Conflicted loneliness

[Parkway91]

I am lonely. This is mostly due to my introverted and shy nature. Now when I say I am lonely, this is only a small portion of the time I spend alone. I am a person who very much prefers to be alone than with others, but sometimes I feel quite lonely, mostly due to my current dating status being single.

I am a very awkward person and am terrible at conversation and conversing with people in person. But at times I feel quite alone.

I am caught between quite a rock and a hard place, it would be safe to say I do not enjoy the company of people, but at times, I feel quite lonely.

My personal opinion is because I am single, have no real close friends, and an introverted person, I have done this to myself. But I must irriterate, this is only a fraction of the time that I do spend alone. Most weekends and weeknight I spend playing video games and watching films, but this is what I want to do rather than go out and such.

Any help from people who have found themselves in similar situations or have some helpful feedback would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

I'm an introvert, I would rather go to work than go to a party. Large groups of people just make me tired. I used to feel lonely, then I got a boyfriend and a best friend, who I speak with regularly.

Just because you like being alone doesn't mean it's good for your health, you can spend most of your time alone as you please, but you'll need someone close that you can confide in to fill that void. The only cure is to get yourself a special someone, even if it means dragging yourself out to socialize. I met my boyfriend online, the process took quite a few years before I worked up the courage to meet him in person, but by that time, we were so close, the typical concerns of online dating didn't really apply.

 

[Parkway91]

I'm an introvert, I would rather go to work than go to a party. Large groups of people just make me tired. I used to feel lonely, then I got a boyfriend and a best friend, who I speak with regularly.

Just because you like being alone doesn't mean it's good for your health, you can spend most of your time alone as you please, but you'll need someone close that you can confide in to fill that void. The only cure is to get yourself a special someone, even if it means dragging yourself out to socialize. I met my boyfriend online, the process took quite a few years before I worked up the courage to meet him in person, but by that time, we were so close, the typical concerns of online dating didn't really apply.

Thankyou, I thought this may be the case. I haven't had a girlfriend for a couple of years now and I think I am having a need to fill the relationship hole again. This then serves another set of predicaments as I have next to skills in talking with people let alone approaching a woman to 'woo' for a lack of a better term.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

snip

Thankyou, I thought this may be the case. I haven't had a girlfriend for a couple of years now and I think I am having a need to fill the relationship hole again. This then serves another set of predicaments as I have next to skills in talking with people let alone approaching a woman to 'woo' for a lack of a better term.

Don't worry about "wooing" her, you'll get the best relationship from those girls you have the most in common with, and if you have a lot in common, it's easy to have a conversation (Most of us geeks obsess about one thing or another, if you can find a girl who obsesses over the same things, it becomes an hour of geeking out).

The hardest part is approaching her. It's easier if you have friends who happen to be female, friendships are easier to develop relationships out of. No one finds it easy to walk up to a complete stranger and start up a conversation.

If this is your only option however, ask her questions about the latest movie she's seen, her favorite TV show, her hobbies. The important part is to find something you're also interested in, then you can have a conversation about that and hopefully things go good from there.

If she says "I really like Twilight" and you absolutely gag at the idea of watching those movies, she's probably not the type of girl you want. You might have better luck finding your type at places you like to frequent. If you like video games and the girl is shopping in the PS3 section, try talking to her. It also gives you an ice breaker "Oh Dragon Age, that's a great game." Comic book shops are also surprisingly good for this, since a lot of those (at least that I've seen) have a more laid back atmosphere.

 

[Parkway91]

snip

Thankyou, I thought this may be the case. I haven't had a girlfriend for a couple of years now and I think I am having a need to fill the relationship hole again. This then serves another set of predicaments as I have next to skills in talking with people let alone approaching a woman to 'woo' for a lack of a better term.

Don't worry about "wooing" her, you'll get the best relationship from those girls you have the most in common with, and if you have a lot in common, it's easy to have a conversation (Most of us geeks obsess about one thing or another, if you can find a girl who obsesses over the same things, it becomes an hour of geeking out).

The hardest part is approaching her. It's easier if you have friends who happen to be female, friendships are easier to develop relationships out of. No one finds it easy to walk up to a complete stranger and start up a conversation.

If this is your only option however, ask her questions about the latest movie she's seen, her favorite TV show, her hobbies. The important part is to find something you're also interested in, then you can have a conversation about that and hopefully things go good from there.

If she says "I really like Twilight" and you absolutely gag at the idea of watching those movies, she's probably not the type of girl you want. You might have better luck finding your type at places you like to frequent. If you like video games and the girl is shopping in the PS3 section, try talking to her. It also gives you an ice breaker "Oh Dragon Age, that's a great game." Comic book shops are also surprisingly good for this, since a lot of those (at least that I've seen) have a more laid back atmosphere.

Thanks heaps for your wonderful words of wisdom. I think its a case of manning the hell up and getting out there. Im just terrible at looking and making that first impression.

But again, thanks so much for your help. If you have any other pearls of wisdom, I will receive them most graciously.

 

[Galletea]

I always say the same to people in these situations. Try to make friends before you go for romance. Building your confidence in social situations slowly makes it easier to speak to people and feel comfortable. If you feel at ease with the situation you will be more attractive.
So just saying hello to someone in a shop you frequent is a good place to start.

 

[Parkway91]

I always say the same to people in these situations. Try to make friends before you go for romance. Building your confidence in social situations slowly makes it easier to speak to people and feel comfortable. If you feel at ease with the situation you will be more attractive.
So just saying hello to someone in a shop you frequent is a good place to start.

Even among friends, when these slim times arise, I am even awkward around friends I have known for years. I do not talk very much, I find it incredibly difficult to keep conversation running and often sit in silence and just observing. I personally feel most comfortable sitting in silence but as far as social image, I can see how I some across as boring or uninteresting.

 

[Hollock]

im similar. you should start doing something that forces you to hang out with others and make friends with similar interests. join a drawing class or an improv group. or go to a comic store and join a dnd or warhammer game. its awkward for a while but not too long

 

[SonicWaffle]

My personal opinion is because I am single, have no real close friends, and an introverted person, I have done this to myself. But I must irriterate, this is only a fraction of the time that I do spend alone. Most weekends and weeknight I spend playing video games and watching films, but this is what I want to do rather than go out and such.

Never fear, for I shall be your friend! We can have adventures together in my magic time-travelling steamboat. Won't that be fun?

Any help from people who have found themselves in similar situations or have some helpful feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Well, I'm in pretty much the same boat as you, but I spend a lot of time out with people and socialising. The secret?

Alcohol. Lots of it. It's a great social lubricant, and a great way to meet friend-of-a-friends. Hell, one of my best mates today is a guy who, this time last year, I only knew as "that guy my flatmate's girlfriend works with"

 

[Friendly Lich]

Yes even introverts need the company of others occasionally, humans must have others present in order to define themselves usually. Hopefully complete instrumentality will not elude us forever.

Advice: Get a pet, join a guild, join a club.

 

[Callate]

It might be helpful to find a quasi-regular social situation in which you can exert some control- a group that regularly plays board games together, a reading group, some people who regularly play basketball or ride bikes together, whatever. Having an activity reduces the amount one has to spend making idle chit-chat (or failing to do so), and many such groups aren't troubled if people come and go as they can or please.

I'm something of an introvert as well, but I've gradually come to the conclusion that for me it's at least partly about an inability to tune things like voices out. If there are several conversations going on at once, particularly if there's a lot of cross-noise or echo, my stress level skyrockets. It quieter settings with smaller groups of people, I tend to do better.

 

[Parkway91]

It might be helpful to find a quasi-regular social situation in which you can exert some control- a group that regularly plays board games together, a reading group, some people who regularly play basketball or ride bikes together, whatever. Having an activity reduces the amount one has to spend making idle chit-chat (or failing to do so), and many such groups aren't troubled if people come and go as they can or please.

I'm something of an introvert as well, but I've gradually come to the conclusion that for me it's at least partly about an inability to tune things like voices out. If there are several conversations going on at once, particularly if there's a lot of cross-noise or echo, my stress level skyrockets. It quieter settings with smaller groups of people, I tend to do better.

I agree, I think I need to find more social groups related to interests I have.