Craziest/ supidest theories you have ever heard

[VoidWanderer]

After reading the first two Timecube pages, I understand the mental delusions the guy obviously suffers from.

But in terms of the OT, and I know I will get a lot of people pissed off, but the whole "America is the greatest country in the world." Cannot figure that one out.

Sorry Americans, I just can't

 

[lacktheknack]

Do unreadable theories count? I would then suggest the timecube http://www.timecube.com/ You lose IQ from just trying to understand .

"+1 x +1 = +1 as if a male value, and
+1 x -1 = -1 as if a female opposite,
Hell awaits those that add these."

I'M SOLD!

Also, allow me to continue to express my disappointment (AGAIN) at the first batch of responses. I wonder when people will realize that "lol religion" stopped being funny about three minutes after the first internet religious discussion began.

 

[lacktheknack]

I present for your delectation: http://www.truthism.com/

A quotation: "Human beings were created (that is, invented) via genetic experiments that were conducted by reptilian aliens."

The site is made even funnier by the overall tone; you are an absolute moron for not realizing that reptilian aliens live inside the Earth. Which is hollow and has an internal sun. The crowning moment of funny is the section on women.

Reposted here due to amazingness.

<quote=Truthism On Women>Women are ultra-impressionable beings, and therefore are easily controlled by aliens and the elite. The main purpose of women on Earth (that is, what aliens have programmed them to do) is to enslave men via relationships. Women are obsessed with relationships and love (due to alien programming), and don't care about anything else in life. They would have men believe that being in a relationship is one of the most important things in existence, not realizing that men couldn't care less about being in a relationship--and rightly so. Furthermore, women force men to waste their precious time and resources on them. This demonic charade (i.e., relationships) has gone on for far too long and obviously has no end in sight. Thus, you can blame women for the downfall and utter hopelessness of humanity.

Make no mistake: It is indeed tragic that a man cannot satisfy his sexual needs without also getting trapped in a relationship at the same time (otherwise, he will be accused of rape, since non-relationship consensual sex does not exist on Earth, due to the aforementioned programming of women). Demonic enslavement traps such as this are the standard modus operandi of the Reptilians and Darkness. Now, just imagine if you had to buy an entire pizza restaurant just to order a pizza--an evil absurdity indeed.

Another thing that makes women insufferable is the fact that they are, essentially, babies. That is, they possess the emotional maturity of a 4-year-old boy. Women cry, throw fits, and need men to take care of them. Um, adults shouldn't need other people to take care of them.

All in all, women promote the enslavement, rather than the liberation, of humanity. It's bad enough that aliens and the elite already control us. Now, throw women into the equation and you have absolute misery. They are like sheep dogs helping out a shepherd (hence the term "*****," in case you didn't know).

And to think, women are actually proud of their controlling ways. What a disgrace.

To be fair, owning a pizzeria would be really freaking awesome.

 

[lacktheknack]

Once met someone who was CONVINCED that NYC, Vegas and LA took up 3/4 of the US and and were literally next to each other. He was out to PROVE that was the truth too. It was HILARIOUS

Did he prove it? It's only more spectacular when they succeed at "proving" it Time Cube style.

 

[Guffe]

Most conspiracy theories.
Like USA leaders being aliens.
Aliens building the pyramids.
etc etc

 

[Hylke Langhout]

I found one once that I thought was a troll at the time, and still do, but I think it's worth mentioning anyway. Belgium is not real. It never had been, it never will be, and it's all just a big space divided up between the Netherlands and France. I lol'd hard when I read that.

EDIT: http://zapatopi.net/belgium/
Seriously. Check this shit out. It's hilarious.

 

[AstylahAthrys]

I present for your delectation: http://www.truthism.com/

A quotation: "Human beings were created (that is, invented) via genetic experiments that were conducted by reptilian aliens."

The site is made even funnier by the overall tone; you are an absolute moron for not realizing that reptilian aliens live inside the Earth. Which is hollow and has an internal sun. The crowning moment of funny is the section on women.

This takes the cake. I was cracking up the entire time I skimmed it. I would've read it, but the site hurts my eyes.

To add to that:

-Holocaust deniers
-9/11 conspiracy theorists
-Ancient Aliens
-2012

 

[Bagk Nakh]

snip

Reposted here due to amazingness.

<quote=Truthism On Women>Women are ultra-impressionable beings, and therefore are easily controlled by aliens and the elite. The main purpose of women on Earth (that is, what aliens have programmed them to do) is to enslave men via relationships. Women are obsessed with relationships and love (due to alien programming), and don't care about anything else in life. They would have men believe that being in a relationship is one of the most important things in existence, not realizing that men couldn't care less about being in a relationship--and rightly so. Furthermore, women force men to waste their precious time and resources on them. This demonic charade (i.e., relationships) has gone on for far too long and obviously has no end in sight. Thus, you can blame women for the downfall and utter hopelessness of humanity.

Make no mistake: It is indeed tragic that a man cannot satisfy his sexual needs without also getting trapped in a relationship at the same time (otherwise, he will be accused of rape, since non-relationship consensual sex does not exist on Earth, due to the aforementioned programming of women). Demonic enslavement traps such as this are the standard modus operandi of the Reptilians and Darkness. Now, just imagine if you had to buy an entire pizza restaurant just to order a pizza--an evil absurdity indeed.

Another thing that makes women insufferable is the fact that they are, essentially, babies. That is, they possess the emotional maturity of a 4-year-old boy. Women cry, throw fits, and need men to take care of them. Um, adults shouldn't need other people to take care of them.

All in all, women promote the enslavement, rather than the liberation, of humanity. It's bad enough that aliens and the elite already control us. Now, throw women into the equation and you have absolute misery. They are like sheep dogs helping out a shepherd (hence the term "*****," in case you didn't know).

And to think, women are actually proud of their controlling ways. What a disgrace.

To be fair, owning a pizzeria would be really freaking awesome.

Sounds like a psycho Dick Masterson.

 

[Jonluw]

Everything that builds on faith with no factual grounding, or plain go against observations, I just find incomprehensibly silly.
So that includes religion, homeopathy, rainbow sprinkler lady, flat earthers, and all kinds of conspiracy theorists: most notably, the moon-landing conspiracy.

[sub]"There's more to life than evidence."
Get in the fucking sack.[/sub]​

It doesn't look like the sprinkler rainbow has been posted here yet. That's weird.

 

[The Pinray]

I've heard one about an alternate reality of our world within mirrors. And when they get in front of the mirrors in the alternate reality they and we act the same as our counterparts, but when not in front of the mirror, or not looking at the mirror, they act differently.

Very dumb stuff.

 

[Nyaoku]

That in reading this you are expecting for there to be some form of deeper message when really you are just wasting your time but you can't stop otherwise this sentence wouldn't be talking in your head with that voice that you think you sound like until you actually try to talk but then you begin to wonder that this message is not just a joke but someone manipulating your thoughts as you read by predicting the patters of your mind without ever meeting you but in reality this is just a long post to waste your time ... or is it?

 

[Frybird]

The moon has never existed... Yep... And that the thing we see in the sky everyday is only a governament ilusion.

That's just silly.

But wich goverment?

I mean, everyone in the world sees the moon once in a while...

...and it can't be the US since people talked about the moon before the USA existed....

...maybe the world is still controlled by a secret roman empire!!

OT:

It may be boring, but (since i don't understand the time cube thing) i go for Chemtrails.

Not only there is the problem that the thing would be just too insanely big, there is also the thing that the thing would be just extremely inefficient if you think about it and it's amusing how the theorists aren't really on the same page on what exactly these supposed chemtrails are for...

 

[Vanitas likes Bubbles]

My friend told me that he thinks tsunamis are created by crab people. Don't know if he was being serious but it did sound like he believed it.

WTF timecube

 

[Valanthe]

Do unreadable theories count? I would then suggest the timecube http://www.timecube.com/ You lose IQ from just trying to understand .

I..
What...
But I..
And..

*whimpers, crawls into corner, and cries himself to sleep*

"Hear something stupid, a website called

thegodabovegod.com. I, Gene Ray, have

owned abovegod.com since 1997."

Whoa whoa whoa, stop the presses, a crackpot theory inside of a crackpot theory... crackception!

Damn.. just more of the same, but with a challenge: "I offer evil ass Harvard students $10,000.00
to disprove Nature's Cubic Creation Principle."

One would have to actually understand what the flying -message redacted- your theory is actually about in order to be able to prove you wrong, so well played, sir.


edit- Had to look up Chemtrail as I honestly had never heard of it before, was a goodlaugh, so thank you escapists, for proviing me with more useless tidbits to bring up at parties.

 

[thom_cat_]

This! Just type Pirates Global Warming into google, and you will see! Its pretty funny stuff! Although I think it was started as a mickey take though!

http://www.venganza.org/about/open-letter/
It's Pastafarian god-damn it!

 

[The Human Torch]

Some random theories that I find particularly amusing. Yes, these are all real theories/crackpot ideas:
- Our planet is flat.
- The pyramids were built by aliens.
- Ghosts are real.
- A Brontosaurus still lives in the South-American jungles.
- The Loch Ness monster.
- 9/11 was organised by the government
- The Heineken family (you know, the beer brand), controls most of the world's politicians.

 

[Apollo45]

So recently here in good ol, America people have been theorizing that Tim Tebow,  an American football star who is devoutly religious, is the second coming of Christ, literally. Because the world is "supposedly" going to end this year many Americans have called Tebow a second coming because he has won some games he wasn't supposed to and because some of his stats from his latest game added up to 316 which is the book of revelation which from my limited knowledge of the bible states that Christ will return before the world is going to end in the form of someone famous and who seems to preform miracles. I see several holes in this theory one of which is why would Christ return in the form of someone only Americans give a shit about when there are Christians all over the world, also why would the Mayan calendar have anything to do with how the world is going to end according to Christians. So what are some of the craziest/stupidest theories someone has ever tell you.

You realize 99.9% of those people are joking, right? I've been calling him Baby Jesus since he joined the Broncos (I live just south of Denver), and we've managed to get a significant population of the college to start saying "Tim Tebow" instead of "Jesus Christ". He's an awesome guy, but definitely no second coming. On a side note, John 3:16 is his favorite verse, and isn't a part of the book of revelations at all. That said, I'm not religious at all. That's just something I happen to know.

Anyway, on topic, my favorite has always been the ancient aliens stuff from the History Channel. Watched it when it first aired, and continued to watch it because it was so damned funny. Still though, that Time Cube shit that was posted on here might just trump that... Crazy people.

 

[NortherWolf]

I present for your delectation: http://www.truthism.com/

<quote=Truthism On Women>Women are ultra-impressionable beings, and therefore are easily controlled by aliens and the elite. The main purpose of women on Earth (that is, what aliens have programmed them to do) is to enslave men via relationships. Women are obsessed with relationships and love (due to alien programming), and don't care about anything else in life. They would have men believe that being in a relationship is one of the most important things in existence, not realizing that men couldn't care less about being in a relationship--and rightly so. Furthermore, women force men to waste their precious time and resources on them. This demonic charade (i.e., relationships) has gone on for far too long and obviously has no end in sight. Thus, you can blame women for the downfall and utter hopelessness of humanity.

Make no mistake: It is indeed tragic that a man cannot satisfy his sexual needs without also getting trapped in a relationship at the same time (otherwise, he will be accused of rape, since non-relationship consensual sex does not exist on Earth, due to the aforementioned programming of women). Demonic enslavement traps such as this are the standard modus operandi of the Reptilians and Darkness. Now, just imagine if you had to buy an entire pizza restaurant just to order a pizza--an evil absurdity indeed.

Another thing that makes women insufferable is the fact that they are, essentially, babies. That is, they possess the emotional maturity of a 4-year-old boy. Women cry, throw fits, and need men to take care of them. Um, adults shouldn't need other people to take care of them.

All in all, women promote the enslavement, rather than the liberation, of humanity. It's bad enough that aliens and the elite already control us. Now, throw women into the equation and you have absolute misery. They are like sheep dogs helping out a shepherd (hence the term "*****," in case you didn't know).

And to think, women are actually proud of their controlling ways. What a disgrace.

To be fair, owning a pizzeria would be really freaking awesome.

That...That just makes me angry <.<.

Nibiru is up there, buuuut. Since I don't see this particular one I'll go with a personal favourite of mine;
Dragons rule over us. They've prodded our civilization along for millennium due to orders from Up High. Met a guy over at the Unexplained Mysteries forums who had that as his central "theory" about everything.