Can you help me understand something?

[Misterian]

There's something I seriously don't get.

You know how several societies tend to require you to wear certain clothes for certain events or occasions? or even how some people seem to be very self-conscious about what they wear regardless of where they are or what they're doing?

Here's my question; why?

we live in a time where many of us have been almost constantly been exposed to stories and talks about how you shouldn't judge people by their appearances, yet from what I've been told, it seems like society is still doing it.

my family, while they're always friendly about, seem constantly heck-bent on making sure I'm not wearing any clothes with holes in them, which has only happened when my clothes started to wear off, and I've done my best to be fine with it, even though I never really understood why, consider that, as far as I was concerned, holes in clothes could mean anything.

Now here's where I'm going with this;

I just recently got money that I could use to buy collage clothes. And as an adult, I have full right to decide how to spend my money and my Dad even said as much. So I bought the clothes I needed and here's where the whole deal got sketchy on me, turns out I apparently bought some jeans that were slightly too long for me, I argued I could just roll-up the pant legs so it shouldn't matter. They rejected my idea and insisted I go back to refund the jeans and buy some that fit more closely my size despite how ones my size were difficult to find.

Since me and my family live in the U.S, I argued, "It took our country centuries to learn not to judge people my skin color, how much longer 'till we learn the same lesson involving clothes?"

My sister said that it's not a 'judging' matter and that society considers what clothes you wear as an indicator of what respect you have toward yourself and others, but all I could think was; 'Stills sounds like judging to me'. And I always thought respect was something gauged by behavior, not appearance, and that's assuming respect is something to be gauged at all.

But I don't know, speaking as someone with Asberger Syndrome (something I've put off mentioning because of how some people try to use it as an excuse to be rude online), there are certain social ques of which I can't understand the logic behind. And maybe it's something I'll never understand and just have to put up with anyway. But I hope some of you here can help me learn why this whole judge-by-clothing thing and why it's considered such a big deal despite how many of us were taught NOT to make any conclusions about people based on appearances.

What am I missing about all this?

 

[tippy2k2]

Because we're a judgmental species

It really doesn't get much more complicated than that. You judge, I judge, my mom judges, my grandpa judges; everyone judges.

Now the hope is that you will not use that judgement solely based on how a person looks/dresses/smells/whatever but it will always be a fact that we will judge people based on how they look.

You may have heard this before; dress where you want to be, not where you are. Whether it's right or not, you will be judged and whether you think it should matter or not, it will matter. It'd be nice if it didn't but it will always matter.

 

[madwarper]

Here's my question; why?

Spoiler: Here's my answer;

we live in a time where many of us have been almost constantly been exposed to stories and talks about how you shouldn't judge people by their appearances, yet from what I've been told, it seems like society is still doing it.

Really? Because, I've always heard the mantra of "Dress the part.", "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.", and "Clothes make the man."

as far as I was concerned, holes in clothes could mean anything.

They could mean that you had a mishap on your way there, causing the hole.
However, if wearing clothes with holes in them becomes a pattern, it will usually mean that either you don't care about your appearance, lack the skills to fix the holes yourself and/or lack the finical assets to replace the clothes.

I just recently got money that I could use to buy collage clothes. And as an adult, I have full right to decide how to spend my money and my Dad even said as much.

Wait... How exactly did you "got" that money? a) Was it given to you by your parents? or b) Did you earn it as a wage for a job?
I ask because only one of those ways would really qualify for the "as an adult" line.

But, continue...

Since me and my family live in the U.S, I argued, "It took our country centuries to learn not to judge people my skin color, how much longer 'till we learn the same lesson involving clothes?"

You do realize that you can't choose your skin color, you can choose your clothes?

Now, if your issue is about pants being slightly too long, then I wouldn't have a problem with that. Ever since the magical pants fairy stopped giving me new pants every time I wore out the cuffs by walking on them, I rolled them up.

The only person that might give me shit for that is my sister, but I don't talk to her for a reason.

 

[f1r2a3n4k5]

In the words of my high school teacher when asked why we needed to wear a uniform. "There is a uniform for everything in life, even when it isn't written down. Neither the computer programmer nor the CEO will have a stated uniform, but you'd better believe that if the CEO walked in wearing flip-flops or the programmer came in wearing a suit, they would cause a commotion."

People have developed ways to mark that they belong to a group since before the beginning of human history. For the ancient Egyptians, it was skull-binding. For the ancient Israelites, it was circumcision. Let's be grateful we've whittled the inclusion requirements down to clothing type.

 

[BarkBarker]

Don't judge a book by its cover versus make a good first impression. The thing is, as humans we do invoke prejudice, every time we see something new we judge it immediately on what we see. The smart and patient thing is to know what you see first hand isn't all that is there, the problem here lies with that not every one is that smart and not every one will go through the energy of getting to know you, especially when you are one of a 100+ applicants for a job as an example. There are people who are surprised still by their close friends after 30 years together, KNOWING a person effectively takes a lifetime and then some.

 

[Plasticaprinae]

Because cleanliness and a good appearance says a lot about your current state. Fashion is also a statement of what you are interested in. People dont want to create miscommunications through what they are wearing. Fashion is a way of talking. What you wear attracts certain people. Most people will only approach you if you visually have something in common with them. Wearing a pokemon shirt? you'll get the attention of people who like pokemon and they will come up to you to strike up a conversation. Everyone makes assumptions and a lot of the assumptions are hard to get around. It is natural.

Also, books have covers for a reason. To be judged.

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

The way you dress has a strange bearing on the way you carry yourself. Since you're in college, you're gearing up to get a professional job and not a menial minimum-wage job. By learning to dress well now, you're saving yourself a lot of embarrassment now as opposed to going to an interview looking like a slob. I've worked in HR before and done a few hires here and there.
What I look at in an interview is not necessarily what a resume` has to say but what the person sitting in front of me says both by their manner of speech and their dress. If you won't bother to dress nice for an interview, it is obviously not important to you and to me that means you don't take the job seriously or perhaps you believe you're entitled to the job. Either way its a poor first impression.
Its not necessarily judging the entire person by their dress, but rather their professionalism and character. We're not talking race here, we're talking character and thats a whole different thing.
Dressing in ripped clothes, ill-fitting pants or t-shirts isn't going to make a first impression.
You can learn a lot about a person by the way they dress, whether they know it or not. It isn't the same as judging a person by racial traits, something they can't control.
How you dress when you're not looking for a job or just hanging around with friends and other casual times isn't an issue. But for everything else, having some pride in your dress is a good thing.
Ask any person who's worked in hiring people how many people they reject solely based on their mode of dress, you'll be surprised at the answer.
"Dress for success" is not a useless adage.

Last note: Its usually a bad idea to show up to a job interview in a SLAYER shirt, ripped jeans and combat boots, unless you're looking to work at maybe Hot Topic...

 

[Ryan Hughes]

What am I missing about all this?

It is judgmental to gauge a person on appearance. However, there are some practical matters at work here that should be considered. :

1) Rolled up pants can unroll, and cause you to tread on the cuff. I have personal experience with this, especially here in Oregon with the rain, this can be a problem.

2) Clothes can be an expression of one's self as well. Many people choose to express themselves in an artistic manner through clothing. Often, this can be entirely superficial and an empty gesture, but that is not always the case. Some people do succeed in truly finding a way to make their clothing choices artistic, and there is nothing inherently wrong with doing so. Perhaps your family is trying to encourage you to do so, rather than being judgmental.

3) Society is the furthest thing from perfect. As you go to college (congratulations, by the way) you will learn of injustices that will hit you a lot harder than this one, that is for sure. I tend to pick-and-choose my battles with society rather carefully, and society's insistence on judging people by how they dress is honestly not a priority for me to fight against actively.

As for me, I dress boringly. Button-down shirts and slacks or jeans for the most part. I realize this could be considered conformist, but that just gives me an advantage because then no one sees me coming. ha!

 

[CpT_x_Killsteal]

People make assumptions based on how other's look. If they're wearing a suit, I'll assume they're a business person of some kind, if they're well-shaven or wearing makeup and just well-groomed, probably a successful one.

I know what you're saying by judging someone based on behaviour rather than appearance, but your appearance can also be a factor in how people see your behaviour. If you're wearing shabby clothes, it means you don't care how you look, which people can interpret any number of ways.

As for the race comparison, this is a little different. You can't control your skin colour, but you can control what clothes you're wearing.

 

[Jux]

I've personally found the judgement by clothing to be a wee bit classist. Dressing in the 'proper costume' for whatever you're doing in most cases says less about how qualified/serious you are about your role[footnote]The notable exception I would say is wearing personal protective equipment, ie, steel toed boots, gloves, eye protection, hearing protection, when it's called for, if only because it's recognizing specific dangers that can put you or those around you in danger when not followed[/footnote], and more about assuming a postion of subservience to the power structure that defines 'respectability'; it shows you're willing to follow the rules in place.

In the case of the OP, this isn't even about him wanting to wear jeans when the 'rules' call for dress slacks. They're giving him a hard time because it's ill fitting. Now, a call can be made for pragmatism that it would be safer to just buy jeans that fit better and not risk tripping on them if they came unrolled (just hem them up if you're insistent on keeping them), but this seems like quibbling from his family.

 

[maxben]

OP, I have a hard time managing too. I've often asked "why" in response to a lot of weird social norms, and I don't have Asperger's (got it checked out and everything because my parents forced me to). I just can't be arsed to care about something that I don't care about, unless it actually hurts another person physically and emotionally. In a way I miss my ex, she'd push me to care about these things and it would be worth doing if at least for her.

By the way everyone, from what I understood OP is alternating between talking about different costumes for different roles and general clothing. I used to go in a suit to work at a law office regularly, and I did it because I needed money to survive. OP, if that's your problem then you just need to suck it up. However, in terms of general clothing I totally understand.

 

[Guffe]

Here's one dude that does not care!
I wear what I want, is it shorts during winter or a heavy metal t-shirt when going to town. If people judge me based on that then so b it. I have holes in my clothing, some of which even look better tha before due to the wearing.
Then again... a funeral or something similar, yeah, bring out the tuxedo. But it's cool to suit up ones in a while also

But for a normal day, I don't care what I wear, or what someone else wears, it's up to you, what you like, or if you don't care.

 

[small]

No it doesnt make anymore sense to me either and its something unconscious almost everyone does in society. they still make judgement calls usually in the first 30 seconds about people and their appearance is a big part of it.

if person x doesnt look or fit the way they are expected to at a job, social get together, etc then the person is looked at as eccentric at best and something negative at worst.

 

[Piorn]

If you wear a uniform, the first thing people see is not a normal person, it's a representative of the uniform, you ARE the face of that uniform. If you are a soldier and behave badly, people will not think "oooh this guy is a bad person", they'll think "soldiers are bad people". And likewise, if you do good, they'll think better of the things that uniform represents.
A Uniform is a responsibility as much as it serves a purpose. It lets people share their reputation, with all pros and cons.

And sometimes you just have to wear the right uniform to deliver the correct message. A suit isn't just a suit. It's a uniform that says the circumstances are so important to me that I want to look my best, and people understand it because they know that uniform and what it represents.
Knowing which uniform to wear is a central part of social life.

 

[Thaluikhain]

we live in a time where many of us have been almost constantly been exposed to stories and talks about how you shouldn't judge people by their appearances, yet from what I've been told, it seems like society is still doing it.

If society wasn't still doing it, we wouldn't need to tell people not to do it.

Having said that, appearance often does tell something about a person, at least, people try to say things by the way that they dress.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Ye olde "Do as I say not as I do" concept, we are by nature nasty critters but we are also aware of our nastiness and try to tell others how to better themselves. Problem being no one really wants to put in that much effort, we will do it to an extent but it doesn't go that far.

So on the long list of things we also still hang onto being judgemental bastards, you need to walk that minefield as such.