Could you easily accept an apology straight away?

[Rariow]

If there's one thing I pride myself on it's being forgiving: The only person I've fallen out with and still harbor ill-will for is the guy that bullied me for 5 years in school. That said, I'm also relatively easy to anger, and I'm very much unreasonable when angry, so if the apology comes too soon I might be an asshole out of anger. When that happens I invariably feel horrible a few minutes later and come by to apologize myself. Just give me ten minutes to simmer in my anger and I'll be fine.

Forgetting, on the other hand, is a different thing. I had a friend who asked to borrow a book from me. She never gave it back. Now, I'm that annoying guy who keeps recommending and giving people books, movies, games, whatever that I think they'll like. If this friend asks for anything, sure, I'll give it to her, but I won't offer to lend her anything.

 

[krazykidd]

If I felt that they meant it, yes, I can and will forgive immediately. It takes a lot to irk me but it's very easy to get back on my good side. I'm a people pleaser like that Or I let people walk all over me depending on who you ask...

If it were forced (or if I don't know them well and therefore I don't know what kind of person they are), I would half accept it because I would keep a much closer eye on that person. I doubt I'll get workplace harassed but let's say they were caught stealing my lunch. I would keep a much closer eye on that person, what they were eating, and there may be a pudding filled with ex-lax in my lunch for a couple of weeks (you know...just in case >.> )

The only situation I can think of is something extreme like...they murdered my Mother. I'd like to think I could forgive someone if they were truly sorry for the act but I have absolutely no clue how I would react. So short of something extreme, I'm a pretty easy guy to get along with.

If someone murdered my mother i'd thank them, much less forgive them.

OT: EH, not one to hold a grudge. It really depends on what they do, and who it is. Although i'm more of a " i'll forgive anything once" type of person. Fool me once shame on you, fool my twice...vengence is mine.

 

[Blow_Pop]

It honestly depends on what the apology is for, who is giving the apology, and how sincere they are being.

I've been known NOT to forgive/forget and accept apologies.

I've still not forgiven my family for shit that's happened as a child. Some of it because it still happens to me as an adult and quite frankly I'm sick of it but they apparently aren't and don't respect my wishes for stuff not to happen. Like the incessant teasing. Especially about shit that happened 15+ years ago. Makes family gatherings awkward for me. And makes me less inclined to go. And that's just my dad's side of the family. My mum's side I'm not forgiving for blaming us over my grandma dying and then deeming us not rich enough to converse with afterwards. And that was 11 years ago.

I'm not really one to forgive and forget. For most things actually. So for me to actually accept something you have to be honest and sincere. Which doesn't happen often.

 

[Scars Unseen]

Apologies don't mean much to me, not because I can't accept them, but because I'm basically incapable of caring how someone has wronged me for more than a few hours anyway. I've never been able to hold a grudge, so as long as someone stops the behavior that caused the problem, I'm not upset that the problem occurred.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

No. Their suffering must be more severe. Once they've suffered enough, they have my permission to apologize.

 

[babinro]

Yes.

If the apology felt truly sincere and I felt the person apologizing realized the fault and genuinely wants to make things better then I see no reason to hold a grudge. In reality this seems to be very rare though.

 

[dyre]

Yeah, though depending on the offense the person would need to make amends too, not just apologize. I mean, if we got into an argument and he said some nasty things, then the apology itself would be making amends, but if he stole $500 from me, then he'd need to return that money with an apology, lol

Honestly I think in a lot of cases it takes more "emotional effort" to offer an apology than to accept one.

 

[Something Amyss]

Definition: Truly accepting an apology means that you have thought it through, acknowledge that your friend made a mistake, and embrace the fact that your pal is sorry.

By that definition, then no. I could almost never accept an apology straight away. I would need to think it through.

On the other hand, I do tend to take my friends at face value. If they say they're sorry, I will accept the apology on the grounds that I have no real good faith t doubt them. If I did, they probably wouldn't be my friends.

 

[RaygunRage]

I have never been a forgiving person at all. Instead I tend to hold grudges and dwell on times that people have wronged me in life and internalize it. I would therefore just cut those people out my life to eliminate them doing anything further. In other words they become totally useless to me because I feel they can never- NEVER be trusted.

The only person that made me compromise my ways was my Ex. Before him, I had never forgave people, or even apologized myself. I would just be so fixated on people's wrongs and that would be the end of any relation. But with him, I sacrificed my own ideals. I guess it was the obvious fact that I didn't want to lose him. It was a fear I had. So towards the end when we had a very tough break up that span over months of breaking up, getting back together, and having spur of the moment feelings for each other; I realize I forgave more than I ever had, EVER. I would constantly be treated badly, we see each other and make things official, then the next day I'd be told 'we can't talk anymore', but then he tell me to come see him. It was just back and forth. We get back together, me forgiving him for breaking his promises. He always lied to me ( which of all things in the world, I HATE LIARS). I would forgive him, though it was difficult, and I would lose it in the moment. I would apologize and he would act like he didn't give a crap. But still I forgave him when he wanted me to see him, since I did always make him happy in the moment. This became a continuous cycle over and over again for months, and as frequent as every other day. There was a time where he just stopped apologizing, like he did no wrong and that it was all my fault, like I pushed him into it by forgiving him.

Moral of the story~ I will never be so forgiving. I prefer my old ways over my naivity any day. People can really take advantage of something so little as a a simple 'sorry'. I am starting to hate that word. I think I will resist being apologetic for quite some time. Just my choice.

 

[Euryalus]

It depends, I really do try to because I know how much of an incompetent idiot I can be and try very hard to just put things behind me. They're in the past and that's where they should stay if nothing can be done to change them.

 

[Parasondox]

To answer my own question, in the past growing up, I would find it very easy to forgive on the spot because I felt forgiveness helped moved things along and build stronger relations. Until people I knew kept taking advantage of that.

"I'm sorry but I know you can forgive me".

^^^That has been said to me so many times before that it became more insulting every time someone said it to me. Assuming something is one thing but taking advantage of a person who is kind to you thinking he or she will be okay and easily forgive with the wrongs you committed multiple times without even learning anything? Small things I can forget and easily forget like "sorry I missed your call" etc because that's nothing to even worry about, but lying, cheating, manipulating and being out right heartless to a situations multiple times, just doesn't cut it for me. Harsh but I wouldn't do it with everyone.

So to sum up, it really does depend on the situation and how it truly affected the person.

 

[TheIceQueen]

As a cat, I continually plot the downfall of anyone who crosses me, but I pretend to accept the apology so that they don't expect my retribution.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

Sod those who view an apology as good enough. You prove you are sorry by working towards not doing it again.

Words are useless if you don't go about showing that you're sorry.

Empty apologies are often more aggravating than whatever they're 'sorry' about, because it's clear they don't care and will obviously do it again.

 

[Lovely Mixture]

Yeah I can accept an apology, provided the person knows what they did wrong. Heck, sometimes I don't even need an apology, just acceptance that the person understands how I feel.

I'm a sensitive person, but I acknowledge that not everyone is as sensitive as me. So I opt to try understand others better rather than being angry that they aren't like me.


The phrase "it's easy to forgive and forget" should be amended to: "it's hard to forgive but if you can get over that challenge then you are a real hero."

As a cat, I continually plot the downfall of anyone who crosses me, but I pretend to accept the apology so that they don't expect my retribution.

The fridge was right there! What was I supposed to do?!

 

[TheIceQueen]

As a cat, I continually plot the downfall of anyone who crosses me, but I pretend to accept the apology so that they don't expect my retribution.

The fridge was right there! What was I supposed to do?!

I will remember this, hooman. Whenever you stop petting is the moment your doom will start. ...But maybe after a nap. ...And feeding time. ...And can I get more scritchy-scratches?

On topic, this and the previous response of mine is actually how I deal with apologies, drama, and etc. >.> I hold grudges and do not inwardly forgive. Outward forgiveness is usually a facade unless we are close, in which case you do not need to ask forgivenes from me as you will not have even phased me. I also plan downfalls, but, like the cat that I am, I am too lazy to go through with it.

 

[Yopaz]

It does of course depend on the situation, but I usually accept an apology right away. Even if my friend doesn't apologize I don't nag them about it, nothing is more annoying than people who feels like bringing up past conflicts and nag about them. If I am in a situation where I actually get a real apology then I will accept it and I might stop being mad at them, but forgetting isn't a thing I do. I remember things about my friends, I remember these things along with the good things. Remembering a fight can actually be useful in future dealings. Knowing which buttons we shouldn't push, knowing how to make things better. Forgive and forget is not a wise idea.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Generally yes, but some things take longer. If a friend does something stupid I'll forgive them if they apologise. Some things, one of my exes for example, I didn't so much forgive as couldn't be bothered to muster the effort to be angry anymore. Still not really on speaking terms and I'd rather not see her any time soon, but I don't necessarily wish her any ill will. It really comes down to whether or not I think they're decent people, if I think they are I'm likely to accept it and try and work things out, if they're not I'll likely just give up on them entirely.

 

[V TheSystem V]

I can accept the apology if it is sincere, but depending on what the apology is for, it may take some time for me to feel the same way about the person as I had done before.

Unfortunately for me, I never usually get to accept apologies. It's usually me dishing out the apologies.

 

[SonOfVoorhees]

Depends, did they apologies for bumping into me or for killing my kid? Guess it depends on the situation but for silly things i can forgive straight away. But for things that annoy me, i may accept the apology, but may be annoyed with them for a while.

 

[DugMachine]

I won't forget but I can forgive. I don't like holding grudges unless you repeatedly fucked me over somehow after given multiple chances to amend the relationship.

I just don't see the point in staying mad at someone. All it does is make you feel like shit holding in all those bad vibes.