Choose your death!

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RedDeadFred

Illusions, Michael!
May 13, 2009
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Well, given that I'd be awfully pissed that he just put an exact timer on my life and made me very aware of just how little time I have left (15 years is pretty damn short), I'd probably say:
"I die after destroying you in glorious combat. Your death would cause a large explosion that would in turn kill me."
There, I die in an extremely quick yet epic way and I get my vengeance on the asshole who goes around playing these asshole games with people.
 

Akytalusia

New member
Nov 11, 2010
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my first response would be to request that it happen immediately without the long wait. in the case that i must wait the full 15 years, then i would just request that it be painless and leave the rest up to fate.
 

GodzillaGuy92

New member
Jul 10, 2012
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A massive alien ship/space station hybrid, built to lay siege on entire planets, makes landfall on Earth, somewhere desolate and remote to minimize the damage it'll cause when it blows up (spoiler alert: this fantasy ends with me blowing up the invading alien space station, I know you're all shocked). All of this is actually the work of a single alien individual, who invested his every resource into creating the (completely automated; he's offworld) siege craft and filling it with an army of robots whose directive is to exterminate all of humankind and wipe Earth clean of all traces of them so that their master can take possession of the planet and legally sell it, what with there being galactic laws against taking ownership of planets with a sentient native population... plus, you know, xenocide. My conscience thus clean of any remorse that might come with having to kill any sentient lifeforms (alien invasion or not), and with the fate of Earth - and an untold number of other populated planets that will suffer its same fate - on my shoulders since the station is impervious to even the heaviest of the various nations' weapons fire, I persuade the government to give me some weapons and ammo so I can infiltrate the craft (don't ask how, or why they wouldn't just send in actual soldiers for the job), as well as set me up with a video feed for them to watch (and record, naturally) and a high-volume speaker to hang on my belt.

Before I go, I record a private speech, to be released posthumously, in which I explain my certainty of my own success thanks to God appearing before me and everything, as well as the instruction and enrichment that a life of playing video games has provided. Also, I get the chance to meet and thank a few personal heroes like J.K. Rowling, Lauren Faust, the RedLetterMedia team, Yahtzee and Jim, etc., and of course give my final goodbyes to my family and friends in which I take careful note to explain that this is an unequivocally happy thing and they should look forward to the day when we get to see each other again rather than mourn me.

I travel to and successfully infiltrate the alien station, and manage to reach the control room undetected. At last, I unholster one of my weapons and start blasting away at the robots occupying the room. Several of them get the chance to draw their own weapons and fight back, but I manage not to get hit, and finish them off. With the room clear, I go to the control console and activate the self-destruct sequence (as opposed to overloading the reactors, so that the alien criminal responsible for the invasion will have to live with the knowledge that the ruining of his livelihood could have been avoided if he hadn't equipped the craft with a self-destruct sequence). I spend the minutes it takes for the timer to run down - long enough for me to get as much enjoyment as possible out of fighting alien robots, but short enough that it doesn't lose its appeal or wear me out physically - holding the control room against the hordes of robots trying to get in and cancel the self-destruct sequence, eventually using up all of my weapons' ammo and taking up the robots' energy weapons instead. Also, this whole time that speaker on my belt is blaring a soundtrack composed of the likes of "Welcome to the Jungle," "Kickstart my Heart," and "Metal Machine" as well as the occasional divergence like the climactic music from Meet the Medic [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6NQx4WRRg0]. My last challenge before the timer runs out is a giant robot that I manage to climb up and kill by firing a rapid succession of shots into its neck joint and mouth. I die laughing with childlike glee.

As a result of this feat, I go down in history (aided by the recorded footage) as a great hero, and the influence of my status combined with the release of my prerecorded speech leads to a wave of worldwide spiritual enlightenment and the complete eradication of all remaining social stigma against video games, which are in fact subsequently propelled to the status of the most popular and revered artistic medium of them all. Robbed of his one source of wealth, the alien criminal is swiftly captured by the galactic authorities, and the matter brings their attention to Earth, which is quickly offered a place in the utopian galactic civilization. Everything is perfect for the rest of forever, the end.

...On a totally-unrelated-no-really-I-swear note, I just got an idea for a novel for which I need to go brainstorm.
 

Aramis Night

New member
Mar 31, 2013
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I have been having nightmares consistently since i was 5 yrs old. In each one i'm either dying, being killed, or in hell. The only thing it has taught me is there is no such thing as a pleasant death. Even if the method of death is relatively peaceful or drug induced, you still get a moment of extreme agony that you can't react to and the feeling of intense pressure as the blood builds up in your skull and your brain aches in pain from the cells dying from the lack of oxygenated blood. And of course the suffocation. Seems every death comes with a type of suffocation as well. Also turns out pain meds don't usually work so well when the blood isn't carrying it around anymore and a brain stem seems more than willing to remind you of pain with its final electrical impulses. The one exception to all this is any death where your head is either completely exploded or squashed(still not pleasant).

Worst part is always the despair you feel though. The knowledge that you won't get to know what happens next and you will be forgotten before long. Within 3 generations it will be as though you never existed. Even if you do become historically known it will only be for what you did, not who you were. Even in our own lives few ever really gets to know us and never completely. You will feel like you suddenly have so much more to contribute, you'll want to jump up and scream your soul to the world, and it will be too late. Unable to move or even react you only have oblivion left to you. The other dreams of hell don't help. I'm not christian or the least bit religious. I don't believe in a heaven. But hell just seems so much more believable, and no biblical text does it justice. But that is just nightmares.

You would think i would be happy to be alive when i wake up, and to a degree i am. Unfortunately knowing what awaits me in the end keeps me from being too glad of it. When my time comes, i wonder if it will still hold any terror for me. My nightmares still do.

Men on my dad's side of my family never make it to 60. At least not as long as my family has been keeping track. We are actually about 2 days away from the one year anniversary of my fathers death. He was 54. He had me young so i'm only 17 yrs behind him. So the OP's premise for this thread is pretty close to my reality and i've had about 30 yrs to consider the question of how to die. I don't always remember my dreams but i think about this subject at least once a week. No right answer. Except maybe self-sacrifice for something meaningful.
 

GeneralChaos

New member
Dec 3, 2010
59
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I would choose to die after perfecting the following technologies:
Immortality serum
Cheap, effective FTL travel
Cheap renewable energy
Universal Cure
Nanomachines
and, of course, a way of resurrecting people who have died. Such as me.
 

uchytjes

New member
Mar 19, 2011
969
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Hmm... You've already ruled out time travel, so I must come up with another loophole...

GOT IT! I die due to the heat generated from scanning all my brain's functions at one particular moment and having said functions uploaded into my magnum opus: a machine that takes an incredibly precise brain scan and uses the results of the scan to run a person's conscience as if it were a program. The best part? My brain can run faster now.

Loopholes! Gotta love em. My body and brain die while my conscience lives on!

Captcha: Science. It works. ...yeah the captcha is psychic. I had my doubts, but this kinda confirms it.
 

StormShaun

The Basement has been unleashed!
Feb 1, 2009
6,948
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Tom_green_day said:
Crashing a HUGE MUDDAFUKKING SPACESHIP into a planet, in a really badass way.
Like
But without the dude making me crash.
Well then.

I'll be the guy that crashes said ship.
Though you will crash into the ocean.

I will live my years uniting the world and eventually make no one racist, sexist and etc.
I'll be a real Commander Shepard!

And for my death.
I'll die at my beach house overlooking the ocean.
Billions will weep because I died.

and then I will be remembered for all eternity and have a statue in the main city of Earth.

They shall name me Archangel Shaun!

I would be REALLY satisfied with that.
You guys trying to find a loop hole are just fearful of death. *sigh*
 

Basement Cat

Keeping the Peace is Relaxing
Jul 26, 2012
2,379
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I would simply lay down on a bed and quietly will myself to death "Little Big Man" style (in the book the Indian Chief/father dies--unlike the movie). It's an ancient mind-over-body technique.

HOWEVAH...as I lay myself down for the final Great Sleep I would do so secure in the knowledge that over the previous 15 years I had managed to turn life on earth into a utopia (without cliched "dirty secret oppression" etc). This would include a total lack of fear of death. Instead of being afraid people would view dying as simply a step towards the grand After Life.

Seriously, Death is cute! ^_^

 

Frostnova

New member
Apr 17, 2013
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I would die in as you said "a blaze of glory" except my death would be me being attacked by a huge horde of zombies and me killing hundreds of them, thus saving the last people of the human race and all my family and friends from death and extinction (allowing them to escape).
 

Apollo45

New member
Jan 30, 2011
534
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To paraphrase Tyrion Lannister, "In my own bed, with a belly full of wine and a girl's mouth around my cock."

Seriously though, assuming it's in the modern era and some sort of rejuvenation/resurrection process hasn't been developed, that, or something similar, would be it. I could go out in a blaze of glory of some sort, but I'd much rather live through all my blazes of glory and go out nice and quiet-like, after it's been irrefutably determined that I'm the most badass man to ever have lived. Because really, is it more awesome to go out being swarmed by zombies, or to live through the zombie swarm, kill them all, then spit on their undead graves by dying after you've saved the world repeatedly?
 

dalek sec

Leader of the Cult of Skaro
Jul 20, 2008
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saintdane05 said:
Quite simple. Wait for my assassin to come to Tsugala and murder me, proving my father to be the hypocritical asshat he really is.
<quote=Fucking Konrad Cruze>
"Your presence does not surprise me, Assassin. I have known of you ever since your craft entered the Eastern Fringes. Why did I not have you killed? Because your mission and the act you are about to commit proves the truth of all I have ever said or done. I merely punished those who had wronged, just as your false Emperor now seeks to punish me. Death is nothing compared to vindication."
I fucking love you! :D

Just expect one of your son's to go postal and kill her in the most epic way though dispite you telling him to let her go. That and they'll spend the better part of ten thousand years hunting for the recording of you and your death, just so you know.

OT: For me? Smothered by massive breasts! I'll be honest, I'm a breast man so yeah, I think that's all I need to say on the subject.
 

ClockworkPenguin

Senior Member
Mar 29, 2012
587
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I will slip and fall to my death, due to a break in the safety harness keeping me on my dragon.

This means that I get a dragon.
 

The Funslinger

Corporate Splooge
Sep 12, 2010
6,150
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I'll follow suit from the man who chose the manner of his own execution. Being run off a cliff by a horde of naked women. I won't link the clip, as it's technically NSFW.

I did always wonder what was meant to happen if they caught him, though.
 

SecondPrize

New member
Mar 12, 2012
1,436
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I always liked the way Tasslehoff figured he'd go out. Falling off a cliff into the mouth of a lion who's on fire.
 
Aug 19, 2010
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I want to be shot by Clint Eastwood wielding a gun that shoot shurikens and lightning and has tits and is on fire, and I want it narrated by Morgan Freeman. And I want TSFH playing in the background.

edit: typo
[small]why is the "i" and the "o" next to each other? >.<[/small]
 

BeoW0lfe

New member
Jan 31, 2013
35
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I'm going to be super immature and say that the best death is being beaten to death. By Breasts.