for that. It's not often that someone willfully admits error, and it's even rarer on the internet.

And Char, you're right, I could probably easily have made a similar list of the female characters. But I don't feel that strongly about it, because my bizarre geas for digital crossdressing in Bioware games has kept me from playing through any of them as a male first hand (although I've watched my girlfriend go the Leliana and Miranda routes, and I romanced the HELL out of Aerie back in the day).

Strangely, I don't remember raising that as a point. I remember saying that what you probably liked in the female characters would have made for horrifying male characters, but that's about it.

Really, though, this is not a serious examination of sexism in gaming, nor do I ACTUALLY THINK BIOWARE HATES WOMEN. Put down your pitchforks guys. Have a slice of pie. We're all friends here.

Aw, c'mon, man. Deceptive title is deceptive.

PS - I already admitted Garrus was awesome, but no, I do not really conceive of how someone might find him anything less than entirely repugnant to look upon. My friend's dog is awesome too. Doesn't mean I want to romance it.

So aliens are dogs now?

Hold up, everyone! This just became a discussion of specism, the species equivalent of racism!

Nah, not really, but I guess it's down to personal preference. And it helps that Bioware was kind enough to give us a point of reference. It'd be one thing for a turian romance option in a game with only humans and turians, but it's another when you've got an entire pantheon of alien races to make the turians look a lot more appealing.

 

[senordesol]

Y'know, I remember my Mass Effect play through as Male Shep I would always make it a point to talk to everyone after each mission. But I could not tell you a single thing Alenko said even seconds after he said it. It was bizarre: the volume of my computer actually seemed to decrease when he was talking and I was actually TRYING to listen to what he said.

Also I don't get why people seem to begrudge Ashley her distaste for aliens, it seems that most humans in the ME universe have a problem with them in some form or another (talk to the ship's Navigator in ME1 and he'll share tons of stuff that make Ashley look open and accepting by comparison.) In the ME universe, the first contact with aliens resulted in a freaking war (one that, oddly, we didn't start). Stack that on top of the fact that the Krogan nearly wiped every one out, and that the Salarians almost sterilized them in response (I know it's more complex than that) and you've got multiple races who're prone to doing downright nasty things if given the chance. It may not be right, but can you blame people for being a tad suspicious?

OT: Actually, I always thought Ashley was the only female worthwhile in the series. Liara was about as interesting as a wet carrot once you went beyond her looks (amend: she was a LOT more interesting in ME2, but by then it was too late for my Shep). Tali does reserve a fascinating quality, but she'll get sick or die every time you 'do it' or even kiss so...no. Jack is a psycho *****. Tried that once in real life, won't try it again even for pretend. Miranda is just a walking pair of...you get it. And Yeoman Chambers...eh, she's pretty but she's a tad too eager. It'd be like doing your secretary, yeah she's hot but she's probably not that interested in *you*, just your rank.

 

[KeyMaster45]

*snip*

Have you ever considered writing an article for Cracked? Because that was hysterical, very true, but hysterical all the same.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Aw, c'mon, man. Deceptive title is deceptive.

Deliberately, too. I could have called it "A concise and comical analysis of some character flaws in male romantic options in Bioware games", and it would be swimming around on page five already with two views. And I worked so hard on it! Look, it has pictures and everything!

So aliens are dogs now?

Well, in terms of sexual compatibility they might as well be. Why, are you implying dogs are some kind of negative implication? What do you have against dogs? THEY ARE OUR BEST FRIENDS.

Nah, not really, but I guess it's down to personal preference. And it helps that Bioware was kind enough to give us a point of reference. It'd be one thing for a turian romance option in a game with only humans and turians, but it's another when you've got an entire pantheon of alien races to make the turians look a lot more appealing.

At least the Asari made a tiny bit of sense, with their fantasy-science cross-species-cross-gender breeding technique. The Garrus romance scene was hilarious and I'd hate to lose it, but imagine if the only male romance options had been Jack, a female Krogan, and a female Batarian. You'd hear some fucking howling then, I tell ya, even if the female Krogan was all kinds of awesome.

 

[Rzepik]

You know, you have to look on the bright side.
Horrible Anomen romance was a fuel for modding community...

 

[Alasdair Macleod]

From what I've observed and directly experienced, Bioware couldn't create a desirable female character to save their lives (careers?) So I can't feel any sympathy for those bemoaning the poor quality of their masculine counterparts.

 

[Vortigar]

Thane = adorable. Oh my god, the chemistry between him and fem!shep is amazing, and it's heartbreaking to boot. As someone who shipped the crap outta Cloud/Aeris in her youth, it's like crack to me.

I loved Thane as well.

Now, I'm a guy who thought my femshep could hit it up with Jack and found out the hard way you can't, but I quickly settled on Thane after that. He's a bit heavy handed at the start but really opens up, I'd even say he's possibly the most 'real' character in ME2. Too bad he doesn't have all that many lines though. The conversations with Jack are way longer. I guess Miranda has the biggest script by far though.

Jacob is a really crappy character though. He didn't even really want to talk to me at all. Every time I went by he brushed me off. So he's boring AND hard to get, take a hike dude. Now Mordin's conversations were awesome, but no romance, dangit!

The most interesting 'guy' in ME2 to me was actually the robot, he has a load of fascinating tidbits and is funny to boot.

I didn't like Garrus at all. Just a capable dude. Mind you I never played ME1 so this is just based on what he does and says in 2.

I also like Jack a lot physically but know most guys don't agree with me. I had a crush on Sinaed O'Connor and Grace Jones (and Marie Fredrickson from Roxette and Dolores O'Riordan from the Cranberries etc etc) when I was younger, so yeah, there's a pattern there.

Still need to play ME2 as a guy really.

 

[Catie Caraco]

Thane = adorable. Oh my god, the chemistry between him and fem!shep is amazing, and it's heartbreaking to boot. As someone who shipped the crap outta Cloud/Aeris in her youth, it's like crack to me.

I loved Thane as well.

Now, I'm a guy who thought my femshep could hit it up with Jack and found out the hard way you can't, but I quickly settled on Thane after that. He's a bit heavy handed at the start but really opens up, I'd even say he's possibly the most 'real' character in ME2. Too bad he doesn't have all that many lines though. The conversations with Jack are way longer. I guess Miranda has the biggest script by far though.

Jacob is a really crappy character though. He didn't even really want to talk to me at all. Every time I went by he brushed me off. So he's boring AND hard to get, take a hike dude. Now Mordin's conversations were awesome, but no romance, dangit!

I also like Jack a lot physically but know most guys don't agree with me. I had a crush on Sinaed O'Connor and Grace Jones (and Marie Fredrickson from Roxette and Dolores O'Riordan from the Cranberries etc etc) when I was younger, so yeah, there's a pattern there.

Still need to play ME2 as a guy really.

There is something so sweet and vulnerable about Jack, underneath the hostile rage, and if I ever play as a male shep, I'm probably chosing her. Miranda is the name of my sister, so that's just off limits and weird, and Tali... I don't know. Perhaps I'm shallow, but I'm bothered by the fact that I never see her face. I mean, there is so much description in their faces, it really lends to the character. Like, when Thane cries... oh my god, it broke my heart.

Then again, maybe I'm into Jack (well, the Male in me is) because she cries to. Hmm, something to ponder.

 

[Catie Caraco]

At least the Asari made a tiny bit of sense, with their fantasy-science cross-species-cross-gender breeding technique. The Garrus romance scene was hilarious and I'd hate to lose it, but imagine if the only male romance options had been Jack, a female Krogan, and a female Batarian. You'd hear some fucking howling then, I tell ya, even if the female Krogan was all kinds of awesome.

Dude, if I was a maleshep, I'd be all over a female Krogan. Even if I needed to wear full on combat gear with a little door for my manhood and had to bring a crowbar for protection. I'd hit that all night long.

 

[MegaManOfNumbers]

Uhhh, have you seen the new pic for femshep? She looks like a serial killer.

that and, maybe Bioware isn't sexist but believes in equal opportunity torture?

 

[LadyTiamat]

Yeah becuase

1.disabled people can't have relationships? and 2. It's okay to risk killing Tali? /sarcasm.

riiight....

Tali just ends up sick. Joker would end up a bag shattered femurs (and pelvis, ribs, arms...).

So your saying someone with a disability can't have a relationship and that sex is the only reason you would be with someone basically?

He could but the exertion would result in major injuries thanks to his brittle bone disease, but other methods of pleasure could be implemented ;P

 

[Instant K4rma]

I kinda liked Jacob; not really sure why. I had some respect for him after his loyalty mission. Not sure I'd ever bring myself to "romance" him, but he was a cool dude.

And how could you not like Garrus? He's got reach.