Dating a Geek - Polarizing Gizmodo Article

[Derlwyn]

On Monday a polarizing article by Alyssa Bereznak was published on Gizmodo:
http://gizmodo.com/5833787/my-brief-okcupid-affair-with-a-world-champion-magic-the-gathering-player

Shortly after, Kiala of Nerdpuddle re-wrote the article, letting all know how she felt about the issues brought up in the orginal:
http://nerdpuddle.com/my-brief-okcupid-affair-with-a-world-champion-magic-the-gathering-player-ugh-ugh-ugh/

I have had a few run-ins where my intense interest for something considered to be "geeky" or "nerdy" has obviously hurt my chances, but I can't really remember a moment where I lost interest in another person because they were passionate about something in their life. Personally I find it far less interesting when someone doesn't have hobby that they're deeply invested in.

What gets me about the original article is that one could assume that a writer for Gizmodo might have a penchant for the geeky. So why the apparent belittling of a fellow geek? I can only guess that apparently there are tiers and levels of geekdom, and some feel high enough to put others down for going too far down the rabbit hole.

A few questions come to mind:
- What do you think of the original article? Was Alyssa justified in her feelings or is this actually a different kind of prejudice? Also, what if Jon didn't give his okay for this article to be published? Has Alyssa made a major faux-pas here?

- Do you see different levels of geekdom? Where do you fit in? Whom/What are you above, and what is certainly below you?

- If you feel comfortable: Have you lost interest in someone because of their "geeky" hobbies? Have you felt discriminated against because of your "geek" hobbies?

 

[LiberalSquirrel]

Alas. I wouldn't mind meeting a guy who competed in world Magic championships. I've always wanted to get into that game, but it's a bit intimidating from an outsider's perspective.

I've never really seen different level of geekdom, myself. I think we should all be one big, happy geek community, whether the object of our nerdy loves is anime, cosplay, video games, collectible card games, or whatever.

And, to answer the last question: it'd be a little hypocritical to lose interest in someone because of their geeky hobbies, as I'm a bit of a geek myself.

 

[Derlwyn]

Can you see a difference between Video Gaming, Card Gaming, Board Gaming, and Table Top Gaming.

I mean, sure, having technical know-how and utilizing that is certainly pretty nerdy, but would someone who plays Warhammer, D&D, or Hero Quest be more nerdy than you because they aren't into technology?

Compare someone who may still play AD&D vs someone who plays 4thEd. D&D. Is there a level of geekdom there worth noting, or even worth discriminating against?

 

[Nickolai77]

I agree that there is a hierarchy of geekiness, and despite proudly identifying as such, i'm fairly low on the "geekiness chain". I regularly play video games and sometimes watch anime, and that's about it. I used to play D&D a couple of times, but don't anymore. I've never been interested in superhero's, comics, i don't cosplay and the last time i played a nerdy card game was pokemon back in 98'. If i do play any card-games, it's usually "Ring of Fire".

As for the woman's article...The thing that annoyed me was that she stopped dating him based on the fact he liked card-games. I've met and talked to girls whom loved sports like skiing or rowing, two things i am not interested in at all, but i don't think any the less of them. So long as we had *other* stuff in common things would be fine. Part of being in a relationship is recognising and respecting another partners hobbies and interests, even if they are not your own. Maybe that's why this woman is single.


However, in her defence, this John could do with a few lessons on dating and impressing women. A date consisting of watching a one-man show about a serial murderer doesn't seem like a good idea...which is probably why John's single.

As for the article...it struck me as being rather shallow and simplistic- woman dates nerdy guy, but she doesn't give any analysis or deeper thought about it whatsoever. Which really irked me because it felt like a bit of a lost opportunity to add some intelligence to the piece.

 

[Lyri]

A few questions come to mind:
- What do you think of the original article? Was Alyssa justified in her feelings or is this actually a different kind of prejudice? Also, what if Jon didn't give his okay for this article to be published? Has Alyssa made a major faux-pas here?
Since when has it been questionable for someone to just not find something attractive about someone? Yes her feelings were justified because that was how she felt.
Simple as that really, she seemingly didn't flip her shit and just decided that this man and his interests weren't for her. No problem. Pretty courteous and you could ask for nothing more from a woman.

- Do you see different levels of geekdom? Where do you fit in? Whom/What are you above, and what is certainly below you?
I'm geeky, I like Magic, I like D&D, I play/played WoW, I play DoTA/LoL/HoN, I like Zombie shooters, I was a clan leader and tournament player in Call of Duty and I have a SCII Limitied edition sitting in my room.
Yeah. I got geek.
I'm really not too focused on where I fit in honestly, because that's not all I am. I'll link a relevant image later.

- If you feel comfortable: Have you lost interest in someone because of their "geeky" hobbies? Have you felt discriminated against because of your "geek" hobbies?
Absolutely not, I know when to mention them and when not to mention them. I won't go hang out with all my friends who aren't into things like WoW and sit and talk about how I tanked the FL with my guild.
Geekdom is fine, being socially akward isn't.

 

[Fiz_The_Toaster]

I love Magic and I would date anyone that's into that game. Although I haven't played it as much as I'd like to since I don't know very many people that still play it that live near me. In regards to her, I think she's an idiot and very very shallow, and really needs to get over the fact that she will meet more people like that.

I like to think that we are all one big geek/nerd/whatever family, and I see some levels of it and I think I'm pretty close to high levels of it. I mean, I still have some of the Star Trek models that I've made from several years ago that haven't been broken yet.

To the last question, no, only because I know when to talk about it and to whom. Only once did someone close by say something about it and told that person to mind their own business and leave us alone. And I've never lost interest in someone just because they wanted to share their interest with me, that would be rude and mean. I'd actually ask questions and go deeper into that if it's something I've never done or heard about.

 

[Ulquiorra4sama]

"I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like... Books, records, films - these things matter. Call me shallow but it's the fuckin' truth" -Rob Gordon (High Fidelity, 2000)

I sorta agree with this. We all have our obsessions and if our obsessions can't co-exist then it'll usually crash and burn before long.

 

[Pikka Bird]

Something that the writer of the "article" really needs to think twice about is her demand that the guy must put such information right there in his profile. Think about it- if the guy put this piece of information in his profile text, anyone would be able to google "Magic, The Gathering world champion" and find this guy's name and possibly other personal details.
If, say, Axl Rose had an OkCupid account do you really think he'd put "singer/corrupt despot of multi-platinum, chart-topping rock n' roll band Guns n Roses" on there? (okay, stupid example, because he pretty much definitely would, but that's not the point)

 

[m0ng00se]

K, so the Magic thing makes the first girl sound like an idiot. The Jeffrey Dahmer thing, though, totally fair. Although if a girl took me to something like that, that'd be cool with me.

Second article was beyond legit.

Yeah, there are levels of geekdom, but it basically has nothing to do with what you're a geek over (unless it's alarming, like shrunken heads and attempting black magic rituals or other things like that) and everything to do with how it makes you act both around your obsession and away from it. If you can't talk about anything else, at least find a way to use it as a metaphor for every day things. I don't mind if a girl can only see the world through the eyes of a fangirl as long as she can still see the rest of the world at all.

No matter what, RPers will rate higher on the geek scale than video gamers, though. Associated stigma, can be mitigated on a case by case basis but as a whole don't mention it until like a month in.