Can men and women be just friends? - proof within

[Saltyk]

I got quoted in this thread? I had kinda forgotten about it.

Well, as a bisexual, everyone is potentially a mate for you. So that situation is fairly unique. According to my statement, you couldn't be friends with anyone. So, how can you be friends with anyone? Obviously, you are some kind of mutant. It all makes sense.

Seriously, though, your situation is unique. So you could be an exception. What I'm suggesting works in most scenarios.

I've enjoyed this debate of ours. Happy to find someone on the internet that can discuss things without flaming the other person.

assuming all bisexuals have low standards and would hump anything that moves??? das sexist!!!

Lol. Ahh, that's funny. Exactly what a troll would say in this situation. A perfect example of flaming the other person. I applaud. Good show!

 

[Vault101]

yeah, (hypothetically) youre threataning one of my freinds...thats controlling.

No, I'm not, because they aren't your friend. That's just someone trying to sleep with you and messing with your mind. If you'd prefer your boyfriend to be indifferent about other people manipulating you, well, fine, I don't care. I however wouldn't tolerate that shit, especially since that would have just as much to do with me as it would with you.

yeah..you would, because your basing what your doing on somthing you THINK, and since you seem to think all guy/girl freindships are just that...then as far as I can tell you would be chasing off any freinds I had who happen to be guys (if thats not the case them plase correct me)

[quote/]Wait, what? What the fuck is there to be on the fence about? And yes, the moment that guy friend fucks you, it stops being just friends, no, wait, hold that, the moment he WOULD fuck who, he stops being JUST a friend, you know, because friends don't sleep with each other. If you think otherwise, well, then you have a very strange definition of what a friend, or should I say ''freind'' is and any further discussion with you becomes pointless. But since Sex is a now suddenly a normal part of being a friend, I'm sure you'd entirely agree if I say, for instance, slept with a random hooker and then refered to her as a friend, right? Because that's what being a friend is, that's not a lover, or a hooker, that's just a friend and I only gave her money because she's my friend and friends do that. *facepalm*[/quote]

then the real question is (you know assuming what your saying is correct) at point would any "thourght" affect our freindship? thats the real question..when you actually "have" sex thats a different thing altogether (and sure..the bit with the hookers..was exactally what I ment)


[quote/]I sure do know it a hell of a lot better then you do. But yes, men are biologically programed to get their genetic material out there. So, if someone is your friend and for that reason obviously has strong feelings regarding you, chances are that eventually he's going to have thoughts of sharing that genetic material with you. Entirely disregarding the idea of guys who just play buddy buddy, which are the people that I'm actually talking about here, the moment 1 person thinks about anything more then a platonic relationship, it stops being just friends. They don't even have to actively pursue it.[/quote]

as I said....is that always a problem?


[quote/]So, I can't speak for males but you can speak for everyone? You sure did bite the dust hard on that one. [/quote]

no, Im poitning out that I dont know any girls who would specifically want freinds who were guys....we make freinds with people regardless of gender I would have thourght


[quote/] Well, no, it isn't. It's about attraction and inevitability. Can Men & Women (obviously applying to heterosexuality) be just (just is a very important word here) friends? The question isn't can men and women be friends. The question is, can heterosexual men and women reliably be friends without sexual tension, is it the rule, or the exception? And yes, it's the exception.
But for the record, you do realize that the entire last post that you yourself and I wrote was coming from that context? Yeah, you just fell flat on your face again. So, yes, in the context it means everything, you know, because you are accusing me of being a bad boyfriend, what my successful, loving and healthy relationship proves is that you know about fuck all of what you're talking about. You can't, otherwise you wouldn't have such a huge misjudgement, that invalidates any- and everything you have to say to the subject. [/quote]

yeah, thankyou for pointing how I obviously "embarrased" and made a fool of myself on a forum...silly me

and no Im not accusing you of being a bad boyfreind, Im just saying "I'll tell her male freinds to fuck off" sounds a tad controlling thats all (regardless of what you really ment by it)

and you know...Im still not quite getting what your relationship has to do with all of this, since you seem to love pointing it out at every opertunity...you want a cookie?


[quote/]No, actually I don't. But I also don't consider everyone I know a friend. Do I know women and get along with them? Sure. Am I emotionally attached to them? Nope. Have I had female friends and at some point felt attracted to them, due to the emotional depth of the relationship (another common misconception in this thread, that furthermore proves how full of it people are, it's not always about physical attraction) and yes, at that point I distanced myself, called to question if I just wanted to sleep with the girl because I was fond of her, or if it was something more then that. Depending on what case it was, I draw my consequences, that can mean breaking it off altogether, keeping myself in check if there is a reason to not go for sex or, if there wouldn't be any foreseeable problem (in other words, never) I would go for it. Because, you know, that would make me a real friend who is trying to avoid hurting you.[/quote][/quote]

so what your saying is you dont want to be around somone you have feelings for? ok then

though in a situation like that (from what I can gather) theres one person getting hurt..and its not the girl

 

[Zen Toombs]

[sup]I would go so far to say SUPER science![/sup]​

OT: Seriously though, that was horrifically biased and shows nothing about whether or not people that can be sexually attracted to each other can be "just friends".

Yes, there are some friendships that contain an undercurrent of sexual desire.

Yes, that is a possible reason that some people make friendships with people of a gender they are sexually attracted to.

But no, that is not the only reason people make friendships with people of a gender they are sexually attracted to.

*Endnote*
Deal with me applying this across sexual orientations!

 

[Blobpie]

I can be just friends with my friends who are girls.... since I'm asexual and all.

 

[Fieldy409_v1legacy]

I believe you can be. But it will never quite be the same as your friendship with your fellow gender I think. I never find myself checking out my bros ass when he bends over to pick something up off the ground for example.

The sexual element will always be there. At least thats how I am.

 

[Vault101]

sniperoo
.

ok then...when you say "freind" youre really refering to "nice guy who hangs around you pretending to be your freind in the hope that you'll sleep with him" is that it? I actually got that

but thats not what I'm talking about,

I'M asking can guys and girls be "real" freinds and from what I can gather you would say no? or that such a thing doesnt exist?

Im not speaking for all women..I just would think [i/]conciously[/i] seeking out male freinds wasn't a common thing

anyway...for crying out loud Im NOT accusing you of being controlling, we got past that point. I was merely pointing out that the "statement" sounded very controlling when taken at face value.

[quote/] What I said is that, my actions would be based on the circumstance. If I had reason to believe that the other person has deeper feelings, but I just want sex, I am not going to sleep with them. If I notice that I want to have sex with someone, but only that, I will not go for it unless I can be positive that they can deal with that. But guess what, most people CAN'T deal with that [/quote]

...but if she veiws you as her friend then of coarse she doesnt want sex with you...

 

[Vault101]

...but if she veiws you as her friend then of coarse she doesnt want sex with you...

Sorry, but you are just plain wrong here. Have you never heard of the term ''Friends with benefits''? I've known plenty of people who considered themselves friends to each other and then just started having sex, because, well, people tend to like sex. I have NEVER seen that end well. Eventually, someone either already had feelings or developed them soon enough, most of the time the women. If that isn't happening on both sides, one person is going to end up very hurt. I had to hurt a women that I considered my friend before because she had feelings that I had never known about. Breaking a friends heart is not a nice feeling, especially since that friendship was forever lost, I don't want to deal with that again. That is why I have a few very simple principales:

No Sex unless I know there is more to it then just sex.

No friendship when one of the people, no matter who, wants more then that.

No interfering in relationships, if they aren't happy, it will end on it's own, don't make them unhappy to forward your own agenda.

Now, I expect other people to adhere to the same principles, but I know that not everyone will. Thats why, if someone trys to get between me and my girlfriend, I would not stand for it.

yes....

...but if it "always" came down to sex then you wouldnt have the Idea of the "nice guy" would you? the existance of that sort of goes agaisnt the Idea that the girl will eventually have such feelings

other then that I feel there is nothing more for me to add

 

[axlryder]

Anyone who honestly subscribes to the beliefs that men and woman 'can't be friends' are completely foolish. Guys, just because you've gone through some unfortunate biological or psychological development that dictates you MUST be attracted to all of your female friends doesn't mean we all have. I have many gorgeous female friends. Why can this work? Several reasons. One, I simply might not find them attractive. Yes, this happens. and no, I'm not just talking about my ugly friends either. You might be saying "well if you recognize them as pretty than you must have feelings because you've assessed their beauty and found them attractive on a physiological level". This too is a foolish misconception. If I look at a painting and recognize it as aesthetically pleasing, it does not necessarily mean I want to take it home with me or have any desire to possess it. It might not be to my taste or it might just not capture my interest in that way. The aforementioned reason is also one that makes me mad when men say "any healthy, normal male will be attracted to his female friends". I consider myself healthy and normal, yet I have often had zero reaction to many 'attractive' woman. Now, say I am physically attracted to a woman, that doesn't mean squat because I might not mesh with her on a psychological level. To me, trying to push past the myriad other barriers that might separate two people from being together simply for the sake of physical attraction just seems outrageous and unthinkable. It's the same reason why something like a strip club or porn has little appeal to me (aside from the tragic emotional and mental implications of such things). In fact, there have been times when I've had a female friend who I had zero physical attraction towards, but once I found us meshing psychologically the physical attraction grew (though this is a natural physical response, and yes there have been studies). Now if I have a female friend who I am attracted to on multiple levels, at that point I have to make a decision. Either I will bury those feelings for the sake of the friendship (which I have done successfully before with positive results), pursue the relationship, end it, or simply be open and see what she has to say about the whole mess. If she's dating someone, in this case, I will usually end the relationship as to not entangle myself in the already complicated issues of relationships. I'm not saying it's 'the right thing to do', merely the right thing for me.

 

[Vault101]

yes....

...but if it "always" came down to sex then you wouldnt have the Idea of the "nice guy" would you? the existance of that sort of goes agaisnt the Idea that the girl will eventually have such feelings

other then that I feel there is nothing more for me to add

Could you elaborate, I don't quite understand what you mean.

I just ment that in the examples you keep bring up as to why they "cant be freinds"ts often the male who has the feelings. not female

kind of like the females are "yeah sure" while males are "no"

 

[axlryder]

yes....

...but if it "always" came down to sex then you wouldnt have the Idea of the "nice guy" would you? the existance of that sort of goes agaisnt the Idea that the girl will eventually have such feelings

other then that I feel there is nothing more for me to add

Could you elaborate, I don't quite understand what you mean.

read 'nice guy' as 'intellectual whore' or 'the guy who's always there for her and undoubtedly harbors unrequited feelings but isn't going to get any ever'

 

[Emurlahn]

Let me get this straight. So, you're a psychology major...and you don't understand context?

Seriously, what is not to understand about ''friends''? Especially after I've explained it about, oh, I don't know, 10 Billion times now? No, I don't have any problem with my Girlfriend having male friends. ''Friends'' however are a problem. Now, since I can't possibly expect you to pick this up on yourself, despite it being written 2 posts above the one I'm quoting here, a ''Friend'' is someone who isn't simply being a friend, but looking for more then that and yes, if I notice that, I will make very clear to that person that he will back off if he knows whats good for him. Do you get it now? Or did that just fly over your head?

See, the problem here is not that I don't understand context, it's that you've been working with two definitions of "friends" (friend and "Friend"). While for I call that friend and "douch-who-want's-in-my-gf's-pants". so from the start this have been more a misunderstanding definition, rather than a disagreement.

And about the context, I can only say my opinion taken from what I've read from your post. As that is not a 4 year long description of your relationship, it is hard understand it completely, thus I said "in my opinion", which is creating the context for my argument.

Do me a favor, tomarrow, or at your next lecture, go up to your professor and tell him/her that now that you have been studying psychology for a maximum of 2.5 years, probably less, you are a psychologist. In other words, no, I'm not off target, I just didn't hit dead center.

I'm not a psychologist, I'll never be a psychologist, and in fact not even my teacher is a psychologist, as that is a work title, and as none of us is working as that none of us are just that.

My answer is: Stop being so damn lazy, I also answered that question in the other post.

Sorry that I don't have time to read all your posts and rather try to have a conversation based on what you've said to me.

Also, because I have authority over you for some reason, stick a carrot up your nose before answering, or don't answer at all.

1. since when did you get authority over me? I don't see that mentioned anywhere.
2. Keep civil, personal attacks is halfway toward Godwin's Law. And not too far from flaming.
So please stop it, or don't answer.

I had a awesome day, I'm now going to go on to have a awesome night. You have a good one too. (add personal interpretation here)

Good night to you too.