could I possibly have depression?

[the doom cannon]

I don't have manic depression or anything extreme like that, but I've had more than my fair share of "what's the point of living? Would anyone care if I died? I wonder what would really happen if I drove off the road here. What's the point of doing anything?" and all that jazz. Funny how that only happens when I'm at college. Maybe school is causing my episodes? Interesting thought. I feel perfectly happy now since it's a break, but I know as soon as I get back into the school routine it'll start up again.

I feel like I shouldn't be so upset tho. Sure I might be in mountains of debt by the end of it, but I will have a good education and should be able to get a job in my field once I graduate. I have a great girlfriend and good friends too. So idk what's up. Breaks are always fine, but once I get into school I get really depressed and testy. I don't ever talk to anyone about these sorts of things except close friends, and I guess complete strangers now. Funny how my logic works there...

Maybe I'm allergic to school? That'd be funny

 

[Smeggs]

It's adult life, man.

Responsibilities suck, I know.

 

[theLadyBugg]

College life is a super weird situation, and some of us have a hard time adjusting. Even if it's not your first year - some people just never get used to it. Things that could be making you depressed sneakily:
- Erratic sleep schedule
- Erratic eating schedule
- Not getting proper nourishment
- Not getting enough of any one of a number of vitamins (D and B12 deficiencies are possible sources of "seasonal" depression)
- Lack of physical activity

Maybe try putting yourself on a slightly stricter schedule? Exercising more? (Although I always hated getting that suggestion.) It might be time to set up a meeting with your school's mental health office, presuming they have one. Just to sort it out with someone who undoubtedly sees your situation year after year and will likely have some good suggestions.

 

[the doom cannon]

It's adult life, man.

Responsibilities suck, I know.

this post serves no purpose and was rather childish, sorry mr. adult. I am very accustomed to your "adult life." It's rather boring actually. while not in school, I have a very "adult" schedule, consisting of class at 8 til noon, work from 1 to 5, dinner at 6, take care of any loose ends, play games til 10 or 12, and sleep no later than 1.

To all future posters, please refrain from saying things along the lines of "that's what being an adult is" or "grow up." I can almost guarantee you that being an adult does not consist of a constant sense of worthlessness or self harm.

As a side note, I was on the varsity baseball team until last year, but still had these things going on. I've been told by some friends that I should really go see the mental health counselors, but I have yet to take that advice seriously.
Also, I do have occasional negative/depression related thoughts while out of school, but it's nothing like having them almost every day during the school year.

 

[Raven's Nest]

I've been told by some friends that I should really go see the mental health counselors, but I have yet to take that advice seriously.

To be honest, you aren't going to get any better advice. You don't have to make a big fuss about it. Just make an appointment and sit down for a casual talk with them much like you have done here. I guarantee you, they will be both willing and able to help.

 

[Jonny Newcombe]

Sounds like mild depression. Not as uncommon as you might think. Life is a grind and some people are better at handling it than others. I don't think yo need a shrink or medication, maybe just a good holiday. Look for positives instead of negatives. Also, if you regularly drink like I did when I was a student then cut down, it's a depressant don't you know.

 

[TWRule]

School in general and especially college is miserable if you do not have a clear sense of why you are there (and even then it can be rough). Are you satisfied with your future career choice from a personal standpoint (i.e. enjoying and finding meaning in the work itself) and not just seeing it as a source of money? Do you have strong philosophical reasons backing up that choice? It doesn't sound like it based on what you've told us. You may want to ask yourself whether you really want to commit a very large portion of your future to the field you're majoring in.

That, and honestly, the education system in general, especially if you happen to be going to a state college, is pretty atrocious and a waste of time. You really should only invest as much of yourself as is needed to reach your career goal and nothing more...

P.S. It's not a problem specific to you to see life as meaningless - it is - most people just want to hide from that realization by distracting themselves one way or another; the question is how are you going to give it meaning?

 

[the doom cannon]

Sounds like mild depression. Not as uncommon as you might think. Life is a grind and some people are better at handling it than others. I don't think yo need a shrink or medication, maybe just a good holiday. Look for positives instead of negatives. Also, if you regularly drink like I did when I was a student then cut down, it's a depressant don't you know.

Oh how I wish I could drown my sorrows in alcohol XD. Actually, I did drink a lot my freshman year, but have since opted to drink very very infrequently, like maybe once a month. Reason: My asian half rules my alcohol tolerance. I don't mean I'm 1 and done, I mean if I drink any large amount, I end up just puking my guts out and getting a splitting headache within 30 minutes of drinking. I puke before I even begin to lose any form of impairment (usually around 5 drinks in a short period of time). And that headache, dear god it's bad. So I just don't drink at all. It also puts me to sleep within the hour unless I make a concerted effort to stay awake.

As for liking my major. I like it enough. It's geotechnical engineering, so like I would go to a building site, sample the ground, run tests, and write a report to a structural engineer about what I find, including earthquake stuffs. I like the idea, so I don't think it's the major that's the problem.
HOWEVER, I did decide on engineering from a purely monetary standpoint. My major incorporates a few things that I've enjoyed for a while, but really was chosen as a lesser of all evils, evil being engineering in general. Anyone who has dabbled in the field during school should know what I mean by that.

My motivation for going to college was to make money, probably because that's the only thing I see as necessary in the world. Money buys my computers, consoles, games, guns, and hobbies. Therefore, if I make enough money, I will be able to do things I find fun. That's my logic anyway. My hobbies are expensive >.<

 

[Ringo_Plumen]

Sounds a lot like the circumstances around my own depression (was a mild one). Unfortunately I really have no idea how you might get over this except open up about it, talk to people about how you feel or talk to a counselor, they just might be able to help you in some way.

Since I live in a country where the majority of all educations are paid for by our taxes (I actually only know of one that isn't), and young people in fact get financial support while under education, our circumstances are so different I simply don't have any idea what your options are. I had the opportunity to simply quit what i was doing and try something different without any real negative repercussions except lost time and it worked wonders for me, but it's pretty clear that isn't feasible in your case.