Caffeine: Final Fantasy VIII

[domble]

[HEADING=1]caffeine|[small]domble[/small][/HEADING]
[HEADING=1]FINAL FANTASY VIII|[small]retrospective[/small][/HEADING]
[HEADING=3]Watch as I make my credibility disappear![/HEADING]

It's amazing how much of a society the gaming community really is.

We have the FPS fans, who for the purposes of this analogy are the blue collar working class, the aristocratic RTS enthusiasts who busily click their enemies into submission, and the guys who sit in every night, chugging energy drinks and grinding their way to ecstasy in the RPG corner.
This tells us that not only are gamers a segregated bunch, but also huge fans of their TWA's[footnote]Three Word Acronyms.[/footnote]

But like in any society there are the outcasts, the social pariahs that nobody understands. These malformed, lumbering troglodytes do nothing but pollute the gaming waters with their inferior genetic waste.
A shame, then, that I'm one of them.

You see I have this thing where I can't tell the difference between real hair and toupees. Whenever I mention this fact, even in passing, I get the exact same look as when I tell people that I love Final Fantasy VIII: like I'm proffering a dead cat in their general direction, my eyebrows bobbing up and down suggestively.

Now my love for the series has been Well [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.158465-Caffeine-of-Final-Fantasy-VII-of-Advent-Children-of-Tupperware] Documented [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.144913-A-Caffeine-Fuelled-Final-Fantasy-Fanboygasm#3266704], in a "I wish he'd shut up now" kind of way, but my affections were rekindled yet again by the PSP[footnote]See?[/footnote] - a console that serves as a testament to my impulsive buying, since I don't actually like any of the games it has. Also, I throw up when I play whilst travelling, a fact that the Arriva bus company will be more than happy to confirm.

But the thing is that when it comes to justifying my love for the game, I curiously draw a blank. Usually my verbal diarrhoea can drown even the politest Jehovah's Witness as they reap the consequences of asking "Hello sir, how are you on this glorious day?" - but here I am stunned silent.

So, gentle reader, prepare for some nostalgia-fuelled babble as I attempt to quantify my simple love for the game most people simply love to hate.

[img width]http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g247/Angel_Wings549/RinoaHeartilly.jpg[/img]​

[HEADING=1]"Oh! I still have your ring..."[/HEADING]​

[HEADING=3]-snicker-[/HEADING]

One of the most important parts of the Final Fantasy series are the characters because, let's face it, you'll be spending a lot of time with them.
Let's see what we have to work with:

• 
  Selphie - Spunkier than a bucket of ejaculate. Thankfully because this was in the era of speech bubbles, they didn't hire the shrill, upbeat harpie that they would have done otherwise. This makes the character remotely bearable.
  
  Zell - More annoying than being hit with a bag of Mike Myers. Of all the character archetypes in the world, they just had to go with "raving douchebag."
  
  Irvine - A consummate ladies' man, cursed by being in a PG-rated game. Poor Fellow. Looks like a cowboy and loves big, hard rifles, so we know he's overcompensating for something.
  
  Rinoa - Not quite Aeris, but not bad. In a world of stunningly handsome, chiselled girly men she opts for the one who has all the emotional stability of a see-saw made of angst and sexual repression. Chicks, huh?
  
  Quistis - A tough, bossy teacher with a whip and a miniskirt. Appeals to a very niche fanbase.
  
  Laguna, Kiros and Ward - Those guys from the past who always seem to pop up whenever a cliffhanger presents itself.
  
  Seifer - Aryan nutjob. Has a gunblade that isn't quite as cool as Squall's. If the mountain of Yaoi I had to wade through to find pictures for this review are any indication, it's not the size of his gun that makes him angry.
  
  The Other Bad Guys - Well...

The bad guys in VIII, it has to be said, aren't up to much.

Most of them just appear, and with no explanation as to who they are or even what they want. You won't find a bad guy as iconic or memorable as Sephiroth here. Edea was pretty cool I guess, but it'd be a stretch to call her the bad guy in the game. There are quite a few faults within the piece, and this is one of the most prominent.

Speaking of faults and their prominence, the keen eyed reader may have noticed that I haven't mentioned our weather-themed protagonist Squall Lionheart.
Now a lot of people dislike the game, and a lot of those people will tell you it's because they hate this aloof, arrogant tool.

The fact is that I find Squall to be a truly fascinating character. His deep-seeded abandonment issues, combined with the fact that they've been erased from his memory making them a core part of him, absolutely explain why he can't physically stand people getting close to him. I found his complete inability to open up out of downright fear to be nothing short of heartbreaking, and it made for a truly tragic character. Should that kind of character be the hero and focus of a 200+ hour game? Well, probably not.

But they could have done worse. Hell, look at Tidus.

[img width]http://tops.gamerlimit.com/files/2009/09/Selphie_Tilmitt_Cosplay_by_ExileFayt.png.jpg[/img]​

[HEADING=1]"The boy inside you is telling you to come."[/HEADING]​

[HEADING=3]Sorry, I've resigned myself to finding as many sexual innuendos as I can. And that is one understanding girlfriend.[/HEADING]

Let's start with the obvious first: The Junction system is absolute bobbins.

I dread to think what was going through the smacked-up, Freudian nightmare of the lead designer's head when they thought that making the use of magic detrimental to the characters was actually a good plan.
What were their other ideas? Maybe with every copy of the game Square Enix sent out a few guys to break your legs, or kill a family pet? The sheer insanity of it, frankly, boggles me.

As a result you can either have a group of people so physically strong that they need a chainsaw to cut their nails, but have all the magical competence of a nest of tables, or you can have people charged to the hilt with apocalypse magic but die whenever a monster sneezes whilst on the same continent as your polystyrene-boned wizards.

Not to mention the fact that all of the spells you can use are so over-animated and time consuming that you can easily stuff a power nap in between turns. Oh, and that's not even considering the missions that have time limits, whereupon the fifteen minutes you wait for Quezacotl to rise from his bed of lightening becomes a rake being dragged upon your very soul.

In fact, the only saving grace of the entire combat system is the fact that you can pull R1 when Squall swings his gunblade. It sounds simple, but in truth it's a spark of genius, of excellence in it's purest form. It just has that little something, like the bendy bit in straws, or the way someone had the idea of putting bubbles in cola.
... Well, I like it.

Anyway, so the combat, as in 80% of the actual fucking game, is a failure. What else is there?
Well I've heard people say that too much is left unexplained, like the motivation of the bad guys, why is the nation of Galbaldia so intent on blowing everything up and what, oh what, are GF's?

Well, it's true, none of these things are explained.
But can I just take a minute to remind everyone that this is a JRP-fucking-G - even if they did explain it, it wouldn't make sense anyway.
I still have no idea what happened in Final Fantasy VII, the plot of Ghost in the Shell is a complete blank to me and there are entire websites dedicated to deciphering whatever the hell Akira was about.
Not explaining anything actually makes the game easier to understand.

The truth is, the game doesn't get much right. But when it does, it really does.
Personally, I love the design work. It's glorious, bright, colourful and believable. Every locale has it's own identity, and every one feels like a lived-in place. The side missions were always fun to play, and the epic nature of some of the missions was perfect. The train mission from the first disc was nothing short of nail-biting, watching as Balamb and Galbaldia Gardens clashed and did battle in the sky was Tolkien in it's scale, and if you weren't on the edge of your seat as Rinoa was drifting through space, slowly suffocating, then you actually have no soul. And say what you will about the title as a whole, it would be hard to find anyone who can name a more satisfying and diverse minigame than the Card Quest you can play with almost any NPC[footnote]TWA FTW![/footnote] in any region - each with it's own rules and quirks. Hell, I'd buy that by itself, given the option.

But the greatest joy for me during the game was watching how all of the cast of characters came together throughout. Every one of the cast had their roles to play, and the way they interacted was some of the finest writing ever committed to game.

The main problem with the Final Fantasy series is that the bigger the game gets, the more it progresses and the more it opens up, the more focus it loses. But VIII did what none of the others have really managed to; firmly anchor the experience to the characters.

The game made a point of outlining why they were choosing to carry on fighting, rather than what events were making the choice for them.

[HEADING=2]"You can take anything...[/HEADING]

[HEADING=1]... You feel less pain."[/HEADING]​

[HEADING=3]You really don't want to know what site this image came from.[/HEADING]

The Verdict? A game like a flawed diamond; Beautiful, precious, rare, but still flawed.

Even with the broken combat system, and the fact that it doesn't make much in the way of sense, it's still a title that has a lot to love about it.

The whole point of writing this was for me to try and come to terms with a game that I know has a lot of faults, but I love anyway. During the four hour caffeine frenzy it took to write, I think I've put my finger on what it was: It was the first game in the series I played, and as a child it showed me that not every piece of digital entertainment had to be a violent, shooty, zombie-infested panic attack. It showed me that sometimes it was good to focus on something different.

In short, when it comes to being an outcast in any kind of society?
Well, it's not all that bad.

___________________________________________________________________________________
Can't sleep? Me either.

Spoiler: Stave off your inevitable suicide by reading my other attempts at literature.

Film: Kick-Ass [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.185181-Caffeine-Kick-Ass#5608635] / The Hurt Locker [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.183962-Caffeine-The-Hurt-Locker#5524103] / Pretty Woman [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.183238-Caffeine-Pretty-Woman] / The Haunting in Connecticut [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.181389-Caffeine-The-Haunting-in-Connecticut] / The Watchmen [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.180241-Caffeine-The-Watchmen-and-a-few-words-on-the-art-of-Adaptation] / The Men Who Stare at Goats [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.170886-Caffeine-The-Men-Who-Stare-at-Goats-25th-Review] / In the Loop [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.165442] / Moon [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.162973] / Pulp Fiction [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.156647] / Night Watch [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.154980] / X-Men Origins: Wolverine [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.153507] / The Departed [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.149527] / Star Trek 2009 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.149058#3470961] / A review of Love Happens (Without seeing it first) [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.148846#3460365] / Inglourious Basterds [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.147977#3420043] / Fight Club Essay [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.147655#3403751] / District 9 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.147097#3373011] / The Crow 4: Wicked Prayer [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.137348#3089948]

Game: Final Fantasy VIII retrospective [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.185358-Caffeine-Final-Fantasy-VIII] / Modern Warfare II, and the making of Caffeine [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.161600] / Final Fantasy Double Feature [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.158465] / Resident Evil 4 Retrospective [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.148447#3440710] / Mass Effect [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.145571#3296970] / Final Fantasy: Dissidea [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.144913#3266704] / Metal Gear Solid Twin Snakes [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.140353#3149506] / Far Cry 2 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.139317#3129015] / Street Fighter IV [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.136868#3079685]

Other: The Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z double feature [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.169416] / A Review of Society, via Call of Duty 4 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.151891] / A review of My Cat [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.146281#3332788]

The Knuckleduster: Mass Effect 2 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.182033-Pimppeter2-and-Domble-present-The-Knuckleduster-Mass-Effect-2]

 

[Hollywood Knights]

I couldn't agree with you more. Final Fantasy VIII was the first game in the series I played, and it's one of my favourites. It may have had some slight flaws, but when it was good it was really good. The world was just beautiful, especially in its design. There always seemed to be new places to go, and secrets to find, and every location was well thought out and had its own identity, like you said, while still fitting into the bigger picture. Also, I thought it was very well paced, revealing the story in a way that made the whole thing extremely dramtic and exciting, which I think has been missing a little from some of Square's recent games. Let's not forget the score as well, there are some of Uematsu's best tunes in there!

 

[CmdrGoob]

Ahem. As I said the other day:

Final Fantasty VIII is ass.

The characters are mostly unlikable, moronic jerks. Square seems to be trying to rehabilitate them buy making the characters in subsequent series even worse, but regardless FFVIII set the ground with the prototypes like Zell or Selphie or Squall who continue to plague the series like a bad stench.

The plot starts of promising and then just ruins that promise with 3 disks of unmitigated stupidity. Yeah, the idea of being trained mercenaries sent to assassinate an evil sourceress was cool. Having the sorceress turn out to be your fucking childhood nurse, in the most stupid, retarded and pointless plot twists I've ever seen in any sort of medium is not cool. Who the hell thought that was a good idea? And then she's possessed by a villain from the future who wants to fuck up time for no adequately explained reason blahblah it's all so stupid that by the time you're reaching the end and they're explaining that their grand plan to stop the villain from ruining time is to *drumroll* let the villain ruin time, you've pretty much lost so many IQ points to even notice this shit anymore, let alone reflect on how they manage to ruin a promising premise about mercenary schools and political assassinations by chucking it away for this garbage.

They also manage to weave in the world's least convincing romance in there, what with Squall acting like a jerk who acts like he still thinks girls have cooties right up until the moment Rinoa falls unconcious. Then she wakes up again and *bamn* it's back to being a jerk, with Squall literally telling her "I'm not your mom" when she's trying to have a cuddle. Oh yeah, feel the attraction. It sounds like a romance written by a 14 year old boy who's never had a date, and isn't likely to get one until they fucking grow up.

Then there's the gameplay, which is even worse. Anyone quickly realizes that gathering magic is fucking boring in this game, and since using it means you get weaker and you then need to go get more you quickly learn not to bother with magic. Summons are equally pointless because they have a lengthy delay and then a lengthy unskippable animation for not that much damage unless you learn boost and spam a button (fuck that). So you end up doing nothing but spamming attack and limit breaks which is really boring but sadly enough the game is still really easy because limit breaks are absurbly powerful and absurdly easy to get. Especially because the enemy levelling system is broken and levellilng makes the enemies harder, not easier, so as long as you aren't boring enough to grind for no reason, the game remains incredibly easy.

I'm 99% sure people who like this played it as their first RPG when they were age 14 or less, because that's the only way you could be naive enough to like this dull, poorly written crap. Sorry FF8 lovers, but that's the way I see it, and I'm not going to sugar coat it.

Tell me, were you 14 when you played it? No offense, but liking it due to naivety and nostalgia doesn't make it good.

 

[Random Argument Man]

.

I'm 99% sure people who like this played it as their first RPG when they were age 14 or less, because that's the only way you could be naive enough to like this dull, poorly written crap. Sorry FF8 lovers, but that's the way I see it, and I'm not going to sugar coat it.

I was 19 and I bought it, beated it and liked it last year.

So I guess that I just destroyed a little part of your theory.

To Domble: I could'nt have said it better. A flawed diamond...Why didn't I thought of that metaphor...

 

[CmdrGoob]

.

I'm 99% sure people who like this played it as their first RPG when they were age 14 or less, because that's the only way you could be naive enough to like this dull, poorly written crap. Sorry FF8 lovers, but that's the way I see it, and I'm not going to sugar coat it.

I was 19 and I bought it, beated it and liked it last year.

So I guess that I just destroyed a little part of your theory.

To Domble: I could'nt have said it better. A flawed diamond...Why didn't I thought of that metaphor...

Or you have poor taste for a 19 year old...

 

[Random Argument Man]

Or you have poor taste for a 19 year old...

It's purely subjective in the end. I could go and say "You're wrong bla bla bla". However, why should I bother? You're not going to change your opinion.


Case in point: I liked it, you didn't. I think it's a good game. If you're going to look at people the wrong way because you disagree, it's your choice.

Although, I should warn you. There's people out there who will not think like me. To them, "You have poor taste" is like saying "Everything you ever loved is crap". They won't take it lightly. I can assure that.

Edited Note* My apologies to domble for de-railling. Your review is still great though.

 

[The_Decoy]

I dread to think what was going through the smacked-up, Freudian nightmare of the lead designer's head when they thought that making the use of magic detrimental to the characters was actually a good plan.

God forbid you actually have to grasp such fearsome concepts as balance and tactics /jk

Needless to say, I played through this and found the combat system to be perfectly functional, not quite sure why you hate it so much...

Otherwise not a bad review, and no I can't sleep either ><

 

[FinalHeart95]

.

I'm 99% sure people who like this played it as their first RPG when they were age 14 or less, because that's the only way you could be naive enough to like this dull, poorly written crap. Sorry FF8 lovers, but that's the way I see it, and I'm not going to sugar coat it.

I was 19 and I bought it, beated it and liked it last year.

So I guess that I just destroyed a little part of your theory.

To Domble: I could'nt have said it better. A flawed diamond...Why didn't I thought of that metaphor...

Or you have poor taste for a 19 year old...

OR it's an opinion. You know, those things people form when somehow experiencing art?

I personally enjoyed the game. Is my favorite FF? HELL no. Does it suck? HELL no again. The fact that it's not anywhere near my favorite FF game, yet I still enjoyed it, is a true testament to how great the series is.

 

[CmdrGoob]

Or you have poor taste for a 19 year old...

It's purely subjective in the end. I could go and say "You're wrong bla bla bla". However, why should I bother? You're not going to change your opinion.


Case in point: I liked it, you didn't. I think it's a good game. If you're going to look at people the wrong way because you disagree, it's your choice.

Although, I should warn you. There's people out there who will not think like me. To them, "You have poor taste" is like saying "Everything you ever loved is crap". They won't take it lightly. I can assure that.

Edited Note* My apologies to domble for de-railling. Your review is still great though.

I like it when people immediately leap into claiming it's all subjective taste, because it means they don't have any actual arguments to defend this shit.

No amount of claiming subjectiveness is going to make, for example, the orphanage plot twist good. None. It's an absurd, contrived, pointless trainwreck. You couldn't possibly defend it, so you're going to wave your hands about how it's subjective in the hope that no one notices that it's indefensible.

 

[Elesar]

I'm never entirely sure how I feel about FF8. Oh, the gameplay was a string of disappointments. I could never get all the way into it until I inherited a save game with everyone at level 100, which was nice, and just spammed attack.
On the other hand, while the story was something of a mess, it was told, well presented and well written. The characters ranged from interesting to annoying, which is par-for-the-course, I suppose (I can't think of a single FF where there wasn't at least one character who pissed me the fuck off).
Oh and the opening cutscene is the best in the series and one of the best in the entirety of gaming. Arguing is forbidden.
Overall it felt a bit like an experiment, one which didn't entirely work, but I really can't fault them for trying new things, especially since they made my favorite game of all time directly prior.

Or you have poor taste for a 19 year old...

It's purely subjective in the end. I could go and say "You're wrong bla bla bla". However, why should I bother? You're not going to change your opinion.


Case in point: I liked it, you didn't. I think it's a good game. If you're going to look at people the wrong way because you disagree, it's your choice.

Although, I should warn you. There's people out there who will not think like me. To them, "You have poor taste" is like saying "Everything you ever loved is crap". They won't take it lightly. I can assure that.

Edited Note* My apologies to domble for de-railling. Your review is still great though.

I like it when people immediately leap into claiming it's all subjective taste, because it means they don't have any actual arguments to defend this shit.

No amount of claiming subjectiveness is going to make, for example, the orphanage plot twist good. None. It's an absurd, contrived, pointless trainwreck. You couldn't possibly defend it, so you're going to wave your hands about how it's subjective in the hope that no one notices that it's indefensible.

We get it, you didn't like the plot twist. You have yet to give an exceptionally good reason why it's absurd, contrived or pointless. Right now all you're doing is coming off, at least to me, as someone who didn't like it when he first played it and is refusing to accept any other opinion, which in turn is making you come off as a bit of an asshole. So calm down and make your case.

 

[Random Argument Man]

I like it when people immediately leap into claiming it's all subjective taste, because it means they don't have any actual arguments to defend this shit.

No amount of claiming subjectiveness is going to make, for example, the orphanage plot twist good. None. It's an absurd, contrived, pointless trainwreck. You couldn't possibly defend it, so you're going to wave your hands about how it's subjective in the hope that no one notices that it's indefensible.

Are you trying to make a pointless debate? It's pointless because no matter what I say, you'll probably disagree with it. I'll say "I liked Squall. I founded traces of myself in him". You'll reply "Well, I didn't. I didn't like Squall". You'll throw an example. I'll throw another. We will both dismiss the examples until one of will find something that the other can't disagree with. Maybe one of us will say "I was right. Therefore, you must accept my point of view". However, in the end, the other one will not accept this idea.

In short: Saying "waving the subjective card is saying that you can't defend this" will just arrive to one thing. I'll probably look at you and say "So?".

EDIT:Can we please move on and let people give their opinions on the review?

 

[CmdrGoob]

I'm never entirely sure how I feel about FF8. Oh, the gameplay was a string of disappointments. I could never get all the way into it until I inherited a save game with everyone at level 100, which was nice, and just spammed attack.
On the other hand, while the story was something of a mess, it was told, well presented and well written. The characters ranged from interesting to annoying, which is par-for-the-course, I suppose (I can't think of a single FF where there wasn't at least one character who pissed me the fuck off).
Oh and the opening cutscene is the best in the series and one of the best in the entirety of gaming. Arguing is forbidden.
Overall it felt a bit like an experiment, one which didn't entirely work, but I really can't fault them for trying new things, especially since they made my favorite game of all time directly prior.

Or you have poor taste for a 19 year old...

It's purely subjective in the end. I could go and say "You're wrong bla bla bla". However, why should I bother? You're not going to change your opinion.


Case in point: I liked it, you didn't. I think it's a good game. If you're going to look at people the wrong way because you disagree, it's your choice.

Although, I should warn you. There's people out there who will not think like me. To them, "You have poor taste" is like saying "Everything you ever loved is crap". They won't take it lightly. I can assure that.

Edited Note* My apologies to domble for de-railling. Your review is still great though.

I like it when people immediately leap into claiming it's all subjective taste, because it means they don't have any actual arguments to defend this shit.

No amount of claiming subjectiveness is going to make, for example, the orphanage plot twist good. None. It's an absurd, contrived, pointless trainwreck. You couldn't possibly defend it, so you're going to wave your hands about how it's subjective in the hope that no one notices that it's indefensible.

We get it, you didn't like the plot twist. You have yet to give an exceptionally good reason why it's absurd, contrived or pointless. Right now all you're doing is coming off, at least to me, as someone who didn't like it when he first played it and is refusing to accept any other opinion, which in turn is making you come off as a bit of an asshole. So calm down and make your case.

What, you can't see that? OK, let's go through it.

The execution is the most contrived, lazy plotting I've ever seen. They've arbitrarily forgotten their entire childhoods (and just their childhoods) because of the GFs, and they didn't even notice!? The hell? What, all of Squall, Quistis, and Zell and Seifer all forgot the same thing simultaneously, so one day they were like yeah, we're friends, we grew up together let's go hang in the cafeteria and then the next they all forget they know each other?

Maybe if they'd developed the theme it would be OK. Like as the story continues, the characters continue to struggle on gradually sacrificing their memories and identities as the story continues because they have no choice but to accept to power of the GFs, it might become interesting and poignient, but nope this whole forgetting stuff because of GFs thing only used as the arbitrary BS they need to make this retarded plot point happen and then it's never referred to again.

Then look at how they execute it. Oh, Irvine still remembers. What, he didn't say anything earlier? He didn't act like he recognised anyone, he didn't try to reminisce on old times or anything like that? It's just so contrived and arbitrary!

So they've taken the laziest and most arbitrary and contrived route to making this plot point happen. Right. Is it actually a good twist? No, it's really, really stupid. It retcons the beginning from being primarily about elite mercenaries on a political assassination into turning out that all the elite mercenaries are actually just childhood buddies, the garden is just a glorified orphanage, and the freaking sorceress is your childhood matron. Not only does it completely undercut anything remotely cool about the story so far, it is once again completely contrived. Oh almost everyone with any significance turns out to be associated with this tiny random orphanage? Small world, I guess.

And this is merely the worst example. The whole game is just filled to the brim with this kind of lazy, contrived, arbitrary plotting.

 

[domble]

Tell me, were you 14 when you played it? No offense, but liking it due to naivety and nostalgia doesn't make it good.

No, I was 10. And no offence, but you seem to be confusing your opinion with fact

I like it when people immediately leap into claiming it's all subjective taste, because it means they don't have any actual arguments to defend this shit.

Uh... I just wrote an entire review giving my reasons. And oh yeah, If I like something, I don't need to be able to justify it in a court of law before it's okay.

I wrote this review as a bit of fun to celebrate something I really like and hopefully make a few people chuckle in the process, it's not some kind of attack on the sense of taste that you're making it out to be.

Jeez dude, just chill out, when a writer compares a character to a bucket of ejaculate then it's time to realise that he's not taking himself too seriously and just go with it.

Edited Note* My apologies to domble for de-railling. Your review is still great though.

thanks dude, took me a while but I'm happy with it

 

[CmdrGoob]

Tell me, were you 14 when you played it? No offense, but liking it due to naivety and nostalgia doesn't make it good.

No, I was 10. And no offence, but you seem to be confusing your opinion with fact

I like it when people immediately leap into claiming it's all subjective taste, because it means they don't have any actual arguments to defend this shit.

Uh... I just wrote an entire review giving my reasons. And oh yeah, If I like something, I don't need to be able to justify it in a court of law before it's okay.

I wrote this review as a bit of fun to celebrate something I really like and hopefully make a few people chuckle in the process, it's not some kind of attack on the sense of taste that you're making it out to be.

Jeez dude, just chill out, when a writer compares a character to a bucket of ejaculate then it's time to realise that he's not taking himself too seriously and just go with it.

Oh, you were serious enough to claim that people who didn't like your favorite bit actually have no soul. Yeah, verbatim and in italics too. That's pretty fucking serious for something that's not serious. Even I only went so far as to claim that FF8 lovers have no taste; claiming someone lacks a soul really goes above and beyond.

Still, I have to give you credit for recognising that the gameplay is ass and many of the characters are irritating and the story is inexplicable; there's hope for your sense of taste yet. And yet you like it anyway, in major part due to *drumroll* it being the first one you played in the series and you being 10 at the time. Oh yeah.

 

[domble]

Oh, you were serious enough to claim that people who didn't like your favorite bit actually have no soul. Yeah, verbatim and in italics too. That's pretty fucking serious for something that's not serious. Even I only went so far as to claim that FF8 lovers have no taste; claiming someone lacks a soul really goes above and beyond.

Still, I have to give you credit for recognising that the gameplay is ass and many of the characters are irritating and the story is inexplicable; there's hope for your sense of taste yet. And yet you like it anyway, in major part due to *drumroll* it being the first one you played in the series and you being 10 at the time. Oh yeah.

Why are you getting so offended by this? Good jesus you're a troll.
"Final fantasy is ass anyone who likes it has no taste!!1!!" - your words verbatim... the exclamation marks I added in though.

The having no soul part is a joke, I'm not actually implying that if you didn't like it you eat children, it was a remark made in jest.

Seriously mate just relax, you're coming across as a bit of a tight arse.

 

[ramox]

Tell me, were you 14 when you played it? No offense, but liking it due to naivety and nostalgia doesn't make it good.

No, I was 10. And no offence, but you seem to be confusing your opinion with fact

I like it when people immediately leap into claiming it's all subjective taste, because it means they don't have any actual arguments to defend this shit.

Uh... I just wrote an entire review giving my reasons. And oh yeah, If I like something, I don't need to be able to justify it in a court of law before it's okay.

I wrote this review as a bit of fun to celebrate something I really like and hopefully make a few people chuckle in the process, it's not some kind of attack on the sense of taste that you're making it out to be.

Jeez dude, just chill out, when a writer compares a character to a bucket of ejaculate then it's time to realise that he's not taking himself too seriously and just go with it.

Oh, you were serious enough to claim that people who didn't like your favorite bit actually have no soul. Yeah, verbatim and in italics too. That's pretty fucking serious for something that's not serious. Even I only went so far as to claim that FF8 lovers have no taste; claiming someone lacks a soul really goes above and beyond.

Still, I have to give you credit for recognising that the gameplay is ass and many of the characters are irritating and the story is inexplicable; there's hope for your sense of taste yet. And yet you like it anyway, in major part due to *drumroll* it being the first one you played in the series and you being 10 at the time. Oh yeah.

Tell me, did this game kill your parents? Eat your puppy?
I mean why else would you go to such lenghts to bash at it? So you think it's crap. Fine, noted.
What i just don't get is why you so desperately try to convince everyone else that it in fact is. And why you feel it's your divine purpose to tell people who like it that they are not only wrong but are also outright stupid if they like it.

Care to explain yourself?

Also, OT:
Pretty nice summary of one of my top 3 FF's. I even liked the junction system but i guess i'm alone with that ;o)
But your review is ace again, just like all the others i read so far (not all of them yet, working on it)

 

[King of the Sandbox]

FF8 is my favorite.

Hate on it all you want, haters, but it's the only game that has made me both laugh til my stomach hurt (Any time Zell opened his mouth) and cry (Squall going after Rinoa in space).

Great little op piece/review, guy.

 

[CmdrGoob]

Oh, you were serious enough to claim that people who didn't like your favorite bit actually have no soul. Yeah, verbatim and in italics too. That's pretty fucking serious for something that's not serious. Even I only went so far as to claim that FF8 lovers have no taste; claiming someone lacks a soul really goes above and beyond.

Still, I have to give you credit for recognising that the gameplay is ass and many of the characters are irritating and the story is inexplicable; there's hope for your sense of taste yet. And yet you like it anyway, in major part due to *drumroll* it being the first one you played in the series and you being 10 at the time. Oh yeah.

Why are you getting so offended by this? Good jesus you're a troll.
"Final fantasy is ass anyone who likes it has no taste!!1!!" - your words verbatim... the exclamation marks I added in though.

The having no soul part is a joke, I'm not actually implying that if you didn't like it you eat children, it was a remark made in jest.

Seriously mate just relax, you're coming across as a bit of a tight arse.

Firstly, I think you need to find out what verbatim means. Secondly, since calling FF8 ass was obviously also a jokeish exaggeration, I have to enjoy the irony of me pointing out that you've made jokish exaggerations to counter the fact that you're getting worked up about my jokeish exaggerations and you're still calling me a "tight arse". Oh, that's real nice.

But to get back to the real point, people often have nostaligic feelings for games they played before they had a chance to develop taste and then mistake those nostalgic feelings for a belief that the game was actually good, at least until they have to take off their rose-tinted glasses and defend the damn thing. Or rather, refuse to take off their rose tinted glasses and ignore any criticism as being subjective because that's what happens more often than not (well that's a little unfair to you specifically because you do acknowledge flaws).

If you're going to write a review, then you should expect to get people disagreeing, and you should expect *gasp* at least some of them to come with reasons for disagreeing. What are you even writing a review for anyway, if not for conveying and justifying your opinion?

 

[sms_117b]

Final Fantasy 8 reviews seem popular at the moment, another good review from you none the less.

I too loved the Squall character and found myself very similar in personallity to him, well after every one that played it in year 9 and knew me pointed it out (making me 13 and it was my second or third JRPG)

(I loved everything about this game, junction system, GF's, story, side missions, the card game and especially the epic battle of the gardens story arc, so much so my illitarate self wrote a fan fiction about that section of the game, but I digress)

Keeping to your review, liked it, well written, thourough and thoughtful, especailly for a caffine fueled one, haha.

Oh and even though you say it's a joke, that Rinoa in space moment, not being moved by that does mean one has no soul. I failed first time, it was the first time, and the only time I can remember I felt truly bad about not doing part of the game.

 

[CmdrGoob]

Tell me, were you 14 when you played it? No offense, but liking it due to naivety and nostalgia doesn't make it good.

No, I was 10. And no offence, but you seem to be confusing your opinion with fact

I like it when people immediately leap into claiming it's all subjective taste, because it means they don't have any actual arguments to defend this shit.

Uh... I just wrote an entire review giving my reasons. And oh yeah, If I like something, I don't need to be able to justify it in a court of law before it's okay.

I wrote this review as a bit of fun to celebrate something I really like and hopefully make a few people chuckle in the process, it's not some kind of attack on the sense of taste that you're making it out to be.

Jeez dude, just chill out, when a writer compares a character to a bucket of ejaculate then it's time to realise that he's not taking himself too seriously and just go with it.

Oh, you were serious enough to claim that people who didn't like your favorite bit actually have no soul. Yeah, verbatim and in italics too. That's pretty fucking serious for something that's not serious. Even I only went so far as to claim that FF8 lovers have no taste; claiming someone lacks a soul really goes above and beyond.

Still, I have to give you credit for recognising that the gameplay is ass and many of the characters are irritating and the story is inexplicable; there's hope for your sense of taste yet. And yet you like it anyway, in major part due to *drumroll* it being the first one you played in the series and you being 10 at the time. Oh yeah.

Tell me, did this game kill your parents? Eat your puppy?
I mean why else would you go to such lenghts to bash at it? So you think it's crap. Fine, noted.
What i just don't get is why you so desperately try to convince everyone else that it in fact is. And why you feel it's your divine purpose to tell people who like it that they are not only wrong but are also outright stupid if they like it.

Care to explain yourself?

Also, OT:
Pretty nice summary of one of my top 3 FF's. I even liked the junction system but i guess i'm alone with that ;o)
But your review is ace again, just like all the others i read so far (not all of them yet, working on it)

I like how I have to justify why I'm trying to convince people that it's ass as though that's unimaginably weird, but the guy who wrote the frickin review doesn't have to justify why he's trying to convince people that it's good. Hey, why don't you ask domble why he's so desparate to convince everyone that it's good by writing a positive review? No? Hey, you know what? This is a gaming discussion forum, not a fanboys agreeing with each other forum. I feel like discussing what's wrong with this game.

But you're a bit behind asking me to "explain myself" considering I've already posted a two lengthy posts about shit that's wrong with this game. Feel free to defend the writing (like that abysmal orphanage plot twist), or that laughable romance or the horrible gameplay.