Dating between two drastically different cultures

[chuckman1]

Can two people from different cultures find love with each other? I think so, but most people stick with their culture because it's easy. Can an American Christian fall for a Buddhist from Myanmar? Can a Zimbabwean fall for an Indian? I think so. But it is usually easier to date those in a similar culture is you.

What challenges come up in the cultural differences? "Oh a Saudi girl LETS GET BACON!"
How can these challenges be overcome?
Should you just sit around in your cultural bubble? Or is it worth trying for ladies/fellows from China, Korea, Zimbabwe, Ghana, Brazil, (sorry I don't know Europeans).
Do you have any experiences with this? Is it just impossible to get someone from a culture too different from yours? (Dramatic question)

Personal info:
I have only dated other Americans, the closest I have to "different" is a girl whose mom was from mexico. I've tried for girls from half of Africa, and parts of Asia, it seems just like Americans, these people are only interested in dating others from the same culture as them. Seems rather boring to me.
Probably the two biggest culture shocks I've had are the drastic homophobia among Africans and the caste system in India, while it seemed uncommon it was a real shock having a girl bring up caste as a barrier.

 

[madwarper]

Can two people from different cultures find love with each other?

Yes.

What challenges come up in the cultural differences? [...] How can these challenges be overcome?

Depends on the two cultures in question.

Should you just sit around in your cultural bubble?

On purpose? As in to deliberately turn a blind eye to potential relationship partner because they may come from a different culture? No. I'd say we shouldn't.

Do you have any experiences with this?

No... But, not by choice.

Spoiler

Is it just impossible to get someone from a culture too different from yours?

Well, I'd say if your goal is to merely "get" someone, you're already doing it wrong. Simply be open to possibilities and let the chips fall where they may.

 

[L. Declis]

Can two people from different cultures find love with each other? I think so, but most people stick with their culture because it's easy. Can an American Christian fall for a Buddhist from Myanmar? Can a Zimbabwean fall for an Indian? I think so. But it is usually easier to date those in a similar culture is you.

Very much so. I am myself going to be marrying a wonderful lass from China, and I myself am a Brit.

What challenges come up in the cultural differences? "Oh a Saudi girl LETS GET BACON!"
How can these challenges be overcome?

What challenges? For starters, there are massive differences in familial treatment. I'll stick to China, as it's the one I am most comfortable discussing other than my own.
So, did you know that in China, it's the father of the groom, not the father of the bride who pays for the wedding and a house?
When the father dies, the mother will move into our house.
We are expected to give a portion of our pay to her parents. They don't want it, but if they did, we would.
She gets sick of western food after a while, and I can only eat so much Chinese food before I get sick.
The man hands over his paycheck to his wife to prevent cheating.
She is dating a foreigner, and that is bad.
Sex before marriage is very, very bad. As is living together before marriage.
People often get married within 2 years.
People have all their children before 30.
Feminism (second wave and third wave) have no in-roads in China; gender roles are enforced.
Love really doesn't have a place in a long term relationship.

How are they overcome? How is anything overcome? With generosity and communication. In every single instance where our cultures butt heads, we sit down and discuss it. Here is the second point; understand that neither culture is right. No relationship is about points-scoring. If it comes down to it, better to let her do it her way if it matters to her so much, and she also accepts much of my own culture.

We have a relationship that is a mixture of British values and Chinese values. I have become a lot more masculine as she likes it (I take the lead more, I am expected to work hard) and in return, she has taken some of my values (she also has to make choices and she has to accept my video gaming habits). In return, we've gotten a rich relationship of both cultures and values, taking the bits that make us happy and make our relationship stronger.

Should you just sit around in your cultural bubble? Or is it worth trying for ladies/fellows from China, Korea, Zimbabwe, Ghana, Brazil, (sorry I don't know Europeans).

I wasn't "trying" for a Chinese lass, and I can promise you that if you are going for someone for their nationality, then you're probably not going to do well with them.

However, let me be blunt. British women are not of the best moral quality. They tend to have a bit of a past, plenty of bad habits and a massive chip on their shoulder. They get drunk, they throw fists like men and they have a gob on them. They have absolutely no problem getting their boyfriend into a fight for their "honour", and are very likely to divorce. Obesity and teenage pregnancy rates are also very high, as is drinking and smoking.

Meeting my future wife has been nothing but a dream; sure, we fight, but everyone does. We have never had a serious argument because we are both mature. She has good values; she loves her family, she is ambitious and self-deterministic, she is loyal, she holds herself to a high value, she takes pride in her appearance, she is proud of her education, she values self-improvement. Her culture and her parents have given her a set of values that I find highly attractive in a partner and a future wife.

I didn't meet her because I was cruising for Chinese babes or whatever, I met her because I was helping Chinese students in my university and we met because of a kind act of mine.

Do you have any experiences with this? Is it just impossible to get someone from a culture too different from yours? (Dramatic question)

I have dated a few women and my experience with British women is that there is a reason why all the men are dating foreigners if they can help it.

I have also dated a few girls from abroad (Thai, Chinese, Vietnamese, German, Spanish) and they have all been wonderful girls but a combination of immaturity and cultural issues (including a memorable visit to China in which an exes family threatened to murder her and myself if she didn't stop dating me, the foreigner) caused the relationships to end.

Personal info:
I have only dated other Americans, the closest I have to "different" is a girl whose mom was from mexico. I've tried for girls from half of Africa, and parts of Asia, it seems just like Americans, these people are only interested in dating others from the same culture as them. Seems rather boring to me.
Probably the two biggest culture shocks I've had are the drastic homophobia among Africans and the caste system in India, while it seemed uncommon it was a real shock having a girl bring up caste as a barrier.

"The closest I have to different"? I wasn't aware it was a collect and swap card contest. "I've tried for girls from x, y and z". I must say, I find your attitude to be a bit uncomfortable.

I have found that nothing other than genuine and non-malicious curiousity and humour, along with a bit of creativity, will get you far with any woman, foreign or no.

If you're dating for someone to have a different flavour, then I must say you present a very poor-tasting presentation of yourself. I imagine these girls simply do not want to date someone with a map at home with "Countries I've slept with" written across the top in marker pen.

 

[chuckman1]

"The closest I have to different"? I wasn't aware it was a collect and swap card contest. "I've tried for girls from x, y and z". I must say, I find your attitude to be a bit uncomfortable.

I have found that nothing other than genuine and non-malicious curiousity and humour, along with a bit of creativity, will get you far with any woman, foreign or no.

If you're dating for someone to have a different flavour, then I must say you present a very poor-tasting presentation of yourself. I imagine these girls simply do not want to date someone with a map at home with "Countries I've slept with" written across the top in marker pen.

It's not so much that I want to go for someone just because of their nationality. In defense of "closest to different" I feel there's gonna be less cultural differences between a Mexican American girl as opposed to a girl from Mexico to me. While a girl from Saudi Arabia will have a much different cultural background than mine.
Your idea of British women seems like my idea of American women haha often getting drunk and not too scared of causing a "fight of honor". What I meant in my point was that many people ONLY are interested in others from their country. Indians only dating Indians, Chinese only dating Chinese, etc. I wonder why this is the case. While I do see that it's easier without a culture conflict I do think the benefits outweigh negatives of leaving the bubble of monoculture.

I can see how my wording could make it seem like I'm cruising for the international babes but I didn't mean to make it sound like collecting pokemon.

 

[Pyrian]

Food can be an interesting problem, especially for a picky eater like me. I live in southern California where there are lots of Mexican-American women who are generally perfectly happy to date white guys, but... I really don't like the food. I mostly live on Asian food of various degrees of authenticity (mostly low, lol). I married a Filipina. She was surprised that a white guy liked fish, lol. Still a bit of culture shock when I found out that they serve it basically whole (cleaned, meaning the guts and most internal organs are removed, but skin, bones, head, fins, and so on).

 

[kurupt87]

There was this cute African black girl on a work training retreat that I was making moves on. Was going well and she was clearly into me, then when we're alone she casually brings up marriage. Hah, should've seen me run.

 

[TWRule]

The only culture that exists is human culture; there aren't boundaries to love, of all things.

Incidentally, I am unlikely to want to date someone who insists that they are a product of 'their culture'.

 

[Mechamorph]

True story about a marriage discussion between a Westernized Chinese and his traditional Indian soon-to-be Father-in-law

Groom: Father, with your permission I would like to conduct our marriage through traditional Chinese rites.

Father-in-law: My Son you place me in a difficult position. Are the traditions of my ancestors not good enough for you?

Groom: By Indian custom, you pay me a (quite substantial) dowry. By Chinese custom I pay *you* a dowry.

Father-in-law: "...." You're my favourite son-in-law, have I ever told you that?

To answer the OP, yes sometimes things can get a little rough due to cultural differences but unless your values are so far apart as to be mutually incompatible then I'd say go for it. Its both a learning experience and a fascinating journey all at the same time. For example when we first went out, she was very pleasantly surprised when I asked her to walk beside me; she had expected to spend her entire life walking a few paces behind her husband.

As for too different, yes that can occur as well. In my own culture someone who is loud and brash is very off-putting as humility is seen as both a personal and social value. Your mileage may vary though.

 

[nightmare_gorilla]

I am an american Italian atheist currently engaged to a Ghanaian African who believes in god.

For lazy people, for dramatic people, and for emotional people, culture has to be in common because yes the cultural differences lead to frustration and if you don't have a common religious background it can cause issues when it comes to kids and other discussions because you will have...wait for it... different ideas... but if your a person who understands compromise and has a level head these differences can all be surpassed.

It's a matter of do you want another person identical to you or who compliments you. My girl and I work because we both understand the other is a human being and a simple honest discussion can solve alot of problems without them getting too heated. she speaks some languages I don't and it's how she speaks to her Ghanaian friends so sometimes yeah i feel left out of conversations but i also am a nerd and she is not so when i talk to my friends about super nerd stuff she feels left out. we both love each other but we don't have to have everything in common. we want the same things out of life and that tends to be the deciding factor on relationship success more often than people would admit.

 

[chuckman1]

The only culture that exists is human culture; there aren't boundaries to love, of all things.

Incidentally, I am unlikely to want to date someone who insists that they are a product of 'their culture'.

Well to be fair it's a strong influence. An Arab from the middle east probably thinks Israel is Satan, while a Jewish person from America probably thinks they're cool guys. Not that that's what you should base a relationship on, but I could see that causing an issue. If your girl comes from a place where gays are put to death she's more likely to think it's some kind of "devil's curse from hell" which could cause an issue since I strongly support gay rights. I also imagine it would be hard for many reasons to date a North Korean, but maybe the culture is more similar than I think. So while we all have the human culture, there's some big differences between a Christian Hmong person in Vietnam, a Sunni in Pakistan, a Christian from Uganda, and an Atheist from Canada. Let's not forget our buddies the polytheistic followers who would probably have trouble dating a "there is no God but God" type religious person.

 

[TWRule]

The only culture that exists is human culture; there aren't boundaries to love, of all things.

Incidentally, I am unlikely to want to date someone who insists that they are a product of 'their culture'.

Well to be fair it's a strong influence. An Arab from the middle east probably thinks Israel is Satan, while a Jewish person from America probably thinks they're cool guys. Not that that's what you should base a relationship on, but I could see that causing an issue. If your girl comes from a place where gays are put to death she's more likely to think it's some kind of "devil's curse from hell" which could cause an issue since I strongly support gay rights. I also imagine it would be hard for many reasons to date a North Korean, but maybe the culture is more similar than I think. So while we all have the human culture, there's some big differences between a Christian Hmong person in Vietnam, a Sunni in Pakistan, a Christian from Uganda, and an Atheist from Canada. Let's not forget our buddies the polytheistic followers who would probably have trouble dating a "there is no God but God" type religious person.

Of course persons have differing perspectives and 'backgrounds'; I don't see what good attempting to dilineate multiple discrete 'cultures' does though, other than to efface differences between persons. Even worse if someone insists on being reduced to such things. Example: If I were discussing the meaning and value of family with a Chinese girl, I asked her why she took a certain viewpoint on the matter, and she said "That's just how us Chinese think" or "That's just how I was raised", and leaves it at that, then I'm disinclined to continue the conversation, let alone pursue a relationship.

If we have differences, we either confront them and perhaps come to new understanding and further the relationship, or else we go our separate ways - but it will not be *because* we come from different 'cultures' that our differences might be irreconcilable - it will be because between us we were not committed to coming to mutual understanding, or that we did come to such understanding but concluded that our personal convictions (which themselves are irreducible to our respective social histories) simply lead us in different directions.

 

[Scars Unseen]

The only culture that exists is human culture; there aren't boundaries to love, of all things.

Incidentally, I am unlikely to want to date someone who insists that they are a product of 'their culture'.

Well to be fair it's a strong influence. An Arab from the middle east probably thinks Israel is Satan, while a Jewish person from America probably thinks they're cool guys. Not that that's what you should base a relationship on, but I could see that causing an issue. If your girl comes from a place where gays are put to death she's more likely to think it's some kind of "devil's curse from hell" which could cause an issue since I strongly support gay rights. I also imagine it would be hard for many reasons to date a North Korean, but maybe the culture is more similar than I think. So while we all have the human culture, there's some big differences between a Christian Hmong person in Vietnam, a Sunni in Pakistan, a Christian from Uganda, and an Atheist from Canada. Let's not forget our buddies the polytheistic followers who would probably have trouble dating a "there is no God but God" type religious person.

Of course persons have differing perspectives and 'backgrounds'; I don't see what good attempting to dilineate multiple discrete 'cultures' does though, other than to efface differences between persons. Even worse if someone insists on being reduced to such things. Example: If I were discussing the meaning and value of family with a Chinese girl, I asked her why she took a certain viewpoint on the matter, and she said "That's just how us Chinese think" or "That's just how I was raised", and leaves it at that, then I'm disinclined to continue the conversation, let alone pursue a relationship.

If we have differences, we either confront them and perhaps come to new understanding and further the relationship, or else we go our separate ways - but it will not be *because* we come from different 'cultures' that our differences might be irreconcilable - it will be because between us we were not committed to coming to mutual understanding, or that we did come to such understanding but concluded that our personal convictions (which themselves are irreducible to our respective social histories) simply lead us in different directions.

Reading this makes me wonder at how much you've interacted with cultures drastically different from your own, as it comes off as extremely idealistic.

 

[TWRule]

Reading this makes me wonder at how much you've interacted with cultures drastically different from your own, as it comes off as extremely idealistic.

My whole point was that there was no such thing as 'cultures drastically different than my own' (because there aren't discrete cultures), but as far as encountering people from diverse backgrounds both in and outside of their 'native' social environments - yes, I've done my share of that, though I don't see how that should be immediately relevant to the argument as I've made it here.

 

[Scars Unseen]

Reading this makes me wonder at how much you've interacted with cultures drastically different from your own, as it comes off as extremely idealistic.

My whole point was that there was no such thing as 'cultures drastically different than my own' (because there aren't discrete cultures), but as far as encountering people from diverse backgrounds both in and outside of their 'native' social environments - yes, I've done my share of that, though I don't see how that should be immediately relevant to the argument as I've made it here.

[citation needed]

Before I thought you were being an idealist. Now I can't take you seriously at all. Guessing those guys studying Cultural Anthropology can just go home. Please be sure to tell them where they went wrong on their way out.

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

It depends on what's important to each of you and what areas are you willing to comprise in. It's a relationship and you have to relate to each other. If you go around ignoring each others beliefs because you think they don't matter than things will end badly. If you can't be true to yourself while accepting them for who they are it won't work. You have to put out work and let some things go. You also have to hold onto somethings to avoid losing yourself in your quest to not be lonely. You have to give a little, take a little, let your poor heart break a little...

 

[TWRule]

My whole point was that there was no such thing as 'cultures drastically different than my own' (because there aren't discrete cultures), but as far as encountering people from diverse backgrounds both in and outside of their 'native' social environments - yes, I've done my share of that, though I don't see how that should be immediately relevant to the argument as I've made it here.

[citation needed]

If you can't distinguish between a statement of a theoretical position and an empirical observation, then we have no reason to continue this discussion.

Before I thought you were being an idealist. Now I can't take you seriously at all. Guessing those guys studying Cultural Anthropology can just go home. Please be sure to tell them where they went wrong on their way out.

I never argued that formal anthropology should go without the theoretical postulate of 'cultures' to do their work - whether that is the best methodology for serving the ends of the discipline is a separate question which I had no intention of addressing here. My position was a perspective on lived human reality (we were talking about interpersonal relationships, after all), not that reality from the lens of formal anthropology. But it doesn't seem like you're willing/able to distinguish those viewpoints either, so the feeling of not taking one's interlocutor seriously is mutual. Good day.