So while browsing Facebook this morning in my insomnia, I noticed an old friend from college posting pics from a cruise she was on. I decided to check them out and was surprised to see that she went with her boyfriend, and that her boyfriend looks to be pushing mid to upper 40s while she can't be more than around 26. My initial impression is that it feels like an awful huge age gap for a man to be pursuing a woman at, but I also recognize that different people have different comfort zones and what seems odd to me might not be to others. After all, two of my best friends recently dated with one being 40 and the other 27 and that didn't feel odd to me. But I am wondering dear Escapists, what age gap are you comfortable with, in either direction. What do you generally consider appropriate before it starts to get a little much, both as a participant and observer?
Myself at 28, I tend to follow the 7 year rule, so as high as 35 and as low as 21. I feel that's a range where I can still feel like we are in the same general life experience level. I tend to not go as low as 21 however since I find that many 21 year olds are still in a phase of life I am kind of passed, still enjoying partying and early adulthood less responsibly than I would like. It's an age I will hook up with if it comes up but not try and actually date. For others, I try not to judge to hard but in my personal experience the higher the gap the more I question the maturity of the older party in the relationship. Again, I know that might not the the case and I'm painting in broad strokes, but in my personal experience it makes me wonder if they are somehow immature and cannot relate to people their own age, or are going through a midlife crisis and need validation. I have seen it several times with people I know and it rarely ends well, as eventually insecurities and flaws that cause them to look for relationships with people half their age or lower float to the surface. I know I wouldn't feel comfortable if I had a daughter and a man in his 40s started courting her in her 20s. The older people get the less a gap matters, so that can obviously vary. I dunno maybe I'm weird.
Anyway, TLDR what age range do you consider comfortable and appropriate when dating? Also as clarification, I mean an actual romantic relationship not just a fling.
Myself at 28, I tend to follow the 7 year rule, so as high as 35 and as low as 21. I feel that's a range where I can still feel like we are in the same general life experience level. I tend to not go as low as 21 however since I find that many 21 year olds are still in a phase of life I am kind of passed, still enjoying partying and early adulthood less responsibly than I would like. It's an age I will hook up with if it comes up but not try and actually date. For others, I try not to judge to hard but in my personal experience the higher the gap the more I question the maturity of the older party in the relationship. Again, I know that might not the the case and I'm painting in broad strokes, but in my personal experience it makes me wonder if they are somehow immature and cannot relate to people their own age, or are going through a midlife crisis and need validation. I have seen it several times with people I know and it rarely ends well, as eventually insecurities and flaws that cause them to look for relationships with people half their age or lower float to the surface. I know I wouldn't feel comfortable if I had a daughter and a man in his 40s started courting her in her 20s. The older people get the less a gap matters, so that can obviously vary. I dunno maybe I'm weird.
Anyway, TLDR what age range do you consider comfortable and appropriate when dating? Also as clarification, I mean an actual romantic relationship not just a fling.
