New Study Shows 62% of Gamers are Dolphins
In light of a new discovery found by the famous <a href=http://www.northernlightsiceland.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Flood-plain-turf-houses.jpg>Icelandic University of Marine Electro-interactive Sociology and Sciences, anthro-gendered mouth-breathers being the primary demographic for the so-called "gamer movement" isn't far from the truth.
Published in the New Bjork Times, the study reveals that the capacity of this undersea mammal exceed those of a common gamer enthusiast. This new type of sea-basement-dweller, seen previously only as a slightly over-developed vertebrate, has been shown possess a terrifying prowess when it comes to these so-called "games". Yours truly sat down with Professor Dilfiini of MESS for an in-depth look:
The professor goes on to say that these sea-faring creatures tend to primarily focus on online environments as a natural response to needing interaction with peers. Fortunately for us these so-called "dolphins" tend to remain irrelevant in light of having counter-intuitive habits, so our "gaming" public at large should remain relatively unmolested. However, in the interest of truthiness when it comes to our reporting methods, we sent our top reporter, Doug, to reach out to one of the representatives of the species, <a href=http://cdn.zmescience.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/killer-commando-dolphin.png>Dolph van Depthbane, to comment on the study:
Due to unforeseen circumstances, Doug E. Wolfson of the Corbe Report has disappeared, and his last recorded sighting was found in this short clip.
We hope he will be found soon.
We extended this study to several major publishers, including EA and Activision, to gather their opinion given this new-found data, but there was a universal decline to comment. Crab conspiracy? I'll let you decide.
What are your thoughts on your new, nosy, nautical neighbors? Do you think the recent exclusion of pools from the Sims 4 affected its sales given this newly-gleaned demographic? Are they trying to take our games? Are you totally sure about the absence of crab people? I'll say one thing: until we know what these creatures are capable of, we give them one option.
The nuclear option.
This has been Steffin Corbe, of the Corbe Retort - Bringing the truth since truth was invented and had a supersize option.
Source: Corbe Retort [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tV5wmDhzgY8]
In light of a new discovery found by the famous <a href=http://www.northernlightsiceland.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Flood-plain-turf-houses.jpg>Icelandic University of Marine Electro-interactive Sociology and Sciences, anthro-gendered mouth-breathers being the primary demographic for the so-called "gamer movement" isn't far from the truth.
Published in the New Bjork Times, the study reveals that the capacity of this undersea mammal exceed those of a common gamer enthusiast. This new type of sea-basement-dweller, seen previously only as a slightly over-developed vertebrate, has been shown possess a terrifying prowess when it comes to these so-called "games". Yours truly sat down with Professor Dilfiini of MESS for an in-depth look:
Sadly, our recorded session of the interview ends there.
The professor goes on to say that these sea-faring creatures tend to primarily focus on online environments as a natural response to needing interaction with peers. Fortunately for us these so-called "dolphins" tend to remain irrelevant in light of having counter-intuitive habits, so our "gaming" public at large should remain relatively unmolested. However, in the interest of truthiness when it comes to our reporting methods, we sent our top reporter, Doug, to reach out to one of the representatives of the species, <a href=http://cdn.zmescience.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/killer-commando-dolphin.png>Dolph van Depthbane, to comment on the study:
This was roughly translated by our dolphin-interpreter on staff to mean: "Blow it out your ***".
Due to unforeseen circumstances, Doug E. Wolfson of the Corbe Report has disappeared, and his last recorded sighting was found in this short clip.
We extended this study to several major publishers, including EA and Activision, to gather their opinion given this new-found data, but there was a universal decline to comment. Crab conspiracy? I'll let you decide.
What are your thoughts on your new, nosy, nautical neighbors? Do you think the recent exclusion of pools from the Sims 4 affected its sales given this newly-gleaned demographic? Are they trying to take our games? Are you totally sure about the absence of crab people? I'll say one thing: until we know what these creatures are capable of, we give them one option.
The nuclear option.
This has been Steffin Corbe, of the Corbe Retort - Bringing the truth since truth was invented and had a supersize option.
Source: Corbe Retort [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tV5wmDhzgY8]
