In the world of overblown media, there is cliche, and then there are fairy tales. The fanciful lore that is so full of insidious plot holes, overtly unrealistic and nearly robotic characters, and black and white landscapes that they have been burned into our memory with all the violence of a bullet fired into our collective skulls.
Why don't we look at the list of requirements needed to make a fairy tale:
1.) Include the concept of true love, hope, and whatever other imaginary concepts the creatively devoid writer(s) can come up with.
2.) The main character is either a morally perfect commoner or a morally perfect prince that will risk his or her life in a reckless fashion as if it's the new trend in style.
3.) Write in evil antagonists.
4.) Main character(s) is(are) unrealistically physically attractive.
5.) Impossible odds conquered by said hero.
6.) Save the day.
7.) ????
8.) Profit!
The Princess Bride is a frame story-type adventure through yet another overused setting we've all been through before, except - like a hermaphrodite deciding whether to go by "he" or "she" and choosing "shim" as a sad alternative - the entire story doesn't really know whether to make fun of itself or force us to take it completely seriously.
The story begins with a boy playing some old video game when storytelling grandfather enters the room to read the kid a story. While at first this is an interesting beginning, the frame story gimmick gets old quick, but thats for later. After the kid whines profusely about the lameness of being read anything, Grandpa quickly shuts him up, and starts reading anyway.
I won't waste much time on the plot, because there isn't much to speak of and at least a billion people have seen this movie so I'll cut right to the chase.
For a movie that makes fun of itself Monty Python style, it repeatedly tries to tug at the heartstrings and instill a sense of admiration or inspiration in those watching, which can lead to confusing sentiments. Like those very Monty Python films, or anything with James Cameron's name on it, its a joke. It's one of those things that makes sense if you DON'T think about it.
The characters themselves are unbelievably black and white, with the only remotely three dimensional character being the Spaniard, which is just sad. The heroes are heroic, the damsel is in distress, and the king so hideously evil that I'm surprised he's capable of running an entire kingdom at all when he's clearly too busy stalking farm girls or lighting boxes of kittens on fire. Or burning a box of farm girls.
Why is the king so interested in a random common woman anyway? It's like the whole purpose of this is for him to figuratively shout "Ha ha, good guy with abnormally perfect hair! I have your woman! I'm so evil." In fact, upon marrying her, he immediately plots to strangle her that very night for no reason other than for the lulz, the sick fuck.
Why bother trying to be taken seriously when you're cracking jokes about stereotypical fairy tales so much? If they had just stuck with the light humor all the way through, it might have been worth more than one watch. And what's with the kid/grandfather setting constantly interrupting the flow of the story? I understand this was meant to be funny and remind you that it IS a book being read (likely to excuse the randomized serious moments in the tale), but really it just breaks up the action and I find myself wanting to simply ***** slap either the kid or the old man more than once so that they would shut up and let it play out.
The ending was horrible, and gave no definitive end to the story. For instance, if you waltz into a castle, tied the king up, and kidnapped the queen, wouldn't the entire military be on your tail all the way to the border? Instead, this king (while apparently controlling a massive kingdom) has sixty mercenaries at the front door that cut and run when faced with a single stationary target lit on fire and yelling really loudly. And the only armored guards that seem to appear to do anything are the four guards that die in five seconds when the Spaniard "Assassin's Creed"s ever one of them. And then the two lovers kiss and its over. The kicker? The old man's smile reminds me of a child molester and the kid wants to be read the story AGAIN the next day.
Oh, happy day.
The Princess Bride has a few shining moments of humor but other than that it is a sorry rendition of what shouldn't be: a joke with no punchline, a plot as straight as the Spaniard's gloriously curly locks, a reason to pity the writers who have been starved of creativity except for watching 2 AM Comedy Central for inspiration
Why don't we look at the list of requirements needed to make a fairy tale:
1.) Include the concept of true love, hope, and whatever other imaginary concepts the creatively devoid writer(s) can come up with.
2.) The main character is either a morally perfect commoner or a morally perfect prince that will risk his or her life in a reckless fashion as if it's the new trend in style.
3.) Write in evil antagonists.
4.) Main character(s) is(are) unrealistically physically attractive.
5.) Impossible odds conquered by said hero.
6.) Save the day.
7.) ????
8.) Profit!
The Princess Bride is a frame story-type adventure through yet another overused setting we've all been through before, except - like a hermaphrodite deciding whether to go by "he" or "she" and choosing "shim" as a sad alternative - the entire story doesn't really know whether to make fun of itself or force us to take it completely seriously.
The story begins with a boy playing some old video game when storytelling grandfather enters the room to read the kid a story. While at first this is an interesting beginning, the frame story gimmick gets old quick, but thats for later. After the kid whines profusely about the lameness of being read anything, Grandpa quickly shuts him up, and starts reading anyway.
I won't waste much time on the plot, because there isn't much to speak of and at least a billion people have seen this movie so I'll cut right to the chase.
For a movie that makes fun of itself Monty Python style, it repeatedly tries to tug at the heartstrings and instill a sense of admiration or inspiration in those watching, which can lead to confusing sentiments. Like those very Monty Python films, or anything with James Cameron's name on it, its a joke. It's one of those things that makes sense if you DON'T think about it.
The characters themselves are unbelievably black and white, with the only remotely three dimensional character being the Spaniard, which is just sad. The heroes are heroic, the damsel is in distress, and the king so hideously evil that I'm surprised he's capable of running an entire kingdom at all when he's clearly too busy stalking farm girls or lighting boxes of kittens on fire. Or burning a box of farm girls.
Why is the king so interested in a random common woman anyway? It's like the whole purpose of this is for him to figuratively shout "Ha ha, good guy with abnormally perfect hair! I have your woman! I'm so evil." In fact, upon marrying her, he immediately plots to strangle her that very night for no reason other than for the lulz, the sick fuck.
Why bother trying to be taken seriously when you're cracking jokes about stereotypical fairy tales so much? If they had just stuck with the light humor all the way through, it might have been worth more than one watch. And what's with the kid/grandfather setting constantly interrupting the flow of the story? I understand this was meant to be funny and remind you that it IS a book being read (likely to excuse the randomized serious moments in the tale), but really it just breaks up the action and I find myself wanting to simply ***** slap either the kid or the old man more than once so that they would shut up and let it play out.
The ending was horrible, and gave no definitive end to the story. For instance, if you waltz into a castle, tied the king up, and kidnapped the queen, wouldn't the entire military be on your tail all the way to the border? Instead, this king (while apparently controlling a massive kingdom) has sixty mercenaries at the front door that cut and run when faced with a single stationary target lit on fire and yelling really loudly. And the only armored guards that seem to appear to do anything are the four guards that die in five seconds when the Spaniard "Assassin's Creed"s ever one of them. And then the two lovers kiss and its over. The kicker? The old man's smile reminds me of a child molester and the kid wants to be read the story AGAIN the next day.
Oh, happy day.
The Princess Bride has a few shining moments of humor but other than that it is a sorry rendition of what shouldn't be: a joke with no punchline, a plot as straight as the Spaniard's gloriously curly locks, a reason to pity the writers who have been starved of creativity except for watching 2 AM Comedy Central for inspiration
