Crazy theories you've developed

[Snowalker]

Basically that, share some crazy theories that you've developed based on whatever you think. I have two I'd like to share.

I think Maynard Keenan is a werewolf. Listen to me, listen to Prison Sex by tool, remove Release in sodomy from the lyrics, and tell me that doesn't sound like a werewolf dilemma. Same goes for a lot of his songs. Now I realize that most of his songs aren't intended that way, but if you think like that, it becomes quiet clear. Maynard is a werewolf.

Chris Cornell is being stalked by slenderman. Follow me, listen to never the machine forever. Think of the machine as slenderman. It fits really well. Rusty cage sounds like someone whose been captured by slenderman. And the day I tried to live sounds like someone being mind controlled by slendy.

I realize these have some holes, and completely false, but still, kinda funny if you think like this.
So, what crazy, not so true theories do you have?

 

[Fappy]

I have this crazy theory that my life is just a DM's terribly boring D&D campaign where he keeps needing to cheat rolls so I can actually move the plot along.

 

[DasDestroyer]

I have devised a theory that the universe likes to serve as a reminder to me. Not in the alarm kind of sense, though. Basically, let's say I come across a word I don't know, and am either too lazy or simply can't look it up at that moment. Then within a day, I will encounter the word again, notice the fact that I had encountered it just a day before, and then I will certainly remember to look it up. Even if I look it up the first time, the word will often pop up soon enough.
The most recent example would be that, due to some strange train of thought, I recalled a movie I had seen about a man hearing his own narration, meeting the author of the book he was the main character of, etc. And not 2 hours later, having completely forgotten about it, I see the movie "Stranger than Fiction" in one of Cracked's lists, and instantly remember that this was the movie I had recalled.

 

[Zantos]

I believe that IBM has secretly invented quantum computing and is using it to further improve their new super computers over what should be possible using classical information theory. Though I can't take credit for that, my quantum computing lecturer has managed to convince us all it's true.

I once managed to convince myself and a few friends that Kiera Knightley is related to Alien. You just need to see her with a big smile and you start to see the resemblance.

 

[Rylingo]

That the size of objects go circularly. As in, once you could could find a subsubsubsubsubsubsubsubsubsubsubsubatomic particle so small that it is huge.

Daft.

 

[Atrocious Joystick]

That the size of objects go circularly. As in, once you could could find a subsubsubsubsubsubsubsubsubsubsubsubatomic particle so small that it is huge.

Daft.

Seeing as the only reason for physics to exist is to fuck with science students, I would not be surprised if this is the case. And it all turns out to be made of ketchup, but still somehow also tabasco.

When I was a kid (like around 10 years old) I used to get stuck thinking that I would only exist until I blinked, and everytime a person blinked the old consciousness actually died and a new one that was exactly the same was born. I could never be sure you see, because even if I knew I had blinked before, that could just be fake memories and as soon as I blinked it would all be over.

 

[Neuromaster]

I half-believe that the race for the GOP nomination is fueled primarily by media boredom with Romney rather than actual fluctuations in the other candidate's fortunes.

 

[Terminate421]

In "The Legend of the Guardians" Movie that came out recently, the bad guys were the good guys. I'll edit the post for my explanation.

I'll start with this:

The bad guys, or "The Pure Ones" were a large army of owls led by a lad named Metal Beak (Who sounded like Vladimir Makarov) with his wife Queen My- I am sorry Nyrah (Who is EXACTLY like the Locust Queen from gears of war, voice and everything, (Except for appearance of course))
They were evil because they were taking children and using them as slaves. Slaves? HA! More like zombies, by "Moonblinking" them or hypnotising for short, they were stopping the aging process and using their bodies to gather magical bullshit and create armies to get power together. When they reached their goal? They'd release them.

As for their servants? Not evil, just Mercenaries who are being "evil" assholes.

The good guys? A democratic council, not elected representatives or anything, but rather a total democracy in which the local idiot had the same power as the high general. In a tree. Who are called the guardians. (Not the representative democracy that is SUPPOSED to work here in the good Ol' USA)

The Pure Ones wanted to gather all the kingdoms into one order and create one grand country.

The Guardians, attacked the Pure Ones and freed the "slaves". The pure ones simply wanted revenge on those guys and in the end the pure ones lost.

Might I also add that the Gaurdians have a sickness going around, half the characters have Schiziophrenia (More noticable in one) as well as PTSD and are just acting like asses (And ignorance, Soren's parents COMPLETELY forget they had a second son). The Pure ones get health care up the ass and training to prevent them from getting injuries.

The Pure ones also discovered a new magical thingy called "Fleks" though they act like magnets, who knows what else could be discovered from them?!? And yet, they are gone, just because some idiots didn't know what they are doing.

In the end? The pure ones should have won.

 

[Spacewolf]

In "The Legend of the Guardians" Movie that came out recently, the bad guys were the good guys. I'll edit the post for my explanation.

the owl one?

 

[Terminate421]

In "The Legend of the Guardians" Movie that came out recently, the bad guys were the good guys. I'll edit the post for my explanation.

the owl one?

Just put it up.

 

[Fappy]

Here's a fun one: In "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" Ferris is not an actual person, but rather a projection of the type of person Cameron wishes he could be a la Tyler Deruen in "Fight Club". Think about it... it will blow your mind.

 

[everythingbeeps]

Here's a fun one: In "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" Ferris is not an actual person, but rather a projection of the type of person Cameron wishes he could be a la Tyler Deruen in "Fight Club". Think about it... it will blow your mind.

You didn't develop that, Cracked did. Nice try though.

EDIT: Actually, Cracked didn't even develop it, they just reported it. Probably that theory's been around quite a while. At least a few years.

 

[Hero in a half shell]

Seeing as the only reason for physics to exist is to fuck with science students, I would not be surprised if this is the case.

That's a fantastic conspiracy theory in itself;

Magic does exist, and dragons, werewolves, and all that crazy stuff, we live in a massive Harry Potter style world, but when humanity began believing that none of that existed and started using science to rationalise everything the rest of the magical universe decided to screw with them, and hid themselves away, slowing giving the scientists more and more insane stuff to analyse until one day they'll just drown in all the impossible crap they are trying to rationalise. Then Merlin and a group of elves will smash through CERN's laboratry window riding a gryphon shouting "Who's real now, dumbass?"

 

[Fappy]

Here's a fun one: In "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" Ferris is not an actual person, but rather a projection of the type of person Cameron wishes he could be a la Tyler Deruen in "Fight Club". Think about it... it will blow your mind.

You didn't develop that, Cracked did. Nice try though.

EDIT: Actually, Cracked didn't even develop it, they just reported it. Probably that theory's been around quite a while. At least a few years.

Yeah, I am pretty sure I heard it from somewhere else. It was a long time ago though so I honestly don't remember. Didn't mean to take credit for the theory, just felt like sharing a theory I endorse

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

I have this theory that instead of the universe expanding, all matter in the universe is actually shrinking at an equal rate. As things such as planets shrink they move further away from each other and since size can be infinite there is no such thing as too small.

I also have a theory (though I wasn't in the best state of mind at the time) that certain elements have their own weak "communicative thought process"and when linked together they form a conscious that we know as our minds.

And that when we die we can come back if those individual elements ever connect again.

If anything else I'm going to make a religion out of it.

 

[Philol]

My theory is that I'm paranoid, as I swear everyone who passes me is judging me.

 

[Battleaxx90]

I have this theory that when we die, our conciousness is thrown into an alternate reality, where whatever killed you in the "real" timeline awakens hidden superpowers within you. From that point forward, your life is one big Mary Sue 'Fic starring you, where you use your game-breaking superpowers to put all the world's major conflicts to rest and bring peace to the world.

 

[sgtslacker]

My biggest theory is religious so if your gonna complain or something don't bother i wont respond.

But I think that if god has a big plan,then me being an atheist is part of this plan and if I'm wrong and he does exist i am not a heretic and should be allowed into heaven.

 

[Lectori Salutem]

Existence does not exist.