Dealing with depression

[Necrosis1994]

I realize that this is about as cliche as it gets but I'm pretty torn up over a breakup that happened 2 months ago now. We were together for 7 months and those 7 months were probably the happiest months of my life. I guess I was too blinded by my own happiness to see that I was slowly driving her away... I was a terrible listener and I got lazy. So when she came to break up with me on my birthday it was devastating, I thought everything was fine but I was wrong. Two months later the pain is as strong as ever and I just don't know how to deal with it anymore...

I should probably note that I have a history of depression and self-harm. I used to be on meds but can't afford them anymore. Some days are kinda okay but often on the rest I have lots of thoughts of suicide and self-harm..Everyone says things get better or could always be worse but in my mind they're as bad as they're going to get. I guess I just need some advice, whether it be from others dealing with depression or just anyone that thinks they can help, I welcome anything that's said.

 

[Tzzimy]

I realize that this is about as cliche as it gets but I'm pretty torn up over a breakup that happened 2 months ago now. We were together for 7 months and those 7 months were probably the happiest months of my life. I guess I was too blinded by my own happiness to see that I was slowly driving her away... I was a terrible listener and I got lazy. So when she came to break up with me on my birthday it was devastating, I thought everything was fine but I was wrong. Two months later the pain is as strong as ever and I just don't know how to deal with it anymore...

I should probably note that I have a history of depression and self-harm. I used to be on meds but can't afford them anymore. Some days are kinda okay but often on the rest I have lots of thoughts of suicide and self-harm..Everyone says things get better or could always be worse but in my mind they're as bad as they're going to get. I guess I just need some advice, whether it be from others dealing with depression or just anyone that thinks they can help, I welcome anything that's said.

The first thing you must always do is reach out. Depression is a strange disease that it cannot be "cured" the conventional way. It can only fade away with effort, and it is always hard at the start point, becomes easier while you move on. Be careful not to overwhelm your friends, but do not be afraid to ask them to talk to you. Let yourself go and tell them your pain, but at the same time, make sure you listen too.

The 2nd thing is control your environment and change it in a way that motivates you to go through this phase. Change places you visit, go somewhere you have never been before, see a movie. Ask your friends to go out with you on a place you have never been before, and explain them you need it to feel better, so they know how important it is for you. Open your mind on music, arts, games, see new things you never cared before, while you keep enjoying those things that make you happy the most.

The 3rd and final step is, not to expect anything to change for the better, or someone to fill the gap any time soon. Realize you have to care for yourself and when that happens, it will come to you. Start exercising or just go out for long walks in the beginning. Also read books or play interesting games with happy stories. Keep your body and mind status as fit as you can. You will not notice any change on you at first, but you will notice a change on people towards you. That alone, will motivate you more and more and will make you and people around you happier.

I had a girlfriend that I helped her get over depression, she was taking medication and in a very bad shape. Unfortunately when she recovered, that changed also her character so much that she was not the same person I fell in love with... So I had to let her go. I was hurt, so was she (ok a bit less bcs she found another before splitting ) and although I was seeing it coming and I thought I was "prepared" it blew me away.

But time is the best healer, especially if you do any of the 3 things I mentioned above. Hope it helps... ;-)

 

[SuperFrankieLampard]

First off I would recommend that if things are that bad you seek professional help or call some kind of hotline as they can give far better advice than I can but the only (somewhat cliche) advice I can give is that you learn from it and move on. Regardless of how it ended, it was YOU and no-one else that she wanted to be with and its YOU that has the ability to sustain a relationship now that you can better see where you went wrong. You have everything you need to succeed in love again, all you have to do is reach out and take it.

 

[Necrosis1994]

I realize that this is about as cliche as it gets but I'm pretty torn up over a breakup that happened 2 months ago now. We were together for 7 months and those 7 months were probably the happiest months of my life. I guess I was too blinded by my own happiness to see that I was slowly driving her away... I was a terrible listener and I got lazy. So when she came to break up with me on my birthday it was devastating, I thought everything was fine but I was wrong. Two months later the pain is as strong as ever and I just don't know how to deal with it anymore...

I should probably note that I have a history of depression and self-harm. I used to be on meds but can't afford them anymore. Some days are kinda okay but often on the rest I have lots of thoughts of suicide and self-harm..Everyone says things get better or could always be worse but in my mind they're as bad as they're going to get. I guess I just need some advice, whether it be from others dealing with depression or just anyone that thinks they can help, I welcome anything that's said.

The first thing you must always do is reach out. Depression is a strange disease that it cannot be "cured" the conventional way. It can only fade away with effort, and it is always hard at the start point, becomes easier while you move on. Be careful not to overwhelm your friends, but do not be afraid to ask them to talk to you. Let yourself go and tell them your pain, but at the same time, make sure you listen too.

The 2nd thing is control your environment and change it in a way that motivates you to go through this phase. Change places you visit, go somewhere you have never been before, see a movie. Ask your friends to go out with you on a place you have never been before, and explain them you need it to feel better, so they know how important it is for you. Open your mind on music, arts, games, see new things you never cared before, while you keep enjoying those things that make you happy the most.

The 3rd and final step is, not to expect anything to change for the better, or someone to fill the gap any time soon. Realize you have to care for yourself and when that happens, it will come to you. Start exercising or just go out for long walks in the beginning. Also read books or play interesting games with happy stories. Keep your body and mind status as fit as you can. You will not notice any change on you at first, but you will notice a change on people towards you. That alone, will motivate you more and more and will make you and people around you happier.

I had a girlfriend that I helped her get over depression, she was taking medication and in a very bad shape. Unfortunately when she recovered, that changed also her character so much that she was not the same person I fell in love with... So I had to let her go. I was hurt, so was she (ok a bit less bcs she found another before splitting ) and although I was seeing it coming and I thought I was "prepared" it blew me away.

But time is the best healer, especially if you do any of the 3 things I mentioned above. Hope it helps... ;-)

I like this post.. and I think that those are good ideas. I need to find something to keep myself motivated, she was the one that motivated me before, now it's really difficult to find something to keep me going. I feel like these steps could be helpful though, thank you.

 

[Necrosis1994]

Find a sport that you like where you can vent your energy, whether it be anger or sadness and just go for it. Do it multiple times a week. Just go nuts.

Preferably a sport where you can build on your self-esteem, which could probably use a boost right now.

Depression is not just a result of your break-up, it's probably a result of your lifestyle in general which is lacking things that make you feel like you achieved something. The break-up was probably just the trigger.

Start building yourself back up. And you won't do that by sitting at home all day playing videogames and browsing the internet.

I don't know if you do that, but that's kind of the impression I get, and I used to be in a similar situation. The more I started doing besides videogames and internet, the better I started to feel. That's a couple of years ago. I haven't felt depressed since.

The only sport I ever enjoyed was karate but I left when the dojo started going really downhill. You're totally right that the break-up was the trigger though, I've just struggled to find exactly what I need to do with my life to feel better about things. You're pretty close to the mark on habits though. When I'm not at work, which is fairly often this time of year since I work outside, I'm usually playing games, on the internet, listening to music, or with friends if they're not busy.

I love music and technology, I was the singer in a little no-name band for a little while before that totally fell apart. Singing has always been a passion of mine, and acting but there are no community theatres around here. So I've decided to pursue the technology angle, I'm going to start putting extra money away every week to go to school for computer tech.