I've got my uni results for second year being confirmed in a couple of days time. I'm so anxious I can't sit still.
See, I know my results, for the most part. They're provisional, but they rarely change majorly. The thing is, I've never understood how results for all my modules equate to my overall performance for the year. It's all so bloody complicated. I always just try my best, and anything above a pass (40%) I'm happy with. After all, I tried my best.
Still, with it all being so unclear, I'm worried. We only get our progression to next year confirmed when the results are confirmed. Some of the tutors are real assholes. I know they wouldn't tell me if something was wrong. Hell, what if they just decide to stop me progressing to the next year regardless of the results? People have been crueler for less reason.
I just can't get it out of my head. It's like they're fucking toying with me, which doesn't make much sense, I know. I just want to fucking demand they tell me. Right fucking now. I'm sick of being messed around with, all year we've been kept in the dark with shit, hell, we didn't know that we were supposed to decide the subject of our final essay this year until we only had three weeks to go. Considering we had to find an idea and that it was by far not the only thing we had to do, that's fucking pitiful.
I got nervous like this last year. I freaked out, and tried to find something out through the courses facebook page. My so called "fellow students" just joked about me being nervous. Bet the fuckers still laugh about it now. They've explicitly said that nobody is to phone the uni about results unless something's seriously wrong, like the address or they've got the wrong ones, so I can't just ask.
Top it all off, I'm in my parents house for the summer. They seem to get angry at me when I get too nervous about things. They never hurt me but I like them to think I'm doing better, somewhere near normal. I can't let them know I'm nervous. And this town's shit. Nowhere to go, nobody to go with. All my former friends here have become chavs while I was gone. Not just listening to bad music or wearing tracksuits, full on bad people.
I just don't know how to calm down. What if I can't go back next year? I can't retake. No fucking way. I'm not having people think of me like that. Especially not my parents. The place I go to uni was the only place I had a chance to fix my mental problems without my parents finding out. I won't be able to fix anything if I don't get into third year. I'll be stuck here in this shitty little town. And the bastards who did it to me will never pay. I can't live with that. I don't want to even think about it, but I can't stop.
How do normal people deal with anxiety? How do they fix it?
See, I know my results, for the most part. They're provisional, but they rarely change majorly. The thing is, I've never understood how results for all my modules equate to my overall performance for the year. It's all so bloody complicated. I always just try my best, and anything above a pass (40%) I'm happy with. After all, I tried my best.
Still, with it all being so unclear, I'm worried. We only get our progression to next year confirmed when the results are confirmed. Some of the tutors are real assholes. I know they wouldn't tell me if something was wrong. Hell, what if they just decide to stop me progressing to the next year regardless of the results? People have been crueler for less reason.
I just can't get it out of my head. It's like they're fucking toying with me, which doesn't make much sense, I know. I just want to fucking demand they tell me. Right fucking now. I'm sick of being messed around with, all year we've been kept in the dark with shit, hell, we didn't know that we were supposed to decide the subject of our final essay this year until we only had three weeks to go. Considering we had to find an idea and that it was by far not the only thing we had to do, that's fucking pitiful.
I got nervous like this last year. I freaked out, and tried to find something out through the courses facebook page. My so called "fellow students" just joked about me being nervous. Bet the fuckers still laugh about it now. They've explicitly said that nobody is to phone the uni about results unless something's seriously wrong, like the address or they've got the wrong ones, so I can't just ask.
Top it all off, I'm in my parents house for the summer. They seem to get angry at me when I get too nervous about things. They never hurt me but I like them to think I'm doing better, somewhere near normal. I can't let them know I'm nervous. And this town's shit. Nowhere to go, nobody to go with. All my former friends here have become chavs while I was gone. Not just listening to bad music or wearing tracksuits, full on bad people.
I just don't know how to calm down. What if I can't go back next year? I can't retake. No fucking way. I'm not having people think of me like that. Especially not my parents. The place I go to uni was the only place I had a chance to fix my mental problems without my parents finding out. I won't be able to fix anything if I don't get into third year. I'll be stuck here in this shitty little town. And the bastards who did it to me will never pay. I can't live with that. I don't want to even think about it, but I can't stop.
How do normal people deal with anxiety? How do they fix it?
