Criticize Your All Time Favorite Game...HARSHLY

[Spiritofpower]

The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind

- Graphics are astonishingly bad, though mods can fix this for minimal FPS hit.
- Melee combat is frustratingly hard until you get a high enough skill level to hit things on a regular basis.
- It is way, way too easy to break the game using exploits.
- Some quests can be confusing and nearly impossible to complete, due to being unable to find dungeons and such.
- No passive Magicka regen.
- Unarmored is broken in the base game.
- The master Medium Armor trainer is glitched and doesn't appear.
- Hand-to-Hand hits Fatigue before Health (I mean, seriously, what the heck was Bethesda even [i[thinking!?[/i]).
- Lots of potentially game-breaking bugs (though most have workarounds).
- Lots and lots of little bugs and glitches which don't effect the game too much, but are still annoying.

So yeah. It's a flawed game, definitely, but I still love it so, so damn much.

 

[DrOswald]

Super Mario World

- Most of the Koopa kids are really boring bosses.

... And that is literally the only major criticism I can think of. Can anyone help me out here?

Nitpicks!

- Inability to redo the color block levels or turn on and off the color blocks.

- Inability to reverse the pallet swap after beating all the special levels.

- If you are playing 2 player mode it can be difficult to reenter a castle without giving a life to the other player.

- Even the special levels are too easy for me, but that is because I play way too much Mario.

 

[maninahat]

* Horrific graphics, even for the time.
* Had to waste days of my life, patching the damn thing so it wouldn't crash every time I get a radio call.
* Radio calls come every ten yards.
* Terrible, protracted tunnel levels. About 50 of the fuckers.
* Even worse, insta-fail stealth missions in which the stealth never works.
* Impossible on higher difficulty levels, due to the hundreds of enemies, who despite being untrained peasants with WW2 guns, are perfect shot, one-hit-kill, insta-aim death swarms.
* Impossible to avoid grenades.

 

[janjotat]

Battlefront series overall:
-Combat is unrealistic: No cover system, unremarkable NPC pose no individual challenge, combat with firearms turns into jousting on open ground. In BF2 ground combat pilots are unavailable, even when there are speeders to fly (only really an issue on Hoth) NPCs generally don't move realistically

-Graphics are meh: Character models are rather blocky and poorly rendered, too many endges especially in background and scenery.

-Space battles: Become rather repetitive with only one carrier and at most two support cruisers as standard fleet size. Player is not allowed to focus much attention on actual space combat and hope to win, even when the enemy hasn't landed onboard the carrier ship. turrets are generally useless. Shuttles are best used without a landing party as when you land on the enemy deck, an allied NPC ALWAYS steps into the pilot seat and takes off and crashes the shuttle. Without the spawn point if you die on the enemy ship you have go back and land on it all over again.

- Decrease in the number of maps from BF1 to BF2, originally every planet had two battle maps before you could asume control and use it's bonus. Now each planet has only one battle field and Bespin has been removed completely (WHYYYYYYY?) Also no air support in BF2 battles.

^for 1 of two favorite games
Although I do disagree your opinion on the combat. That is how the movies always portray Star Wars combat and it does work for the game. But the enemy AI is only dangerous in groups and doesn't have much challenge.


And Bastion I previously thought it was perfect. Okay MAYBE it was too short, MAYBE the missions were repetitive, MAYBE the back story missions were too difficult, MAYBE I give up trying to criticize it.

 

[maninahat]

Fallout: New Vegas.

-Bugs. Infinite. Amounts. of bugs.(I now keep a minimum of 20 backup saves)

-It gave little to no backstory to the main character(which I like), then ruined that with the Lonesome Road dlc.

-Companions, Boone in particular, are ridiculously overpowered. Even on the hardest difficulty, I will do about 10% of the damage of my party(with just me and 2 people, while I use a minigun, with one companion using a pistol and the other is a dog.)

-Skill requirements to get the only good outcome in a quest. Sorry, I don't feel like putting my valueble skill points on explosives just to come to a peaceful solution with the powder gangers and NCR. Sorry powder gangers, but I need to kill you all mercilessly now.

-Over Abundance of money. I have never once, even when I first started, been short on money to buy what I wanted.

-More bugs

You forgot to mention the bugs

And also the bugs. You didn't mention them either.

 

[thesilentman]

Spoiler: The non serious version, that should, hopefully, not be offensive to anyone

Okay, let's criticize Super Mario Brothers 3! [pretentious gamer hat]

- No check points. WHAT THE FLIPPITY HELL, NINTENDO! EVEN MARIO 1 HAD CHECKPOINTS! It's bearable until you reach World 6, that FUCKING ICE LAND. After that, hell is imminent and hope you brought extra powerups. Speaking of which...
- The fun powerups are too sparse. Can we get some options to get some of the more exciting powerups (like the Hammer Bros. suit), throughout ALL the mushroom houses? A frog suit and hammer suit would have saved my ass in World 7...
- Ah, and Nintendo, I would liek to sea an edisheeun for da Pwaystasheun XXX365 with SUPA GRAPHICS!!

I'm gonna do this for Dark Souls too! [Disclaimer: thesilentman fucking loves Dark Souls and Super Mario Brothers 3. This is all in the name of good fun. If someone is offended, please spam his inbox with PMs which promise to steal his soul after death.]

-TOO FUCKING HARD FOR US COD-PLAYERS!! THOSE NO0BS IN JAPAN DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE GAMES, JUST CONTROLLER BREAKING SIMULATORS!!!!!!!
-WHERE ARE THE GUNS???!!! I REPEAT, WHERE THE FUCKING GUNS? SWORDS AND SHEILDS AND HAND TO HAND WEAPONS AND SHIELDS ARE FUCKING SHIT, I TELL YOU! SHIT!!!
- I DEMAND A GRAPHICS PALETTE WITH ONLY ONE COLOR: BROWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[/pretentious gamer hat]

I hope you all realize that I tried to be a stereotypical, kneejerk gamer here. I dunno if it worked.
I don't do this in real life with the games I play.

[sub]Don't hurt me. Please?[/sub]

Alright, now that I've had my fun. Let's get down to the nitty gritty. Super Mario 3's problems were outlined above and my only problem with Dark Souls is the fact that the game doesn't bother explaining the mechanics at times. If I want to wield the Demon Hammer, what should I level up, Strength? Or Dexterity?

Other than that, those both are awesome games and I highly recommend everyone play and beat them at least once. I really do.

 

[Madara XIII]

2.) The Item Shop practices inflation rates at an accelerating rate of "FUCK YOU". That's all I can say. The game wants to stay true to its difficult nature and punishes you for purchasing a small or large health refill by jacking up the price the next time you buy it. Because apparently the economy in Hell is in dire need of a stimulus package.

You must be terrible if you need to use items.

Ummm of course I use the items that are required of you. Secondly I specifically said it ups the price on ALL items. Including the ones you may need. Like the Blue Orb or Purple Orb. You know? The ones that the game doesn't grade you for using?!?!?!
The ones that increase your life and Devil Trigger.
For christ sakes man, READ. It's your friend.

 

[afroebob]

OK. Ocarina of Time. Can we PLEASE talk about how fucking stupid that game was? Lets just start at the beginning, that fucking unskippable cutscene at the beginning, then one after the first boss? Christ, that was so boring! And don't get me started on the Water Temple. Christ, it was so goddamn shitty having to switch Iron Boots good Lord that was awful! And talk about no voice acting! All in all its got to be the worst game I've ever played through more than 15 times.

 

[RipRoaringWaterfowl]

Oh, Grand Theft Auto IV, how you never cease to anger me. Oh, I love you, dear, but your full of dents and scratches like one of your in-game cars after a ten minute police chase/jaunt. You vehicle handling leaves a little to be desired, smooth yet bulky, sending me powersliding, or should I say, powerslamming into everything when I try to turn. You gunplay is is like half-a Duke Nukem Forever, working, but only that. WHY CAN'T I CARRY MOLOTOVS AND GRENADES AT THE SAME TIME?!?!?!?! Oh, yeah, and melee? Doesn't even exist. Now, I love the direction the story, themes, setting are going, but heck, you took away my jetpack! What point is there in the dimensionality of Niko's character between his self and his job if his job has no jetpack? And of course, your crowbarred in moral choice system that pops in, like, twice, is meaningless. Making a little bit more of it would have been nice, though I know it's a tall order. 50-Foot tall order. Next up, the friends. I like 'em, but I'd rather be the one choosing when we get to hang out, not Roman calling in every in-game hour wanting burgers or hookers. Finally, I like you a lot, but you have flaws. So there.

 

[LtFerret]

Yoshi's Island

-You have to touch every coin because can't tell which ones are the red coins until you touch them
-Some of the bonus levels are just nightmarish
-BABY MARIO IS AN ANNOYING FUCK!

 

[Madara XIII]

The ones that increase your life and Devil Trigger.
For christ sakes man, READ. It's your friend.

Like I said, you must be terrible at the game if you need to use items.

Extended gauges are nothing more than a crutch.

You do realize the world doesn't have to cater to your standard of difficulty right?
The option is there. So long as I'm not penalized in a game that grades me harshly enough then I see no problem. Mistakes are allowed in games and not everyone can be a combo, glory hog master.

Stop it.

 

[bigfatcarp93]

Half-Life 2.

Very little I can criticize, but I'll do my best.

Well, the Rebel AI is bloody awful. I mean, I can only scream GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY so many times in one night, you know? Also, while the physics engine is great, it has some... eccentricities... which can actually lead to some truly hilarious situations. I'll never forget the time when I was simply walking across a street, only for a nearby wooden pallete to suddenly become seemingly possessed by a ghost, fly up for no apparent reason, and damage me with a strike to the head.

Good times.

 

[Bernzz]

Metroid Prime.

Some people hated getting the Chozo Artifacts, I guess. I liked it.

Some of the Metroids were annoying to face? Right, yes. The bloody Fission Metroids. I hated them.

There's not much else I can think of. Game was near perfect.

 

[lacktheknack]

Mirror's Edge:

Why did you insist on emphasizing combat?

You even made Mercury say, out loud, "one at a time, Faith" in the first direct encounter in the first real mission, where running right the hell by would have been faster, easier and more exhilarating. You knew just as well as everyone else that your combat engine was limited and lackluster, so why did you insist on putting it on a pedestal when you could have highlighted ANY OTHER ASPECT of the game instead, such as the poor aim of the guards allowing you to run from any situation?

Except the story.

Your story was forever hinting at something grander than it ever actually rose to. You said up a dystopian city, give us great ideas and scribblings on walls that hint at political brainwashing, then you drop it like a hot potato and solve the small substory instead. Actually, let me put "solve" in quotes. YOU BETTER HAVE A SEQUEL TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF.

I'm assuming, from Merc's comments, that the "beat everyone into submission" approach is canon, and it's not a leap to assume that cop-killing is as well (just look at the cutscene after the Boat mission). BULLCRAP. My approach, the "knock out four dudes, kill none" pacifist approach, is a REASONABLE canon, as it doesn't give the cops proper justification for shooting Faith up. She's running, they have vehicles, there's no reason for a gunfight. That would deliver your themes of corruption significantly better than having your sister's co-workers desperately trying to save themselves from a speeding psychopath.

Also, the last mission. Where did those gunmen come from at the very end? Why did they all DISAPPEAR when the helicopter crashed? Did Faith just imagine them?

Lastly, the valves.

If you're going to use valves, make them part of a swift and flashy puzzle. Not a door that takes ten seconds to open. Come on, those were the longest-to-open doors this side of Resident Evil.


...Man, I need to go play some Mirror's Edge.

 

[Naeo]

I don't really have a "favorite" game (because nur hur), but I'll dish out some criticisms of games I really, really like.

Phantom Dust:
-Half the skills are bloody useless. Short-ranged can almost always be beaten by medium ranged, and long ranged is hardly useful on half the maps.
-All the characters are deep and mysterious, which is kinda frustrating.
-All the missions are the exact same fucking thing. Go to this map/arena/same place you've been a thousand times. Then go kill the enemies that show up. Goddamn, there's only like a dozen maps to begin with, fucking hell, some variety would be nice.
-No one played it online any more by the time I got into it.

Morrowind:
-Cliff racers
-Cliff racers
-Cliff racers
-Not enough Jiub, you goddamn cretins, Bethesda.
-Ordinators do not forgive, and they do not forget. Because they are massive dickheads.
-Hardly any of the directions in the game were helpful. Like the map of the stones in Bloodmoon, which was fucking useless.

Half Life
-HEADCRABS IN AIR DUCTS. NO. NO. FUCK YOU. THAT'S BULLSHIT.

Saints Row 3
-After you finish the main storyline, the world feels empty and devoid of meaning. It feels like you're the only actual person in a sea of automatons in a city with a dull and boring color palate, and consequently, the game didn't have all that much replay value for me because I did most everything on my first two-ish playthroughs. It also seems to always be night--like, fucking always--but that's probably just me.
-The game tries WAY too hard to be "wacky" and to "not give a shit". And it kinda falls short in a lot of places, with a few exceptions. Like the whole plane bits in the beginning. Those were admittedly cool.

 

[sammysoso]

Mass Effect

- Combat feels clunky.
- Texture pop-in, and other issues from it's poor optimization.
- The bloated inventory system, complete with boring micro-management.
- Side-quests were always on boring copy-pasted versions of the same planet.
- Very few animations and character models.
- Too few combat music tracks, they reuse them a TON (The music itself is quite good though)

Mass Effect 2&3

- Ditching of the classic sci-fi vibe from the first game (music, sound design, etc...)
- Angst substituted for drama
- Too many characters (ME2)
- Loss of subtlety
- No coherent central plot
- Unsatisfying conclusion (or lack thereof)

 

[Madara XIII]

Metroid Prime.

Some people hated getting the Chozo Artifacts, I guess. I liked it.

Some of the Metroids were annoying to face? Right, yes. The bloody Fission Metroids. I hated them.

There's not much else I can think of. Game was near perfect.

Goddamn right it was near perfect....but yeah. The Fission Metroids made me hate life itself in that damn underground cavern before fighting Metroid Prime

 

[bigfatcarp93]

Okay, thought of another one: Mass Effect 2.

Combat gets repetitive, and I wish we had more time to get to know Kasumi and Zaeed.

I actually don't mind the planet-scanning.

 

[Slenn]

A favorite game? I don't play video games that much any more but I can list some.

Legend of Mana:
-The game looked and felt awe inspiring with all the scenes hand painted and drawn out with a well crafted story that was very childish and cute simultaneously. Some of the biggest quips I have with it are:
-Most of the time I felt like I was getting lost in a LOT of the places you put down on the map, such as the desert, the snowfields, the ruins, and especially the jungle and the junkyard.
-This may have been another game, but somehow I remember not being able to move when an enemy is about to cast a spell on you. I remember it making so annoying that a spell will immobilize you so that the game could register a hit.
-The boy character also looked incredibly feminine, and I often thought as a kid that it was just an alternate girl to choose from when you made a character.

Starcraft, Brood War:
-The sprite animation would bug out at certain points. This made bottle-necked units that were clustered together to turn back and go in the opposite direction. I know that the game technology was kinda limited at the time, but I wish I had a little bit more freedom with StarEdit, the level editor. Especially when Blizzard made a client to install the original Starcraft for Mac OSX without even making StarEdit have an equal version for the Mac OSX.