Claim a planet, then what?

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shadowstriker86

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Feb 12, 2009
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Suppose someone figured out that if feed a fat guy 4 bottles of tapatio, a 12-box of hot pockets and a habanero pepper, whatever he farts out is going to be rocket fuel potent enough to travel to mars in about 30 minutes. So now everyone builds their own ships and flies out in all directions to either explore or conquer and you've decided to do the latter. And now you've found it, the perfect planet for you and your friends to call home, what now? What kind of planet is it? What do you name it? TELL US!
 

DioWallachia

New member
Sep 9, 2011
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I will claim the planet of the Prometheus movie in this instant and hibernate until the idiots of that movie appear, so i can slap them to death for the stupidity that they will unleash the audience on the year 2012.

For any alternatives, i stick with Jupiter. I always loved the sound of the wind.
 

Keoul

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Apr 4, 2010
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The moon counts right?
I'd fly there singing "fly me to the moon" like a madman then paint weird shit all over it in red paint to mess with the people on earth. Or maybe mars and break into Daystar's house...
 

Esotera

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May 5, 2011
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Ah god, it would be so hilarious if humanity finally made it into space on the backs of morbidly obese men gorging on tacos.

I'd probably go to Alpha Centauri or a few of the moons in our solar system that look like they might inhabit life, and see if there's anything there. If not, time to begin the slow process of terraforming it.
 

Al-Bundy-da-G

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Apr 11, 2011
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Anyone remember that Calvin & Hobbes comic where Calvin tow one planet into another to solve 6+ 5?

Yea I'd do that.
 

XMark

New member
Jan 25, 2010
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I found an Earth-sized terrestrial planet in the Oort cloud. Being so far from the sun, it would normally be dark and icy, except that this planet is about 50% covered in flowing magma. The land masses are completely barren. The atmosphere is toxic and sulfurous, but about the same pressure as Earth's atmosphere.

All over the planet, just under the surface, are tons of huge underground cave structures which were created by ancient underground lava flows. These caves now look exactly like the Nether in Minecraft.

So I ordered the construction of a bunch of geothermal power plants in these underground areas, and started building domed cities with amazing views of the lava falls and lava pools all around. Yeah, we're probably going to get wiped out in some kind of eruption that we can't predict someday, but this is like the most metal planet ever!
 

Hero in a half shell

It's not easy being green
Dec 30, 2009
4,286
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I would discover a large icey asteroid belt suspended beside a busy important trade route, and found the first ever colony of space Vikings!

Having spaceship races through the asteroids, hunting the indigenous feral Yeti creatures of the ice in our techno viking armour, raiding the passing transport ships and holding them ransom for stupid crap (After all, we won't really need anything when we've got replicators!) then at night retiring to the subterranean geothermal-powered mead halls to drink and relax after a day of crazy hijinks.

Pointy spacehelmets for everyone!
 

GTwander

New member
Mar 26, 2008
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Mine would be like that beach resort planet from that one Star Ocean game... only sans whiny teenagers. The only younguns allowed are old enough to be featured on Girls Gone Wild.

I'd own a fishing shack that plays nothing but Jimmy Buffet, and the national dish is tacos. Hell, the flag would have a taco on it too.
 

Athol

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Sep 15, 2010
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XMark said:
I found an Earth-sized terrestrial planet in the Oort cloud. Being so far from the sun, it would normally be dark and icy, except that this planet is about 50% covered in flowing magma. The land masses are completely barren. The atmosphere is toxic and sulfurous, but about the same pressure as Earth's atmosphere.

All over the planet, just under the surface, are tons of huge underground cave structures which were created by ancient underground lava flows. These caves now look exactly like the Nether in Minecraft.

So I ordered the construction of a bunch of geothermal power plants in these underground areas, and started building domed cities with amazing views of the lava falls and lava pools all around. Yeah, we're probably going to get wiped out in some kind of eruption that we can't predict someday, but this is like the most metal planet ever!
Hell...can I move in with you?

OT: I'd find a nice uninhabited garden world build some habitation, then at even spaced intervals across the planet (for the best coverage) I'd build bloody great ground-to-space cannons and missle batteries. I'd also fill the sky with comm. sat/anti-ship weapon platforms.
 

CpT_x_Killsteal

Elite Member
Jun 21, 2012
1,519
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41
Find whatever planet has cat-people on it and got there.

Then... I'd fuse some of their genes into Yahtzee and turn him into a permanent NEKO-YAHTZEE!!!!
 

Ruedyn

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Jun 29, 2011
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Go to Uranus, snicker, go to Jupiter, claim it, lord having the biggest planet over you peasants.

[sub]And perhaps my Doomguard could visit Daystar, mars could be very profitable.[/sub]
 

krazykidd

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Mar 22, 2008
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GTwander said:
Mine would be like that beach resort planet from that one Star Ocean game... only sans whiny teenagers. The only younguns allowed are old enough to be featured on Girls Gone Wild.

I'd own a fishing shack that plays nothing but Jimmy Buffet, and the national dish is tacos. Hell, the flag would have a taco on it too.
Because the shallow , superficial girls in GGW aren't whiny ...

OT : well everyone and their dog will be flying all over the god damn place , so i'll stay here and conquer earth .
 

Shia-Neko-Chan

New member
Apr 23, 2008
398
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if I get to a planet that has girls with cat ears and tails on it, I'd never be seen by any earthling ever again.

CpT_x_Killsteal said:
Find whatever planet has cat-people on it and got there.

Then... I'd fuse some of their genes into Yahtzee and turn him into a permanent NEKO-YAHTZEE!!!!
Well, wait, apparently this guy and I would end up on the same planet. So I guess I'd be seen by one earthling. Again.
 

KoudelkaMorgan

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Jul 31, 2009
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(Disclaimer: I had an idea and kinda ran with it)

I forget the name of it, but it would look like the planet were Inara is at in Serenity with all the Companions. Its like Naboo without the gungans or any other Starwars stuff.

I'd call it R'lyeh or Eden, or something original that I didn't think of in 3 seconds, and it would be a resort planet with Epicurean and Hedonist values, and artists and pleasure seekers across the galaxy would flock to it for inspiration or satisfaction.

There would be a very strictly enforced set of limited rules that with no exception cannot be broken. Mainly things like no killing, theft, or maiming. The government would consist of a federation of local guildmasters and other business owners with the king or queen essentially being the c.e.o. of the planet as commerce is the main concern.

It would be very much like the planet Guera and its outspace guild from "This Alien Shore" by C.S. Friedman. Which you all should go read if you haven't :p

Very few people are allowed to become full residents of the planet that aren't born there, and having children at all is only allowed on a very carefully considered and limited basis.

This means that there would never be a problem with overcrowding, of their being too many people and not enough meaningless jobs for all of them to waste their lives toiling at so they can afford more useless crap and pass it on to their growing brood of offspring.

Everyone on the planet would eventually belong to an established guild that provides all the tourists with their entertainment. A companion's guild, a pyrotech guild, a metal workers guild, an acrobat guild, casino guild etc.

Because of this fact there would be a very limited number of schools on the planet that are each devoted to the knowledge required of your chosen guild, like we have Majors, only they will actually be good for something after you are done with them. Everyone's tuition would be paid by the ruling oligarchy and obviously obtained from all the tourists spending their money on our "product" as well as the exports that our various artists ship out.

If a graduate chooses to leave the planet and start a family elsewhere and deny the planet their talents they shall be expected to earn enough to pay back their tuition in full as well as a percentage of their earnings in proportion to the rest of their guild's share each year.

Failure to do so, i.e. getting your free education in highly marketable and proprietary guild secrets, and running off to make it big offworld results in a visit from the assassin's guild.

Obviously there would need to be large incentives to get people to join the hero guild to become doctors, firefighters, police etc. so the planet can maintain itself because everyone can't just join the circus so to speak.

Each guild would be competing with the others to produce the most jawdropping and innovative attractions and works of art. The universe would marvel at the beauty of our creations, the skill of our companions, and how our casino games are so much fun to play that they don't even mind losing.

There would be a set limit of how much you could win/lose/play per day, because we aren't out to bankrupt our returning customers. We don't need people on planet with no means of getting off, roaming around looking for action. Those that try to circumvent the guild run casinos and start their own private establishments will regret their entrepreneurial spirit.

Our artisans will be commissioned for works everywhere. They will be hunted and their secrets sought after by every rival, and so they will always be accompanied by guards and receive defense training and torture resistance training and only take jobs off world that cannot feasibly be created and shipped to the installation or otherwise preformed onworld.

The main downside being that we would rely almost entirely on importation for all of our raw materials. We may have architects and sculptors, but we don't have any quarries or mines for the stone and metal. Our chefs would need fresh ingredients so we would of course need extensive gardens and orchards, but we would import our livestock because we aren't going to ruin perfectly good land by letting a bunch of animals crap and trample all over it.

Or we could have a lot of seafood dishes like japan, problem solved.

Since our only real resource is our guild secrets and our products, I can't imagine that anyone would go to war with us just to get at our profits so we probably wouldn't have a dedicated military. It would be like going to war on Las Vegas for the casino's take. Or an art museum, or a brothel, circus etc. Disrupting that much trade, and then trying to control the guilds who will categorically refuse to work for anyone other than the recognized guild czar will get you nothing but the enmity of the rest of the universe that suddenly can't hire a good chef, a good companion, or one of the fine "recreational" products from the alchemists guild. People like their booze and drugs.

Ours would actually be good for you, because we care.

Besides when you are the entertainment capital of the universe, you would probably be more likely to try and bribe your way into becoming a resident, getting your kid enrolled in a guild (and try to learn its secrets) than trying to blow it up. Unless you are from a planet that hates fun, and seeks to stamp it out wherever it can.

Again you would be answering to the rest of the universe. Much like the Witch Queen in another C.S. Friedman series, we would enjoy the protection of more powerful allies because they NEED what only we can provide.

TLDR - PONIES and lasers PEW PEW PEW (not really)
 

talker

New member
Nov 18, 2011
313
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0
discover pandora, eridium and the vaults

become bandit

destroy other bandit humans who have settled there

conquer big-ass spaceport built by big-ass corporation and use their big-ass starfleet to conquer the next coupla solar systems.

then go on joyrides on small one-man fighter and blow stuff up!
 

Joccaren

Elite Member
Mar 29, 2011
2,601
3
43
A planet rich with resources, extra-solar of course. Large diamond deposits as well as numerous common and rare metals. Preferably with near-Earth conditions, just mostly no life for easy mining. Import life from Earth to select regions of the planet and create a resort to earn even more money, whilst my exports earn me wealth beyond belief. Then, use that money to claim yet more planets, and eventually build a worldship capable of intergalactic travel, and sustaining a 20 million person population for the hundreds or thousands of years it would still take to travel out of the Galaxy.
Go with them in Cryostasis, exiting any time something interesting or significant happens.
Get more resources, and eventually design and construct an artificial world capable of surviving the end of the universe - whilst highly likely impossible, I'll give us as good a chance as I can of surviving into eternity.
 

Pebkio

The Purple Mage
Nov 9, 2009
780
0
0
Jungle Planet called Ulterious. It'll have three moons. We'll be able to use the ever-shifting gravitational energies to make some really magical tech. And we'll have massive cities, two of which will be above the ground. One will span the tops of many many trees and the other will float across the sky.

Meanwhile, our natural defense will be to genetically alter the wildlife to be monstrous dragons and demonic beasts. Guns will not be needed, we'll have more personal tools, like lightning generators, laser whips and energy shields. And anti-gravity packs.
 

shadowstriker86

New member
Feb 12, 2009
2,159
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0
KoudelkaMorgan said:
(Disclaimer: I had an idea and kinda ran with it)

I forget the name of it, but it would look like the planet were Inara is at in Serenity with all the Companions. Its like Naboo without the gungans or any other Starwars stuff.

I'd call it R'lyeh or Eden, or something original that I didn't think of in 3 seconds, and it would be a resort planet with Epicurean and Hedonist values, and artists and pleasure seekers across the galaxy would flock to it for inspiration or satisfaction.

There would be a very strictly enforced set of limited rules that with no exception cannot be broken. Mainly things like no killing, theft, or maiming. The government would consist of a federation of local guildmasters and other business owners with the king or queen essentially being the c.e.o. of the planet as commerce is the main concern.

It would be very much like the planet Guera and its outspace guild from "This Alien Shore" by C.S. Friedman. Which you all should go read if you haven't :p

Very few people are allowed to become full residents of the planet that aren't born there, and having children at all is only allowed on a very carefully considered and limited basis.

This means that there would never be a problem with overcrowding, of their being too many people and not enough meaningless jobs for all of them to waste their lives toiling at so they can afford more useless crap and pass it on to their growing brood of offspring.

Everyone on the planet would eventually belong to an established guild that provides all the tourists with their entertainment. A companion's guild, a pyrotech guild, a metal workers guild, an acrobat guild, casino guild etc.

Because of this fact there would be a very limited number of schools on the planet that are each devoted to the knowledge required of your chosen guild, like we have Majors, only they will actually be good for something after you are done with them. Everyone's tuition would be paid by the ruling oligarchy and obviously obtained from all the tourists spending their money on our "product" as well as the exports that our various artists ship out.

If a graduate chooses to leave the planet and start a family elsewhere and deny the planet their talents they shall be expected to earn enough to pay back their tuition in full as well as a percentage of their earnings in proportion to the rest of their guild's share each year.

Failure to do so, i.e. getting your free education in highly marketable and proprietary guild secrets, and running off to make it big offworld results in a visit from the assassin's guild.

Obviously there would need to be large incentives to get people to join the hero guild to become doctors, firefighters, police etc. so the planet can maintain itself because everyone can't just join the circus so to speak.

Each guild would be competing with the others to produce the most jawdropping and innovative attractions and works of art. The universe would marvel at the beauty of our creations, the skill of our companions, and how our casino games are so much fun to play that they don't even mind losing.

There would be a set limit of how much you could win/lose/play per day, because we aren't out to bankrupt our returning customers. We don't need people on planet with no means of getting off, roaming around looking for action. Those that try to circumvent the guild run casinos and start their own private establishments will regret their entrepreneurial spirit.

Our artisans will be commissioned for works everywhere. They will be hunted and their secrets sought after by every rival, and so they will always be accompanied by guards and receive defense training and torture resistance training and only take jobs off world that cannot feasibly be created and shipped to the installation or otherwise preformed onworld.

The main downside being that we would rely almost entirely on importation for all of our raw materials. We may have architects and sculptors, but we don't have any quarries or mines for the stone and metal. Our chefs would need fresh ingredients so we would of course need extensive gardens and orchards, but we would import our livestock because we aren't going to ruin perfectly good land by letting a bunch of animals crap and trample all over it.

Or we could have a lot of seafood dishes like japan, problem solved.

Since our only real resource is our guild secrets and our products, I can't imagine that anyone would go to war with us just to get at our profits so we probably wouldn't have a dedicated military. It would be like going to war on Las Vegas for the casino's take. Or an art museum, or a brothel, circus etc. Disrupting that much trade, and then trying to control the guilds who will categorically refuse to work for anyone other than the recognized guild czar will get you nothing but the enmity of the rest of the universe that suddenly can't hire a good chef, a good companion, or one of the fine "recreational" products from the alchemists guild. People like their booze and drugs.

Ours would actually be good for you, because we care.

Besides when you are the entertainment capital of the universe, you would probably be more likely to try and bribe your way into becoming a resident, getting your kid enrolled in a guild (and try to learn its secrets) than trying to blow it up. Unless you are from a planet that hates fun, and seeks to stamp it out wherever it can.

Again you would be answering to the rest of the universe. Much like the Witch Queen in another C.S. Friedman series, we would enjoy the protection of more powerful allies because they NEED what only we can provide.

TLDR - PONIES and lasers PEW PEW PEW (not really)
WOW. just. wow. An amazing amount of detail, sounds like a tv series too lol