D&D: THAT person in the group

[karloss01]

We had a crazy druid player who rode a giant gorilla who he had an "intimate" relationship and also like other animals to join in on the fun, most of the time it was forced. Right at the beginning of the campaign he decided to rape the pack mule which died of shock and pissed off the player who spent his gold on it.

He died by my character?s hand who was being mind controlled by a vampire, cleaved both him and his ape with a single swing of my greatsword.

That is the funniest thing I've heard all day, jesus I can't stop laughing. What did the other party members do when he was ummm "intimate" with the pack mule?

pretty much this

Spoiler: MS paint for the win

just pure silence while the cleric player raged at the druid. we then made the druid carry the luggage.

And I'm guessing the party always stayed 5 meters away from the druid after that?

Pretty much, he did all sorts of wierd things. in hind-sight it probably wasn't a good idea giving him a rod of wonder (item that produces random effects, for turning someone pink to create a supernova fireball).

 

[Nikolaz72]

I had a guy in a Star Wars game I was running who tried to convince me to let him dual-wield double sided lightsabers... *sigh*

Don't see why that wouldn´t be possible. The -8 to hit and the fact that he could still only attack with one end of each saber at a time would make it look badass but be functionally useless.

He wanted to be able to attack with both sides of each saber in the same round. I told him he'd end up chopping himself in half

Theoretically it would be possible. Vertical slash with one end followed up by an "uppercut-slash" with the back end. It would look retarded and not very elegant as far as swordplay goes but it wouldn't cut him in half.

How is he supposed to block, parry and feint? Melee in most d20 systems is vaguely described and its assumed these kinds of things are happening. He'd be cut to ribbons trying to parry incoming blows without killing himself. Plus it would be murder on his wrists

Really, the only positive to carrying two saberstaffs is that, if you're dual-wielding and someone damages one side of your lightsaber, you can switch to the other. And that's only because you're not required to have both sides on.

This is off-topic, but those dual-bladed lightsabers have always bugged the shit out of me. They are such impractical weapons. During the normal usage of a sword, you are constantly twisting and turning it in such a manner that you would carve yourself into little pieces if there was a blade coming out of the back side of the hilt. And to use it as a staff, you would have to grasp it where the blades are in order to get any sort of leverage. Hands instantly vapourized. And even if you modified the weapon so that the handle was longer and the blades shorter, you would still have the same problem as with a sword, i.e. you would be bringing the blade across your arms and torso and legs in such a way that you would be a pile of giblets long before you became any threat to your opponent. Other than making your opponent laugh so hard at you that he is unable to attack, I fail to see how such a ridiculous weapon would be of any use.

Yeah I know it's fantasy and I shouldn't get hung up on such things yadda yadda yadda but seeing them just completely wrecks my suspension of disbelief. Make of it what you will.

Well ehm. In a LARP when I was 11 years old I used a two-bladed sword quite succesfully (Then again, everyone else sucked at fighting) And since it would always hit the chest-area it was also awesome in terms of fighting on the border of rule-breaking. It was almost impossible to hit between legs and head. And the small buckler in the middle made it a good defensive weapon aswell. . Cant imagine having to use two of them though.

 

[Ranylyn]

Honestly, my group was FULL of morons doing moronic things. And I was the moron once or twice. You KNOW a party is bad when the party's cleric starts saying "screw you guys, I'll save my heals for myself, because at least I don't get us all killed!" Yes, said cleric was me, and yes, I actually did prioritize myself over our minotaur warrior on two occasions. But being a kender cleric was awesome since they still have racial Kender thief skills. NINJACLERIC!


- My entire group besides one person had at least 30 feet infravision, if not 60. (2 elves, 1 half elf, 1 kender, 1 lizard thing... I think the minotaur lacked nightvision...) So we could see in the dark. Oh no, a manticore is attacking the village we're in? What does my sister do? Try to illuminate the scene so we can see. Her light spell blinded us all and gave the manticore free reign to take down everyone but myself, one of our three warriors, and our rogue, who, amidst the chaos, spent the entire battle sneaking around the damn thing instead of taking one turn to run, goddamn that guy, he almost killed us all! (Of course, my character was drunk and the fact that I had to roll to try to heal didn't help....)

- A rogue trying to pick a lock, and a warrior breaking the door down as he did so, WHEN WE HADN'T CHECKED IF IT WAS EVEN LOCKED! (It wasn't, and we alerted everyone inside. I was the last man standing. If our group hadn't been using the -10 HP rule (As in, you're unconscious at 0 and slowly bleed to death at a rate of 1 HP/turn until -10, instead of dying at 0, we'd have lost 2 of our warriors, and our rogue.)

- Letting our braindead minotaur do the talking (the player himself was stupid, and the character was completely lacking in Int, Wis, Cha, or Com) simply because we were in the League of the Minotaurs on Talladis. He kept commanding people who were suspicious of us to bring him cookies or get sacked, getting us in a LOT of trouble. (The group agreed that I should have made a race besides a Kender, simply since my character had the highest Wis, Cha, and Com, thus being best suited to the role of diplomat. However, having access to Kender weapons made me a viable frontliner, so....)

- We were attacked by Trolls in the forest. Trolls regenerate. Regeneration ceases with fire. Our mage didn't have fire spells. All of our warriors had firestarting skills and items, but with Wisdom scores of 6-8, making them totally useless. 3 of us held the two trolls off while three of us fussed over the flint and tinder for 5 turns. Finally, realizing I was the ONLY person with a Wis score higher than 10 (16 FTW!) So finally, I took a turn to sprint over to them, start the fire myself, and run back. It was pretty messed up.

- I almost lost my cleric powers for bribing my team to not tell the rogue we found some gems in a cave we explored while trying to save my pony from giant spiders. I would forever become known as the person incapable of mounting a horse without assistance, as I never had a chance to get another pony, and any horses we were able to claim from our enemies were large warhorses. Halflings have their faults....

- Friendly Fire: When Minotaurs go on the rampage and attack mages for using big fancy words, what happens? critical hit to the wads qith a quarterstaff, followed up by a sleep spell. Perhaps the ONLY shining moment our mage ever had. She usually fired off all her spells and hid behind a tree or table until the fight was done, only actively whacking goblins.

- My own asshattery now: Before meeting another party member who was stalking us out of curiosity, we heard something and were on high alert. My friend readied an arrow but was startled by a noise and let it fly randomly into the woods. I took advantage of the party's facepalming to sneak off towards the source of the noise. Along the way, I picked up the arrow. The character was a lizardman, so, actilg like the endearingly childish character I was roleplaying as, I cried out "Big Lizard, Big Lizard!" The minotaur came charging in and got into a punchout with the lizardman. I stabbed the minotaur in the leg with the arrow to get him to stop beating up what I had decided would be my new pet. If I didn't have heals at the reeady, he would have bled to death, since I stabbled him during a duel with the lizard.



A different campaign: I punched our rogue (same idiot) in the face for interrupting an "honorable duel" between me (A knight of Solamnia, this time) and a boss. I would have won, honest, but this guy was obsessed with trying to get every kill he could just to brag *sigh*

 

[Tazzy da Devil]

In the one game I played, me and one of the other players had a competition to see who could preform the craziest kill. The results were entertaining. I killed a goblin with a frozen chicken, and he killed another one by crushing it with a door. I think we were both that guy.

Wait, was this door still on its hinges? I'm not sure if that would be more or less wacky.

The door was kicked off the hinges in order to crush the goblin who was standing behind it.

 

[Folio]

This player:
-Creates a Chaotic Good Changeling Wizard with amnesia just to change sex and swaffle dragons.
-Pisses off dragons when he's bored. (He will never attack dragons again.)
-Stuck his hand in green slime, got mad because his Changeling Wizard almost got killed. He needed to be rescued by the leader who did not metagame. He later on moped on in self-pity without being thankful.
-Didn't like his character, wants a new one from the DM.
-Isn't thankful in general. Every help he gets, he refuses. Every help he needs, he gets pissed off about.
-Attempted to oil ropes his teammates need to climb on.

-Played a 200 year old female vampire with an unwashed vagina.
-Rubs said vagina against everything. (EVERYTHING)
-Critiques every bit of characterisation from other players as 'lame'.
-Thinks 'the higher the perception check, the better stuff you get'.
-Never replies to session E-mails even though he reads them and complains about them.

As DM:
-Sees my DM notes and says 'I will do this WAY differently'. (As if my way was wrong)
-Gives a royal pink dildo as weapon. (It was still wet)
-Creates revenge encounters to trick his former DM. (He was still pissed about those dragons who killed him)
-Creates an open, sandbox RPG in 4E, but doesn't want everyone to go look for everything.
-I asked for Undead because the group was heavy on Divine, gives one undead encounter and 'it should make us happy'.

This player has one more chance in my sessions before I kick him out. If he acts like a buttnugget one more time, I will show him the door.

 

[doomspore98]

Edit: I posted in this thread a long time ago and didnt remember it. Wow. Double Post I guess?

 

[spartandude]

one of they guys in my group has accused me of being "that guy" purely because i made a Half Elf Barbarian and according to him i shouldnt be aloud because its not very "elvish"

 

[Jarek Mace]

I once played a blind Dragonborn Mage with his Anti-Paladin partner.
Needless to say, this was perhaps the most interesting games of D&D I had ever experienced. We were hired by a storekeeper to harass another business. We misinterpreted the request however and ended up brutally murdering an old storekeeper, panicking that we had murdered him, grabbed a torch and burnt the place down, and were discovered by the city guard.

I then exploited ingame logic and coupled up a 4x size spell with a dragons breath racial ability, successfully killing over 20 guards in a single turn (This was the first combat situation we had) before grabbing my Anti-Paladin accomplice and throwing him over the town wall in an attempt to help him escape the fire. By the fire, I mean the whole town which was now in flames due to my 4x dragons breath attack.

Later in our travels, we came across a small, fledgling village to restock at. We were approached by a broad barrel-chested man who asked what we were doing in the village as there was little to attract wandering adventures. I then replied "Hello good sir, we are here to stimulate your fledgling agriculturally based economy. We do believe that our custom would be appreciated should it be invested into your banana economy." We then killed some Kobolds for them to let them regain their fields, at which point my Anti-Paladin friend... *Ahem*... molested a goat and brutally butchered the village leader in his sleep "for money" regardless of the fact that the man left the gold on a nightstand next to him.