Caffeine: Modern Warfare II, and the making of Caffeine

[domble]

[HEADING=1]Modern Warfare II, and the making of Caffeine[/HEADING]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=429l13dS6kQ[/youtube]​

[HEADING=2]Spoilers. Shit loads of them.[/HEADING]​

Spoiler: Whilst watching a certain DVD I could not help but flick to the Special Features section and watch the making of documentary, which is now the prerequisite for any release these days. It struck me that no one has explained how they do things here in the review section, you just see the finished product. Why? I thought. Why has no one ever taken the time to truly explain how they go from drawing board to forum, why has no one ever tried to fill us in? Because it is a fucking stupid idea, answered the voice in my head, and you CAN NOT use punctuation properly with Spoiler code. This has never stopped me in the past, so for the two of you interested in how I go about things, and the rest of you who thought that you might get a straightforward review for a change and were sadly mistaken, strap yourselves in for a tour around the squishy, Fruedian nightmare that is my brain. Ever since September 2nd 2009, the Caffeine series has divided critics. Some believe my works are juvenile wastes of time, but can be safely ignored. Others believe that I should be put on trial and be made to answer for my crimes against literature - but seeing as a I cannot be stopped, let us just get down to it. Here is Modern Warfare II, my 20th review (uh... yay?) and the making of. Simply click the sections once you have read them to see my dubious thoughts and motives. It's going to be like a commentary, except really boring and nobody cares. Oh, and for those of you who thought this one looked mercifully brief? Wrong.

Ah, the introduction.
Apart from the bits were you have to make valid points, fair judgements and actually be interesting, this is the most important part.
Look, if you're about to subject somebody to ten minutes of abject torture then at least have the decency to let them know first.

I like to think of the introduction as being like a trailer.
"Here are the best bits you'll see, now read on and be crushingly dissapointed".
I've always found that the best way for someone to decide whether to continue or not is to give tiny samples of your humour/perspective, see if they bite, and then haul the fishy bastard in.
If angling metaphors aren't you're thing, then this part is like an introductory rate that banks offer - then once they have you, they throw you in the room marked "Financial Rape".
That's right, my reviews are like being raped.

Moving on...
When you're undertaking something like this, and when you're so lazy that you can't be bothered seeing if anyone has done it before, it's best if you don't appear too serious.
Self deprecation, laugh at yourself. Make constant jokes about how what you are doing is ridiculous, and then do it anyway.
This way, a chubby git from Liverpool preaching to you about his "style" and how he goes about it seems more like a joke than a tosser with a God complex telling you how fantastic he is.

See what I did there? Wow I'm awesome.

[HEADING=2]"Who's Soap?"[/HEADING][small]Or something equally as vague to introduce the character section.[/small]

Spoiler: Now characters in FPSs are usually about as consequential as Britney Spears psychiatrist, and MWII keeps this proud tradition going. None of the characters are going to capture your hearts or minds, but some of them are just cool as all hell. Soap and Price make a welcome return from the first installment - and both are as violently, jump-leads-to-the-ball-bags insane as they were the last time round, only now they have more experience in doing it. Sgt Foley, played by Keith Every David (Every is short for Every-Character-In-Every-Game-Ever) is a somewhat bland leader in comparison, but it is refreshing to have a character in the game who does not jump at the chance for genocide at every opportunity. Next we have Lance Fuck Henrikson (short for Fuck-Me-Where-Has-My-Career-Gone-It-Was-Here-A-Minute-Ago) as the raving nutjob General Shepherd. Admittedly his psycho status is not that well hidden, but his actions and cold resolve do manage to shock from time to time. And finally we have Vladimir Makarov as the games token foreign villain, who stops just short of twirling his mustache and booming about how we've not seen the last of him. All of the characters display that special kind of Grit Hollywood is into of late; they are completely OTT yet at the same time unbelievably real - much like a clown with a chainsaw. They are the kind of people that you yourself would want to be; someone who is absolutely human yet can dispense cold, leaden, ultimate justice at the drop of a hat. This is at odds, of course, with the quivering mess of nerves and kidneys you undoubtedly would be. All of the voice acting is brilliant, and not one person delivers their lines in a way which brings down a scene. Naturalistic genius.

Characters in any medium of a much-loved series, be it in books or movies or even games, will always have a bit of the viewer stamped on them.
For this reason people will be rather protective of them, so I find it best to keep it vague, go with the facts and take the piss out of them at every opportunity.

Just keep it light and impersonal, be fair, and let the reader fill in the blanks. If for some reason you hate an actor and the mere sight of them makes you want to self harm, make sure you don't make it apparent.
There's really no point in trying to convince anyone of anything since they've already made up their minds and don't really care about your opinions, so just go with it.

You can't change what people think, at least not until I perfect my Thought Machine on Mount Doom... then you will all be mine.

[HEADING=2]"All you need to change the world is one good lie and a river of blood."[/HEADING][small]A good lie... That's where I've been going wrong.[/small]

Spoiler: I will be honest with you, gentle reader, I did not have any intention of playing the solo campaign. I actually bought the game for the multiplayer. I was of the opinion that any story would be great as long as it did not stop me shooting things for too long, and to the games credit the plot is almost completely inconsequential. Also, if there are cutscenes, it usually means someone is about to lose a finger or two for being tight-lipped, which is always a bonus. It is a good, fast-paced romp, but you are never really required to know what is going on. Why am I shooting these guys? Because they are shooting me. But if you ARE looking for a near-future thriller, you could do a hell of a lot worse. Woah, woah, do not get me wrong, you could do a HELL of a lot better. The game REALLY excels, however, in rug-pulls. The return of Price, Soap having a Mohawk, every lead character getting shot in the face - it all makes for a unique gaming experience that will leave you perched on the edge of your seat throughout. Certain ranty demagogues (you are on the Escapist, you know who) have commented that it is a bit of a repetition from the last game, but personally I liked the fact that your character was never completely safe from the jaws of death, it gave a tension that is seldom seen in mainstream games. Finally, of course, I want to mention THE SCENE. If you do not know what I mean by THE SCENE then it is time to stop reading, because I do not want to ruin it. Okay, I understand that THE SCENE has provoked a lot of controversy, even causing some boycotts. The thing is that I have no problem with it, but I do not think that they should have done it. You see, I can comfortably tell the difference between reality and fantasy, and I have always been of the opinion that if all it takes to convince you that skinning your neighbors is a good idea is a *game* then well, something is going to set you off at some point anyway. Hell, religion has caused quite a few deaths, and we do not ban that. But the other thing is that games are having a hard enough time being taken seriously as it is, and having this scene in a game that didn't absolutely need it just comes across as slightly juvenile attempt at shock tactics is only going to hurt the cause. Do not get me wrong, there will always be naysayers, but we do not have to give them ammunition.

If there is one thing I hate, it's referencing Yahtzee.
People seem to compare my irresponsible scribblings of malevolent fury with a mere "rant" (the philistines) so anybody with a similar style, and at least a few braincells working in tandem, will stay well away from the man.
But here I wanted to present an opposing arguement, and I can guarantee if you're reading this then you have already seen his episode on the subject. It's just a good reference point.

Anyway, here is the part that I like to discuss the story and the gameplay, as well as any good points I feel like mentioning.
The gameplay here is great, addictive and lots of fun if you're into this kind of thing. You may also wonder where my multiplayer review is. Let's just say it's been done [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.151891]. Oh, but a special mention to Penny Arcade for not only advertising the "Witchblade [http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2009/11/30/]" class, but giving them a fucking comeback to use.
Anyway, I don't like to go into too much depth with things like this; it's not the juiciest part of a post and all of my reviews contain spoilers, so I work under the assumption that you already know what it's like - and you don't need me reiterating it to you.
And especially not when we have a topic like THE SCENE (dun dun duuuun).


That's right, I just went all serious on you.
When I make points like this, I have a hard time staying objective.
It's so easy to start a flame war with this sort of thing, so I like to present the facts as is. It's completely true that religion has caused more deaths than video games could ever hope to, but it's also completely true that the No Russian scene could have been absent and no one would miss it on a narrative level.

I like to think that not going to extremes and considering all sides of the issue before proceeding is the way forward, but people on both sides of the arguement will always reduce it to a shouting match.

The whole world's a forum.

[HEADING=2]"This is sending a message."[/HEADING][small]Or any foreboding quote to herald the faults section.[/small]

Spoiler: Like any game that has done even the slightest bit of business, MWII has divided people. Some people love the hectic, non-stop action that never allows you to take a breath and constantly makes you second guess yourself and rethink your strategy. Others feel exactly the same way, only they would start that sentence with the word Hate. But that is the thing with some games, people like or dislike it for the exact same reasons. On gameplay it cannot be faulted - the controls are tight, the guns feel satisfying and meaty, and you wont experience anything too out of the ordinary in single player. But that is the thing, it is all so standard. There will be scenes in the campaign that will take your breath away, but there is not much in the sense of real accomplishment. Maybe it is because Ive spent so long playing RPGs but the same thing keeps happening, just in different locations. Thankfully, this is balanced out by the campaign being catastrophically short and linear. As I have said, the plot is not exactly worthy of Clancy (first war author that came to mind) so when the game ends in a whimper rather than a bang it can leave you feeling a little nonplussed. It does certain things to keep you entertained, and introduces a few new game mechanics, but it is made obvious that the shooting is the star of the show right from the off. Its not a bad thing. Its just, well... a thing.

Faults can be a hard thing to articulate, especially with a game that I obviously love so much.

The thing is that people are fickle. If I read an entire review praising a game with no faults, I would automatically assume it's terrible. Or be so sickened by the reviewer that I wouldn't buy the game because I don't want to be associated with him in any way.
I know it's crazy, but it's just how I roll.

What I like to do is find the niggling, dirty little thought hiding in the back of my brain. I articulate it, and then dump it into the harsh light of day for all to see. It's a peculiar, some would even say deranged, system to use, but it works.

As I said before, these reviews are just for fun. I, personally, would not let any of the stoner hacks that infest this site like so many maggots[footnote]Domble's Guide to Making Friends - Vol I, available at some of your more seedier retailers right now![footnote]Footnotes are fun, too.[/footnote][/footnote] influence my decision to buy a game one jot, so why would I be any different?

So why write reviews I know don't affect anyone?
I write these for the same reason everyone else does, because I love writing. If any actual reviewing takes place then, well, some things can't be helped.

Having said that...

[HEADING=2]"Remember, No Russian"[/HEADING][small]I've no doubt it will be.[/small]

Spoiler: The Vedict? Functional to the point of perfection, but not as smart as it likes to think it is. The game has garnered enough attention, money, and controversy, to go down in gaming history as one of the most important landmarks of our time. Yes, it is short, but the noise it makes in that time is staggering. But hey, you probably already have it. And you love it so much that during the time you are not playing it you are reading a review of it. How can a faux humble reviewer go up against that?

... Sometimes I just can't help but ram some kind of message, or point, down your throat.


All the way through the review I've been talking about how inconsequential reviewers here are, but games like Modern Warfare 2, Assassins Creed 2, Uncharted 2 and Halo ODST are all sequels that have expanded and even bettered their previous installments.

This didn't happen by accident. It happened because of us.
The unpaid reviewer. The people playing the games who are moved, for whatever reason, to say what they love and hate about a game.
Because of the times we live in, our voices are getting louder and louder.

Make your voice heard. Praise and respect, ***** and moan. Keep talking, and they will keep listening - and things will change.

That's right, I just went all serious on you.

___________________________________________________________________________________
Can't sleep? Me either.

Spoiler: Stave off your inevitable suicide by reading my other attempts at literature.

Film: Pulp Fiction [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.156647] / Night Watch [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.154980] / X-Men Origins: Wolverine [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.153507] / The Departed [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.149527] / Star Trek 2009 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.149058#3470961] / A review of Love Happens (Without seeing it first) [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.148846#3460365] / Inglourious Basterds [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.147977#3420043] / Fight Club Essay [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.147655#3403751] / District 9 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.147097#3373011] / The Crow 4: Wicked Prayer [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.137348#3089948]

Game: Final Fantasy Double Feature [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.158465] / Resident Evil 4 Retrospective [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.148447#3440710] / Mass Effect [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.145571#3296970] / Final Fantasy: Dissidea [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.144913#3266704] / Metal Gear Solid Twin Snakes [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.140353#3149506] / Far Cry 2 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.139317#3129015] / Street Fighter IV [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.136868#3079685]

Other: A Review of Society, via Call of Duty 4 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.151891] / A review of My Cat [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.146281#3332788]

 

[El Poncho]

Killed! What do you mean killed I killed no one....no one...no one.

 

[ma55ter_fett]

The worst thing about MW2 was dieing and then seeing a Dick Cheney quote flash up on the screen... that shit hurt.

As far as people that I have Ragekilled the number for this week is still 0.

 

[Russian_Assassin]

Guns don't kill people! Nuh uh! I kill people! With guns! Pow!

I kiiiiill!

 

[Rusty Bucket]

Brilliant, as usual. I think I'm getting addicted to these things, I keep checking the reviews section to try and find the next one. You're not writing fast enough, dammit!

This was genuinely interesting though, it's a nice insight into the way you do things. Also, totally wasn't expecting the serious bit at the end, completely threw me off.

 

[Pimppeter2]

Brilliant friend!

I loved the making of part of it! Brilliant!

 

[Spiner909]

Interesting read.

 

[MasterMongoose0]

Great view on the game, I'm pretty much 99% with you here.

I love how you go into the detail of how UC2, ODST, etc, have been great improvements to their franchises. People will continue to hate, but our games out now are incredible across the systems...

 

[Dr. Love]

As always a fantastic read

To bad I'm poor enough to be beating hobos for their spare change trying to get enough to get it

 

[silasbufu]

The worst thing about MW2 was dieing and then seeing a Dick Cheney quote flash up on the screen... that shit hurt.

Man that made me burst in laughter and accidentaly spit my screen. Thanks
You're right though.. that shit hurt

 

[Bagmun]

Incredibly original.

 

[Twad]

Very well written, i like it.

 

[Cherry Cola]

All hail the funny commentary to the quotes!

They where hilarious.

 

[domble]

Brilliant, as usual. I think I'm getting addicted to these things, I keep checking the reviews section to try and find the next one. You're not writing fast enough, dammit!

This was genuinely interesting though, it's a nice insight into the way you do things. Also, totally wasn't expecting the serious bit at the end, completely threw me off.

lol thanks for the kind words man, really appreciate it.

I have Moon next week, and I've got In the Loop after that (bit of a brit movie extravaganza going on, i guess) so I hope that'll get you jacked

Do you think the serious bit worked? I was a little hesitant at first, but I decided that ending with yet another dick joke might have been a waste lol

 

[Rusty Bucket]

Brilliant, as usual. I think I'm getting addicted to these things, I keep checking the reviews section to try and find the next one. You're not writing fast enough, dammit!

This was genuinely interesting though, it's a nice insight into the way you do things. Also, totally wasn't expecting the serious bit at the end, completely threw me off.

lol thanks for the kind words man, really appreciate it.

I have Moon next week, and I've got In the Loop after that (bit of a brit movie extravaganza going on, i guess) so I hope that'll get you jacked

Do you think the serious bit worked? I was a little hesitant at first, but I decided that ending with yet another dick joke might have been a waste lol

You're doing Moon?! Holy shit, I'm excited about that, I loved that film. Especially the music, that was amzing.

The serious bit was definitely unexpected, especially after reading all your other reviews, but I reckon you pulled it off. It wasn't out of place, and it's certainly a good point, so yeah, I think it worked.

 

[domble]

Jeeze this works so very well, you already have a giant back catalogue and you have been here for like 3 months. Very good work!

lol thanks man, I apreciate it

Yeah there are quite a few, its a technique i like to call "no girlfriend".

 

[Marik2]

Guns don't kill people! Nuh uh! I kill people! With guns! Pow!

I kiiiiill!

LOL Jon Lajole

 

[domble]

To bad I'm poor enough to be beating hobos for their spare change trying to get enough to get it

Look, when it comes to this game its okay to steal. No one will judge you for it.
Even Jesus. He loves MWII, but hes a spawncamper.