Dealing with obnoxious roommates?

[snowman6251]

I'm a freshman in college. I knew that when I got my rooming assignment I'd be in for a rough time as I was assigned to a temporary triple. For those who don't know it means they don't have enough space so the freshmen get three people crammed into a room meant for two. Hopefully when next semester starts room will have opened up but I'm not too optimistic at this point.

Anyway one way of putting it would be that my roommates are insufferable douchebags. They know each other from high school and requested to room with each other but they're more like a bitter old married couple than old friends. They are constantly arguing and fighting with each other over the dumbest shit. They screamed at each other for about an hour over whether or not a sock was dirty. I swear I'm not making that up.

They're also total slobs. Let me tell you about Mount Never Dressed. Mount Never Dressed is one of my roommate's laundry baskets. He has an insane amount of clothes and never washes them because he just has more. That's allowed his laundry basket to overflow into the giant floor eating monstrosity that is Mt. Never Dressed. I haven't seen the floor in weeks. I can't open my drawers because Mt. Never Dressed is in the fucking way.

I usually go out of my way to not inconvenience people. When I listen to music I use headphones. When I watch TV, I use headphones. If people are working and I'm playing a video game, I'll use headphones. My roommates do not give a shit. I need to study or do my homework, they bust out their electric guitars and turn the amp up to 11. I have a test tomorrow and need to go to sleep, and I'm not talking an unreasonable hour like 9 PM or something, I'm talking like 12-1 AM, so clearly this is when they should start screaming at each other til 3 in the fucking morning.

They also have no friends. I mean NO friends. They only leave the room for classes, when they actually decide to go to classes, and the way our schedules work out there is literally only ONE hour a week where I have the room to myself. I think you can understand why I am so desperate to have this hour. Its right now. But what's this? Both my roommates are here right now because they're cutting their fucking classes. The only brief window of opportunity I have for any semblance of alone time has been killed for an entire week because my lazy ass piece of shit fucking roommate can't get his ass up for his 10 o'clock class.

I spend most of my time away from here. I come here to sleep, do homework, and play video games. I try to spend as much time hanging out in my friend's suite as I possibly can so I can get away from these assholes. I've even slept in my friend's common room several times just because fuck this room. One time I had to sleep in the study lounge because my roommate got drunk, vomited everywhere, then just left it there all day. I wouldn't have been pissed if he let it sit there for the night because he was still drunk and couldn't really do anything but the next morning he just let it sit there while he went to wal mart because its not like anyone else needs to be in the room and doesn't want to smell your fucking vomit right?

Anyway tl;dr my roommates are impossible to live with. They never leave. They're loud, obnoxious pricks. I try to be considerate of the people around me so I just try to ignore all their bullshit but I'm starting to go crazy. How do I deal with these assholes?

EDIT: Forgot to mention one of them bought a machete at Wal Mart and hacked our lampshade to pieces with it because, you know, psychotic douchebag.

 

[Sneaklemming]

From experience with bad flatmates I've found the best strategy is to avoid until you can move out. I actually have an old thread here from when I was having a melt-down due to a flatmate of mine last year.

Unfortunately this forum section was not here - and so the majority of my advice was either "falcon punch" or "have sex with here".

There were however some very good posts, if moving out and avoidance are not an option. I'll dig up the thread and link it here for you when I find it... might take some digging...

 

[JUMBO PALACE]

You're edit made me laugh really hard. But anyway, sorry buddy. I hope a new room opens up for the next semester. I'm a freshman to but my roommate is a pretty decent guy.

Spend as much time with your friends as possible and just try to survive. Maybe it's time to stop giving a shit and just be an asshole right back. If they can't respect you then fuck them.

 

[Twad]

Wow.
YOu should/must try to move out of there ASAP, it will save what remains of your health and sanity.

Sooner than later Mt.NeverDressed will become a nest of exotic diseases, gain sentience, and start his quest of cloth assimilation.

 

[NeedAUserName]

gattaling guns work well im told.

Burn them! Fire! Fire!

Anyway, sounds like you picked the shortest straw in the world. Have you tried just talking to them?

 

[Not-here-anymore]

In an attempt to lessen your concern over your room-mates:

OK, so some people tend to throw up after heavy drinking, right? Well, one of the guys I live with doesn't - he takes an absolutely epic shit instead. Many guys will walk off into the trees/a quiet alleyway for a casual piss, this guy goes off for the dump he requires post drinking. Kind of weird, definitely disgusting, but otherwise not a problem for me, aside from the fact I end up waiting in the cold so I have someone to walk home with.
Well, once, he came back from a night out considerably drunker than usual. After about 10 minutes of hearing him scrape at the door with his key, I decided to actually let him in. He proceeded to slur something incoherent about how great a night he'd had, and then sat down, and decided it would be funny to see what the TV would do by way of free porn (not much). 2 seconds later, he sprinted to the bathroom. Then waddled back, looking uncomfortable. The living room started to smell a little, but I assumed this was his normal gassy response to alcohol kicking in. He then waddled back to the bathroom. It was 3AM by this point, I was still a little drunk myself, and I decided to go to bed rather than listen to him ramble any more.
The next morning, I awoke to my other housemates laughing hysterically at what he'd done. The waddling back? Turned out he'd partially shat himself. The smell in the living room? Yeah, still poo. His triumphant return to the bathroom resulted in him crapping all over the toilet seat, his trousers, and his shoes. And somehow his jacket (he was wearing a suit. He destroyed it after seeing what had happened) Naturally, the faeces on his shoes were transferred to the living room carpet as he walked back through. So yeah, most of the bottom floor of the house was, quite literally, covered in crap.
Obviously we were all disgusted, but deep down, there's something inherently funny about poo.
And he will never, ever live the events of that night down.

tl;dr - I've never had a post before where I've run out of synonyms for poo. If that doesn't make you want to read the above, then you lack the childish sense of humour required to enjoy it.

A tale from a long-gone thread about flatmates.
He also maintains a 'Mount Never Washed/Dressed'. The issue is that it extends to the entire house, making it more of a mountain range than a singular summit. It extends from Mt. Dishes in the kitchen all the way over to Mt. Clothes in his room, going via Mt. Cardboard, Mt. Dr. Pepper cans, and Mt. Half-eaten blocks of cheese.

 

[The Rockerfly]

Haven't you got some sort of landlord?

 

[Imp Poster]

Wow, you have Bevis and Butthead as roommates. I am surprised they made it to college. See if you can find another room perhaps. Heck, and this is just an option, not really want to but join a fraternity. They usually have a nice house and maybe rooms depending on the college.

 

[konor77]

snip

i just laughed so hard i nearly pooped. thank you for that story good sir.
OT: Ask them to be less douchetastic maybe.

 

[AMMO Kid]

I had similar problems (but not as bad) with my roommate (I'm also a freshy). Just sit down and talk calmly about it. Seriously. If they are as big of jerks as you make them out to be then it probably won't work but it is worth a shot I promise

 

[zHellas]

...Damn!-Snip

I say you complain to the student board or something... Or anyone in charge of housing arrangements.

 

[dmase]

... I hope you filled out your housing arrangements the day they where released. My gf did her housing arrangements at like the first half of this semester.

 

[Turing]

I'd think there'd be some option of complaining. If you tell the story as vigorously as you type it, someone is bound to take pity on you and move you to another room.
I assume that trippling with non-assholes is better than your current situation so isn't almost anything an improvement?
Maybe ask some of your friends if they would let you live in their room if the School Board/whatever allowed it, so you when you beg the board, you already have a room ready to go

 

[Acier]

Just don't hang out in your room. I'm almost never in there. Hang out in common areas, study in the library, go to other friends rooms etc

 

[Ziadaine_v1legacy]

....What backward-state Campus lets idiots like these into Universities/Colleges?

 

[Antonidious]

Haven't you got some sort of landlord?

He said he was a freshman in college. Most colleges require freshman to live in the dorms. They then do nothing to help the residents besides give them an RA who usually does nothing anyway.

 

[The Rockerfly]

Haven't you got some sort of landlord?

He said he was a freshman in college. Most colleges require freshman to live in the dorms. They then do nothing to help the residents besides give them an RA who usually does nothing anyway.

Ah, apologies. I live in the UK where we have landlords who do maintenance, you complain to and just generally get shit done. That kind of behaviour wouldn't be accepted and either they would both be kicked out or you could be moved somewhere else

 

[Antonidious]

Haven't you got some sort of landlord?

He said he was a freshman in college. Most colleges require freshman to live in the dorms. They then do nothing to help the residents besides give them an RA who usually does nothing anyway.

Ah, apologies. I live in the UK where we have landlords who do maintenance, you complain to and just generally get shit done. That kind of behaviour wouldn't be accepted and either they would both be kicked out or you could be moved somewhere else

That would traditionally happen if you were living elsewhere but in the college dorms they don't really do all that much to help the students out if they are having trouble with their roommates. One of my buddies had a roommate last year who grew weed in the room. Going into the dorms randomly can always troublesome.

 

[The Rockerfly]

That would traditionally happen if you were living elsewhere but in the college dorms they don't really do all that much to help the students out if they are having trouble with their roommates. One of my buddies had a roommate last year who grew weed in the room. Going into the dorms randomly can always troublesome.

Yeah, randomised students is really a shit way to go, at least there are the next years and you can choose who to live with.
One of mine doesn't clean up his food and has had maggots in his sink