come up with a funny piece of loot for my RPG

[Circusfreak]

im hosting a humor themed dungeon crawler roleplay with my friends this holiday. I need your help to come up with a bunch of ridicilous weapons, spells, items, armour and other kinds of loot.

this is how the item app looks like:

ex.1
wooden sword shaped lolipop (p)
range:1
cost:2
2/2

ex.2
goblin(ish) grenade (c)
range:5
cost:3
dmg:4
(1 square splash damage, unblockable(ish))

pretty simple. "(p)" is for Permanent (something you dont loose by using it) and "(c)" is for consumable (the opposite of (p))

cost is how much of your round it takes to use it. (think lands in MTG)
x/x is its attack power and how much it can block. (think MTG again)

get creative. im trying to not ripp The Kingdom of Loathing off to much.

thanks.^^

 

[Circusfreak]

c'mon doesn't anybody have an idea?

 

[Treeinthewoods]

Just some stuff off the top of my head, am I doing it right? If any of these are good I have some more potential ideas, if they suck I'll just leave it alone.

Sharp stick of stabbing - (p)
Range - 2
Cost - 2
Dmg - 3
*Modification available, flaming marshmallow for +1 fire dmg (3 seconds)

Toaster in a pillow case - (p)
Range - 1
Cost - 4
Dmg - 4
*Flail arround, damage all surronding targets, friendly fire possible
**Modification available, extra toaster for +4 dmg, +4 cost

Harsh Reality - Temporary boost spell
Range - 4
Spell type - Targeted
Effect - +5 damage resistance (5 turns), Cry like wuss (1 turn)
*Mage yells profane language, questions genetic lineage of party member, hurting the feelings of party member but eventually helping make them tougher. Warning, during Cry like a wuss party member is incapable of attacking and may cut self for +5 dmg.

Medallion of Mead - (p)
Range - 0
Effect - Equipping the Medallion of Mead means that the dungeon master must drink when commanded by said party member. Very difficult to find, this powerful medallion can derail the most epic of quests.

 

[More Fun To Compute]

Moulded special lime jelly (not for human consumption)
Range: 2
Cost: 3
Dmg: 1
Splash damage. Acid damage type, bypasses armour.

 

[ReservoirAngel]

Name: Hammer of Unecessary Pain-Causing
Range: 5
Cost: a lot
dmg: 50

this is just from me randomly talking shit with a friend of me. I also came up with "The Rifle of Goffukyeursalf" and the "Magic Gaunlets of Yougondiebich"

 

[AnAngryMoose]

I remember you could get an enchanted spoon in Champions: Return to Arms.

Name: Spoon
Range: 1
Damage: 56
Bonus: +2 Intelligence, +1 strength.

 

[Mrrrgggrlllrrrg]

The Kingly Kidney Hat of Perception
Armor +1
"It has a feather"

 

[Nickolai77]

Heatproof Potato

Range: 5
Cost:0
Damage:1

Waterproof Sponge

Range:3
Cost:0
Damage:0

 

[Palademon]

The rock of heaviness

The hat of wearing

The shoes of running

The sword of very sharp phallic symbols

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

Rock in a sock

Range: 1
Cost: 1
Damage: 2

 

[Karthesios]

Sack of Doorknobs

Range: 1
Cost: 1
Damage: 1 per every 10 doorknobs in the sack (but you gotta provide them)

 

[not_the_dm]

Implausable Rag of Inexplicable Cleaning (p)
Wondrous Item
+1 to all attributes
+10% health
+[non farcical bonus as I'm not really familiar with the rule set] to social interactions

Cost: Can only be found.
Apperance: A rag...

 

[One of Many]

The Goblin Thong of Manliness
armor +2
cost: free
"It wasn't partly brown to start with"

 

[Ironic Pirate]

Safety Scissors.

Range: 1.

Cost: 1.

Damage: 0

Sock full of rocks.

Range 2 (5 if thrown)

Cost 1 (2 if thrown)

Damage 4.


Gun of Anachronism.

Range: 1400

Cost: 900

Damage: 100.

-140 realism and plus 45 bullshit.

 

[Warwelde]

"Boots of Win"
Cost: 5.
The GM may choose one of the following effects to happen:
1. The player that received Boots of Win wins the game.
2. The player that received Boots of Win loses items.

"Spell of Nerd Rage"
Cost: 2
Choose a monster. The monster dies.
Permanent -1 Charisma.

 

[UltraDeth]

Potato chip sandwich - 40+ health
Wiffle bat - 92+ damage
Rattling buggerpipe - 129+ damage
Cigars - 5% permanent health boost & 20% charisma boost
Explosive round minigun - 400+ damage & gives 15% strength boost
Jetpack - 30% charisma boost
Bullet deflector - 100% defence boost
Beer goggles - 45% luck boost
Thigh master - speed and agility 10% boost
Boxing belt - 5% charisma boost
Laser sights - 45% accuracy boost
Black Forest gateau - 50+ health
Sawn-off shotgun - Level 6 only warrior skill
Elfish longbow - Level 8 only archery skill
Double ended lightsaber - Level 9 only warrior skill
One Ring to rule them all - 80% damage and knowledge boost

 

[Warwelde]

The Kingly Kidney Hat of Perception
Armor +1
"It has a feather"

Looking For Group reference, if I'm not mistaken?

 

[oreopizza47]

"Hard Hat of Bittersweet Protection"
Player survives any Whole-Party-Killing GM maneuvers, at the cost of all of their sanity.

"Cursed Amulet"
Random curse is applied every use, good for setting the guys with a use for everything in their place.

That's all on my mind, I wish I had these when I played.

 

[xdom125x]

banana
range:5
cost:10
damage:20