Dealing with death

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

A close friend of me and my family is on her deathbed. Kidney failure. She is 83 but an incredibly vocal, witty and loving old lady who has had an impact on my life forever. She will be gone in a few days. I wanted to stop by and say goodbye but the family, who has every right, has requested that they should have the last hours with her.

How do you deal with the death of someone close to your heart?

I've been going over the memories we've had together, the good times and the bad times and finally coming to the realization that her time has come and I can only wish her the best in heaven.[footnote]My belief, you don't have to share it.[/footnote] Tonight I'm going to play her favorite brass band melody in remembered of her and the times we had. It still makes me incredibly sad but it at least gives some meaning to it for me.

Death is a hard thing to deal with. How do you think through it?

 

[spartan231490]

I get through it by remembering that death does not nullify life, in fact it defines it. Without death, life would have no meaning. I also remember that every person lives on, regardless of religious belief(I'm Christian) in the impact they had on others, and the impact those others had on still more others because of how they were changed by that one person.
A life is like dropping a stone in a pond. The ripples change that entire body of water forever. The change may be small, smaller the further from that person that you get, but even the furthest person from that life is still affected in some tiny way, and those effects are passed on to later generations.

 

[Section Crow]

accept it as a part of life, give them the respect that they need and try to move on hoping that i have helped them in some way

death hasn't visited me very often, only once and that's how i got through it at the time

 

[Canid117]

It is different for everybody and in every situation. I tend to quietly accept it after an hour or so of stunned shock but you are going to have to find your own way.

 

[CrazyCapnMorgan]

When dealing with death, I remember this speech by this well-informed intellectual...

 

[SovietSecrets]

I see it as a good thing. Either another try at the wheel of life, assuming they continue to do good things, or they finally are able to be released from it and have their peace. Its a beautiful thing.

 

[greenitedaze]

I always try to kick him in the balls, then run and hide.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

I always try to kick him in the balls, then run and hide.

Sometimes he's too fast >.<

 

[Astoria]

I don't. Plain and simple I can't deal with it. I try to ignore it for as long as I can and then burst into tears when saying a final goodbye. After their death I start to deal a little better but knowing someone is going to die and knowing there's nothing you can do to stop it is the worst thing in the world.

 

[Valagetti]

5 stages of dying.
Denial
anger
bargaining
depression
acceptance

 

[MisterGobbles]

I really haven't had to deal with death much, so I'm not in any position to say. I also haven't been terribly close to death myself, despite dealing with cancer and related issues.

But a couple months ago, a kid in the grade below me killed himself. I really didn't know him at all, but a couple of my friends did and they were pretty upset, and the close friends of the kid were pretty much unresponsive for a while. I can't pretend I really cared too much about the kid, but I couldn't imagine what his family and friends were going through. To lose someone...especially like that...

Death is sometimes a peaceful and beautiful thing, and other times it is painful and jarring. It really just depends on the situation. But it is always a sad thought to know that you'll never see someone you care about again.

 

[Yassen]

I'm afraid I don't know what it's like to loose a loved one, but I do know what it's like on the other side. When I was 14 I had an infection that almost killed me, I was in hospital for over a month in a bed and I was extremely close to dying. The fact is, all you want when you're in that situation is to not be alone. It's scary but even having a single person there can make it all better. If the family requests that you not be there I say respect their wishes.

But when you're in that bed you don't think about the fact that you're going to die, you think about the life you had. You reflect on what you've done and who you've shared it with, you should do the same. It's okay to be upset that she's going but you'll always have your memories of her. As someone said before, death gives meaning to life. You just have to ask yourself what your memories of her mean to you.

 

[NeutralDrow]

Think through it? I'm usually not composed enough to even try.

Then again, I haven't had anyone really close to me die, yet, so I'm kind of worried. If <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.206764-Neutral-Drow-reviews-Kana-Little-Sister>Kana: Little Sister (also involving someone dying of kidney failure) is any indication, I probably won't take it well. So really, I might just take you as an example to follow...

 

[WouldYouKindly]

We all grieve our own ways. I do mine alone and together, for a while at least. I'm with other people, but I don't really speak to them about it, I just think and meditate. Then, weeks later I begin to talk about it, after I've done the funeral. Months later, I've mostly moved on, though the hurt is still there when I think about it, like I am now. The hurt of my grandfather is gone, buried under years and fond memories. My uncle, he's a bit fresher, only a year this summer, but you've got to continue on, even if it feels like you can't.

 

[Hero in a half shell]

In Ireland we have a thing called a wake, where the dead person comes back to the house in the coffin, and all the well-wishers can come over the next few days to give condolences to the family and see the body (My aunt always jokes that the one thing everyone says is "Ah, doesn't she look like herself")

It is a good way of saying goodbye to someone who was close to you, as you have all the support of everyone over that time, as well as the funeral, and afterwards it is always the mundane things that you remember.

Personally, my granny died last year, and the wake was a great way of breaking the monotony of everyday life, to mark a change in my life, and get used to the fact that I would never see her again, it was a good time to collect my thoughts and deal with the death, without any other pressures, and with my family around me. I still only remember all the stupid things that happened, like going with my uncle the morning before the funeral to get black ties, because I didn't have one and he lost his, and trying to cram all the biscuit tins that everyone brought us into my aunts cupboards. (she still has biscuit tins left over, in fact I just finished one she palmed off on me this week.) And the bother that the undertakers had getting my grannies coffin in through the front door (grannys body inside). Weird memories, some quite inapropriate, but bittersweet and meaningful nonetheless.

 

[Dragonpit]

A close friend of me and my family is on her deathbed. Kidney failure. She is 83 but an incredibly vocal, witty and loving old lady who has had an impact on my life forever. She will be gone in a few days. I wanted to stop by and say goodbye but the family, who has every right, has requested that they should have the last hours with her.

How do you deal with the death of someone close to your heart?

I've been going over the memories we've had together, the good times and the bad times and finally coming to the realization that her time has come and I can only wish her the best in heaven.[footnote]My belief, you don't have to share it.[/footnote] Tonight I'm going to play her favorite brass band melody in remembered of her and the times we had. It still makes me incredibly sad but it at least gives some meaning to it for me.

Death is a hard thing to deal with. How do you think through it?

I can't say I've seen or experienced anything akin to death in my life, so what I'm about to say may seem...insensitive. Tripe. But please understand that I only have good intentions in my words.

Everyone deals with death differently, even though they'll still follow the five stages, both the dying and loved ones. For that reason, there really isn't a lot that anybody can say about how to deal with it. But you'll find something...or maybe you already have.

Experiencing death, whether your own or someone close to you, is a part of life. Don't reject it. Even I'll have to go through it someday as will everyone else if they haven't already, so you aren't alone. Don't forget that.

 

[Chemical Alia]

When I was in high school I lost a close friend to the family in a schoolbus accident at his school. He was only ten, and the news came so suddenly, that the denial phase lasted quite a while for me. I even had dreams that he was saved by doctors and came back, which only made it harder. I don't have any particular beliefs about what happens after death, so it was hard for me and still is. I'll never forget what that moment was like when my dad told me, but I try not to let it affect the better memories. Everyone deals with it in their own way, but usually it's the passage of time that lessens the sting from the loss.

I wish you and your family the best.

 

[legion431]

When dealing with death, I remember this speech by this well-informed intellectual...

YES. Someone else remembers.

 

[redspud]

I get mad and punch things. Not healthy i know but it helps me.

 

[Saelune]

So far, Ive never dealt with a personal (that is, close, since family has died before) death. Sometimes I felt slight guilt over not feeling so bad, but thats about it. When its someone really close and important to me, I will know better how I deal with it. I mostly just try not to offend those who actually are crying.