Can We Just Use Friendzone to Describe a Situation, Please?

[Stephen St.]

I lol'ed. Explosm is on point as usual.

Except some people are actually shy and/or bad at sending the right signals and will get constantly rejected until they find someone who either understands their signals or is sending very strong signals on their own.

 

[rasputin0009]

"Friendzone" was created with a negative connotation, so ya, it definitely comes with the negative baggage of the word.

My opinion is that if you're in the "friendzone", you're a sad, sad person. Seriously, what's wrong with having another friend? If you develop feelings for a friend, you can tell them, and if they reject you, then you move on. While staying their friend. Much easier to do than to cry about it.

Also, this is for the guys who need to wakeup and the girls who need the lulz: http://www.explosm.net/comics/3167/

As previously mentioned, unrequited love really really sucks. And it can be very difficult to just "get over it" If emotions worked that way, no one would grieve for dead loved ones.

Unrequited love does not equal the "friendzone". Unrequited love is the stoic willingness to accept suffering. Being "friendzoned" is objectifying the person you're having "feelings" for and most likely do not actually love.

 

[Stephen St.]

Unrequited love does not equal the "friendzone". Unrequited love is the stoic willingness to accept suffering. Being "friendzoned" is objectifying the person you're having "feelings" for and most likely do not actually love.

Uh, how does a word that actively makes the other party the subject of the action also objectify them?

 

[Lonewolfm16]

"Friendzone" was created with a negative connotation, so ya, it definitely comes with the negative baggage of the word.

My opinion is that if you're in the "friendzone", you're a sad, sad person. Seriously, what's wrong with having another friend? If you develop feelings for a friend, you can tell them, and if they reject you, then you move on. While staying their friend. Much easier to do than to cry about it.

Also, this is for the guys who need to wakeup and the girls who need the lulz: http://www.explosm.net/comics/3167/

As previously mentioned, unrequited love really really sucks. And it can be very difficult to just "get over it" If emotions worked that way, no one would grieve for dead loved ones.

Unrequited love does not equal the "friendzone". Unrequited love is the stoic willingness to accept suffering. Being "friendzoned" is objectifying the person you're having "feelings" for and most likely do not actually love.

Again, can we please just drop the baggage of the word? It can easily be used to mean one friend wanting a romantic relationship, and the other only wanting a friendship. And all unrequited love means is love that isn't reciprocated, it never implied stoicness.

 

[rasputin0009]

Unrequited love does not equal the "friendzone". Unrequited love is the stoic willingness to accept suffering. Being "friendzoned" is objectifying the person you're having "feelings" for and most likely do not actually love.

Uh, how does a word that actively makes the other party the subject of the action also objectify them?

Because it's in the point that the "friendzone" is only being created by the "friendzone-ee". Read the comic in my original post.

 

[Dr. Doomsduck]

I lol'ed. Explosm is on point as usual.

Except some people are actually shy and/or bad at sending the right signals and will get constantly rejected until they find someone who either understands their signals or is sending very strong signals on their own.

I think you missed the part where our friendzoned dudebro explicitly mentions that he's manipulating women purely for his own ulterior motives.

Look, I know how difficult signals are, heaven knows I get them mixed up plenty of times, but there's meeting someone, getting to know them, and falling in love with them because they are amazing, in which case unrequited love is a *****, but you willingly stick around because they're a great person. And then there's going after girls because you want them purely for romantic and/or sexual exploits and then bitching when *shock and horror* they turn out to not be interested in that.

Either walk away if that's all you're truly interested in, or stop complaining about it. It's not their fault you fell in love. The word friend used to be a positive word to indicate people who cared about one another platonically, don't turn it into a scapegoat for your own bitterness.

 

[Scott Rothman]

The issue isn't with the word or even the meaning behind it. It's totally reasonable for someone to be upset that they someone they are interested in romantically doesn't view them the same way. You can be upset about that; issues arise when people take to anger directed towards said person for not feeling the same way that they do. Being upset at a situation, fine. Being upset at a person for not feeling a certain way, not fine.

 

[Dr. Doomsduck]

Again, can we please just drop the baggage of the word? It can easily be used to mean one friend wanting a romantic relationship, and the other only wanting a friendship. And all unrequited love means is love that isn't reciprocated, it never implied stoicness.

No, because words mean things, because 'baggage' is literally the only thing that gives a word any value. If you replace friendzone with the word flarble, you create a completely different discussion, because we define words by what they mean to us.

You cannot change the negative connotation to a word just because you feel like it. You might not want it to sound bad, but you're going to have to get used to the fact that other people do think so.

The same goes for the other side. I would really, really like for everyone to just stop using the word 'friendzone' because it makes me feel uncomfortable, but I can't because others don't feel the same way.

The way I see it, it'll take a long time before the word 'Friendzone' is anything other than controversial at best.

 

[rasputin0009]

"Friendzone" was created with a negative connotation, so ya, it definitely comes with the negative baggage of the word.

My opinion is that if you're in the "friendzone", you're a sad, sad person. Seriously, what's wrong with having another friend? If you develop feelings for a friend, you can tell them, and if they reject you, then you move on. While staying their friend. Much easier to do than to cry about it.

Also, this is for the guys who need to wakeup and the girls who need the lulz: http://www.explosm.net/comics/3167/

As previously mentioned, unrequited love really really sucks. And it can be very difficult to just "get over it" If emotions worked that way, no one would grieve for dead loved ones.

Unrequited love does not equal the "friendzone". Unrequited love is the stoic willingness to accept suffering. Being "friendzoned" is objectifying the person you're having "feelings" for and most likely do not actually love.

Again, can we please just drop the baggage of the word? It can easily be used to mean one friend wanting a romantic relationship, and the other only wanting a friendship. And all unrequited love means is love that isn't reciprocated, it never implied stoicness.

Like it or not, the word is going to come with the negative baggage. Because of how commononly it's used and portrayed as.

And unrequited love definitely implies stoicness in a lot of poetry and other literature I've read. And that's what gives words meaning, not just a definition from the dictionary.

 

[Bobic]

What I don't get is why when confronting people "in the friendzone" everyone turns into a raging asshat. These are usually damaged people desperate for affection and feeling down over their loneliness. The best way to explain that they're misunderstanding how relationships work and form is not "You Mysoginist scumbag just in it for the sex, you're a pathetic child". If you actually talk to them with a bit of kindness and respect, you might actually inform them of something, make them feel better, change a mind, improve the world an infinitesimal amount. But no, this is the internet, and if it's worth doing, it's worth doing in the most arrogant, condescending, insulting way possible.

 

[Vegosiux]

But no, this is the internet, and if it's worth doing, it's worth doing in the most arrogant, condescending, insulting way possible.

I am SO going to save this quote. Honestly, with Sturgeon's law in effect, you've pretty much hit the nail on the head.

Still, the remaining 10% is worth fighting for.

 

[Stephen St.]

Because it's in the point that the "friendzone" is only being created by the "friendzone-ee". Read the comic in my original post.

Again, this is the statement I find offensive. It assumes that everyone who uses the word, or finds himself in a situation that can be described by it, is some sort of sorry individual whose shemes of manipulating females haven't worked out and who is now invoking the "friendzone" to rationalize it.

However, being mentally labelled as a "friend" is something that happens a lot to shy people, and can cause great frustration. It is entirely understandable for them to view the situation as something imposed upon them, as they are doing all they can, it just isn't working. Therefore, the term "friendzone" accurately describes the situation from their viewpoint.

I think you missed the part where our friendzoned dudebro explicitly mentions that he's manipulating women purely for his own ulterior motives.

I didn't, I just find the accusation unwarranted, see above.

Look, I know how difficult signals are, heaven knows I get them mixed up plenty of times, but there's meeting someone, getting to know them, and falling in love with them because they are amazing, in which case unrequited love is a *****, but you willingly stick around because they're a great person. And then there's going after girls because you want them purely for romantic and/or sexual exploits and then bitching when *shock and horror* they turn out to not be interested in that.

But often enough, they are not actually an amazing person, you just imagined them that way in your head, and sticking around them being a friend will just hurt you and them both. In which case breaking off the contact is the sensible, albeit hard, choice. It has less to do with "shock and horror" and more with "I am doing everything I can and it still isn't working".

You cannot change the negative connotation to a word just because you feel like it. You might not want it to sound bad, but you're going to have to get used to the fact that other people do think so.

The same goes for the other side. I would really, really like for everyone to just stop using the word 'friendzone' because it makes me feel uncomfortable, but I can't because others don't feel the same way.

The way I see it, it'll take a long time before the word 'Friendzone' is anything other than controversial at best.

The question is how many people need to agree that the word has a mysoginist subtext now before that is being accepted as the primary meaning of that word. Obviously we can agree to not use the word in any given discussion, but at what point can we ask everyone speaking the same language to refrain from using it?

 

[rasputin0009]

If I got bent out of shape every time the kids these days came up with a new slang term, I'd be in a bad way. For gods sake, "pants" now has meaning outside article of clothing.

These kind of words are great identifiers for attitude. The people who use the term friendzone are exactly the sort of people you expect to use it.

Haha. What is "pants" slang for now? That sounds wonderfully hilarious that it'd be used for something else.

 

[Vegosiux]

Haha. What is "pants" slang for now? That sounds wonderfully hilarious that it'd be used for something else.

It's actually been slang for "crap" for quite a while in the British parts. Maybe it's new in USA, but it's definitely not a new use of the word in UK.

 

[the December King]

Also, girls can be friendzoned to. Why does nobody ever specify that?

Due to societal norms/expectations arising from gender roles, women are far less likely to engage in elaborate courtship behavior that can result in miscommunications and/or a sense of entitlement to some kind of return on investment.

In my experience, the notion that women 'don't engage in elaborate courtship behavior that can result in miscommunications' is a bit off, BloatedGuppy. Women certainly do expect things- we all do, in all social/romantic interactions. Whether they would comment en masse on this, or simillar websites, is less likely, but I suspect that they have their own avenues of discourse.

Women are not above rejection, and dealing with it.

 

[Reikan]

Don't try to be friends with girls you want to have sex with. Then it won't be a problem anymore. You'll never be friendzoned. If she tries to be friends with you instead, just drop the whole shibang and forget about it.

Also "manipulating" women. Give me a break, they grown ass women you honestly think you tricking them into doing something they weren't going to do anyway? Be real.

 

[Ratties]

I am more pissed off by double standards, than the whole friendzone crap. Both sexes do stuff that is very wrong. Yet they think it's okay because they either have a vagina, or they have a penis. Lets talk about that instead.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

In my experience, the notion that women 'don't engage in elaborate courtship behavior that can result in miscommunications' is a bit off, BloatedGuppy.

Well I didn't say "don't", I said "are less likely to", and I think I'd feel comfortable standing behind that. Men are very much expected to be the sexual/romantic aggressor, even in today's society where we've been busily deconstructing traditional gender roles for decades (with varying degrees of success).

Women certainly do expect things- we all do, in all social/romantic interactions.

Certainly. I just feel they're LESS likely to make the emotional or financial investments that usually accompany an aggressive courtship attempt, and are thus less likely to be sat around afterwards bemoaning the lack of payoff. Commonplace female romantic complaints trend towards the passive, such as "They never call".

It shouldn't need to be said that I don't ENDORSE the concept of gendered romantic complaints, I'm just observing the fact that this is how they tend to shake out. I don't think it's coincidental that the overwhelmingly endorsed definition of "friend zone" on the urban dictionary, for example, tells the story of a man rejected by a woman.

 

[Dr. Doomsduck]

I think you missed the part where our friendzoned dudebro explicitly mentions that he's manipulating women purely for his own ulterior motives.

I didn't, I just find the accusation unwarranted, see above.

It's admirable that you feel offended by this comic's harsh definition of a friendzoned man, because that obviously means you approach women because you're interested in them as a person, rather than a conquest. But I can tell you that there are plenty of guys out there (Even a few acquaintances of mine) who stop being 'friends' with women the moment it becomes clear they're not getting in the sack with them.

Look, I know how difficult signals are, heaven knows I get them mixed up plenty of times, but there's meeting someone, getting to know them, and falling in love with them because they are amazing, in which case unrequited love is a *****, but you willingly stick around because they're a great person. And then there's going after girls because you want them purely for romantic and/or sexual exploits and then bitching when *shock and horror* they turn out to not be interested in that.

But often enough, they are not actually an amazing person, you just imagined them that way in your head, and sticking around them being a friend will just hurt you and them both. In which case breaking off the contact is the sensible, albeit hard, choice. It has less to do with "shock and horror" and more with "I am doing everything I can and it still isn't working"

If you don't think they're an amazing person, then you were never really friends with them in the first place. You were clouded by your hormones. She might want you as a friend, but you don't want her in a non-romantic way? that's not friendship, man. It goes both ways. So in that case, the term 'friendzone' makes no sense.

Walk away, chalk it up to a failed attempt at romance, but don't bring the word friend into it, unless you really, truly saw her as that.

You cannot change the negative connotation to a word just because you feel like it. You might not want it to sound bad, but you're going to have to get used to the fact that other people do think so.

The same goes for the other side. I would really, really like for everyone to just stop using the word 'friendzone' because it makes me feel uncomfortable, but I can't because others don't feel the same way.

The way I see it, it'll take a long time before the word 'Friendzone' is anything other than controversial at best.

The question is how many people need to agree that the word has a mysoginist subtext now before that is being accepted as the primary meaning of that word. Obviously we can agree to not use the word in any given discussion, but at what point can we ask everyone speaking the same language to refrain from using it?

This really isn't a issue of statistics. There is no way of saying when and how something becomes socially acceptable, it just does. That's my point. We can't expect that others see a controversial word as we do. All we can do is discuss its meaning and pick the right situation to use it until the word changes naturally. In the meantime I'll be stuck grinding my teeth and pointing out what the word means to me, while you'll be stuck grinding yours and answering to people who don't like the word.