Sometimes I see a summary or review of a movie that describes it as grittily realistic, grim and/or dark and makes it clear that all the characters spend the whole film unhappy and trapped in pointless existences with no futures and the ending is unhappy and depressing as well as utterly anticlimactic and I wonder what the heck world people have to inhabit to want to go and see that film as an act of escapism.
If you want something better than your current reality, wouldn't you see something cheerful or action-packed or beautiful or at least tidied up with a happy ending?
That can't be it. No. Those films have to be appealing to people whose current lives are so unbearably light and cheery and fun-packed and action-filled, with such an overwhelming choice of bright futures presented every day and such mind-blowingly loving and perfect families that they have to occasionally spend two hours watching miserable, poor, lonely people be miserable, poor and lonely just to get a break.
So, BioWare games are so sodding bad that it's believable that a character could have been abused as a child, have fallen in love with a werewolf, have accidentally shot her lover, have seen her puppy run over by a Buick and then have killed herself by standing in front of a train, or maybe gone to the station and caught a train to Beijing to start a new life as president of the Han-Wei pet cosmetics company, in a game called Dragon Age, are they? Honestly, that's not so over the top it's obviously made up? That's actually within the envelope for tragic back-stories for their games?
Jayzis.
You people play these games for pleasure?
Seriously, you could believe that that was the actual back-story and fate of a cute female character in one of these games, and you'd be upset about reading it here because you wanted to sit and enjoy learning all that by watching it happen to her in cut-scenes and it's just not as much fun to watch when you know what's coming? You get more of a kick out of .....
No, that can't be it. It can't be, can it?
Okay, so ... er ...
... Buicks ... werewolves ... dragons ... butlers ... puppies ... trains ...
Maybe I should have thrown in tentacles, pipe organs, underwater cities, unicorns and ... no, actually, thinking back now there's nothing stopping any of those things being involved too. I mean, they could have been in an underwater city that had a tentacle problem and the butler could have been the organist at the church back then and forced her to appear in a video with a unicorn, and then she'd have escaped by waiting until an aquatic dragon attacked the tentacles that were attacking her sister and catching a ride to the surface on the dragon when it went back up for a breath but her sister would have been too traumatised by the tentacle attack to remember to breathe out and her lugns would have burst as the pressure dropped and then the werewolf would have rescued ... what was her name again? Anyway, chickie, the werewolf would have rescued her from the water and nursed her back to health and she'd have learned to love and trust him and then been adopted by the rich family whose butler was actually the organist and then the werewolf would have tried to rescue her at just the wrong moment and her bullet meant for the butler would have hit the werewolf and it could have turned out they don't have to be silver bullets and she'd have killed the only really good man she'd ever known ... before you the player, obviously ... and then she'd be unconsolable so they'd get her a puppy, which is a pretty shitty thing to do to a girl who's just shot her favourite werewolf but they wouldn't know that and then she'd learn to love the puppy and it'd get run over and then she'd be so afraid of what'd happen to you if she learned to love you that when she realised she'd fallen for you she'd kill herself to save you just because her life is Doomed To Suck That Badly and she'd tell you about it by video phone after tricking you into being too far away to save her and then ...
... all of that would somehow be crammed into one character's story in a game called Dragon Age ...
... and that wouldn't be so bad you'd consider it any sort of break from the norm for BioWare?
Jayzis.
You would, one way or another, have to be really SICK to play such a game.
Also, if you're going to complain about spoilers you should probably not quote the spoilers and if the mods are going to edit posts to put the spoiler tags around the spoilers they should do it where the spoilers are quoted, not just where they're first posted.
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A FRICKIN' BUICK?!? Come ON!
