Classy weapons

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PeterDawson

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Eclectic Dreck said:
PeterDawson said:
Cane sword is my pick.
A cane sword is hardly classy, for a weapon with class ought not be concealed. More to the point, the cane sword is ineffective on defense as they lack a proper guard (and I assure you, the guard is necessary for most any defensive action involving a thrusting weapon), meaning they are best used in a cowardly ambush against a foe armed with a lesser weapon.

If one is going to go halway into such debauchery, I suggest they simply carry a small caliber gun instead - no use being a half coward when one can go all out and have better chances.
Plenty of sword canes have guards, actually. And concealment isn't the appeal, the appeal is it can double as something useful while still being a weapon. It even turns a handicap into an edge, as you're less likely to forget your cane than something else when walking the street. Plus even if you get a non-handguard version you still deflect blows by careful striking and avoiding deadlocks. Having a sharp edge for slashing is also probably a good idea as well as a sharp tip and blade that isn't too long, but then its a cane so it wouldn't be.
 

Agent Larkin

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51gunner said:
"Artillery adds dignity to what would otherwise be a vulgar brawl."
Thank you Frederick the Great

And my vote goes to a sword cane or this
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:SMLE_Mk_III.jpg
 

sebar nl

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Eclectic Dreck said:
It's difficult to choose a "classy weapon" because it's a little difficult to dress up a device created specifically to cause harm. That said, I shall do my best to puzzle through it.

Guns - All guns, no matter how exquisitely crafted are inherently crude weapons. As nothing more than slingshots upgraded with science, they represent the simplest way to apply deadly force. They require little training to be effective weapons of death and destruction, and the wide variations in quality and lethality render craftsmanship moot. In short, they are too simple, too direct to be classy.

The Bow (all types) - As the weapon that introduced effective ranged combat, the bow might be considered by some. While they are far more difficult to use than firearms, they still represent a destabilizing and random force in warfare. There is elegence in their lethal simplicity, but the fact this weapon will handily fell even the most skilled combatant by chance renders it moot.

Missiles (Including any weapon that is designed to fire beyond Line of Sight) - As the modern incarnation of ancient seige weapons, the missile category possesses some merit for consideration. But, like the bow before it, the missile represents a destabilizing force in warfare, and it's wide area of effect ensures that it kills indiscriminately; a classy weapon almost certainly wouldn't do this as a rule.

The Spear - The least elegent of all weapons, perhaps the best precursor to the gun in terms of modern use. As little more than a sharpened stick, a spear is second only to the club in terms of crude weaponry. What's more, the weapon requires almost no training to use properly - you use it to stab things, and there's only so many ways one can accomplish this mundane task. Given it's long, proud history, the spear is quite clearly the ancient weapon of the downtrodden. While it's commendable for this, it certainly won't make it into the country club.

The Sword - Though the sword is little more than an applied club in the truly ancient models, it's place is forever cemented in history as the "queen of weapons". As a class of weapon it has expressed more variety than any other. Beginning as a short stabbing weapon of varying quality, the sword eventually became little more than a giant sharpened club during the dark ages of warfare. As a common weapon of soldiers of all backgrounds, the early swords were hardly classy in terms of company, and during many periods they were hardly elegent in their use. Once other weapons rendered armor obscelete, the sword became smaller and became the weapon of self defense when other, more tempremental weapons had failed. It is notable in that the sword became a weapon primarily used by the nobility, and the art of it's use is still trained today even though it has long past it's point of utility.

The halberd (and other long weapons featuring a long stick that don't classify as spear or axe) - Such weapons were designed as little more than a focused upgrade to the spear. All the problems with the spear still apply.

The Mace (also, all other bludgeoning weapons) - When an edge was deemed ineffective at causing harm, humanity turned once again to the earliest of weapons - the club to find inspiration. Designed to defeat armor, the Mace and it's derivatives rely on sheer crushing power to achieve their ends. While such weapons were often wielded by the wealthy, their implementation was so crude that it does not merit consideration. Attacks may vary by direction, but in the end the weapon was simply swung as hard as possible against an area where one would not likely meet a shield - this is hardly elegent and therefore it can't be considered classy.

Improvised Weapons (Most Eastern non sword martial arts weapons, farming implements (scyth for example) and so forth) - These weapons are wielded by the desperate. This fact alone renders them obscelete. The scyth in particular, while perfectly capable of being lethal is so tremendously ineffecient at the task that one should look mighty hard before resorting to a farming implement for warfare. To continue on the scyth, the weapon is long (like a spear) but is only effective when swung at an opponent, and even the margin of success is so incredibly tiny that one must question it's utility. Worse than even the lowly spear, the improvised weapon is truly the weapon of last resort for the downtrodden. Even the club rates higher in terms of class, because even the simplest club (say a branch) implies some work went into selection of the object.

As such, it seems that the sword is perhaps the best category to choose from, but even here there is difficulty choosing. At the most basic level, one has to choose between the eastern tradition (such as the Katana) and the western tradition (such as the Rapier). Given the Katana's design and use relies heavily on strength and ferocity of attack (as all swords designed to fight with the edge must by design as it is easer to defend a cut than a thrust in a general sense), it gets removed from consideration from my book, and with it the Sabre (which is derived from the Eastern Scimitar anyhow). This leaves the late western thrusting swords, of which the Rapier is undoubtedly the best known. Unfortunately, the rapier was hugely flawed in that while it was no longer a cutting weapon (and was therefore much narrower) it was still long (about 5 feet for a true rapier) and unwieldy, requiring the use of a second item for defense. The entire art of fencing relied on the "stesso tempo" (single time) approach to combat wherin the parry (or ward in english) and repost(an attack follwing a parry) happened in a single action. This meant that a duel was still a game of forcing an opening. The court sword, made possible thanks to Queen Elizabeth I's annoyance at tripping over rapiers in court (she ordered all swords broken off at three feet and resharpened) improved the process and made "dui tempo" (double time) fencing a possibility. It also meant that the sword no longer needed an accompanying implement for defense, and rather than forcing an opening one could instead focus on creating an opening through more subtle action.

Even the court sword would not meet my standard, because even this weapon was improved upon. The western concept of a sword began as a weapon of last resort, became a weapon of necessity, and eventually became nothing more than an elegentarian solution to dispute resolution through mortal combat, and in this achieved perfection in the form of the Small Sword. Light, swift and still terrifyingly lethal, the small sword (and it's modern sport cousin the Epee) is the classiest of any weapons I can imagine. It was used when better options had long been available (something that's classy is almost certainly ineffecient), was a weapon used primarily by the wealty elite (few people could afford to train to use one effectively, and without training a duel was little more than a death sentence), and represented the final implementation of one of the only devices ever built by man who's sole effective function is to cause harm to another person. Since the small sword was an inefficient choice for problem resolution, naturally excluded the poor and had a long and proud heritage, it is clearly the classiest of all weapons.
every 1 who red this post deserves a badge!
 

Eclectic Dreck

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PeterDawson said:
Eclectic Dreck said:
PeterDawson said:
Cane sword is my pick.
A cane sword is hardly classy, for a weapon with class ought not be concealed. More to the point, the cane sword is ineffective on defense as they lack a proper guard (and I assure you, the guard is necessary for most any defensive action involving a thrusting weapon), meaning they are best used in a cowardly ambush against a foe armed with a lesser weapon.

If one is going to go halway into such debauchery, I suggest they simply carry a small caliber gun instead - no use being a half coward when one can go all out and have better chances.
Plenty of sword canes have guards, actually. And concealment isn't the appeal, the appeal is it can double as something useful while still being a weapon. It even turns a handicap into an edge, as you're less likely to forget your cane than something else when walking the street. Plus even if you get a non-handguard version you still deflect blows by careful striking and avoiding deadlocks. Having a sharp edge for slashing is also probably a good idea as well as a sharp tip and blade that isn't too long, but then its a cane so it wouldn't be.
Because of the light weight of weapons like the sword cane (or small sword for that matter), the edge is generally sharpened only to dissuade one's opponent from grabbing the blade. While one could certainly cause a wound, the straight design of the blade combined with it's light weight means it would be difficult to deliver a lethal cut.

While some sword canes do possess a rudimentary guard that may prove at least marginally functional, it is hardly ideal. The hand guard exists for a number of reasons. Most obviously, it protects the hand from the opponent's weapon, but more importantly it provides a point of leverage. Your average parry or evelopment or any other movements where one attacks the blade or takes a blade relies on having this point of leverage in order to control the opponent's blade. At the guard, you have maximum leverage, meaning little effort is required to deflect a thrust or redirect a blade. While one can still accomplish this task with a small guard, the reslt is the margin or error is reduced leading to a much higher probability of failure. The basic parries against a thrust would still work, but attacks to a low line could handily result in a cut to the sword hand. Envelopments, binds and explulsions become more difficult to accomplish as the guard shrinks, and once it becomes smaller than the closed one risks injuring themselves in the process.

While the sword cane may be functional as a cane and better than nothing as a sword, it still is such a poorly concieved weapon that one could barely hope to actually win a fight with one against a trained sword armed foe.
 

Gildedtongue

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A fountain pen.

To sign off the measure to have snipers/missiles/marines/SEALs/assassins/mobsters/soldiers/whatnots to go ahead and do the job for you whilst you rest your signature prowess by using your hand to sip a nice chardonnay.
 

Tesgami

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traceur_ said:
how about this:

A stylish suitcase, bludgeoned to death with a demonic suitcase has elegant written all over it


and it transforms into:

A missile platform, nothing says sophisticated like unleashing a barrage of homing missiles.



A tri-barreled rocket launcher, elegant? Certainly! Quite frankly I can't think of a more graceful way to say "oh do fuck off" than transforming your wonderful suitcase into a tri-barreled rocket launcher and pointing it the direction of the pesky scamp you wish to obliterate.



Oh don't even question the majesty of the Gatling gun



introducing cultural sophistication is the boomerang shuriken, obviously combining the awesome of Australia and ninjas creates something beyond totally fucking sweet.



seriously:

5 of these, one for each finger on one hand, they are extremely elegant when wearing a tuxedo, works even better if you have your other hand behind your back.

Oh god, I want it all XD
 

Bediz

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Apr 20, 2009
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Classy weapons have names. Traditionally, for a weapon to get a proper name, it has to have survived enough battles to either be named by its owner or the people. A named weapon is inherited or earned after it has a name. Even a seemingly pedestrian weapon becomes somewhat classy when named (think about Gunnery Sergeant Hartman telling the Privates to name their rifles).
 

.Ricks.

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Sep 10, 2008
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A simple, hidden, dagger. Not the rusty worn-out kind but those well ornamented and polished ones, stab, wash blood off, rinse and repeat.
As for firearms I would have to side with the Revolver Gang, either that or the vintage handgun.
 

Yegargeburble

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Nov 11, 2008
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AkJay said:
Rapier. 1800's Revolver. Silent lethal injection.
Awesome avatar...I actually found a couple of pictures for my seals of approval and disapproval...no real chance to use 'em yet, though.

Anyways, on topic: I like the idea of a wire hidden in a tux, but the actual killing would seem a little...brutal.