Continue this story

[Joe]

I got this spam email today:

From: LewisEldridge@mail.ru
Subject: 6U8

"Let's go." and the lights twinkling on the water, throwing out little beacon-trails
"No," I said. "Nothing happened. Yesterday I blew twenty bills at that exciting hand-to- hand conflict so dear to the hearts of that cousin of

With an intro like THAT, how can you not continue the story? We should play this game. I'll continue a bit, then the next poster can do the same, and so on. Annnd go!

"Let's go." and the lights twinkling on the water, throwing out little beacon-trails
"No," I said. "Nothing happened. Yesterday I blew twenty bills at that exciting hand-to- hand conflict so dear to the hearts of that cousin of my girlfriend - her name was Judy. Not my girlfriend, her cousin.

She always loved the martial arts. They matched her personality, fulfilled her. They provided the order she could never quite provide herself. Her style of choice, muay thai, is a devastating type of kickboxing that doesn't fit her lithe form, but the bruises she takes home are always accompanied by stories of triumph. Muay thai is Judy's religion, so when she asked me to go with her to the studio, I found myself wondering what my first communion would feel like.

 

[Landslide]

Unfortunately, I would never find out.

It's always strange to consider what we would do in an event that doesn't fit into the paradigm of what we know and understand. We've been exposed by dozens of films to situations that we can't help but believe are impossible, and thusly we are tested within to determine whether we will fall aside like sheep, or stand and accept the unacceptable. Most people freeze with shock and indecision when faced with a situation that defies immediate reason. It's the experiential equivalent of being hit by a car you never saw. As your tires lift off the ground, you are confounded as to why the car is moving in such an impossible way - until your faculties report to your brain that the unpleasant facts are in - there's been an accident. It's hard to deny it when the pavement replaces the sky.

All this occured to me as the dropships emerged from the low Seattle clouds, and all thought was replaced with the hammering roar of entry engines. I hoped Judy -

 

[Archon]

would survive the fallout from the fission bombs we were going to be launching. The Google Federation had decided it was time to take on the Redmond Republic, and Seattle was going to be toast.

I wondered briefly if muay thai taught stop-drop-roll. Then it was time to -

 

[ChrisP.Lettuce]

slowly slide the sun visor across my vision in the early morning sun. Sweat beading on the edge of my brow. This was my first search and rescue operation while infiltrating enemy territory. Judy was demanding to track down around our hometown, but she would be near hopeless to find now that the Redmonds have gotten a hold of her. I pondered playfully if Veronica would ever forgive me if I failed to rescue her cousin. Oh well, in-laws are less than savoury anyways.

"Jake," I leaned over to my squad mate, "are you prepped?"
"Always." Jake lifted his visor and glanced at me, a mask of confidence covering the concern in his eyes.
"We have 9 hours until those ICBMs launch."

I stepped out into the -

 

[Hey Joe]

dreadlocks. He was rasta through and through, he looked fresh from the dance halls of Kingston, instead he stood there nonchalantly in this nightmare.

"Okay, uhh, guy?" I said tentatively "If we don't worry about this stuff, then they've already won. If we make it out of this alive, if somehow I can find Judy, then life has to go on"

The man in dreadlocks stood there, staring at us with a quizzical look on his face.

"Mon, you boys be hangin' around babylon for far too long!"

I don't know what quite happened next, but the next thing I knew Jake had our deadlocked pal in a headlock-

 

[Larenxis]

and the gloves were off.

"What are you doing?!" I exclaimed. I could hear engines on the horizon. They would be coming soon. They always came. "We need to find Judy!"

Jake tossed the dreadlocked man aside and put his gloves back on cautiously. Lying on the concrete, the Jamaican moved over to a pole, got up, and strutted away humming some incredibly familiar song.

"So how are we going to get there?" asked Jake, snapping the fasteners on his gloves and checking his ammo. "The bus?" We both eyed the city bus that was lying on it's side, burning.

"I could get you out of here fast." The offer came from a fiery haired woman, perched on a-

 

[Knight Templar]

-monkey.

Jake looked at the redhead blankly as two very large monkeys rounded the corner.
"You see that" i asked Jake not believing my eyes. "I don't know what I see" he replyed, keeping the same blank unmoving face.
after what seemed like an age the redhead talked again. "I also have moterbikes if monkeys arn't your thing."
This snaped Jack back into the world. jumping on the bike he hesatated."Do you hear some... run its the-

 

[Anarchemitis]

ALL YOUR BASE

Edit: I couldn't resist. It was two years ago, shut up!

 

[ChrisP.Lettuce]

ARE BELONG TO US

I said to the police chimps. They didn't appear to know what that meant.

Nevermind that, it was time to find Jake. I strapped on my jetpack and roared towards the smoldering ruins of Jake's bicycle, hoping to see his chizzled face. What I encountered however, was not Jake, it was a slobbering -

 

[sapient]

Vortigaunt, who looked me squarely in the eye and said...

"Isn't it about time you returned that copy of Half-Life 2?"

Realization struck me like I was the lead artist for CRYTek and I'd just watched Zero Punctuation vs Crysis. I had to get to-

 

[sebboh]

banana shaped baton.
Although that didnt seem unlikely now as I stared into the non negotiating eyes of the chimp officers. They must have followed my jet pack smoke trails and seeing the hollywood video caps with their police uniforms, I knew whose payroll they were under.
"Wheres the game" , grunted the alpha chimp. His fingers hovered over the banana baton on his belt but that wasnt necessary to intimidate me. The human hair, blood, and brain stuck to the front of his and his partners police uniform commanded respect from another person who had tried to flee with overdue fees.
"NO MORE STALLING!" howled the other chimp as he slammed his fist into my face. Blood and sweat clouding my eyes I could only wish that Judy or Jake would show up with their superior fighting skills.
No more time for wishes though, as I struggled to get to my feet I found myself staring into a banana barreled pistol to dampen the sound and-

 

[Swenglish]

the next thing I heard was the tiny banana seed going past my head. The chimp had tried to excecute me with his banana gun but missed with an inch. I yelled "LOL! PWNED" to distract him and knocked the air out him with a single blow to the stomach. He fell to the floor as I ran past him out of the store.
His partner quickly started to massage his partners tummy, just like they had been taught in the chimp academy. I got about half a block of dystopian future when I heard the sirens of a police hovercraft.
Realising it was no point to keep running I put my hands in the air, showing the chimps that I was surrendering. However, I was suprised when I noticed that the hovercraft speeded up instead of slowing down, and showed no signs of landing. All of a sudden it leaned 90 degrees, soared over me and an unknown hand grabbed me, dragging me in while the hovercraft repositioned and regained altitude.

"How about THEM apples!" Judy screamed in my face.
"You promised me no wacky one-liners if you were ever to rescue me" I awnsered.

We high-fived, since it seemed the right thing to do instead of a friendly hug or an even friendlier toungkiss. Jake sat in the pilot seat when he announced his super plan to overthrow the Google federation once and for all. He began by saying:

 

[sebboh]

were about to BUMP into a building!

 

[ShadeOfRed]

And we did. Unfortunately, that building was another Hollywood Video. "A BEATING!" they would say. Two beatings in one day, you'd have to be in City 17 for that to happen. Now if only I could-

 

[Mr_Spectre]

As it moved closer and closer, Judy's eyes opened only to realize the last season's posts were all a dream and she had been knocked unconcious by a thrust kick from the google federation's best Thai fighter. Since this fight determined if the federation would be over thrown it wasn't based on how long she was knocked down but if her opponent could finish her while when he had the chance. It was amazing the flurry that came, an explosion of knees and elbows and Judy fought to stay alive. She had had gone through sixteen of the best martial artist that the Goog's as she liked to call them could send at her. But this time her opponent Marcus had her on the ropes.

This time she was taking plenty of time to get to her feet and he set a stance that the audience knew to be a sign of his signature technique, but little did he know that she too was getting ready to attempt her trump. And as the seconds went by and both began to strike -

 

[Possum-Man]

Now if only I could- return to the future. Flipping out my cellphone I immediately dialled Dominoes Pizzeria, asking for a ham and peppers stuffed-crust with extra twinkies to be delivered to 39 Angel Boulevard in five years time. It was only then that I realised Judy was looking curiously at me.

"I've never really liked apples." I explained before heading toward what I hoped was-