Bullying: has it happened to you?

[Froggy Slayer]

Honestly? Not really. I mean, I'm the perfect target, a skinny-ass introverted nerd, but the worst that I've ever had is a little name calling and that was never really that bad. I think it's because I went to quite a nice school; even the 'jocks' are pretty nice guys, and I think that everyone finds my quirks more endearing than anything else. I don't have any question that if I went to a worse school I would have had the shit bullied out of me.

 

[taciturnCandid]

Yes and as a result even as an adult I have a low self esteem. That and has turned me into a really passive person.

Kids can be totally cruel and awful. Some of them grow out of it and others continue to be assholes.

 

[Rariow]

Never physically, but I did get called names and excluded from all activities pretty much throughout all of Juniors (I guess in American terms that would be "middle school"). Most of it was quite very childish (My first name is Pedro, which sounds like Pedo, which is Spanish for fart, that kind of thing), but occasionally I'd get picked on for the stuff I liked.

One of the things I remember the most is talking about Star Wars with the person who was my only friend throughout Juniors, and being made fun of because Star Wars is "not fashionable anymore". A couple months later one of the prequels came out (Can't remember which, I think it may have been Phantom Menace) and it was all everyone was talking about. What made it worse was that the kid who lynchpined the whole thing had been extremely nice to me the first couple months, then decided he didn't like me for some reason.

I had trouble communicating through part of Seniors ("High school", I'd imagine) because I was afraid anyone who was nice to me was setting up to be a complete asshole to me later. It got a lot better by the end, I made a bunch of friends, and the last two years were by far the happiest of my life 'till then, but looking back I just wish I'd taken advantage of the whole duration of the thing. I'm still pretty shy and am not the best conversationalist, but I think that's just my nature.

It's not nearly as bad as some of the stuff that some other people went through, but I blame my current social awkwardness half on myself, half on that kid. I'm a pretty forgiving person, I like to think, and some people have done some pretty shitty stuff to me, and I have eventually come to either accept their apology or forgiven them in my own time, but this guy I'll hold a grudge against as long as I remember his name and that shit-eating grin he'd have whenever he made fun of me.

 

[s0p0g]

nope, haven't really been bullied. i must have been lucky with the schools i went to, as basically everyone who considers themselves as belonging to today's "nerd-culture" (1.: i hate that term. 2.: i hate people that label themselves so willingly. urgh) says he or she has been bullied.
now, compared to what today's "nerds" are and do, i was kind of an "ubernerd" back then, with everything the cliché has to offer; small, skinny, weak, introvert, totally into videogames, physics, maths, weird fantasy p&p RPGs, was as tanned as you get from sitting behind the TV/later pc monitor for a good part of the day, belonged to the top 4 of my class (we always sat together and basically dragged the entire class through... classes, i read a lot, etc (i still don't get how nerd got a positive connotation - descriptive, ok, but it's as positive as, say, sports-freak or something)

still i haven't been bullied once. sure, we had our small cliques, and those who just didn't know what to do with each other left each other alone. that's that. no hard feelings, swearing or real bullying

it might be of interest that our school wasn't that small, with that family-feeling all over and stuff; about 1200 pupils

 

[Bigsmith]

I was bullied really badly in primary school, my family then moved out of London and to Torbay where it continued but it wasn't as bad. I just took it until I got to secondary school.

My secondary school was a Grammar school so most people where mature for their age yet it still persisted, until I fought back. Luckily my school doesn't punish people who last out on the receiving end of Bullying so I got away with it.

That was by the end of year 8, since then I haven't had a problem.

 

[Blitsie]

I was obese during my school years, so incessant bullying was pretty much guaranteed for me. Had to endure physical bullying during my primary school years and even joining a high-school that literally had no physical fighting since it resulted in immediate expulsion didn't help, people just resort to inflicting emotional harm instead. Everyone always saw me as "that fat kid" and I couldn't help but feel as this unworthy joke of a human being most of the time.

I must admit it definitely left a few scars I have to deal with, I generally keep my personal life a secret now because every time I revealed a bit people would severely degrade me because of it (which made no sense, I did normal things like dancing and playing rugby and such). I also never, ever reveal my feelings to a woman and just never approach women I fancy in general because every time I did that in school people (the girl especially) would go out of their way to hurt me, like it was some kind of sin for me to like other girls (even now I don't have that "interested in other women" part under my facebook profile out of embarrassment).

I'm getting better at least, hehe, finally lost all my weight and I'm slowly losing a few of the habits I picked up during school, I'm a bit more open now about myself and definitely much more confident but I've got a long way to go.

 

[Anti Nudist Cupcake]

I was viciously bullied in middle school (homophobic witch-hunts were common among guys in my classes). Being slammed against lockers, taunted, grabbed, poked, stabbed...everything they could think of just because I was a 'fag' in their eyes. Instead of having people to fall back on, I was unfortunately left to my own devices.

Years later I did come out of the closet, but back then I was WAY too young, sheltered and immature to understand sexuality, let alone my own. I think these episodes are what delayed this self-realization by 6 years coupled with the puritanical household I was raised in.

There was a brief time when I entered high school where a swastika was spray-painted on my locker with a threatening messaged (I never told the school, my folks or anyone but a few people)along with a ton of insults about my skin -I had a rather rare form of acne that couldn't be treated by conventional products or medicine-.

I won't pretend that my problems stopped there, but a time came in high school where I became confident in myself and people either respected me or left me alone because I was unapologetic in my sense of self-worth, and self-identity.

Wow that sucks man. I just want to know, how could they have known about your sexuality if you were in the closet? Or did you behave "flamboyantly"? I hear that tends to make people aggressive.

I got kicked in the knee and back for having bronze-colored hair. This was middle school though and having grown to six feet tall in high school helped to prevent further assaults. There were the occasional tiny verbal ones though but they weren't that bad. Oh and asshats throwing bits of their erasers at me. Funny how people evolved to only bullying from a safe distance...haha

I may have verbally abused some people but they're my acquaintances and I only do so because they have glaring personality flaws that need to be corrected if they are ever going to grow as people. I didn't do so because I liked to see them suffer, I didn't like them and I simply stated why so that they would stop acting like I enjoy their horrible company. There are procedures when it comes to social interaction, you owe it to your fellow humans to follow these procedures or be treated like a weirdo.

 

[Lethos]

As someone who has never been bullied in their life, I'm surprised so many people here got bullied. Obviously bullying is a widespread problem, I'm just surprised there seems to be such a large concentration of people who have been bullied.

I don't think I ever did anything that led me to not get bullied as well. I suppose I was friends with nearly everyone in my year at school. It's unfortunate that whether you're going to enjoy or hate your time at school seems to be largely determined by whether you're unlucky enough to have a particular breed of asshole in your year. At the very least, I hope that brings some solace to those suffering bullying by reminding them that it is the bullied who are the ones with a flaw, not the bullied.

 

[Clade-170]

Spoiler: WARNING! heavy reading ahead

Before Middle school I got it bad physically and mentally, I grew up in southern California let me tell you from Personal experience, the schools are a living HELL. It seemed like everyone at the schools were against me, right down to the buss driver even...the fucking bus driver

Their were at least two cases involving bus drivers, One was some old ***** and the other younger but still older looking. One day I get on the buss and before we left some other kids stole some of my stuff. So I tried getting the drivers attention on the issue, I kid you not the old driver litterly spun around and shouted "SHUT UP" at me in front of everyone humiliating me for nothing. I dont recall ever reclaiming my stolen property, and that wasnt the last memorable incident from her. You see growing up I never really had much as my family wasnt the most fortunate, so toys and stuff like that were gold to me, Never really had friends either. So one day my dad gives me this small power ranger robot action figure that I could fit in my hand as well as a small pack of those little green soldiers with a tank. I played with them all the time, one day I thought maybe I can show them to people and actually get some friends. People only looked at me as if I were the biggest moron on the face of God's green earth. So I was playing with them on the buss and showing them to people and stuff, never really thought I was doing anything rong. As I turn around the first thing I see right up at my face was her old face and she said with the coldest tone,"pute your stuff away, NOW". And so, being the helpless little child I was, I did as I was tolled with everyone laughing at me as I did. their is somewhat of a happy ending with her though, one day I tell my mom about it, the next day their was a substitute driver. that day as I come home I hear my mom screaming and hollering on the phone with someone. She sees me and hands me the phone, hesitantly I place it against my ear and said "hello?". turned out to be the old buss driver herself...just going on about how sorry she was, had I gone back in time with my current experience I would have cussed her out myself.



then their was the second driver some time later from the same school even. For one reason or another she had it in for me, she would yell and scream at me for no reason at all. One memorable situation I can recall was a day I lost a jacket I had recently gotten. My mom was pissed at me for losing it and grounded me till I found it. then one day I see some little girl wearing it and tried telling her it was myn. Turned out the driver literately just gave it to her just becouse she looked cold, looking back now I think it was understandable, but I tolled them becouse it was myn I wanted it back...Plain and simple. they did not want to give it back, but eventually I did get it back. So not only did this bus driver hate me she also gave away my stuff when I lost it on her buss...isnt that just Nice. After a while she just stopped driving buses and I'v never seen her sinc



When I said it seemed like everyone was out to get me I ment it, Most of my elementry teachers were straight bitches to me and just didnt care, it didnt help with all the students picking on me as well, sometimes I had to fight to defend myself then Id get in trouble for that Retaliation. but their was one cool teacher I had before moving to north carolina. unfortunately I cant remember her name, but she genuinely cared for my well being. it was only after moving to the east coast that I started to come out of my shell and started to make friends. Some of the mental stuff lingered but not so much physicle any more. And when High School started OH BOY...shit just got real. I got involved in a Awesome JROTC program and I can officially say next year in my Junior year I will be a Platoon sergeant and I plan on actually enlisting in the air force upon my graduation from high school , I got some awesome supporting friends and family and a wonderful church I attend called RESCUE HOUSE. I think I'v done well for myself since those dark days.

Talking about bullying and all I thought Id post my story...sorry its so long, I just have allot to say.

 

[IndomitableSam]

Miyenne and I are twin sisters, so her story is as much mine.

In elementary school, I was bullied for my weight gain and various other things - including being really smart. I don't remember much (I don't really remember my childhood, for reasons), but do know I was picked on quite a bit. I wouldn't be invited to parites, or I'd be invited to someone's house and they literally wouldn't open the door for me, or if they did elt me in, they'd say hi, then walk out the door and go to someone else's house leaving me to either go home or follow them and be ignored all day.

I joined a softball team in second grade. It went okay for a couple years, then we started putting on weight and I started getting picked on for it, even if I was still a better player than a lot of them. I wouldn't be picked as a partner and the coaches would have to team up with me, girls refused to play with me all the time. It got to the point in my teens that the coaches (who were the parents of girls) would refuse to put me on their teams because their daughters didn't think I was cool enough they'd be embarrased in front of the boys who came to watch. Yes, even parents bullied us. I quit at 17 because I couldn't stand the shit talk from the girls anymore.

(I'll add an aside on the weight gain just as Miyenne did - we were very active kids. We walked to school daily, rode our bikes everywhere else, I played basketball and softball... this was all before it was normal for people to have computers in their house, so kids really did live outside. Just... a about 7/8, we started gaining weight and didn't really stop until we were about 20. We've been pretty stable since then, but weight loss just doesn't happen either, even if we try hard. And no, no diagnoses on any health issues, either.)

Middle school was pretty terrible. The friends I'd had in elementary school literally dumped me on day one because I wasn't cool enough for them. As is the way of girls, I had a huge crush on one guy and he knew it... because Miyenne's "best friend" literally burst into the classroom one day, jumped up onto the desk and started yelling it out loud. She then left and walked into the next room to do the same and so on. ... Lots of girl drama, being snubbed and picked on all the time, spit on, even pushing/shoving that tuned into thrown punches. One guy pretend-dated me for a few weeks, being a collasal jackass and going around telling people we were dating and laughing about it. He then 'broke up' with me in the middle of class one day infront of everyone. I was a very naieve girl, but I just "uh-huh'd" my way through that.

High school was hard, too. I had more friends and had people to eat lunch with, but as Miyenne said, it was a large group and some people picked on us and others just let it happen. I was still kind of disliked by most people, but it was better with a few people who I knew I could go stand around and talk with and not be harrased by. Thinking back, a few of them were just good people, and that was rare.

After high school, I changed and became a completley different person because I could. I'm a lot more loud and outspoken and don't take shit anymore. I am also pretty damn good looking, if also overweight. I also have a great career and am pretty happy. But I still hate so very, very many people and wish them terrible, horrible, painful lives.

 

[Strazdas]

Unfortunately the "just walk away" advice is just as bad or worse...turning your back on three people intent on physically assaulting you is *NOT* a good idea. I wish that it were possible in practical terms to show people the actual results of trying to "walk away".

Of course it is. but the advice was not to just walk away. advice was to get authority involved. Which failed to actually be an authority and thus the situation perversed. Very similar situation for me, when the school director took thier side (two of them were their kids, so yeah....) and fighting back didnt work so i ended having "walk away" as the ONLY option. Or well i was stupid enough to think that.

 

[Mr.Cynic88]

Reading through these responses and reflecting on my own life experiences, I realized that my youthful defense against bullying was the ability to be a quick-witted asshole. I refused to let myself be bullied, and to this day when meeting people, I still automatically make a mental list of their faults in case I needed to say something mean.

I was never really bullied, because I was willing to drop the verbal A-bomb.

One time in my dark teenage years, a few weeks after I had spent a week at the mental hospital following some self-injury issues, my rowdy high school lunch table was taking shots me. One kid was being particularly harsh, saying things along the lines of "why don't you just slit your wrists now and kill yourself." I turned the other cheek for a few minutes, because I understood that he was also going through his own issues, his father having recently died of a heart attack, but he was saying seriously mean things, and I refuse to take that.

Suddenly I interrupted him by plainly stating, "yeah, well, at least I have a father." A horribly cruel thing to say, and something that left him speechless for about a minute, before he left, to reportedly cry in the bathroom.

The "be willing to be an asshole" strategy might not always make you seem like a respectable person, but it has stopped people from continually harassing me multiple times in my life.

 

[Atmos Duality]

Ahh, the specter of the bullying thread has once again come to visit.
Can't wait for the pretentious sods to show up preaching about Social Darwinism, double standards, and all that other bullshit again.

I was bullied for a time, fought back, was subsequently punished for fighting back because the school disciplinary had their heads shoved up their ass. Most of that ended when I moved where I only had to deal with two dick-whistlers who couldn't keep to themselves, and neither of them proved the least bit intelligent or intimidating.

Prior to that I've been stabbed, received a near fatal concussion, gave one of the punks a concussion so hard that he was laughing and crying while curled up in the fetal position, and put two inbred fucks in a hospital.

From this, I learned from that the public school system (in the US) is paralyzed with fear when it comes to proper disciplinary action (they preached about discipline a lot but never practiced) and that children are animals.

 

[Patrick Buck]

My "Best Friend" had this thing where he'd be nice to me when it was just us, maybe one other person, then the second a popular person was with us, he would put me down to whatever I said, make fun of me, hit, be a douche, etc. But I let him get away with it because he apologised (most of the time) afterwards. But then.

In year 11 he was making some racist/homophobic remarks on facebook and I just snapped, told him to shut the fuck up and stop being a ****. He thought I was joking, and tried to talk to me the next day, ignoring it, and I just told him to piss off.

"Hey man, it's just my opinion!"
"No, racism isn't an opinion, it's a crime, now fuck off, we're not friends."

Never bothered me again, and I went on to make some actual, proper, not backstabbing friends.

 

[King of Asgaard]

Well, let's see...
I'm a long-haired, non-athletic, academically inclined, acne-ridden male.
Being bullied was my MO for the better part of eleven years.
It sucks, big time, but at least it's over now as the fuckers either stopped caring or changed schools.

I don't have any particular experiences because it was just a constant stream of insults and alienation.
All I can say is that it killed what social life I may have had.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Pretty badly. I couldn't go a single day without a ton of people making me feel like shit.
I'm not sure if it's affected me as a person, I'm pretty happy-go-lucky although I do have terrible bouts of depression and rock bottom self esteem. I close in on myself unless there's someone in the room I feel safe with. If someone is being nice to me, I assume they do it for a dare or they want something.
I probably come off as cruel when people compliment me but I just can't get it through my head that people find me attractive after having years of 'fat, ugly, cow, stupid' insults thrown at me.

I suppose I benefited from it. After a (thankfully short, thanks to my mum who knew something was wrong with me) spell of bulimia I've tried to put it all behind me and move on. I will not tolerate bullshit now and I've become a lot more mouthy.

And when I tried telling the head of year about the bullies she more or less replied with "Well maybe if you weren't such a weirdo, people wouldn't bully you" LOL.

 

[Chemical Alia]

Yeah, it was a problem for me. From the day I started kindergarten until around 11th grade when it started to taper off. I experienced very little of the physical kind, probably due to being a girl, but the way I was picked on was a pretty constant and unrelenting part of my childhood.

There's really not much worth getting into details over, it was pretty straightforward why it happened. I had pretty much every bad thing going for me and I think that's much more interesting v: My parents couldn't afford the "right" clothes, so I was poor and looked funny. I was too skinny and long-legged to fit into almost all jeans, so I was stuck with ill-fitting ones or stretch pants for years. I didn't care about fashion, boys, or ANYTHING girly, so it was hard for me to make and keep friends. Even worse, I lived in the "bad part of town" where half the school's parents wouldn't even let their kids visit or sleep over, and I definitely wasn't welcome with the more ghetto crowd of my own neighborhood. Basically I became more isolated over the years until I genuinely was a bit weird and a super easy target for other kids to constantly pick on. Because of that, I became super shy. People who were complete strangers were nasty to me, and I was terrified to try to talk to people and never had more than like two friends at a time growing up (and only one throughout my childhood who didn't end up "unfriending" me because I was uncool).

I dunno, it was just rough, and it kinda shapes how you interact with and trust people. It took me until after I was out of high school and into the army to gain some personal confidence back and feel like I truly am an awesome person. Even today, my interest in fashion, makeup, and all feminine interests were originally the result of realizing I had to conform in some ways in the hopes of being left alone. And I still occasionally catch myself cringing slightly whenever I'm alone and walk past a group of strangers and hear them laugh among themselves, because for a second I think they're laughing at me.

So yeah, now that I'm older, I totally see why I got picked on. It was pretty much inevitable and the less socialization I had with other kids, the worse it got for me. What I still don't really get is WHY people pick on some kids so hard and how they can do it over and over for years without feeling terrible.

 

[Mr. Q]

I was bullied during the later period of grade school up until graduation. To say its had an effect on my life and view of the world is an understatement. It's hard for me to talk about to others in public. My older brother had two kids and the oldest one has gone through with it briefly but she took martial arts so it after one incident, she hasn't been picked on since.

What pisses me off the most is that this is still going on and its gotten far worse with the rise of social media. This is a situation that needs immediate resolution from everyone involved.