"Dad Mythology" - or, what crazy stuff did your relatives tell you as a kid?

[Mersadeon]

So, we all know it - as a kid, you'll believe anything. What weird stuff did your relatives make you believe?

I'll obviously start. With me, it was my Grandfather. He took a Überraschungsei (Kinder Suprise, this thing that you poor Americans aren't allowed to eat: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinder_Surprise). He carefully unwrapped it and split it open. He took out the toy, assembled it and took it apart again. He put it back in, carefully pressed the halves together and re-wrapped it.
The next day, he told me he had Röntgen-eyes and proved it by telling me exactly what was in the egg. For about a year, he always had to invent excuses when I asked if he could use it for me.

Probably the biggest one was his scar. He had this big scar on his belly, really gnarly. He always told harrowing stories about hunting an animal that caused the scar. But, you see, he told that story to about three different generations. Each time, it became even more AWESOME. He actually forgot what animal he told it was to my mother (a bear) and told me it was a tiger. We all believed him until we were way older - he just always seemed like the kind of guy to go on a safari and have adventures. (I later found out that he had never left Germany... except he smuggled himself into East Germany and out of it. So he did have adventures! But that's another story.)

 

[Silvanus]

My brother told me there was such a fish as the "Japanese Screaming Fish", once, and I think I remember believing him for a while.

 

[Jamieson 90]

If you pick your nose your brain will fall out.

If you sit too close to the T.V your eyes will go square, obviously they won't but still it's not good for your eyes anyway.

If you eat your crusts you'll get curly hair.

Also my uncle had everyone believing he used to be in the SAS, he even told all my friends and cousins and they believed him. Of course if you really were SAS, the best way to hide it would be to joke that you were in the SAS. To this day we really don't know whether he's joking or not.

 

[Shock and Awe]

My grandfather supposedly hit my great-uncle in the head with a brick for some reason when they were kids. Thats the one that sticks out to me anyway.

 

[GrimTuesday]

My Grandfather may or may not have been a spy back in Vietnam... All his files are classified so no one knows what he was doing, but we know he was there. Also why would a normal soldier be in Laos plating thermite charges on Soviet trucks so that they couldn't follow them? He also claims to have been in the American Embassy eating lunch and says he heard two CIA looking guys talking about how they were going to off Diem... I can't decided if I believe him, but He is apparently writing memoirs, so I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Beyond that my brothers used to always tell me that if I walked across bridges, they would break... I was a rather portly child, who has grown into a corpulent man, and I still don't like bridges.

 

[Zhukov]

When I was about four years old, my father told me that women are inherently a little bit smarter than men.

And yes, I totally believed him.

Oh, and once my mother told me that adults never lie. Only naughty little children ever do that, not full-grown omniscient adults.

I still remember the first time I caught her out on a lie. Totally blew my poor little mind, but was also immensely satisfying.

 

[Charli]

My parents went overboard with this stuff, it's no wonder I have difficulty believing them on the first try.

Not even gonna go on a list, I'd be here all day, the face freezing when the wind changes, the boogieman, bed bugs, elaborate tales about where spiders live and how they'll climb in your mouth while you sleep.


I'm told I look like a very trusting person. That in itself is a deception. I TRUST NO ONE!

 

[likalaruku]

When I was 3, my uncle told me if I ate watermelon seeds that I'd grow a watermelon in my stomach. Looking back, it sounds kind of perverted.

 

[Wraith]

I TRUST NO ONE!

Spoiler: Trust No One!

OT: Probably one I have is the classic swallowing gum will cause you to choke to death as it sticks up your lungs. Which doesn't make sense because when you swallow it doesn't go down to your lungs.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

When I was 3, my uncle told me if I ate watermelon seeds that I'd grow a watermelon in my stomach. Looking back, it sounds kind of perverted.

This one is a popular one, I remember there was a Rugrats episode around the same myth.

 

[Camaranth]

Can't remember any of the ones my dad told me except the usual stuff about boys...

I did convince my little sister that the seats in the very back of the air-plane were wooden benches with nails sticking out and they had no lights.

 

[O maestre]

Can't remember any of the ones my dad told me except the usual stuff about boys...

I did convince my little sister that the seats in the very back of the air-plane were wooden benches with nails sticking out and they had no lights.

Might as well be on long distance flights on coach. I swear I was on the verge of murder during a 12 hour flight from London to Sao Paulo. I upgraded to business for the return flight as soon as we landed, somethings are worth the money.



My mother convinced me of awful and bizarre things, namely that if didn't keep my shoes the right side up and tidy that she would suffer an accident. This however backfired when I one day I was mad at her and left all the shoes turned, and nothing happened thankfully. It is strange I never believed all the usual myths like the tooth fairy or Santa clause, but the stuff my mother came up with never gave me a second thought until much later.

 

[DrParadox]

I likewise never believed in Santa, tooth fairy, Easter bunny, etc. I blame the overabundance of media that talk openly about the lie, since my parents were always super lax about letting us watch all kinds of stuff. I vaguely recall watching the Matrix when I was four or so, that scared the bejeezus out of me.


Anyway, they had a lot of other myths. They said that you shouldn't pick your nose, because there's a critter living up in your head with a beak, that'll snap off your fingertip of you get too close. I didn't buy it for long, mostly because it sounded so cool that I spent a couple hours trying as hard as I could to make contact.

I think the only thing I believed for any length of time came from my Uncle, "Rabbit." He said that the difference between a continent and an island is that islands float. I wish I'd thought to call him out on that one.

 

[MeChaNiZ3D]

I remember being told cars can't see little kids because they're short. Turns out it's bullshit. You can see just about everything from a ruler's length in front of the bonnet.

 

[Leemaster777]

Oh, I've got a good one.

When we were small kids, my dad gave my sister a small metal egg, and told her "This is a magical dream egg. If you keep this on your nightstand, you'll have good dreams all night. And if you look REALLY closely at it during the night, it'll glow." My sister always had really bad nightmares until he gave her that. Then she slept much easier at night. Know what the dream egg was?

Spoiler

A freaking fishing sinker.

 

[Rolaoi]

My dad had a thing for ghosts and the paranormal. He used to take me to all sorts of places you would find on "Most Haunted Places in X" lists. I love him for it now, but it terrified me as a kid. The worst was the time he took me to a haunted stretch of train tracks and took a rail spike. It smelled like rotting animals the entire way home and I had nightmares for weeks about demons in my room to the point that I threw it out.

 

[Signa]

When I wa 4, my uncle told me that our grandpa's neighbor ate kids that went into his back yard. Being that we were living with our grandparents at the time because we had just moved into the state, it was a concern to me. I remember how brave I thought my uncle was when he went to get the Frisbee that landed over the fence a few times.

 

[EeveeElectro]

My great uncle told me spraying air freshener on my face would make me grow a beard. I must have sprayed myself with it a few times for him to say that. (jokes on you great uncle, my beard is glorious)
I used to chew on my hair and my dad said I'd choke to death if I carried on. Funnily enough there was a story in the papers a few weeks later about a young girl who did die from it! Stopped me from doing it again though!
My brother told me if I pulled the plug in the bath and didn't jump straight out I'd get sucked in (it's just so he could use the bathroom).
Mum told me if I swallowed any seed I'd grow that fruit in my stomach and I remember being genuinely terrified when I did one time. :/
I was also told if I let go of my parents hands while walking along the road, a car would come off road and kill me. The driving is so bad in this city I'm surprised it hasn't happened.

 

[ClockworkPenguin]

My dad successfully persuaded me that their where two elves named Finkin and Furkin that lived in our Plum tree. There was also a gnome, who would hide important items like keys etc. It would pull tricks on children who used his name, but it was scared of big people, which is why when my Dad lost something, he would say 'Oh Bugger!' so the gnome would give them back.

I think if my Mum hadn't stepped in, I would have been raised on an entirely elf based morality system.