Boyfriend of 3 1/2 Years Kinda Broke Up With Me

[PsychicTaco115]

u wot m9

And that's fair criticism, especially given what appears to be a propensity for hostile self-talk by the OP, but the circumstances of her fairly evident depression were not apparent when I gave her my original reply. If they had been, it would have been full of a lot of "talk to your doctor about anti-depressants" and "look into therapy ASAP". I recommend films and escapism and ice cream for people who have the blues and a spot of heart break, not people actively considering suicide. Tin Roof Sundae is great stuff but it's not a remedy for clinical depression, hating everyone but your ex, or fantasies of self-harm.

That's fair as well

Honestly, the other 7 points were well spot on for the information you had at the time. Our overall goal is that we both want the best for this person so...

Yeah, let's do that

 

[Solkard]

*hugs* You will be ok.

If you don't have friends, how about a dog?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJbDSPRqX0o

 

[giles]

It takes about 21 days to develop a new routine. That's the bad news. That's where insomnia/lack of appetite comes from now.

The good news is you can use this time to reform yourself and develop a routine that is closer to the person who you want to be. Want to be a morning person? Start cutting down on the coffee? Feel like you could use your TV relaxation hours to do some weekly exercise to increase overall health?
It's gonna be hard either way, might aswell have something to show for at the end. Good luck in the next 3 weeks.

 

[michael87cn]

apply at places you don't necessarily want to work. Like McD's or WalMort. I was out of work for a long time too and that's what it took to get me back on track. if that's not good enough for him, I dunno what to say.

 

[soren7550]

I have no clue as to how long a thread can go before it's considered dead so don't post, but I don't think that posting a new thread about an update to this situation really warrants a new thread so... *shrugs*

I have been able to get a new job, but due to a number of things, I don't think it's going to last much longer. Which really sucks since the place I'm staying at probably won't be an option past January, but I may be able to do something about that (will find out a bit after Christmas).

I've been getting along fine with the sorta boyfriend, but with him doing all the same exact things he did when he did call himself my boyfriend but now not saying he's my boyfriend is confusing and upsetting as hell. Serious, he still does all the hand holding, kissing, hugging, telling me that he loves me, etc. that he did when we were a couple, except he insists that we're not together.

What really sullied things between us is that when he told me that he was going to Florida with his folks to visit some family, in reality he went to Chicago to sleep with an Escapist member that we're both friends with. (I won't say who since from what I can tell, she doesn't know the full details of what went down, and I haven't heard directly from her in a while)

I got upset in all manners when I found out, and eventually yelled at the sorta boyfriend about it. He said that while he did intend on going to Florida, that fell through and he never did say that when he went away that he was going to Florida, that was just assumption on my part. And while he did go there for some meaningless, no strings attached whoopie, no whoopie happened since she was in a bad mood the whole time he was there. He went on to say that he didn't tell me about this because he didn't want to hurt me.

While I know I directly asked him about his 'stay in Florida' while he was in 'Florida', I feel inclined to believe him about not actually doing the no pants dance since that does ring true to how the girl is sometimes.

And I know that since he lied to me on a number of levels, I shouldn't deal with him anymore, but I really can't help but love him still very much for all the sweet things he has done and still does, plus his adorableness and the pure fun it is to hug him.

I am a weak, sad woman, I know.

 

[SonOfVoorhees]

Been there before, and honestly its better to know this now than in another three years. You have time to heal and time to find someone that wants you for you. No point being with someone that doesnt want to be with you. You will understand that when your heart calms down.

 

[Colour Scientist]

You're posting this somewhere where both of them can read it?

That seems odd to me.

You say the fact that he didn't have sex with the girl as if it's a good thing but he told you that the only reason he didn't was because she was in a bad mood.

It kind of sounds like he's just stringing you along a bit, getting the physical and emotional benefits of a relationship without having to commit to you. This would be fine if you were both happy with the situation but clearly you aren't.

The fact that you'd post that you're a weak willed, sad woman on a public forum where both of them can read it just baffles me. I mean, part of me wants to hug you and part of me wants to slap you and tell you to have more respect for yourself. You clearly know that what's happening isn't right.

 

[LetalisK]

It kind of sounds like he's just stringing you along a bit, getting the physical and emotional benefits of a relationship without having to commit to you.

Ding ding ding! Soren is being strung along until he finds someone else. He doesn't want to be alone, but also doesn't want to be with Soren, so he keeps a rope attached to her while searching for another harbor to berth his dingy at. Once he finds that other harbor, he's gone like Speedy Gonzalez. Until that relationship breaks down and he returns to Soren for temporary safe harbor as he searches again for new waters.

It's over. Cut him loose into the ocean and turn off the lighthouse.

 

[Mikeybb]

There's good advice and input here, both before and after your most recent post.

Not much that I can add to, really.
Well, other than suggesting if you do choose to post this in the advice forum, make one last post here linking to said thread.

That and add my hope that you find your way through this to a place where you can be happy with your situation and yourself in equal measure.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Welcome madam, you have arrived at the friend zone. Enjoy your stay... until the end of time!

Seriously, you need to GTFO ASAP. That shit does not end well for anyone involved, you are making up for your heroin addiction with meth, things can never improve this way.

 

[Post Tenebrae Morte]

Leave the douche. Loneliness is painful, but being strung along like a helpless child is even worse. Tell him to go head but a railroad spike and find a hobby to occupy yourself with, like gaming or writing or such.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

Nice to see my initial impression of a certain someone has been confirmed.

Drop his arse, and good riddance. You don't need people like that in your life.

 

[Blitsie]

Holy crap, what he did there is despicable, I'm sorry but as much as you love him and his adorableness and whatnot, the fact that he essentially strung you up like that and went on to try bump uglies with someone else is just downright shitty and as sucky as this is to say -and trust me I've been through this with my ex - you have to lose those feelings quick because its just going to hurt more and more and more.

So drop the guy like a hot pan, tell him straight this isn't working for you and he is just causing you pain and cut off and BLOCK all communication (phone and social media), and start the recovery process. I won't sugarcoat this, you can do whatever you want, its going to fucking hurt for a long while regardless but just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and the best healer here is time, and now is the perfect time to focus on yourself and to improve where you can.

So I want you to ask yourself:

"What can I do to improve myself starting now?"
"What goals can I work on reaching starting now? And if I have no goals, what can I set up?"

And I want you to write down, in as much detail as possible (freakin' diagram that stuff if you have to), every answer you can possibly think up for those two questions and then continue to plan how you can achieve those answers. AND NONE OF IT MUST BE RELATED TO YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. Fact is, and I'm going to be straight with you, you are in a shitty situation; you have no proper friends, put a lot on this guy and aren't in the best financial position. This.must.change. And it must start as soon as possible.

So start learning to socialize and tolerate people, start doing own-bodyweight exercise to feel good, or find a serene spot you can walk to and chill at and start up a novel since you do writing. Just don't stand idle, its the worst thing you can do now. This way you get your mind off things and you improve yourself which makes you feel more confident and better in the long run, a win-win if you ask me.

Good luck, I've been through what you're going through and it can be crushingly hard but trust me, I'm sitting here a better, stronger person and hey, I'm doing pretty okay and happy with myself overall Gonna be the same with you too, that I can promise.

 

[Auron225]

I have no experience with relationships so my advice in that regard is likely questionable at best.

However, what has nothing to do with relationships is my advice that you draw upon the free professional help available.

1) Have you been using job centres to aid the career hunt? They can be very handy even just for discussing your options and for figuring out what you would like to do. They can usually help with writing CVs and interview practise as well.

2) In regards to the depression; I'd recommend The Samaritans. My mum and sister used to work for them and they got calls all the time from people like yourself who were feeling the weight of it all and needed to unload some. You'd be surprised how much better it could make you feel just to air it out.

snip

Ah, well in light of an update on that...

You deserve better than him is all I'm gonna say.