Conan Scriptwriter Ruminates On Failure

[fozzy360]

Is the story original? No. Is it oscar worthy? No. Are the characters pretty one dimensional? Yes. But so fucking what? Its Conan! What is it supposed to be about? Women, swords, and monsters.

I'm going to start off by saying I really enjoyed myself with Battle LA. I really did. Yet, I completely agree that it was severely flawed and need better direction for its character sequences, better work on it's script and more compelling actors. I liked the movie well enough, but I know that's it's far from being a great film, and I know that just because it's fun doesn't excuse it from fumbling a multitude of different things. You can't use "but it's fun!" to defend a film that fails on delivering something as important as a halfway decent script. It's disingenuous to other films that are because you devalue their accomplishments, and you lower your standard of what films should and could be.

I'm not saying you can't enjoy Conan, but you can't just say that just because it's Conan means it shouldn't be held to certain standards, such as having a good script, decent performances, and not-shitty editing.

 

[solidstatemind]

Someone else please go read the article referenced? I read it and I just see one long series of rationalization and even some flat-out delusion. Does anyone else get that vibe out of it?

I mean, I understand the need to provide a little cushioning for the blow to your ego, but damn! It's like this guy refuses to believe that he could've turned out a bad product! And for all his denials, he seems like he was pretty invested in the film. We all screw up sometimes, so get over it Mr. Hood.

Honestly? I wasn't too disappointed with the movie: it was about what I expected-- the classic stories of Howard seen through the glossy lens of Hollywood; I enjoyed it, but what kept nagging at me was not how bad the acting was (it wasn't all that terrible), how one-dimensional the characters were (I'm not watching Hamlet, guys; I'm watching Conan), or how disjointed and forced the plot was (there is a Conan story by Howard that is entirely just about a little sidetrip he took on the road while travelling from one big city to another. It literally is just about that encounter, fer God's sake!)...

No. What kept nagging at me was the thought that the movie felt like what someone would come up with if they parsed through a few Robert E. Howard stories and took out the bits they thought were cool... and you know what? Probably Sean Hood is as guilty of that as anyone else who worked on the creative end of the movie.

Ultimately, the only thing that makes me a sad panda is that with the failure of this movie (not to mention its perceived crapitude) is that they haven't got any reason to serialize it. I would've loved to see a good swords and sorcery series at the box office.

 

[AndyFromMonday]

It would have been better if the marketing wouldn't have straight out lied about the content of the film but then again, lies and deceit are part of what makes capitalism great.

 

[Grey_Focks]

We all screw up sometimes, so get over it Mr. Hood.

This is true, except his screwing up could have very likely ended his movie-writing career, or at least severely hampered it. Other than that, yea, I agree with you on him seeming a little too overly willing to blame everyone who wasn't himself. Also I still don't really plan on seeing this, though knowing that the theater will be empty actually might help the movie's favor, as the last two movies I saw there were couples either a row or two in front of me macking in the middle of the movie. Really annoying, to say the least.

 

[teh_Canape]

I just got back from seeing it...

I honestly don't know why people are in such a fuss over it. Sure it wasn't good, but it was hardly terrible.

I'm with this guy

I saw the movie I wanted to see

a less-than-spectacular medieval/fantasy action movie

not Lord of the Citizen Kane Ring

 

[5mj7R7yf4Dwr3gdZyyu9PeGNwYjlNrjzuh3iTXQG]

In my case, it might be nostalgia, but I remember the original Conan being an excellent page in movie fantasy at a time when there was a serious dearth of quality media in the genre. The original Conan the Barbarian was an impressive nod to the Boris Vallejo art style [http://www.google.com/search?q=boris+vallejo&hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&hs=PXM&rls=org.mozilla:en-USfficial&prmd=ivnso&source=lnms&tbm=isch&ei=gHVVToGDDIrniALGzKX_DA&sa=X&oi=mode_link&ct=mode&cd=2&ved=0CBgQ_AUoAQ&biw=1517&bih=918](probably NSFW) and introduced the Swords and Sorcery subgenre of fantasy to the masses.

It also featured Basil Poledouris' awesome score (The orgy theme [http://youtu.be/BOUs6er51bI] for your enjoyment). And it quoted Genghis Khan (from whom we get the answer to What is best in life?).

These days, we've seen Lord of the fucking Rings put on the big screen in three extended parts with all the power of CGI and backed by Tolkeinologists and and geek-level devotion, and really, nothing else is going to compare for a while. So I can see how any version of Conan might seem well...meh, especially those not familiar with Howard's literary diegesis.

That said, haven't seen the new one. Will eventually, and will expect disappointment, but it's a throw-together redux during a depression, so there's no surpise that it's getting panned.

238U.

 

[Richardplex]

Its a popcorn movie, its just supposed to entertain, and I was entertained throughout. I might be used to a bit more cheese than your average guy, I watch anime and listen to Manowar. Both pretty heavy on the cheese...but still. Conan hasnt exactly been cheese-free...

Complainers might as well have sat down with Gears of War and expected Planescape Torment.

Come on, anime isn't cheesy. Just 90% of them revolve around the power of friendship, willpower, love, or the heart of the cards.

 

[Sylveria]

The Expendables FUCKING ruled.

Hellz yeah! Stupid movie but certainly a fun trip. Of course, I got some enjoyment out of the Green Lantern so my opinion is probably invalid.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, people have such unrealistic expectations of movies. For some reason, its gotten in the heads of the sci-fi/fantasy crowed that every genre movie needs to be The Dark Knight. It's just not gonna happen guys. Remember the original Conan? remember Commando? Rambo? Super Man? These movies that people gush for with their nostalgia goggles on even though they were dripping with enough cheese to drown an elephant? What we're getting now isn't any better or worse. There's the occasional movie that goes beyond expectation, like the Dark Knight but they can't all be like that and nor should we expect them to be. "Okay" movies are what make the true gems shine. If they were all gems, people would expect them to start getting shinier.

 

[Varya]

Flop-tastic is correct. The script on this was terribru. And the writers (I guess) are completely to blame.

I wouldn't be so quick to judge, sure, the script that made it on to the screen might be bad, but that doesn't really say anything about who is to blame. Do not underestimate the power of stupid producers. Being forced to re-write mid shoot, or having producers change the plot in post, making the script seem totally dumb isn't unusual in Hollywood. All I'm saying is that there really isn't enough to go on to say "the writers are to blame" I tend to blame producers first, they are there to say "this is what we want" and have to OK the script in the first place

 

[JWRosser]

Soooo I shouldn't see this film?

 

[Yokai]

Poor bastard. It wasn't a great movie by any stretch of the imagination, but it also didn't deserve the ubiquitous panning it got. I'd also be curious to know what limitations the scriptwriter had to work with. Remember, writers aren't given free rein over their scripts, the directors want to get their paws in there so the movie gets made their way and the producers will demand changes to make it more marketable.

Anyway, Conan was better than the Expendables, and loads better than the apocalyptic suckage that was the Transformers series. It's a damn shame both of those got sequels but this probably won't.

 

[Moeez]

We all need a fun and forgettable action movie for that one weekend where nothing's going on. This year, it was Battle LA and I mostly went because I like Two Face.

 

[FinalDream]

To me Conan was a limited appeal project, It doesn't exactly scream oscar but popcorn movies have their place and Hood should be proud in the end. I'd love to write a film, even a bad one.

 

[Trikeen]

"You tell yourself to just enjoy the process," he added. "That whether you succeed or fail, win or lose, it will be fine. You pretend to be Zen. You adopt detachment, and ironic humor, while secretly praying for a miracle."

...

"For the next couple of days, you walk in a daze, and your friends and family offer kind words, but mostly avoid the subject. Since you had planned (ardently believed, despite it all) that success would propel you to new appointments and opportunities, you find yourself at a loss about what to do next. It can all seem very grim."

Sounds like me when the overseas reviews of Duke Nukem Forever were coming in!

 

[Machocruz]

I just think that you CAN have Conan adventure film on the level of Raiders, Last of the Mohicans or Braveheart (I would say Apocalypto, but I can never predict the response to that film).

They don't need this slavery/revenge origin they've come with twice already. We don't need Screenwriting 101 emotional buildup and chatharsis. Conan is the badass of badasses, never anything less than badass at any point in his life. Just take Red Nails, Beyond the Black River, A Witch Shall Be Born, etc. and put them on the screen

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Not cool Sean. Not cool at all.

Why not? We're quick enough to call people on fucking the script up so why can't he? If it was mid-production I'd agree with you but frankly if your career's on the line you're brutally honest as shit.

Because there's a difference between saying "I worked my butt off" and "I worked my butt off after these shitheads ruined it"

The rest of it, I'm in full agreement with; but that was low and demeaned the rest of the piece.

 

[Liquid Paradox]

Fankly I could not imagine any possible way to write a good script for a conan remake.

Conan in itself was a crappy movie that just made for a good time because it portrayed vicious fights of Schwarzenegger with the english language.

You can't recreate that.

Well...define a good script then. I honestly dont get why people bash the new Conan movie. I loved it.

Is the story original? No. Is it oscar worthy? No. Are the characters pretty one dimensional? Yes. But so fucking what? Its Conan! What is it supposed to be about? Women, swords, and monsters.

I went into the cinema not expecting much, but I was pleasantly surprised. I had a bunch of fun, and Jasons Conan was very likable and spot on imo. None of the actors were amazing, but they got the job done (the exception being the villains daughter...she was simply not very good). None of the characters had a lot of depth, but when have they ever in Conan?

Its a popcorn movie, its just supposed to entertain, and I was entertained throughout. I might be used to a bit more cheese than your average guy, I watch anime and listen to Manowar. Both pretty heavy on the cheese...but still. Conan hasnt exactly been cheese-free...

Complainers might as well have sat down with Gears of War and expected Planescape Torment.

I had this exact reaction to Transformers (the first one). It really really wasn't that bad, but people act as though micheal bay just threw up on a projector and called it film.

 

[Callate]

I saw it.

It was not a good movie.

But to be fair, it wasn't an awful movie, either. It didn't veer way down below the level of my expectations. It had the requisite amount of carnage and nudity, a handful of interesting set pieces and action scenes, and no out-and-out cringe-worthy performances.

It did have more than a few, "aw, fer cryin' out loud" moments. (Of course the horse with two riders awkwardly perched on it can go faster than the horse with one. Of course the longboat can find and catch up with the ship under sail out on open water. Let's let Ms. MacGuffin whose capture might end the world go out alone- can't see what could go wrong with that!)

But by and large, PotC: On Stranger Tides was a far, far, far, far, far, far...

...

...far, far worse offender, and it made a hell of a lot of money.

Honestly, I'm a little sorry to see any moderately high-budget fantasy movie do poorly. The genre is under-represented, and with Harry Potter now over and done with, it doesn't seem likely that that situation will likely change (Hobbit notwithstanding.)