Coming out to your family and friends.

[CardinalPiggles]

I'd just like to say I think it's wrong that people who 'come out' lose their so called friends.

In similar news my friend came out to me that he was Bisexual, to which I replied 'oh cool, you don't fancy me do you?' he said no but just don't tell anyone else. Of course I haven't and we're still good friends.

 

[CardinalPiggles]

I'd just like to say I think it's wrong that people who 'come out' lose their so called friends.

I can't say I've ever been surprised when anyone came out as gay. I mean you always kind of know... Sometimes I'm more shocked when I find out someone is straight...

Of course some people are ignorant enough so see what they want to see.

 

[Zaverexus]

I am heterosexual, but I do remember when a friend of mine came out as bi back in middle school.
He mentioned it, we said "oh, okay, really?" and then we all joked about it a bit, never in a cruel way, and went on with our lives.

I did have to come out as atheist to my mom, though, which I imagine is almost similar. I was pointing out some interesting books in a store about philosophy, some of which included atheism, which my mom started to make some disapproving comments on. In the car on the way home it got to bugging me and I told her I don't believe in God. She didn't say much and never actively disapproves, though she seemed a bit disappointed and is always a bit odd when religion comes up in conversation.
But my mom and I are close, and she knows that I don't need the looming threat of Hell to try to be a good person and do great things with my life, so she is tentatively tolerant.

 

[Erana]

I came out as asexual earlier this year.
I got one of three reactions:
1. Huh..? OK, yeah, whatever. You never seemed interested in anyone, so that makes sense I guess. *shrug*

2. Aww, you're just too young to know what you're talking about. Oh, you're sooo naiive. *pat pat patronizing pat*
(I'm 19- I think I would have felt some sort of arousal or sexual stimulation at some point in my life by this point if I had sexual interests)

3. You're... A sea sponge?

 

[Mischa87]

Well, coming out as being bi wasn't a big surprise to my family, considering both my sisters have experimented, that was rather uneventful, but coming out as transsexual was... odd...

I came out shortly after a stay in the local mental ward for a suicide attempt (Nice quiet places to think are good for sorting oneself out) To my eldest sister first, she's pretty much a princess, into celebrities and the like. She was... pretty thrilled really, like I was going to be a doll to her or something.

Next was my other sister, who I REALLY dislike, she's probably the second biggest antagonist in my life, she took it well, considering she's a massive Tomboy, having one's gender not entirely match one's sex is not a foreign idea to her.

Next I told my mother... who... I really needed to explain it to... She didn't understand it at all, and it was more like I was educating her than coming out. In the end though, she was in disbelief, claiming I never acted particularly feminine... Which I still laugh about today, considering she's the most masculine person I know personally. Eventually she sorta wrapped her head around it (It's been 5~ years since, she still doesn't totally get it) and at that point, she started to fear for me, and my safety, knowing all the bad rep that transwomen get in society and all...

I told my father last, he's a bitter, angry, spiteful little man, a total bigot... needless to say he was pretty pissed... Mostly (I think) because he lost the opportunity for his last name to be carried on, and the loss of a son (He's a sickeningly unjustifiably proud man) There's been more than a few times where he's been drinking, and would of feared for my life if he wasn't about 3/5ths my size. Being about 5 years since I came out, he's only just now starting to refer to me by my preferred name/pronouns... Mostly to avoid confusing my 2, and 3 year old nieces... I don't think he'll ever fully accept me for who I really am, and up until just a week ago, that bothered me.

I didn't really have any friends at the time, just the one really. When I had come out as being bi, all my friends save for one bailed on me, and he was okay with me coming out as transsexual, and has always been very supportive.

Coming out as pansexual after coming out as being bi was a logical progression considering I'm transsexual, not much arose from that.

But being poly, and into BDSM, that was rather interesting, but not really related to the topic.

Also, it was international coming out day a few weeks ago, I wonder if anyone here took advantage of that?

 

[ultrachicken]

I still haven't come out as bi, mostly because of the awkwardness that would bring, though I did mention that I was bi in an English assignment recently.

 

[mediarulestheworld]

I've come out to several people, all with the reaction of, "Oh really? That's neat."

 

[JaceArveduin]

not me personally, but a mate of mine came out... gonna say a few months ago. He posted it up on facebook with a picture of his boyfriend I think (I don't have FB) I eventually asked him whether or not the rumor was true and he got a lil aggressive. Me? I just went, "Really? One of the few who really didn't think you were gay, but oh well." To which he thanked me for not flipping smooth the fuck out, to which I reminded him I never flip out. It was a hilarious silence. His dad didn't take it too well, he's a bit of a stuck up redneck, so having a gay son was not his idea of pleasant. He's also fairly racist and his daughter had a baby by a black guy in 10th grade, almost feel sorry for the poor bastard, but not quite.

Spoiler: a bit of irony I loved

Okay, I'm pretty sure it's safe to assume that for highschool/college males, cheer leaders are considered a great catch. My friends a scrawny little egotistical bastard, so no one ever expected him to have a cheer leader. He proved them wrong and got one, it was just a male one

 

[Zeema]

my family doesn't like me if i said i was bi it would be like adding fuel to a fire

 

[NoWayJose]

I know this isn't exactly what the OP meant. It seems appropriate to share anyway.

I'm not gay but I was something of a late bloomer in the romance department. When I passed about fifteen/sixteen without even mentioning an interest in dating (let alone seeing anyone) my parents became resolutely prepared for the day I would come out of the closet. I wasn't in any closet at the time, but I soon found one--though not the one they were expecting. Time went on and I started university, learning about tons of things I'd never thought to question. An intro to philosophy class (a logic class, in essence) introduced me to the concepts of burden of proof and the logical fallacies. Eventually, I came to a decision that I'd been putting off for years. Further months go by and I'm sitting down to dinner with my parents both in their RV while camping. The conversation swings around to major news of a personal nature and I say I have something important to tell them.

They immediately say, "You're gay. We know. We still love you."

I say, "No. I'm not gay. Never have been. But you really want to know?"

"Of course."

"I'm an atheist."

They sort of stop and get this worried look in their eyes. My parents were both raised to be very religious. Mom says, "Oh, Jose," and starts to tear up. Dad's just quiet for a bit. I think it was the worst possible thing I could have said.

Eventually everything was okay and they wouldn't really bring it up again. I know they still love me (they said so today), but I fear they still worry about that poor boy's lost soul.

 

[Rin Little]

Friends don't really care, mom and dad still don't know I'm bi... My mom's bf knows and he's totally cool with it and understands why I won't tell either of my parents. Because no matter how "tolerant" they say they are, they both have really bad knee-jerk reactions to things like this that I don't really feel like putting up with.

 

[darron13]

Well for me, it basically started with telling my brother, which actually went easier than expected. He took it well, he didn't believe me at first but after that had no real problem with it. After that I told my two closest friends (at the time). Which in and of itself was hard as hell...let's just say lots of slow sentences and crying. I don't even know why I cried, I was terrified I suppose...
Anyway, after that I wanted to tell my family...I started with my mother who, for the longest while was of the belief that I was bi, but has since come around to accept that I am not.
The rest of my family...eh...I couldn't tell them myself, instead I got my brother and one of my friends to tell my grandfather, who then told my grandmother.
Basically after that she sent me to a shrink, I guess to 'cure the gay', but my phychologist, being a reasonable man told her that of course that's not something to be cured. Or that can be for that matter. After that he diagnosed me with moderate depression, as the whole coming out/falling in love with my best friend (who was straight) thing kinda taking it's toll.
4 months and alot of anti-depressants later I felt far more comfortable with myself. I told 2 of my cousins after that who took it similarly to my brother. Then after that I pretty much told all my close friends.
So fast forward 4 years and here's me now, completely out. Hell it's even on my Facebook. Note that I live in a country where being gay (for guys at least) is illegal. But hell if I care.
Anyway, moral of the story, if you're gay come out when it's safe. You'll find it hard to feel comfortable with yourself until you do, because you'll keep pulling yourself down with thoughts of how you THINK people will react. It's never as bad as you think.

As for my family now, grandparents and father act like I never told them, in denial I suppose. Mom and anyone under 30 who knows is fine with it otherwise.

 

[klaynexas3]

i don't think i could particularly come out and my parents or friends think i'm serious. only one person knows that i'm bi, and she's not gonna tell anyone. the thing is, i basically do come out. on a daily basis. to everyone. and everyone thinks that i'm mostly screwing around, because for the longest time that's how it's been, me just screwing around. and for the most part, it still is because i'm not attracted to my friends, and when i say it to my parents it's not saying i'm bisexual it's me having a discussion with them, they mention me getting married to a woman one day, and i say big and loud "i won't get married to a woman, i'm gay!" considering i still find the female body more attractive and i like more girls than guys, this is mostly a joke, not to mention if i wanted to come out i would make sure they knew i was bi, not gay. not to mention, i'm a bit afraid to say i'm bi, due to how people would think at school, how my friends would feel, how my parents would react as they are christians. whenever i make the "i'm gay" joke with my parents, they, well more so my mom, act like that'd be some outlandish and horrible thing if i was gay. being bi wouldn't be that different for them. besides, my mom has a bit of a dislike for the gay community and her idea is that while they might not have control over who they're attracted to, they can control their impulses. in other words, just suppressing the gayness. my dad doesn't really say much about it, unless he's talking about some friends that might've been gay or whatnot, but never in a bad fashion. he'll just say they are gay or lesbian and be done with it. my mom is usually the one talking more so against it, so i'm afraid to come out to them. i don't know if i ever truly will, as i don't particularly feel it will be necessary. my only relationship with another guy has been over for a while and i have no desire to be with another one, so i have no reason to tell them.

 

[Zoe Castillo]

--

 

[Dr. Pepper Unlimited]

It's weird, my mom and sister's are all very understanding, but I never felt comfortable expressing that part of me for some reason. Recently, I started dating my current girlfriend (we've been together a little over two years) and it all kind of exploded rather randomly. One of my friends has been very depressed and has been going through some very tough times lately. To sum up his story short, he just recently discovered his father is not his biological father. He's been bottling up this for a long time, but had invited me to dinner to pour it all out. He was having a hard time explaining everything so I opted to tell something personal about me to ease the tension. So, randomly I came out to him as being a bi-gendered bisexual (If you don't know what bi-gendered means, Google it).

That being said, he was much more comfortable afterward. With that being said, I did so to friends, family and my girlfriend afterward as well. It was much easier after I already told him, so I didn't have much trouble. Though, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of bisexual guys because she has dated some in the past that cheated on her, so it took some time for her to adjust, plus she had a million questions about, well, everything, but she's been very understanding about everything and I couldn't have asked for more from her. I guess I've been very fortunate with the outcome.

 

[Mr Thin]

I always feel so sheltered when I read these kind of threads.

There were gay guys in my high school (like, flaming gay) and nobody cared. Not the students, teachers, parents, nobody. It wasn't even a thing.

I presume there were lesbians too, but I never hung out with girls, so I wouldn't know.

I don't think I've ever met a homophobe, or a racist, or a fundamentalist. Guess I'm just lucky to live where I live.

 

[excentric22]

i don't think i could particularly come out and my parents or friends think i'm serious. only one person knows that i'm bi, and she's not gonna tell anyone. the thing is, i basically do come out. on a daily basis. to everyone. and everyone thinks that i'm mostly screwing around, because for the longest time that's how it's been, me just screwing around. and for the most part, it still is because i'm not attracted to my friends, and when i say it to my parents it's not saying i'm bisexual it's me having a discussion with them, they mention me getting married to a woman one day, and i say big and loud "i won't get married to a woman, i'm gay!" considering i still find the female body more attractive and i like more girls than guys, this is mostly a joke, not to mention if i wanted to come out i would make sure they knew i was bi, not gay. not to mention, i'm a bit afraid to say i'm bi, due to how people would think at school, how my friends would feel, how my parents would react as they are christians. whenever i make the "i'm gay" joke with my parents, they, well more so my mom, act like that'd be some outlandish and horrible thing if i was gay. being bi wouldn't be that different for them. besides, my mom has a bit of a dislike for the gay community and her idea is that while they might not have control over who they're attracted to, they can control their impulses. in other words, just suppressing the gayness. my dad doesn't really say much about it, unless he's talking about some friends that might've been gay or whatnot, but never in a bad fashion. he'll just say they are gay or lesbian and be done with it. my mom is usually the one talking more so against it, so i'm afraid to come out to them. i don't know if i ever truly will, as i don't particularly feel it will be necessary. my only relationship with another guy has been over for a while and i have no desire to be with another one, so i have no reason to tell them.

Not to be disrespectful.....but it doesnt sound like your bi. Im not saying your straight though. Ive always considered being bi to mean that your attracted to both genders and want relationships with both. Having some attraction to your own gender is more just in that grey zome that, really, most people are in.

Hell, im a guy and would sleep with a guy if i met the right one. But id never call myself bi since I really have no plan to date guys in the future.

 

[FeraIMuse]

I'm not gay myself, nor am I bisexual, but there was a rift for a number of years between my mother and myself regarding a close friend of mine who was, as I like to say, 'very obviously gay'. No, I'm not stereotyping, but you couldn't sit with this kid for five minutes and not figure things out. So my mother and I were at lunch in the town we were living in, in Georgia (that I had subsequently more or less grown up in,) and my friend shows up, sort of out of the blue. I invite him to sit with us, we have a nice, (as far as I could tell) friendly lunch, and then he has to go run some errands or the like.

After he leaves, my mother frowns and looks at me and says, "He's gay, isn't he?" My response was along the lines of, "What does that have to do with anything?" Unfortunately at this point, she goes into a long diatribe of how no matter how good of a life he leads, or good of a person he is, his sexual preferences will nevertheless land him in Hell, etc., etc. Now, one thing to take into consideration about the entirety of this conversation and, even my experiences growing up with my family (as fun and dysFUNctional as they are,) is that my grandmother was one of the first school-teachers in Alabama to willingly and even eagerly teach a class with African American and Caucasian students in the same room. Her house was firebombed three times, and for about three years (until she moved) she was constantly threatened with violence, and worse. So I would've thought this would lead my mother (as her mother's daughter) to be more open-minded.

We didn't talk for a number of years, and one night after I was visiting my family from out of town, I sat down with her and very simply said, "You're the reason kids are afraid to be honest with who they are and how they feel, in regards to sexuality and romance. On the surface, you're the pinnacle of open-mindedness, and caring, but deep down, you're just as biased as the guys who through Molotov-cocktails at your mother's house-boat in Alabama." Eventually she got over being offended, and even agreed with me. I can't say she's comfortable with the idea of two people of the same sex being romantically and sexually involved with one another, but at least she doesn't immediately dismiss the idea, anymore.

I think my brother said it best, and I'm pretty sure he was paraphrasing a movie: "If a man and a woman can get married and be miserable, why can't two men or two women get married and be happy?"