Could You Date A Transexual?

[smokeyninjas]

Nah our medical technology is still a long way off from being able to swap a persons gender popping some pills and renovating the old crotch zone aint enough

 

[Beautiful Tragedy]

I've yet to see a truly convincing transsexual. Despite modern advancements in hormone therapy and plastic surgery, the telltale signs are still there (especially noticeable if you're flat out told that they're trans).

one of the biggest issues with appearance for trans girls is the surgeries are not perfect, and many of us can't afford ALL of them needed to truly be 100% passable. Some people are blessed with feminine features or begin early and hrt has a better effect.

 

[JoJo]

EDIT: Also, to everyone in this thread who said 'I want to have children', would you date someone who can't have children for some reason, or just is very certain they don't want to?

I'm just wondering how many people use that as an excuse...

Yes, I would not start a serious relationship with anyone who didn't want or couldn't have children, it's that simple. To many people having a family is an important life goal and while adoption is an option, it takes years of jumping through hoops and most adoptive children take a different challenge to raise than biological kids since at the best they've experienced neglect and often much worse abuse.

OT: I would date for short-term if I found them attractive but for long-term, the lack of fertility would rule it out. People are free to choose their own gender and I will respect their choice but I'm some what sceptical about the whole "it's not a mental condition, it's physical," point. There are people who believe they are wrong age (adult babies) or the wrong species (otherkin), do they have a physical problem too?

are those in the DSM? Gender Dysphoria is, and was declassified now that deeper long term study has been done. It is not considered a mental disorder by the mental, and medical health community.

To be fair the adult babies (Paraphilic Infantilism [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraphilic_infantilism]) are a recognised disorder. I'm not a psychologist so I'm not going to pretend my opinions are worth that much but I am a biology student and so I've got to wonder what the biological basis for calling a transgenderism a physical disorder is when it mainly seems to affect the brain. There are developmental disorders based in the brain like autism or dyspraxia so perhaps it should more properly classed alongside those.

I misspoke i guess it's a chemical one i guess. I don't know exactly..it's definitely not BDD or anything like that. I just know that the medical community no longer considers it a mental illness.

Fair enough, I have nothing against trangender people personally, my scientific side is just curious exactly how such a phenomena arises and what it should be classified as. To be honest I don't put much trust in the DSM since it's written by fallible humans and depends a lot on the society's attitudes and norms, hence why both homosexuality and gender dysphoria have been listed in the past.

 

[bananafishtoday]

But what does any of that have to do with being physically attracted to someone? I'm not attracted to 90-year old ladies either, it doesn't mean I think they're sub-human.

I can't force my body to be attracted to someone when I don't find them attractive. It is okay to not be sexually attracted to someone based on how they look. Maybe this makes me extremely shallow, but I guess I'm just that close-minded.

No, it's totally ok and perfectly natural to be attracted to people based on appearance. And if you find out someone you were attracted to is transwoman, and that's a dealbreaker for you, better to be honest.

What's not ok are pithy comments about how "if you're a guy you're a guy."

Why is this not okay? Why is it okay for transgenders to place so much importance on gender (why else would they get a sex change), but not for everyone else?

(Terminology note: "sex" refers to biological characteristics, while "gender" refers to cultural performances such as dress and behavior.)

Most transsexual people feel they were assigned the wrong gender at birth. More specifically, their gender (wlog, male) was assigned based on their primary sexual characteristics (penis), but genetics/prenatal hormone exposure resulted in brain development not in line with this (female). This is all pretty well-accepted in the medical community. The desire to transition is often (though not always) about bringing one's body in line with one's sex (brain) and gender (dress/behavior). Anna Anthropy's Dys4ia [http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/591565] is a short flash game detailing her experiences with transitioning. It's quite heartfelt and authentic.

It's not ok because...

a) They "place so much importance on gender" because it's their body and their brain. Your (not just you, but many people in this thread) opinion that they are not "real" men/women is unnecessary and uncalled for.

b) Trans* people are assaulted, raped, and murdered every day by people operating under the same logic that "if you're a guy you're a guy." This "opinion" is held by too many people in society and is not acceptable.

 

[mike1921]

Yea but my standards for how feminine they need to look would probably be higher than my standards for a natural born woman just because I don't want it on my mind at all times that I'm looking at them.

 

[Beautiful Tragedy]

EDIT: Also, to everyone in this thread who said 'I want to have children', would you date someone who can't have children for some reason, or just is very certain they don't want to?

I'm just wondering how many people use that as an excuse...

Yes, I would not start a serious relationship with anyone who didn't want or couldn't have children, it's that simple. To many people having a family is an important life goal and while adoption is an option, it takes years of jumping through hoops and most adoptive children take a different challenge to raise than biological kids since at the best they've experienced neglect and often much worse abuse.

OT: I would date for short-term if I found them attractive but for long-term, the lack of fertility would rule it out. People are free to choose their own gender and I will respect their choice but I'm some what sceptical about the whole "it's not a mental condition, it's physical," point. There are people who believe they are wrong age (adult babies) or the wrong species (otherkin), do they have a physical problem too?

are those in the DSM? Gender Dysphoria is, and was declassified now that deeper long term study has been done. It is not considered a mental disorder by the mental, and medical health community.

To be fair the adult babies (Paraphilic Infantilism [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraphilic_infantilism]) are a recognised disorder. I'm not a psychologist so I'm not going to pretend my opinions are worth that much but I am a biology student and so I've got to wonder what the biological basis for calling a transgenderism a physical disorder is when it mainly seems to affect the brain. There are developmental disorders based in the brain like autism or dyspraxia so perhaps it should more properly classed alongside those.

I misspoke i guess it's a chemical one i guess. I don't know exactly..it's definitely not BDD or anything like that. I just know that the medical community no longer considers it a mental illness.

Fair enough, I have nothing against trangender people personally, my scientific side is just curious exactly how such a phenomena arises and what it should be classified as. To be honest I don't put much trust in the DSM since it's written by fallible humans and depends a lot on the societies attitudes, hence why both homosexuality and gender dysphoria have been listed in the past.

I get what you're saying about the DSM, but that's how people determine what's a mental illness and what's not.. noone knows for sure, but i know how I feel... I am not dysphoric, I know what's up with me, and I am fixing it.

 

[Taccer]

Not cross dressing, because that's fun no matter who you are, but an physically/medically changed person.

I take offence to this. There are plenty of people who cross-dress, to varying degrees, who have perfectly sound relationships. It ain't just blokes in drag.

 

[Blow_Pop]

Yes. Being that I am more attracted to personality rather than what is/isn't in someone's pants the issue of gender or sex organs really doesn't matter to me. And has no impact whatsoever on attraction for me. Just like I could also date someone who was asexual even though I'm a highly sexual person.

 

[drisky]

I won't get into the misinformed statements, as I am not the argumentative type anymore.

Seems like you are doing it anyway, it just wouldn't be a transsexual thread with out you correcting people

Uhh I haven't correct anyone just trying educate. I am not arguing with you or anyone else... but if you think THIS is argumentative... this is nothing. As I said, I won't belabor the point. I am ready to move on and have a sensible discussion. I was only trying to expand the knowledge that some people may lack, or may not have heard about.

Not sure how many TS threads pop up here, but i only recently came back after months away.

I was just kind of joking anyways, I thought when you said that you'd leave the thread before things escalate, which it often does. And I'm glad you didn't leave because you can often explain things better then I can. And no there haven't been that many TS threads, I just like how there are a bunch TS lurkers that I hardly see on the boards all show up at once, its like seeing old friends.

 

[Beautiful Tragedy]

I won't get into the misinformed statements, as I am not the argumentative type anymore.

Seems like you are doing it anyway, it just wouldn't be a transsexual thread with out you correcting people

Uhh I haven't correct anyone just trying educate. I am not arguing with you or anyone else... but if you think THIS is argumentative... this is nothing. As I said, I won't belabor the point. I am ready to move on and have a sensible discussion. I was only trying to expand the knowledge that some people may lack, or may not have heard about.

Not sure how many TS threads pop up here, but i only recently came back after months away.

I was just kind of joking anyways, I thought when you said that you'd leave the thread before things escalate, which it often does. And I'm glad you didn't leave because you can often explain things better then I can. And no there haven't been that many TS threads, I just like how there are a bunch TS lurkers that I hardly see on the boards all show up at once, its like seeing old friends.

LMAO I see. I didn't mean i would leave the thread, i meant i wouldn't argue, only educate if i can. I did in fact leave escapist for quite some time... personal reasons.

 

[bojackx]

medically speaking, YOU ARE A MALE

Please don't besmirch medicine to try and defend your feelings on the matter. Medically speaking, a MTF transsexual is not male. I'm not saying you have to want to date or even like transsexuals, but don't hide behind "medicine" to cover YOUR issues with it. That's akin to saying "scientifically speaking, the negro is an inferior species" to explain why you'd never date a black person.

You can't just slap "science!" on your phobias, sorry.

Medically speaking, a MTF transsexual still has XY chromosomes, so is still a male. Maybe not in other senses, but most definitely in the medical sense.

And using science to justify his views on the matter is perfectly valid. If they aren't attracted to males, then they aren't going to want to date one. As I said, medically speaking, they are still male. It's hardly a phobia (or racist since you seem to implied for whatever reason).

 

[Sir Pootis]

Being Bisexual, I don't really care what you're like. As long as you're attractive (Physically and personality-wise), I'd probably go out with you.

 

[Jenvas1306]

nope. I wouldnt date a transsexual. I think it would make it too much a topic and I'm happy with my cisgender bf.
also, this thread shouldnt exist. there are too many opinions based on stereotypes instead of actual experiance and I'm glad others do the explaining and correcting here.

if you are a straight guy and cant date a transsexual you are physically and mentally attracted to, then you got a problem, maybe homophobia.

btw, for those who say you allways see it, how do you notice when you dont notice?

 

[Jenvas1306]

Medically speaking, a MTF transsexual still has XY chromosomes, so is still a male. Maybe not in other senses, but most definitely in the medical sense.

And using science to justify his views on the matter is perfectly valid. If they aren't attracted to males, then they aren't going to want to date one. As I said, medically speaking, they are still male. It's hardly a phobia (or racist since you seem to implied for whatever reason).

what is with XXY? or someone with the 'hairless woman'-syndrome? a person whos body isnt influenced by testosterone and is physically female looking and mentally female but still has XY?
and are you only attracted to that last X chromosome or to all of them? must be difficult to get the equipment to every date to see if you are attracted or not

 

[drisky]

The thing is if someone feels trapped in the wrong gender, they can decide for themselves to change this and be of a different gender. But they can't decide this for everyone else around them, and say that those who don't see them as what they themselves now perceive their gender to be, as close minded and oppressive.

Gender is most definately an important thing otherwise people who feel trapped in the wrong one wouldn't have an issue with it. And changing it drastically impacts the lives of the person who changes it and the people around them. It's not just a simple "Now I am a woman/man; deal with it".

Ok, but you have to understand that people want to avoid people that offend them. Imagine if more then have the people in the world refereed to you as a woman, you know your not and you think the notion is ridiculous. Still most of the people around you call you something you are not. At a certain point in that you get real tired of the people who incorrectly label you. You don't think of them being tolerant of you when they keep calling you something they know you find offensive. It doesn't take long before you no longer want to associate with these people you have to keep putting you down.

I'll even give you a non gender example. One of my best friends Dad abandoned him. He preferred to think of himself not having a Dad, and talking about his Dad offended him. I could explain to him that biologically he has to have a Dad and keep bringing it up, but to do that would be offensive and he would end up no longer being my friend. I would not think of my self as tolerant to his way of thinking if I was constantly trying to throw it back in his face.

 

[krazykidd]

Nope . Never . Ever . And if i date a person who i thought was born a woman to find out they weren't i'd probably go to jail for murder .

You know what , i think i'm going to ask ever girl i meet if they were born a girl. I'm scared now .

 

[Casual Shinji]

It's not ok because...

a) They "place so much importance on gender" because it's their body and their brain. Your (not just you, but many people in this thread) opinion that they are not "real" men/women is unnecessary and uncalled for.

b) Trans* people are assaulted, raped, and murdered every day by people operating under the same logic that "if you're a guy you're a guy." This "opinion" is held by too many people in society and is not acceptable.

a) Like it or not, our brains our hardwired to think in terms of gender. Again, otherwise a transgender wouldn't feel the need to change their sex. Just as their brain is hardwired to see themselves as female (or male) eventhough they're biologically male (or female), my brain is hardwired to see them as the gender they biologically are.

b) However, I don't use this logic to kill or rape, I use it too decypher whether or not I would date someone. Not too big a difference, but still...

 

[Beffudled Sheep_v1legacy]

I'd date a MTF if they had all of the proper treatments to become more feminine looking and had a personality and interests I could get along with. Sexy women are sexy women regardless of their DNA.

But I'd want kids from my own seed so I wouldn't marry or go into a long term relationship with one unless they were okay with me using my sperm to fertilize another woman.
But if they were cool with that I'd happily raise a family/marry/whatever else with one no problem.

Free love for everyone